Against the Wind

by Gwynne Forster

  She looked him in the eye. “If you didn’t tell him, how did he find out? Jordan stopped him from breaking in on me.”

  He stared back at her. “Every man here knows about you and Jordan, and not one of us would betray him It’s impossible to police a place this size, so you’d better watch how you walk around here. There are acres on the Estates that I’ve never set foot on, and I doubt Jordan ever travels parts of it. So you be careful.” He moved on.

  “Thanks anyway,” she called a fter him.

  He stopped, turned and looked at her. “Having somebody like that asking about you won’t help your reputation. That guy’s not much of a man.”

  “Did you tell Jordan?”

  “No, but I will.” He tipped his hat and walked on.

  She could hardly believe he’d held a civilized conversation with her. Would wonders never cease!

  * * *

  At supper that evening, Leslie sought to restore the warmth that usually prevailed among them at meals and which her actions at dinner earlier in the day had undermined. “I was out of line today, Jordan. I’m sorry.”

  His lip dropped as if he didn’t believe she’d said it. After long minutes, he replied, “Once in a while, we all lose sight of what’s important.”

  She had hoped for more. At least a smile. She looked into those eyes that she loved and told him, “I got up wrong and stayed that way. It won’t happen again.”

  He leaned back in his chair, and she noticed that the other three people at the table had stopped eating and looked at Jordan. “I’m still sore at you, Leslie, but I appreciate your effort to straighten things out. I’d like us to talk after we finish supper. If you wish, we could ride out to the brook.”

  She let herself breathe normally. “I’d like that.”

  Clifford ran around the table to Jordan and pulled on his arm. “Unca Jordan, you promised to start me on my guitar lessons right after supper today. You did. Honest.”

  Jordan placed an arm around the boy’s shoulders, slim, as fragile as youth itself. “Yes, I did.” He looked at Leslie. “I promised him, and I want him to know he can rely on my word. Can we postpone our ride till tomorrow?”

  She had welcomed the opportunity to make peace with Jordan, but she smiled to hide her disappointment. “Of course. I can’t wait to hear Clifford play his first notes.”

  Still burdened with the weight of their cooled relationship and troubled by her reaction to it, she decided to risk another visit with her foster mother. But she knew that every time she left the Estates, the danger existed that Faron Walker would find her. Maybe Cal would take her; she couldn’t ask Jordan.

  With Jordan giving Clifford music lessons and Julia making it clear that she wanted to be alone with her husband, Leslie went to her room to work on her thesis. The phone rang, and she answered, but let the fingers of her right hand remain on her laptop computer.

  “Hello.” She let the tone of her voice discourage the caller. “Hey, girl, don’t you know how to make a telephone call?”

  Leslie hit the bottom to save what she’d typed, put the laptop aside and leaned against the headboard of her bed. “I’ve been meaning to call you, Berle, but just about everything got in the way of my good intentions.”

  Berle snickered. “‘Everything’ meaning that green-eyed hunk you work for?”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Last time we spoke, your voice turned to honey every time you mentioned him.”

  Leslie thought about the way he’d pinned her to that walnut tree and kissed her into submission. “He gets to me, Berle, and he wants the whole nine yards. If I could get him out of my head, I’d finish this thesis in a couple of weeks. But that is definitely not likely.”

  “Hold on, honey. You’re courting trouble.”

  “But you said you’d be on him like…like white on rice, was the way you put it. Don’t tell me—”

  Berle interrupted her. “Child, I was just running my mouth. He’s carrying too big a load. You’re not out in Minnesota, where people do as they please. A lot of these folks down here in Maryland belong to the we ain’t ready club.”

  A sudden sensation of tiredness seeped into her. “Which folks are you talking about?”

  She heard Berle suck air through her teeth and wondered if she had another Doubting Thomas on her hands. “I’m talking about the black ones, the white ones, and the ones you can’t distinguish.” That brought a laugh from both women. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t be tempted. Lord knows any breathing woman would fantasize about that man. But I’m not used to feeling inadequate, and a man who looks like him would give me a complex.”

  “Well, he doesn’t give me one. He makes me feel like…like…as if I’m the most precious person on earth.”

  She could imagine Berle’s shock when her friend said, “You’re joking, I hope. A man with his unbelievable good looks, a county-wide reputation as Mr. Great Guy and white to boot wouldn’t make me feel secure. My ego’s not that fat.”

  “I don’t think about what color he is until somebody mentions it. My foster mother said she didn’t see anything wrong with Jordan and me.”

  “Separately, I don’t either. Girl, you’ll be bucking the tide. Adventuresome as I am, I’m not sure I like the idea. Did it occur to you that there are places in this country he can’t take you?

  “Haven’t thought about it. Why would I want to enter such a place? I don’t go there now.”

  “Well,” Berle insisted, “try this one. He can have his pick of women in this world, including royalty. You comfortable with that?”

  Leslie smothered the sigh of impatience that threatened to release itself. “Maybe he’s chosen me.”

  Berle’s whistle irritated her eardrum. “Way to go, girl. I just hope he’s as straight as his reputation says he is.”

  “I trust him, Berle.”

