“Okay.” She nodded, looking down at the floor.
I threw the salad into the box, put money on the table, and gathered my purse. “It’s not what you think,” I mumbled, walking past her.
Jesse stood at the front desk, talking to Christy. He leaned in, fiddling with the takeout menus as she giggled at whatever he’d just said. I didn’t look at either of them and kept my eyes down, hoping to sneak by.
The night was cool—much cooler than the stifling air inside of the bar. The temperature had dropped significantly, and I breathed in the crisp, clean air to calm myself.
Lighting a cigarette, I stood outside the restaurant, thankful I had left. I tried not to think about the first night I met him, and the way he looked at me the same way he was just looking at Christy. The whole thing had to be a game, something sick and twisted to play on the fat girl. I was beginning to think everything was a game for him.
The door opened behind me, and I stepped aside to let the customer pass.
“There you are,” Jesse said. “Were you going to leave me?”
“Correction, I am leaving you. You’re a little bit too cryptic for me, Jess. I’ll make sure to count down the days until Christy turns eighteen.” I waved over my shoulder and took a few steps toward the parking lot. “Shouldn’t be long now.”
Before I could stop him, he grabbed my hand and twisted my arm behind me. I yelped in pain as he swung me around to face the restaurant. He got behind me and thrust his hips forward, pushing me into the door. My face bounced from the glass and I stopped struggling, trying to shake the dizziness from my head.
The tinny taste of blood lingered on my tongue and a sharp pain emanated at my temple.
“Your jealousy is so sweet,” he breathed into my ear. “So tell me Charlene…” My name rolled off his tongue, and I gagged at the sound. He leaned forward, his chest and hips pressing me into the glass. “Do you want me to make you come?”
I’d never heard anything so repulsive.
I may not have deserved Jesse’s attention. He was one of the beautiful people. I may not have earned the right to ask and demand answers. And I might not have been much in anybody’s world, but dammit, I didn’t deserve a sprained arm and bloody lip.
“Jess. Please,” I begged.
Hearing my voice crack, he loosened his grip and took a step back. I stumbled to get away and when I finally regained my balance, I stood shocked. Tears escaped my eyes, and I was so scared I could barely breathe.
My salad was strewn over the sidewalk and my lit cigarette lay burning behind him on the pavement.
“Got any fucks left to give in that head of yours? Or have you spared your last one? Because I think you owe me an apology,” I snapped.
As he realized he’d cut my lip, he stared at me with panic in his eyes. “Charlie… I…” He trailed off. “I’m so sorry.”
“The fuck is wrong with you?” I screamed, walking to my car.
He yelled my name over and over, but I never turned back.
Chapter Ten
Charlie
He tried calling once. But I let it ring and he didn’t leave a voicemail. By Sunday, the bruising on my wrist had faded and my lip was no longer swollen.
After the matinee, Angie and I went to the restaurant across from the movie theater.
“I haven’t been here in years! I’m totally getting pie,” Angie said, looking at the menu.
“Yes! And a muffin, I’m starving.”
Angie closed the menu, eyeing me skeptically. “How much weight have you lost now?”
“I don’t know. Thirty pounds or so. It’s amazing how quickly it’s come off. Turns out that when you have a hundred pounds to lose, five to ten pounds a week is pretty attainable. I just need to work out more often. I’ve been slacking. I need more motivation.” I shrugged.
“Seems you and your motivation were getting along just fine at The Crimson the other night. He’s the guy, isn’t he?”
I sighed. “Nothing is going on between us. As far as I know, anyway. We’re friends. Sort of.”
“Friends don’t look at each other the way you two do. It’s so…intense.” She shivered. “The guy has been working there for a few months, and he doesn’t talk to anyone. Well, not anyone he doesn’t plan to bend over his dresser. And then suddenly he’s all about Charlie. ‘Charlie this’ and ‘Charlie that.’ Poor Alejandro knows everything about you two.”
