Let It Snow

by Sue Moorcroft

  Lily put back her head and closed her eyes. Her hand pounded. She felt sick but that came from another pain – the knowledge that not only were her beloved parents apparently splitting up but that it was all her fault. They’d loved each other for forty years. They’d pursued their same-sex relationship at a time when it had brought unpleasantness their way, had fought for the right to be left alone to bring up their daughters. But all the time the pain of Roma’s affair with Marvin had bubbled beneath the surface, Lily reminded herself.

  And it was Lily who had invoked that unhappy time again.

  Tears seeped from beneath her closed lids.

  Isaac put a hand on her knee. ‘I don’t have any tissues or anything,’ he murmured apologetically.

  She shook her head. It didn’t matter. She was in a world of pain from within and without.

  Forty minutes later, when they’d parked, Isaac changed the tea towel as the first one was by now wet. He used that to clean her cheeks.

  She gave an almighty sniff. ‘Mascara?’ she managed.

  He nodded, his smile gentle. ‘Feel up to walking across the car park to A and E?’

  ‘Of course.’

  He got her out of the car and escorted her to the big canopy over the doors. The accident and emergency department proved to be busy, as always on a Saturday evening, filled with the product of brawls and accidents. Drearily, as they queued at reception and a nurse came out to assess her, Lily realised she’d been involved in a pub brawl herself.

  They sat down to wait.

  Isaac slid his arm around her. Lily closed her eyes. It was only when she opened them in response to a kerfuffle between drunks near the door that she realised Zinnia was sitting on a chair opposite, regarding Lily with huge, unhappy eyes.

  When she saw Lily’s eyes open, Zinnia leapt off her chair and landed on her knees before her. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t know you’d put your hand out.’ She, too, had been weeping, but Isaac obviously hadn’t offered her the benefit of his damp tea towel as lines of mascara inked her cheeks.

  Lily shut her eyes again. ‘If I hadn’t, that heavy flap would have hit Isaac’s head.’

  ‘I know now. I’ve apologised to him. Patsie’s not answering her phone but I’ve called Roma,’ Zinnia whispered.

  ‘Don’t you think she’s got enough to worry about?’ Lily replied dully. She was answered by silence.

  It was after she’d been to the X-ray department and was waiting in a cubicle for a doctor, Zinnia and Isaac standing beside the bed in silence, that Roma turned up, as pale as snow but for red-rimmed eyes. ‘Lily, darling.’ Roma took Lily’s good hand and gently stroked it. ‘What have you been doing to yourself?’

  Heart overflowing with sadness and remorse, Lily began to cry. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. I’m so sorry. Zinnia told me you and Patsie are splitting up all because of me and I’m so sorry.’ She paused to suck in air, feeling as if her lungs wouldn’t expand enough.

  Roma perched on the side of the bed, squeezing Lily’s good hand. ‘I don’t know what you mean, darling.’ Her voice wavered. ‘Patsie has found someone else. How can that be your fault?’

  Zinnia gave a horrified gasp.

  Roma took one of her hands too. ‘I’m sorry if I’m the one to tell you that, Zin. There’s a woman she met at the music appreciation society. You know how she likes all that classical stuff and I’m more into Meatloaf. Anyway.’ She gave a gurgle that could equally have been a laugh or a sob. ‘She’s moved into a hotel for now. We’ll have to see if there’s anything to be salvaged.’

  ‘Holy crap,’ breathed Zinnia. ‘You said it was something that happened over the past few months but had been coming for a long time and I thought you meant Lily’s situation.’

  Roma laughed bitterly. ‘If “Lily’s situation” as you call it was going to split us up it would have done it thirty-six years ago, not now.’

  A doctor arrived to tell Lily that she had crush injuries to her left hand – she already knew that – tendons were damaged but no bones broken. He talked about soft tissue and contusions. Said the skin had torn but it didn’t need stitching. A nurse was going to put her hand in a sling and she should keep it elevated as much as possible.

  ‘Are you left- or right-handed?’ asked the nurse as the doctor swished off to her next cubicle of pain.

  ‘Left,’ said Lily wearily, gazing down at the red, bloodied, swollen mess of her left hand that the nurse was gently cleaning. Roma and Zinnia had gone into a huddle in the corner and Lily could see Zinnia making explanations and Roma tutting and muttering at her.