  “Well, honey, if he floats your boat, go for it. But keep at least one eye open.”

  Good advice, she knew. But she feared it was too late for caution. Much too late.

  * * *

  “You want me to drive you to Westminster this afternoon to visit your foster mother?” Cal wasn’t sure of the motive behind Leslie’s request.

  “If you don’t mind. I’ll only spend about three-quarters of an hour there.”

  He cocked his head to one side and pierced her with a blue-eyed stare. “Did you ask Jordan to take you?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Things aren’t quite right with us and, until we patch up our differences, I’d rather not ask favors of him.”

  “I see. Well, be ready in half an hour.” He went into the office and told Jordan that he was taking Leslie to Westminster at her request.

  “Take Minnie a bushel of pecans and a sack of apples with my compliments.”

  “Sure thing, boss.” He winked at Jordan and left the room.

  They rode in silence. It worried Cal that the relationship between Leslie and Jordan had deteriorated badly after he’d thought they’d get together, and he didn’t like it. Leslie hadn’t looked that glum since her earliest days at the Estates.

  “Leslie, you may think it isn’t my business, but I look on you as I would my own daughter, and I want to know what made you mad enough to go after Jordan.”

  “It’s better left unsaid, Cal. Suffice it to say, I’d be more comfortable in this relationship if I was certain of his feelings.”

  “He cares, Leslie.”

  “I know he believes he does, and he acts the part. But maybe I’m a novelty. Haven’t been there. Haven’t done that. I’m beginning to wonder if what’s between us goes beyond this…this fire that has engulfed us.”

  He turned off the highway, drove into a truck stop, parked and turned to Leslie. “Jordan Saber is a mature man, and you’re anything but a curiosity to him. I know him like the back of my hand. If he says he cares, put your life on it. Why don’t you believe him? And why have you been so—so down on him? Tell me.
Maybe I can help.”

  “He—Well—” She turned away from him and faced the window.

  “Now, now. No need for shyness. I work for Jordan, but I regard him more as my son than my boss. Everybody concerned here is family, and we’re going to get this thing straightened out.”

  “He—he took me to the house the other night, put me in bed and left me there.”

  “And? That’s all?”

  “I—I asked him to stay with me, but he didn’t.”

  “And you’re upset with him because he didn’t…” He looked for words, “…didn’t stay the night with you? Let me tell you it must have cost him the better part of his mind to leave you. Only a man who loves you would have done that. If he’d touched you after what you’d just experienced, I wouldn’t give him credit for being much of a man. Instead of being furious with him and feeling hurt and rejected, you should be admiring him for it.”

  “I do admire him, but I can’t imagine that any woman would be dancing for joy because a man resisted what he walked away from.” She turned toward him, her eyebrows arched. “In the six, almost seven, months I’ve known you, I have never heard you speak this many words.”

  He shrugged. “I talk when I have something to say, and what I’m telling you is important.”

  She shook her head. “I wish I could be as certain as you seem. And another thing. Julia and Ossie are opposed to my romantic involvement with Jordan, though Julia has said she won’t interfere. But you seem to support us.”

  “Why shouldn’t I? I’m fond of both of you, and I can see that you care for each other. They know it, too, and they can’t stop it any more than you and Jordan can.”

  “I made him mad, and I don’t know how to straighten it out. I’ve apologized, but he’s still irked, and I’m not going to apologize anymore.”

  Cal couldn’t help laughing. “He said the two of you would talk, didn’t he? And anyway, it’s simple, Leslie. When a man loves a woman and wants her as badly as that man wants you, there’s little that she can’t get him to do. You hardly have to try, Leslie. Just let him know you need him.”

  “I have another problem. I’m going back to school next semester to finish my graduate degree. I won’t be here after the first of the year.”

  Julia had told him that, and he had already decided that leaving wasn’t in Leslie’s best interest. Yet, he wanted to encourage her to complete her education.

  “My advice to you is that you sit with Jordan and tell him your plans. Don’t ever let him think you’ve pushed him into a corner. If you want that man, you’d better open your heart to him and stop worrying about being rejected and what people think about the racial difference. That’s nobody’s business but yours and Jordan, and believe me, it doesn’t matter to Jordan. Is this what you’re going to talk about with your foster mother?”

  “Yes. Also, I haven’t seen her for a while. But I guess we don’t have to go. Talking with you has helped.”

  “Oh, we’ve got to take this stuff that Jordan’s sending to her.”

  She blinked. “How’d he know we were going there, and why’s he sending her anything?”

  He let a smile creep slowly over his face. “Leslie, I wouldn’t be taking Jordan Saber’s woman anywhere without telling him first. I’ve known him since he was eleven years old, and I know just how far to go with him. And as far as the pecans and apples are concerned, he’s sending them to her for the same reason he took her three bushels of peaches and later sent a couple of men over to clean her drain pipes when the roof of her house started leaking.” She gaped at him, but he nodded and continued talking. It was something she needed to know. “He looks after her now, because you told him that the Haynes are your family, since they took you in when you had no place else to go, and they’d had no income for months until a few weeks ago when Minnie’s husband got a job as a shipping clerk. He asked them not to mention it to you. Still think he doesn’t care? You digest that.”