My mouth hung open. “He does not talk about me!” I tugged at my lip. “Does he?”
“Stop acting all cute and innocent here, Charlie! This is serious shit. The man goes out of his way to talk to Adam about you. I heard him the other day bragging about hanging out with you and that you went to some park.”
“Why would he talk to Adam about me?”
She slouched in her seat and rolled her eyes. “There was a rumor going around a couple of weeks ago that you and Adam liked each other. Jesse must’ve heard.”
“That still doesn’t make any sense to me. Even if I did have a thing for Adam, which…ewww…why would Jesse give a shit?”
She scratched her forehead. “I told you, with the way that boy looks at you, there’s no way he’s going to let anyone else near you. I suspect you’ve got a crazed, lovesick stalker on your hands.”
There was no way she could get me to believe it. No one had ever had a crush on me, let alone took the time to stalk me. A part of me was flattered, but the other part of me wanted to stay the hell away from him. He’d be out of his goddamned mind to make someone like me the object of his affection.
“Nothing is going on between us. He hasn’t even tried to kiss me. Something tells me that if Jesse wanted to get in my pants, he would’ve already tried.”
The server came around and took our orders, and all the while Angie sat with her arms crossed, narrowing her eyes at me.
After the server walked away, she continued. “So there’s nothing going on?”
“Nope. Sorry. No juicy stories there. We’ve hung out a few times, talked, and that was it.”
“So then what happened to your wrist? Looks like a story. And he came into work last night with a black eye,” she said with a sharp warning in her glare.
“I don’t know where he got the black eye, I promise.” I pulled my sleeve down over my wrist. “And this was more of a…misunderstanding.”
Angie shuddered and took a deep breath. “Dammit, Charlie! Is that bastard hurting you?”
“Oh come on. You know I’d never get into an abusive relationship. I just need to make that perfectly clear to him, that’s all.”
She snickered. “I thought you said it wasn’t a relationship,” she gently reminded me.
I bit my lip, smiling. “What else does he say about me? What has he told Alejandro?”
“Oh I don’t know. Just stuff you’ve said, places the two of you go… I just can’t stand him. What’s the appeal?”
“Well for starters, he’s sexy. You can’t deny that, no matter how much you hate him. But he’s just so intriguing. I can’t figure him out. I used to be able to have people pegged as soon as they walked into the room, but Jess is different. The way his mind works, the things he says…and doesn’t say. He makes my head spin. He’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. And he seems to be mildly interested in me—which is a first.” I tried to laugh off how loserish I sounded. “I find myself thinking about him a lot. I just don’t think we’re a good fit. Not even as friends. His energy is too intense. But his eyes are so familiar.”
Angie tried to follow my train of thought, but by the end she was staring at me in confusion. “So why don’t you just ask him and get it over with?”
My head tilted in curiosity. “Ask him what?”
“How he feels about you.”
I sat and pondered the new revelation, and the server returned with our pie and soda. I wasn’t used to any of this stuff—the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Completely uncharted territory that, to most, would seem obvious. I guess I was a virgin
in more ways than one.
“Forget it. I have the perfect cure for all of this Jesse nonsense.”
“What?” I asked.
Her arms shot up over her head and she wiggled in her seat. “Girls weekend at the cabin!” she squealed. “I’ll call Karalee and see if her parents’ lake house is available within the next few weekends. We can forget what’s-his-name ever existed.”
A smile lit up my face. “Sounds perfect.”
***
I spent the next few weeks trying not to think about Jesse. His smile, his moods, sunflowers, parks, cars, music, cigarettes. Instead I tried to focus on all the bad things about him, making it easier to get through the days. But no matter how hard I tried to put him out of my mind, his words echoed in my ears: “When we’re together, it’s just you and me, kid. No one else matters, do they?”
Damn him.