  ‘It’s often the way. It’s the dominant hand that’s injured because it’s the one people automatically stick out,’ said the nurse. ‘I’m going to give you some codeine for the next couple of days and after that you’ll be able to manage with paracetamol and ibuprofen. What’s your job?’

  ‘I did this working part-time in a pub,’ Lily sighed. ‘My other job only needs a computer.’

  The nurse nodded. ‘Stay away from bar work for at least a week, then see your GP for a certificate if you’re not fit to return by then.’

  ‘I’m going to Switzerland on Monday.’ Lily could hear the flatness in her voice. ‘I can’t miss it,’ she said, to forestall any such suggestion.

  ‘Oh-kay,’ the nurse said in a voice that suggested Lily was bonkers. ‘Well, there will be discomfort involved in travel and the codeine might make you sleepy.’ She began to fit the sling. ‘Come back or see your GP if the swelling doesn’t begin to go down after a week. Anyone at home to look after you? Get your meals? Do up your buttons?’ The nurse glanced at Isaac as if to say, ‘Wow, him? Lucky you!’

  ‘No. I’ll be OK,’ said Lily at the same moment as Zinnia and Roma both said, ‘You can come home with me.’ She shook her head at them. ‘I’m going home to Middledip.’ Roma and Patsie had enough to deal with and, even putting aside the post-fire condition of Zinnia’s house, she did not feel like cosying up with her sister right then.

  Zinnia hovered as the nurse went off to get some paperwork and the codeine. ‘Lily, I honestly thought … I’m just so sorry.’ She gulped. ‘You must hate me but please believe I’m sorry.’

  Wanting to shut out her sister’s guilt-ravaged face Lily closed her eyes again. ‘I know. We’ll talk another time.’

  It was more than an hour past midnight when Lily was finally okayed to go home. Drunks and brawlers were still staggering in through the doors of A and E as they left and Isaac kept an arm thrust out to shield her from any of them reeling into her damaged hand which, despite her having taken the first dose of codeine, throbbed sickeningly. Zinnia and Roma hovered like anxious guardians either side, standing, watching, waving as Isaac helped Lily into his car then reversed from the parking space.

  They drove home through the night in silence apart from Lily saying to Isaac, ‘You’ve been brilliant. I’m really grateful.’

  He replied, ‘Glad to be there for you.’ For a moment his hand rested on her leg, then he moved it to change gear and didn’t put it back. Lily turned her head and watched the passing scenery, the Christmas lights on buildings, the parkways that eventually gave way to the lanes where leafless hedgerows looked petrified by the winter moonlight.

  In Middledip, Carola’s house was in darkness apart from the illumination down the steps to her flat. Indoors, she slid out of her coat and lowered herself onto the two-seater sofa. She gritted her teeth. ‘I feel like shitty death. What’s going to happen about Switzerland? I’m the only driver and the trip begins—’ she glanced at the clock on the microwave ‘—tomorrow.’

  Chapter Ten

  Tears had washed away Lily’s make-up and pain had drawn lines on her face. The sight of her injured hand – protruding from the sling, ballooning and purple-red – made Isaac wince. She held it as if she could hardly bear the touch of the air and he tried to imagine what state he would have been in if the heavy counter flap had crashed down on his unprotected head. It
might have killed him.

  He owed her big time.

  He crossed to her kitchen units, filled the kettle and switched it on, working his way through cupboards until he located mugs and coffee. He glanced around himself as he took milk from the fridge. He liked the airy, unclutteredness of the living space they were in, which contained the kitchen area, the small blue sofa Lily was presently collapsed upon, a workstation with a laptop on it and a table shoved against the wall with two chairs. He could see into a little hall that there was a bathroom and assumed it also led to her bedroom.

  He wondered whether he’d ever find out. Since he’d made such an arse of things when she’d come on to him she’d been as distant as the moon. It had taken her sister inflicting actual bodily harm on her for her to let him near.

