A Veiled Reflection

by Tracie Peterson

  “What’ll happen to them?” Mac questioned.

  Zack shrugged. “Who knows? Given the army’s delight in making an impression, I’ll be real surprised if they don’t line them up and shoot them.”

  “What’s going to happen with the children?”

  Mary answered before Zack could speak. “That Colonel Windbag or Winthrop or whatever his name is has already ordered them to be packed up and moved not far from Fort Defiance.”

  Mac shook his head. He could only imagine that this was only the beginning of the problems to come. The Navajo were a proud people, and they held their culture and heritage in high regard. Now their children would be forced to live away from their people and wear white man’s clothes. The boys would have their hair cut very short, and no one would be allowed to speak their native Navajo language—all in order to Americanize them. Never mind that the Indians didn’t even have the right to vote. Never mind that no one wanted to allow them to be educated in universities and rewarded with prestigious positions or live in their neighborhoods. Let the Indians become civilized, but don’t welcome them in as friends or leaders.

  “I’ll catch up with you later, Mac,” Zack told him, nudging his horse’s flanks.

  “How are Jillian and the baby holding out?” Mary questioned as Zack sped off to catch up with the soldiers.

  “She’s doing real well. She named the baby Hope.”

  Mary grinned a wide, toothy smile. “That fits. I knew she’d come up with the right choice. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, even if she does let herself get a little mixed up now and then.”

  Mac nodded. “I couldn’t agree more. In fact, there’s something you should know.”

  A gunshot rang out, giving both Mary and Mac a start. “Now what?” Mac growled. “I suppose I’d better get my bag and make sure no one has been injured.”

  “I’d go with you, but that colonel has already forbid me to accompany them further. I’m going over to the Harvey House.” She grunted a bit and tightened her grip on the reins. “I’d like to give him a piece of my mind, but I just get mouthy when I’m around that bunch. Then Colonel Winthrop just takes his anger at me out on the Navajo.”

  Mac nodded. “I’d feel better if you stayed away from that bunch as well. They don’t cotton to women interfering in army matters, and I fear someone would just end up hurt. I’ll come over and let you know what’s happened.” He went inside for his bag, and as he came back out, Mary was already positioning her wagon at the back door of the Harvey House.

  “Oh, ask Jillian to tell you about her big plans!” Mac called out as he hurried off down the street. He grinned to himself. Maybe if enough people told her what a good idea it was to marry Mac, Jillian herself would begin to believe it. Then maybe he could turn this temporary engagement into something more permanent.

  “I swear she looks like she’s grown six inches,” Mary declared, holding Hope up for inspection. “Life with you must agree with her.”

  “Oh, Mary,” Jillian said, watching her fuss over the baby, “she’s such a sweetie. Everyone here simply adores her. But what about you, Mary? Are you all right? What happened out there?”

  Mary continued to play with the baby as she spoke. “I made it to Bear’s settlement, but all the men who were involved with destroying the school were gone. I stayed with the women and tried to give them encouragement by praying and talking of God’s love. Several decided to trust in Jesus and became believers, saying that they knew my faith had to come from something very real, and they wanted that for themselves.

  “Anyway, the army came and ransacked everything in sight. They stopped short of beating the information out of the women, but I’m not sure they would have if I hadn’t been there.”

  “Oh, how terrible!”

  “It was. Most of the soldiers were angry and wouldn’t listen to much in the way of reasoning. They were following orders and seemed happy to comply. I finally threatened their windbag of a leader, saying that if they touched so much as a single hair on the heads of those women and children, I would have a telegram off to the president of the United States, giving such detail that he’d be sure to come under his scrutiny. Then I promised I would take the story to every newspaper I could find willing to run the story. He didn’t seem to like the idea of such negative publicity and settled for merely stalking around the women in an intimidating manner.”

  “I was so worried for you. Hope kept waking me in the night, and when I’d get up to feed her, I’d think of you. I prayed too, although I don’t suppose they were very good prayers.”

  Mary smiled and cradled Hope in her arms. “Prayers are prayers and God hears ’em all. He knows the heart and that’s what counts. Well, I knew you’d be anxious to get back to your own life, so I figured to come and take the baby home with me.”

  “You’re taking her?” Jillian questioned, trying to remain calm.

  Mary didn’t seem to notice the hesitant tone in Jillian’s voice. “I figure we’ll do all right for ourselves until the good Lord sends a family for her. Say, Mac tells me you have some sort of plans going on that I should ask you about.”

  “Oh, he did, did he,” Jillian more stated than questioned. “Well, much has happened since you’ve been gone. I twisted my ankle, but it’s much better now. Hardly hurts me at all to walk on it. And my parents are due in on the train tomorrow.” She hesitated to say more.

  “Wonderful. What a treat to get to meet them.”

  Jillian shook her head. “No, it won’t be a treat, I’m afraid.”