Once Angie secured the cabin, I put in for the time off. Those few weeks had put us into late summer, and I’d lost over fifty pounds in four months. I continued using the lotion everyday, and was so far happy with the results. My skin didn’t sag like I saw on some before and after pictures I’d seen, and I was down ten dress sizes.
I wish I could’ve said that I was doing it right, and that my weight loss was a combination of a healthy lifestyle and eating habits. But the truth was that Jesse burned inside of me; he resided in a place where very few had ever ventured, and it felt like my body was rejecting him. Thoughts of him tried to claw their way out, but there was something in my mind that kept them prisoners.
I held on way too tight.
I analyzed every word. Every touch. Every sensation.
It wasn’t easy avoiding him at work. We had several shifts together, but I kept my head down, punched in and out, and kept myself busy. The less I looked at him, the better I felt.
I was already packed for the trip—a day early—and I called Angie to solidify the plans for the next morning.
“Hey, Angie,” I said when she answered her cell phone. “Did you get someone to cover your Saturday night shift?”
“I just got it covered like five minutes ago! I can’t wait. I talked to Karal, and she told me where the key is hidden. Google will help us find the place.” She laughed.
“Great! Who’s driving?”
“We’ll just meet up at Karal’s house around noon tomorrow. We can figure out the carpooling from there. Cool?”
“Perfect. See you then!”
No sooner had I hung up than my phone rang again. Assuming Angie forgot to tell me something, I answered without looking at the number.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Um, is…is this Charlie?” a female voice asked.
“Yes.” I glanced at my phone and didn’t recognize the number. “Who is this?”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have called. I’m sorry. I’ll just—”
“Wait. Who is this? How did you get my number?”
A sigh came from the other end. “Charlie, this is Lily. I don’t know if you remember me—”
I gasped. “Lily. Sunflower Lily.”
Jess.
“Oh good. You remember. I was just wondering if you’ve heard from Jesse. He gave me your number for emergencies… If I couldn’t find him, he told me to call you.”
I grasped at my stomach and my heart rate soared. A rush of adrenaline went to my head and I closed my eyes to fight it off. “Oh God. Not for a few days. We haven’t worked together since Tuesday. Why? What’s wrong?”
“It could be nothing. I mean, I could be overreacting. He’s gotten himself into a few tough spots…” Her voice faded in hesitation to say more. “He stopped by here a few days ago and he was…he seemed different. Sad. I mean, more sad than usual. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to him and I was able to—” She sounded frantic.
“It’s fine, Lily, I’m sure.” I tried to soothe her. “Have you tried his phone? Do you have Jake and Dennis’s numbers?”
“I’ve tried them all. Jesse’s phone has been disconnected. I didn’t want to call his parents because he’s always in so much trouble.”
“It’s going to be fine. I’ll find him. When I do, can I reach you at this number?”
“Yes. Please, please find him. He wasn’t okay. He was…just please find him and call me as soon as you can.”
“I will. If I can’t find him within the hour, I’ll call you back anyway.”
“Thank you.” She exhaled. “He was right about you.”
I hung up the phone and tried calling his cell. Yep. Disconnected. Shit.
Grabbing my keys from my purse, I raced out the door. I pulled out of the driveway still trying to find the latch for my seatbelt, and once I got on the road to take me to Jesse’s house, I dialed work.
Adam answered. “Thank you for calling—”
“Hey Adam, it’s Charlie. I have a strange question.”
“Oh, hey Charlie.” Smarmy motherfucker. “What’s the question?”
“Have you seen Jesse—the uh…delivery driver—in the past few days?”
“Actually, he didn’t show up for his shift last night. Thank God it was slow. I had to take all the deliveries at dinner rush. We’ll have to write him up, you know. He could lose his job.”
“I’m sure it was just a miscommunication,” I said, trying to convince both of us. Trying to come up with an excuse for him, I added, “He had a family emergency, and I was calling to see if he’d stopped by and talked to you yet. I’m sure he doesn’t want to lose his job, he just needs some time. If you could hold off writing him up until he speaks with you, I’m sure he’d be grateful.”