  Isaac didn’t think he’d ever forget the deafening crash of the counter flap and Lily’s agonised scream. He shivered at the remembered rush of horror. It had been automatic to take control of the situation, to establish she didn’t need an ambulance and to get her into his car. It wasn’t until he’d been sitting with her beneath the unforgiving lights of A and E and he’d watched her quivering with pain that reaction had caught up with him.

  Waves of nausea had rolled over him at the sight of her bruised and bloodied hand. Sweat had beaded on his forehead when she’d trembled in pain. He’d wanted to scoop her onto his lap and cradle her, to try and absorb some of her hurt.

  He’d actually found it hard to be civil to Zinnia but Lily hadn’t tried to send her home so they’d been stuck with her, apologising tearfully until Isaac had to literally bite his lip on, ‘A bit late to be sorry now, isn’t it?’ Tempestuous, flame-tempered Zinnia. He could shake her for barging in to the pub and screaming at Lily. It had been a really shit way for Lily to learn her parents were splitting up.

  When he’d made the drinks he took them over, sat down beside her carefully so as not to joggle her injury and took her good hand in his. ‘Do you think you should miss the Switzerland trip?’

  Her head rolled slightly side to side. ‘Can’t. I’ll have to find another driver, that’s all.’

  He stroked her hand. ‘Carola drives, doesn’t she?’

  ‘Not on the “wrong” side of the road. Has panic attacks. And Neil lost his licence a few months ago so he’s out too. The teens are too young to meet the conditions of the insurance.’

  ‘So where are you going to find this other driver?’ he asked gently.

  Her lip quivered, sending pain darting through his chest. ‘I don’t know, but I’ll have to. It’s too late to try and fly. Skiable snow has come early so loads of people will have snapped up flights to hit the slopes and we’d still have to get to and from the airports. More importantly, what would we do for transport once we’re there? How would we shift the guitar, the keyboard and the PA around? I have to make it work.’

  He made his voice gentler than ever. ‘Lily, it may not be possible. You’re hurt.’

  Slowly, her head turned towards him. Her skin was almost luminously pale. ‘I’m going,’ she said simply. ‘It’s not just the Middletones and the trade show and the Christmas market. You know the half-brothers I told you about? Well—’ she let out a long, slow breath ‘—they’re Tubb and Garrick.’

  Surprise washed through Isaac. ‘Wow,’ he murmured, trying to reorder his thoughts. Being so new to the village it had never occurred to him to even wonder if he knew either of Lily’s brothers. ‘That makes sense of you working at the pub, working with such a remote client as the company in Switzerland – everything.’

  She let her head fall back on the cushions of the sofa. ‘Even though Mum insists it isn’t my meeting my brothers that has split up Patsie and her, it’s obvious my sticking it out in Middledip added fuel to Zinnia’s rage.’

  She looked so exhausted, so miserable that Isaac’s anger glowed. ‘Zinnia at least has no right to guilt you, especially after the stunt she pulled today!’

  Her fingers tightened around his. ‘But it’s how she feels. Feelings don’t always take account of right or logic or justice. They come from inside and sometimes they’re all that matter. She didn’t mean to hurt me. But I’m not leaving before I’ve met Garrick and had the chance to assure myself that Tubb’s heart failure’s under control. It’s so hard to tell from the occasional Skype session because he always just smiles and says he’s fine.’

  Choosing not to argue the point, though the swollen red claw peeping from Lily’s sling didn’t make Isaac feel charitable towards Zinnia, Isaac listened while Lily explained her decision not to tell Tubb of their shared DNA, about affairs hurting people even when long in the past. How Tubb’s aged aunt, in the forgetfulness of age, had talked to him about his dad Marvin’s affair as if he knew about it.

  Her face creased in a faint smile. ‘He was having a right mantrum about this unknown woman sleeping with a married family man. He’d tried to discover when the affair had taken place and it had been mixed up in his aunt’s mind with the invasion of the Falkland Islands so he looked it up and that was 1982, Garrick would have been sixteen and Tubb twenty-one. I was born in 1983,’ she added in a small voice. ‘Marvin had confided in Tubb’s Aunt Bonnie that the “other woman” had been the love of his life, which made Tubb feel hurt and diminished on his mum’s behalf. It made him angry and disappointed with his dad at a time when he should have been mourning him. The conflicting feelings really got to Tubb.’

