by Krista Lakes
Tony and Matt weaved their motorcycles back and forth across the quiet street, giving us a ride. It wasn't near the level of daredevilry as earlier, but it was still fun. The sound of their engines was deafening. I laughed and held onto Tony, enjoying every sensation. The sun was warm on my back when we finally pulled into a driveway of a large, gray beach house. An older gentlemen with a shock of white hair came out to greet us.
"Tony Frontera!" the older man said, reaching out to grasp Tony's hand. "Did you boys have fun?"
"We had a great time, Mr. Lee," Tony answered, shaking his hand. "They handled like a dream. I really appreciate you letting us use them. We left one in my aunt's garage, but I can go back and get it for you."
"First of all, Tony, it's Jim. Not Mr. Lee." Jim smiled. "And second, I'm glad you boys had fun. I was in the service at your age, and I would have loved this."
"We really thank you, Mr. Lee," Matt said, helping Jenny off the bike. Jim opened his garage to reveal several rows of motorcycles. It looked like they were his passion.
"I'll go get that other bike for you, Mr... Jim," Tony said as he carefully finished putting away his motorcycle.
"Don't worry about it, Tony," Jim said, waving his hand through the air to dismiss the offer. "I'll walk back with you and get it myself. Been meaning to go out for a ride today anyway."
Jim closed his garage, and the small group of us began the short walk back to Tony's place. Matt had his arm looped casually over Jenny's shoulder, and I could see her elbow him in the ribs every time he let his hand fall to touch her breast. In contrast, Tony held my hand as we walked, keeping up a conversation with Jim.
"So, how long have you known Tony, Mr. Lee?" I asked as we walked. Jim smiled at me.
"Tony used to spend every summer up here at his Aunt Maria's house." The older man's eyes lit up in memory. "I once caught him trying to sneak into my garage when you were what, ten?"
"Nine. But yeah..." Tony said sheepishly. "In my defense, they were really awesome."
"I taught him how to drive," Jim remembered. "Both a motorcycle and a car. Your aunt was always glad to have you here."
"I was always glad to be here. Beat being home." Tony shrugged.
"Well, I enjoyed teaching you," Mr. Lee said. "And I'm glad I was able to give you boys a good time while you were home."
We walked up the long driveway to the beach house, and Tony opened the garage for Mr. Lee.
"Thank you again, sir," Matt said. Jenny echoed a similar sentiment. Mr. Lee nodded to them, and they went inside. Mr. Lee went to his bike and picked up the helmet Dean had left carefully perched on the handlebars.
"It was good to see you, Tony." Mr. Lee stepped forward and caught Tony in a hug. "Don't be a stranger around here when you get back, okay?"
"I won't, sir." Tony grinned at him. "I like the bikes too much."
Mr. Lee laughed. "Take care of him," he said, turning to me. "He's a good man."
With that he got on the bike and started the engine. Tony waved as his neighbor powered down the driveway and out of sight. I stood next to Tony, my hand sliding easily into his.
"He's more to you than just a neighbor, isn't he?" I asked. Tony nodded, his eyes still following Mr. Lee.
"When my dad died, my mom kinda freaked. Didn't know what to do with me. She pawned me off a lot on my aunt, and so I spent a lot of time here." His voice was distant. There was no sadness in it, just fact. It made my heart break. I could just see him as a boy, skinny and shy, trying to sneak into Mr. Lee's garage to look at the motorcycles. "My aunt and Mr. Lee have a lot of the same friends. He took me under his wing when I was here."
Tony was quiet for a moment, his mind lost to memories of his childhood. "He said he taught you how to drive?" I prompted.
"Yeah," Tony said with a smile. "He taught me how to shave, too. The man is basically the closest thing I have to a father."
"I'm glad you got to see him on your trip then," I said, squeezing his hand.
"Me too. I had lunch with him when we got here, so that was good."
"I think he was right about you," I said quietly to myself, watching as Tony straightened up the garage before closing it. "You are a good man."