  Leslie dug into herself for the truth, but hated to face it. She closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat as Cal started the engine to continue the drive to Westminster.

  “I don’t really want to leave the Estates, Cal.” At his quizzical look, she thought over that statement. It was time she faced what was happening to her and acknowledged it to those whom she loved.

  “The truth is I don’t want to leave Jordan.”

  “Does he know that?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. We’ve never really talked about it.”

  “I’ll never understand how two people can care so much for each other and keep it to themselves. Leslie, the problem between the two of you isn’t sex. It’s a lack of understanding. You haven’t shared your true feelings. When there’s genuine understanding between a man and a woman who care for each other, everything else falls into place.”

  “I know that, or I imagine it. My first priority is finishing my degree. I promised myself that I would have choices in life, that I would educate myself. And I’m going to do it.”

  Cal slowed down to the speed limit and glanced at her. “I agree you owe yourself that much, and you can do that without leaving the Estates. Just remember that when you get your degree, you’ll still want Jordan. So you’d better be careful of your actions. If he ever starts to doubt you, you can count him out of your life completely. Any way you figure it, if you leave here, if you leave him, he may not be here for you when you’ve got your MBA and your life fixed up and decide you can afford to take a chance on him.”

  Leslie looked out at the passing scene, remembering how Jordan had crawled with her into her bed, not even bothering to remove his shoes, to hold her and comfort her when she’d been afraid Faron Walker would finally achieve his goal. She could hear him whispering those words of comfort, of sweetness, could hear him telling her that he would never let anybody or anything hurt her, that he’d take care of her. She didn’t want to need him, but she did. She cupped her face with her hands and worked at positive thinking.

  “Go to him, Leslie. Even if you’re going to leave him, tell him how you feel. He’s hurting and needing, just like you. I’m a man, and I know what he’s going through.”

  “I hear you, and I’ll think about what you’re saying.” Her glance darted to the side mirror at her right, and her hand clutched at her chest. That old brown car tailing them looked exactly like the one that had tailed her from Westminster to the Eastern Shore the day before Jordan had hired her.

  Chapter Eight

  Jordan watched Cal stride out of his office. With his hands jammed in the back pockets of his jeans—he hated them, but Julia had said Leslie didn’t like his overalls—he stepped over to the window, leaned against its frame and let his thoughts raise havoc with his heart. Leslie hadn’t come to him. She’d turned to Cal. She didn’t want to need him, not even to drive her to the city. If he wasn’t certain he’d hurt her, he’d ask her what she saw when she looked at him, a man with a white face, or a man who loved her?

  “Come on in, Julia,” he said in response to the knock on his office door. “I suppose Cal told you he’s driving Leslie to Westminster this afternoon.”

  “He told me, and I wondered why she didn’t ask you. Look. I know I said I’d leave this alone, but I can’t help thinking maybe you haven’t considered all the implications.”

  He held up his hand as though to ward off more words. “We’d better not go into that Julia. I know you want what’s best for me, but I’m capable of judging that for myself.”

  She walked to him, seemingly measuring both her steps and how far she could go with him. He took a deep breath and waited. He loved Julia and had since his childhood, and he understood and appreciated her dual role in his life, but she had to know where he drew the line.

  A frown marred her lovely face, and he knew her next words weren’t likely to please him. But he didn’t try to stop her. “Suppose you…I mean, it looks like you might be in real deep—”

  “You don’t have to guess. I am in deep
.” He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to be patient. “If you want to tell me to leave her alone, you’re wasting your breath.”

  Her eyes widened in obvious alarm. “But…Jordan. What about children? They’ll be—”

  “They’ll be one-half hers and one-half mine…that is, if I’m so lucky.”

  She stared at him “You’ve gone that far?”

  He turned away and faced the window again, the sleepy trees and foliage that met his eyes now appearing less bleak, their late autumn cloak less dreary. “You gave me some help.”

  And she had. For the first time, he appreciated that Leslie, too, might have misgivings about the problems of rearing interracial children. And who could blame her? He turned back to Julia.

  “It isn’t a problem unless we make it one. Anyway, your worries are premature. Leslie has given me no indication that she’ll go that far with me.”

  “She cares for you.”

  He shrugged. “I know that, and she does too, but she’s a woman of iron will and purpose, and completing her education and making certain she’ll never need anybody are her priorities. I’m not sure where I fit in.”

  Her hand reached his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “I’d say the same of you. I guess you know that when a woman cares deeply for a man, tenderness will get her every time.”

  He couldn’t help laughing. Julia was quintessential woman• she didn’t approve of what he was doing, but she loved him enough to help him do it if it would make him happy. He tugged her closer and wrapped her in his arms in an affirmation of his love for her.

  She stepped back and wiped moisture from her eyes. “Nothing but good’s gonna happen to you, so I’ll quit worrying. Considering all you went through as a child, I marvel at the man you’ve become.” He walked back to his desk and sat down, terminating the conversation in the gentlest way possible. “Pat yourself on the back. You can take a lot of credit for whatever you see in me.”