  “Why not?” Mary questioned, pausing only long enough to coo at the drowsy baby. “You haven’t seen them in some time. Won’t you be happy to have them here?”

  “They’re coming because I told them I was engaged to be married.” But before Jillian could relay the whole story, Mary jumped in and wouldn’t allow Jillian a single word more.

  “Well, that sly dog. No wonder Mac told me to talk to you. I knew he’d figure out sooner or later that you were the gal for him. I was beginning to think I was gonna have to hit him over the head or draw him a picture!” She chuckled, then continued. “The two of you will make the perfect couple. Did you tell your folks that you wanted to stay out here after you were married? Well, of course you must have ’cause they’re comin’ here to see you. So I take it the wedding will be right away. That’s perfect. What a great time we’ll have of it.”

  “But, Mary, I need to tell you—” Mary held up her hand. “You needn’t fret about a thing. I’ll take Hope back to the house with me and we’ll be just fine. A gal’s gotta have time to prepare herself for these things. A wedding! We’ll just have us one great celebration.”

  Mary got up and began gathering the things that obviously belonged to the baby. Just then Kate came in, grumbling something about her apron.

  “Well, Kate, it’s quite the news, ain’t it. Our Jillian and Dr. Mac finally seeing sense.”

  “Aye, I’ve figured ’em to be half-sick with love for each other since she had to have him stitch up her hand,” Kate agreed. “But I can’t say that the bride is all radiant-like. She seems more worried than happy.”

  “You don’t understand,” Jillian tried to explain.

  “Of course I understand,” Mary replied. “I’ve gone through it myself. There wasn’t a more jittery bride than me. Say, do you have something special to wear? Is your ma bringin’ something from Kansas City?”

  “No,” Jillian answered. “I mean, I don’t think so.”

  “Well, don’t be frettin’ about that,” Mary said, grinning. “We’ll see to that if they don’t.”

  Jillian gave up trying to explain and sat back down in complete frustration. She was going to take Mac to the woodshed for this one. She might be able to pretend to the entire town—even her parents—but Mary was different. She simply couldn’t lie to Mary. Not after all she had done. No matter that Mac said they were really and truly engaged, their actions were veiled in deception. They didn’t plan to sta
y engaged or go through with the wedding that everyone had embraced as the perfect excuse for a celebration.

  Kate quickly changed her apron and hurried from the room, mumbling as she had when she’d entered. When Mary appeared to have run out of comments about Jillian and Mac’s upcoming wedding, Jillian decided to try again to explain the situation. But it was no use.

  “I think this is God’s timing, deary,” Mary said before Jillian could speak. “I mean, Mac has been so lovesick for you, and you obviously have strong feelin’s for him. Now there’s Hope to consider as well.”

  “What do you mean?” Jillian asked hesitantly. The now sleeping baby hardly seemed to mind that Mary was bouncing around the room, collecting her things.

  “I mean that this baby will need a ma and pa. You and Mac would be perfect for the job. You both accept who she is and, given the love you have for each other, well, that love will just naturally pour itself out on her too. I’d say God was workin’ extra time to make this all work together for good.”

  “You want us to raise Hope?” Jillian questioned, her stomach aflutter. The idea was so instantly appealing that Jillian momentarily forgot that the wedding plans were staged.

  “Well, I think you’d make the best choice,” Mary said, pausing to look quite sternly at Jillian. “That is, unless you think you and Mac would prefer to have more time to yourselves. I know young couples need a good amount of time to get used to each other, but you and Mac just seem to come together natural-like. I wouldn’t want to be pushy in the matter, but Hope needs to be with a family. On the other hand, unless I’ve misjudged this and you don’t want to take her—” “No!” Jillian declared, coming back out of her chair. “That’s not the case. I love her. I can hardly stand that you’re taking her away.”

  Mary smiled and nodded. “I thought as much. Look, it’ll just be for a few days. Your folks will come and you’ll get them all acquainted with Mac. I’ll bring Hope in to town to see you or you and Mac can just ride out to my place. After the wedding and some time alone, you just come on out and get her.”

  A train whistle blew in the distance and Jillian startled at the sound. “Oh my! I’m going to be late. I was supposed to get Hope to Gwen, but now I suppose I don’t have to worry over that. Oh, Mary, this is all too much to explain right now, but we have to talk. Things aren’t exactly as they appear.”

  Mary took Hope and walked from the room, calling over her shoulder, “They never are. We’ll have a nice long talk whenever you like. Come on out to the house and we’ll make plans.”

  Jillian pulled on her apron. “Probably not the ones you intend, but we’ll definitely have to make plans.” Mary had already gone and didn’t hear her reply, but it made her feel better to say it, just the same.

  Coming downstairs, Jillian froze in place. There at the bottom of the stairs, kissing quite passionately, were Gwen and Zack. Sensing her presence, they paused and looked up without breaking their embrace.