Adam exhaled, and when he didn’t speak right away I rolled my eyes.
“Adam. I would be grateful.”
“I suppose I could wait. Out of curiosity, why are you calling for him?”
Shit.
I bumbled with uhs and ahs, stalling for a few seconds. “His family is friends with my family. I just heard of his…um…uncle’s passing and wanted to make sure he was okay. I think he’s with his mother right now. I’m certain his family would be pleased to hear how forgiving The Crimson Cellar is in these kinds of situations.”
The sound of tapping came from the other end, and I waited in anticipation that I’d gotten Jesse off the hook for a few hours.
“Fine. I’ll wait until I hear from him. Thanks for giving me the heads up. You enjoy your weekend with the girls, Charlie. I’ll be thinking of you.” I heard him smile.
I dry heaved twice. “Thanks,” I said, and hung up.
I pulled into Jesse’s driveway and parked next to his car. One of his taillights was busted, and the red plastic lay on the rocky driveway. A slow jog brought me to his front door, and I rang the bell.
When no one answered, I opened the screen door and knocked twice.
“Jess?”
“Hey, you!” a crackly voice called from behind me. An old man stood, pointing his cane toward the house.
“Hello, sir,” I said.
“You looking for the boys that live here?” he asked. Wrinkles cascaded down his face, and a deep line creased his forehead.
“Yes! Have you seen them? Specifically the blond athletic one?”
He nodded, sucking in air through his teeth. He spit on the sidewalk before answering. “Hauled away in cuffs two nights ago. High on somethin’, I bet. Kids these days…” He continued murmuring something, but I couldn’t hear him.
“Do you know which police station they brought him to?”
“My wife called the cops. She said it was a big brawl. I only caught the end of it. There was a pretty young girl here, too, wearin’ nothin’ but her underwears.” He shook his head. “I’d imagine they took him to the Burnsville station. But if he don’t make bail, it’s off to County he goes.”
“Shit.” I scratched my forehead and jogged back to my car. “Thank you, sir!” I called over my shoulder as I got in.
I drove straight to the police station, calling Lily on my
way.
“Lily?”
“Yes! Charlie? Tell me you found him.”
I cleared my throat. “I just found out that he was taken into custody by the Burnsville police two days ago. Something about a fight. I’m headed there now. I’ll call you back when I’ve spoken with someone.”
She gasped. “I’m on my way. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Before she hung up, I heard the creak and slam of her screen door.
The police department was only minutes from Jesse’s place. The red brick building was adorned with white lettering above each door. One door was labeled “City Hall,” and the other “Police.”
I’d never been in trouble before, so I’d never had to enter through those heavy doors. The entire idea of it had my hands shaking, but I was more anxious about what I’d find inside to concern myself with them. I walked slowly and focused on deep, even breaths.
Once I entered, I wore a stony façade. My eyes watched the gray tiles below, and I kept my hands casually in my pockets as I approached the desk. But inside, I was screaming. Whatever I was about to find out—if anything—couldn’t be good.
I smiled at the female clerk through the bulletproof glass. “I’m looking for an inmate.” Inmate? I’m in way over my head. My heart pounded against my ribcage.
She held up a finger, asking me to wait.
Finally, after several minutes, she tore her eyes away from her computer screen. “The name?” Her voice was stern and husky.
“Jesse Anders. He would’ve arrived late Tuesday or early Wednesday.”
“Yep. He’s here all right,” she rolled her eyes, “just waiting to be transferred to Hastings County.”
I wiped my damp forehead. “Is there anything I can do? May I see him?” I scratched my temple. “Can I pay his bail?”
“Nope. We don’t allow visitors and we don’t set bail here. They do that in Hastings. He should be there by tomorrow morning, you can check for him there at that time.”
“Do you know what the usual bail is for this…situation?” A fish out of fucking water, I didn’t even know what I was talking about.
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