  Lily paused and reached for her coffee cup. Isaac passed it to her, making sure it was steady in her hand before he let go. After she’d drunk several mouthfuls, she went on. ‘Tubb presumed the woman to have been a similar age to his dad at the time – early fifties. He said he was devoutly thankful that they’d been too old to make babies or he’d have horrible half-siblings crawling out of the woodwork.’ Her eyelids fluttered closed. ‘There’s no real downside to leaving things as they are. I like him and I still want to meet Garrick.’

  Heart clenching, Isaac helped her put her cup down and lifted the fingers of her good hand to his lips. ‘Hard on you though.’

  She nodded fretfully. ‘Maybe you can see why I have to find someone to drive. But it’s the early hours of Sunday now and we’re supposed to leave on Monday at nine a.m.’

  Wordlessly, Isaac stroked the side of her face. ‘Zinnia owes you,’ he said carefully.

  Her eyes flashed open. ‘Apart from her work and the state of her house after the fire, I don’t think now is the time to spend nine days cooped up with her, four of them in a minibus. Mum, apart from being in pieces over Patsie, has to go on a photographic assignment to Scotland and Patsie is scheduled to be in court.’ She gave him a rueful smile. ‘It’s been revolving in my head all the way home from hospital.’

  He’d seen her sad, he’d seen her angry and he’d seen her upset, but never before had he seen her so close to being beaten. ‘I’ll drive,’ he said impulsively. ‘I’ve driven a minibus a few times.’

  Her eyes grew wide. ‘But what about the pub?’

  ‘We’ll find a way to make it work. I’ll call Mr Tubb first thing tomorrow. And I certainly owe you a huge thank you for stopping that counter flap landing on my head.’

  ‘It was instinctive,’ she protested. ‘Anyone would have done the same.’

  ‘I doubt it. But I’m not going to let you miss this trip, miss seeing your brothers, because of it, so I’ll drive.’ He halted, seeing Lily’s blue eyes suddenly brimming with tears. ‘Hey,’ he chided her jokily. ‘That was supposed to cheer you up.’

  She gave a half-laugh, half-sob. ‘Thank you. Just … if you can swing it with Tubb, then thank you. Thank you!’ She smothered a yawn.

  ‘You need to go to bed. Let those painkillers work.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘In fact, if I’m to be ready to start out with you at nine on Monday morning then I need to go too.’

  Lily yawned again and struggled to her feet, ungainly in exhaustion.

  He regarded her thoughtfully, looking at the buttons on her top
, the zip of her trousers. ‘Are you going to be able to undress yourself?’

  ‘Um,’ she quavered, colour edging her white cheeks.

  ‘Don’t worry, I don’t hit on women who only have one hand to fend me off with,’ he told her drily. ‘You can’t wake Carola up at this hour. Let me help.’ Shyly, she led him to her bedroom where gently he unfastened two buttons at the neck of her polo top then removed her sling, treating her as if she were made of rice paper as he threaded her good arm through her sleeve, eased the fabric over her head and down her arm, over her swollen hand. He turned his attention to the button at the waist of her black trousers, heart hammering at the brush of the soft skin of her stomach against the backs of his fingers. Silently, he undid the laces on her Skechers so she could toe them off and shimmy out of her trousers.

  Then he paused, meeting her uncertain gaze. ‘This is probably the exact wrong time but I want to apologise for the way I handled things when you suggested we should get together.’ He watched a new crimson tide flood the face that had been so pale for the last few hours. He pressed on. ‘I wasn’t making excuses as to why I didn’t want to. I did want to! Hugely. It was Good Isaac making a last-ditch attempt to make his voice heard by Bad Isaac and I was going over the edge of control so I said it aloud. You must have thought I was an idiot, kissing you and then saying all that. It has been a rule I’ve followed slavishly but … well, I don’t want to follow it any more. Not now. Not with you.’

  He’d been trying manfully not to let his eyes skim over her body, clad only in skimpy white underwear, but now his gaze sank down over her naked shoulders, the roundness of her breasts in silky white cups, the dip of her waist and curve of her hips. ‘This isn’t the way I’d fantasised about undressing you but don’t think I don’t want to, Lily, because I do.’