Chapter 6
Present Day
It had rained the night before, so the world smelled clean and fresh. Small puddles were disappearing into the warmth of the day, but water lingered in the shadows where the sun couldn't reach yet. It was a beautiful, perfect California day, but even the weather couldn't relieve me of my funk.
The line was mercifully short at the coffee shop, and I took my mocha latte with extra whip outside so I could sit in the sunshine. At least the chocolatey coffee combo was starting to lift my mood. I sipped gently and closed my eyes, letting the sunshine and memories flood through me.
Tony's smile. His easy laugh. The way the light caught his eyes and made them shine.
I finished off the whip cream on my coffee and moved out of the sun and into the shade. Despite living in California for almost twenty years, I still burned like paper in a furnace.
I opened my eyes and took another sip of my coffee. A ladybug had landed on the lid of my coffee. I smiled and coaxed the small red and black insect onto a leaf and away from my coffee. Ladybugs were lucky. Tony used to call me ladybug. A man in a leather jacket bumped into me, murmuring an apology before disappearing around the corner. He had jet black hair and brown eyes... and looked just like Tony.
My mouth reacted before I had time to think logically. "Tony!" I hurried after him, almost running to catch up with him. I turned the corner to see the back of his head disappear around another building.
"Frontera!" I yelled out, hoping that he would respond. I flew around the building, jostling several people out of my way in order to get to him. Out of breath, I rounded the corner and came into a small courtyard with a marble fountain in the center. Other than the fountain and myself, there was no one there.
I leaned against the wall. There was no where else the man could have gone. I must have been imagining things. It couldn't have been Tony. Tony was dead, not walking around the streets in a leather jacket and not looking a day over thirty.
I tossed what was left of my coffee in a trashcan. Most of it was now spilled across my arm anyway. I thought about just going home, but the fountain emanated a quiet peacefulness that I craved.
I went and sat on the grass at the base of the fountain. The gentle sound of falling water was soothing to my soul. I leaned my head back against the cool marble, letting my thoughts drift again.
Tony and I stood in the corner, our foreheads pressed together, pretending we were in our own little world and that we could stay there forever. We didn't speak; we didn't need to. He was leaving. He was only here on vacation and now had to return to duty. All he could tell me was that he was going to the Middle East. It was dangerous, but he promised me he would come back.
"You know I'm going to write you every day, right?" he whispered. I gave a tiny nod, not wanting to break away. I was desperately trying to keep my tears at bay.
"You better."
He reached up and caressed my cheek, lifting his head so that he could kiss the tip of my nose. I could hear Dean and Rachel enter the room, and I silently cursed them. If they were downstairs, it meant it was time for us to leave for the airport. Despite my fervent wishes, time was marching onward and Tony needed to get on a plane.
I held Tony's hand, afraid to let him go. I had fallen hard for him in just the space of a couple of days. My heart told me that he was the one. He was the one I was supposed to be with. Fate had pushed us together and I wanted to slap her for making us part.
"It's only going to be for a little while, I promise," Tony said quietly, as if reading my thoughts. "I love you."
I met his eyes, seeing the love and heartache. They were warm like a summer's day. I could live in those eyes.
"I love you. I think I always will." I kissed him then, letting my lips show him because word
s didn't seem adequate. I loved him with my whole heart, with every fiber of my being. We had a connection that I had never thought possible, especially after such a short amount of time.
He had written me every day after that. The letters had arrived at my new LA address without incident. I had looked forward to them like a child at Christmas. They had been sent to a base in Texas for some additional training before being sent away. I had thought about buying a plane ticket to visit him, but I didn't have the funds or available vacation time.
When Iraq invaded Kuwait and triggered the start of the Gulf War, the letters had slowed. Tony, Dean, and Matt had all been sent on a mission and the letters became less frequent as the danger to them increased. One night in January, I woke up screaming for him. My poor roommate was scared half to death. Then the letters stopped arriving. I called military bases and media outlets, desperately checking casualty lists. I had collapsed when I found his name on one of them. Sgt. Anthony Frontera: Killed In Action.
I was in shock for days. When I finally stopped crying, I picked up the phone to call Rachel and Jenny, to see if they new anything. Jenny told me she hadn't spoken to Matt since the airport. Rachel, on the other hand...
"Rachel," I asked into the phone. I could hear what sounded like a busy office in the background. "Do you ever talk to Dean at all?"
She sighed. "No. He never wrote me. Not even once. He broke my heart, Kimberly," she said bitterly. "I don't want to talk about him, okay? Just pretend like we never met those boys."
I didn't have the heart to tell her after that. I knew Dean and Matt were injured in whatever had killed Tony, but if she didn't want to know, I wasn't going to be the one to tell her. We never really talked much after that. We exchanged the regular happy Christmas card updates, and became friends on myFace as the years went on, but we were no longer a part of each other's lives.
I wasn't sure how Rachel and Dean had come back to each other after being apart for so long, but the wedding invitation was proof enough that they had. I was happy for them. It was a love story that should have warmed my heart, but my loss of Tony made it bittersweet. My love story didn't have a happy ending. It never would.
I wiped a tear from my cheek. That had been over twenty years ago. I had often wondered what my life would have been like if Tony hadn't died. I liked to think we would have ended up happily married with kids and a dog. I had never found anyone that made me feel the way he did.
"It would be better than this," I said softly. My life wasn't bad, but it was lonely. I had friends and a job that I enjoyed, did yoga on weekends and was part of a book club, but it wasn't enough. My own family was gone and I didn't have a husband or children. I was very much alone in the world.
"How do you find another love of your life?" I asked the fountain. It just gurgled and splashed in response.
I stood, examining the fountain. I didn't remember it being here before. The courtyard wasn't one of my usual walking spots, but I seemed to remember a small retaining pond here before. Now there was a beautiful marble fountain with three tiers growing in size as they descended. Water poured down the levels until it splashed into a basin at the bottom. I loved it.
I reached my hand out to catch a stream of water, enjoying the cool splash on my skin. I held the water in my palm for a moment before dropping it into the collecting basin at the bottom. Copper and silver coins speckled the bottom, reflecting the light of the water in pretty arcs and shimmers.
I pulled a penny from my pocket. It was shiny and caught the morning sunlight. I held it in my hand, squeezing my fingers around the coin.
"I wish I had Tony again. I wish I could've stopped him from going. I wish I had the chance to be with him again," I whispered.
I tossed the coin into the fountain. It hit the water with a small plop; the coin sank slowly to the bottom and settled on the other coins. Nothing else happened. There was no magic. Nothing. I was still alone.
I wiped a tear from my cheek and turned from the fountain. I headed back home to try and work on my painting and forget the morning.
Chapter 7
June 7th, 1990
Jenny and I made a pasta salad for dinner. Penne pasta, sun-dried tomatoes, artichokes, avocados, tomatoes, feta cheese, and a handful of arugula came together with fresh basil and olive oil in a bowl to make a little piece of heaven.
"We might even get them to eat something green," Jenny joked as she stirred the mixture together. I wasn't sure if her ploy was going to work, but the salad looked amazing. Jenny was one of the best cooks I had ever met. I was going to miss living with her.
The boys lay sprawled out in Adirondack chairs on the back porch, each drinking a beer. Jenny opened the screen door and put her hand on the back of Matt's chair.
"Hey, honey, dinner's ready," Jenny said in a sickly sweet voice. I couldn't help but laugh at her impression of a housewife. Despite her amazing cooking abilities, I couldn't see Jenny being a housewife. Ever. She had too much energy bottled inside of her, too much excitement for going out and partying to ever be stuck at home. I pitied the man who thought he could make her a homemaker.
"Did I hear that dinner's ready?" Dean asked, coming up the steps. Rachel grinned at us. There were tear marks on her cheeks, but she was all smiles now. I knew her cousin had been in a pretty bad motorcycle accident the year before, and I wondered if that was where her anxiety around the motorcycles originated. Thinking about it, I was surprised she had gotten on one at all. She must have really trusted Dean.
"Yeah, but only because Rachel didn't make it," I teased through the open door, and she stuck her tongue out at me.
"If I had made it, we would be eating pizza." She threw herself into a chair, and Dean went inside to get them drinks. "I have the unique ability to burn water."
I pulled out plates and started spooning the salad onto them. Dean managed to balance two plates with forks and two opened beers and navigate the screen door to bring it out to Rachel. Tony came inside to help me carry the food out. He sat in one of the chairs, and I sat at his feet, enjoying being near him. If I sat on a chair, I wouldn't get to touch him.
"What about me?" Matt asked, as everyone settled on the porch with their food. Jenny hadn't brought his out, and he hadn't gotten up to get it. Jenny raised her eyebrow at him and took a big bite of pasta. He made an over dramatic pout and got up. He rustled around in the kitchen before returning to his seat with a heaping plate of food.
The six of us sat and ate quietly. It was a testament to the food that we wanted to eat more than we wanted to talk. I could tell the boys were fairly worn out from their day. I wondered what they had done all day. I probably didn't want to know, but looking over at Tony, I knew he would tell me if I asked. The thought made me smile. I wasn't going to ask, but I hoped they had the time of their lives riding around on those bikes.
"I think I'm going to hit the hay a little early tonight, guys," Jenny said once we had all finished our meals. The sun was just starting to tip into the ocean, turning the world red and gold. The sun reflected off the waves like a glowing jewel being set in a piece of jewelry. It was mesmerizing.
"What?" Matt frowned at her. "I thought we were..."
Jenny glared at him and raised her eyebrows as if she were trying to speak to him using only her mind. He grinned.
"Early night for me too," he said lamely. Rachel giggled, and Dean rolled his eyes as Jenny and Matt stood up and went inside. We could hear them both stomp up the stairs and start the water in the master bath. There was a bathtub in there that could fit seven.
I leaned back, Tony's legs on either side of me as we both stared out at the setting sun. He put his hands on my shoulders, brushing the hair away from them. His gentle touch sent shivers down my spine. I could have him touch me like that all day. This was how I wanted things to be forever. Only one more day before they have to leave... the little voice in my head whispered. I ignored it. I wanted to enjoy the time I had.
I watched the flight of a sma
ll ladybug as she flew across the deck and landed directly on my shirt. I smiled, putting my hand onto the fabric and coaxing the small creature onto my finger.
"Look, a ladybug," I said, holding her up for Tony to see. "She landed on me."
"She's a bug..." Tony replied, raising his eyebrows.
"Ladybugs are good luck." The little insect spread her wings and flew away, my eyes on her until she disappeared into the sunset. "They're especially lucky if they land on you."
"Lucky, huh?" Tony leaned forward and kissed the top of my head. "Then, I guess you must be a ladybug, because I feel pretty lucky with you around."
I turned and rose to my knees, making our eyes almost level. "I'm the lucky one," I whispered.
"Nope," he said, shaking his head and smiling. "You're my ladybug. Besides, if I landed on you I might crush you."
I giggled and leaned forward to kiss him, feeling his hands tangle in my hair. The kiss proved it. I was lucky. I was kissing Tony.
The sun finally surrendered to the ocean's embrace. Dark blues and purples filled the sky, reflecting the depth of the sea back to the clouds. Stars began to emerge and twinkle as they watched millions of lovers from their heavenly perches.
"You want to go for a walk with me?" Tony asked quietly. I turned around to nod, smiling at the idea of walking anywhere with him. Rachel and Dean were off in their own little world on the other side of the porch, and they didn't even look up as we left.
"I want to show you something," Tony said, taking my hand in his. I loved how warm he was. It was like he was my own personal oven. I wanted to go somewhere cold with him just so that I would have an excuse to cuddle closer.
We walked in comfortable silence through the deepening twilight. Even though I wanted to know everything I could about him, I loved that we didn't need to talk. There was no need to fill the silences with games or chatter.. We were comfortable with one another, even in the silences. I knew some married couples who didn't have that ability. It only made me further realize how perfect we were for one another.