  “We figured if you and Mac could get hitched, we might as well take a chance too,” Gwen explained, blushing profusely.

  Zack grinned. “I always did say that Mac showed a lot of good sense. Congratulations.”

  Jillian sighed. “Thanks. Congratulations to you two as well.”

  “Maybe we should make it a double wedding,” Gwen said softly as she turned to gaze into the face of the man she so obviously loved.

  “I’m sure Mac would love that,” Jillian replied rather absentmindedly. “I’ll talk to him about it,” Zack offered, then, after quickly kissing Gwen one final time, he pulled away. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later tonight.”

  Gwen stood staring after him until long after he’d gone. “Oh, Jillian, I’m so happy.”

  Jillian gave Gwen a hug. “And I’m happy for you, Gwen. You deserve this.”

  Gwen smiled, tears glimmering in the corners of her eyes. “So do you, Jillian. I know you and Mac will be perfect for each other, and together we shall all be great friends.”

  Before Jillian could reply, the gong sounded in the dining room. “Oh, the passengers are coming!” Gwen exclaimed. “Come on, Jillian.

  We can dream about the men we love while we serve Mr. Harvey’s finest meals.”

  Jillian watched her housemother scurry down the hall. “I’ll dream about him, all right, but that’s all I’ll have. Dreams.” She shook her head, envious of Gwen’s happiness.

  SIXTEEN

  THE TRAIN WAS DUE TO ARRIVE within the hour, and Jillian could hardly stand the wait. She reasoned with herself that this wasn’t the end of the world. Gwen had given her three days off in order to be with her parents and make plans for their upcoming double wedding. The wedding was already set for Sunday afternoon, although Jillian had no idea how she was going to set things right by that time. She had hoped that Mac would come to her rescue when Zack and Gwen requested the double wedding, but instead he had thought it a capital idea. Then Jillian had hoped that when they mentioned their desire to marry right away, Mac would either back out or ask them to put it off. But he hadn’t—in fact, he’d seemed quite pleased that the wedding should occur in such a short time.

  How Jillian wished that his emotions were genuine. She could hardly bear seeing Mac, watching him smile at her in his lazy, endearing manner, without longing for their plans to become reality. Unable to endure her tangled emotions any longer, she’d determined to speak to him about the whole matter, but every time she tried to see him, something or someone interfered.

  And now she was supposed to meet her parents, and they in turn would expect to meet her fiance who didn’t exist.

  Jillian knew that once her parents were in town, there would be no resting—no quiet moments for settling matters. She had hoped to enlist Gwen’s help, but her housemother was much too giddy with her own wedding plans.

  Gwen had admonished her to relax and enjoy the preparations and forget about her worries, but Jillian had no way to explain the situation. Lies were entangling her from every angle. There were already wedding gifts to deal with, little trinkets of good luck given to her by some of her Harvey sisters.

  “Oh, God,” she prayed, “I know this can’t be right. This can’t be what you had in mind for me. I just don’t know what’s right anymore. I love Mac, but that isn’t going to fix this.”

  Realizing she was praying, Jillian pondered the spiritual side of things for a moment. She had longed to sit down and talk to Mary about God, for Mary had a light inside her that Jillian longed for. She knew she had to find a way to talk to Mary and tell her the truth.

  “But the truth is very uncomfortable right now,” Jillian murmured, heading outside the Harvey House for a bit of a walk. She was too nervous to simply sit around and wait for the train. Forgetting her bonnet, Jillian rather enjoyed the wind in her hair. She had styled her hair very casually that morning, leaving it down but clasped into a bulk at the nape of her neck. She did this in spite of the fact her parents would disapprove. Or maybe because she knew they would disapprove. Maybe it was her own little act of rebellion. But wasn’t that rather childish for a grown woman?

  The day felt warm and breezy without a single cloud to mar the crystal blue sky. It would have been the perfect day to welcome visitors to her new home, but Jillian had no heart for it. She missed Hope, and she hated the situation she’d created for herself. Why did I have to lie? Why didn’t I just make myself clearly understood and not fret over Mother’s desires to matchmake?

  “You look like you’ve lost your last friend.”

  Jillian started at Mac’s voice. She turned and found him watching her curiously. He leaned against the side of the Indian agent’s office, seeming unconcerned with the afternoon’s planned events.

  She had never seen him look more handsome. He’d dressed smartly in a lightweight navy blue worsted wool suit with a fresh white shirt and black tie. Atop his black hair sat an equally black derby hat, giving him an air of sophistication and elegance.

  “Mother will think you quit
e dashing,” Jillian murmured without thinking.

  “What your mother thinks isn’t half as important to me as what you think,” Mac replied.

  Jillian smiled weakly. “I always think you look dashing.”

  “Really?” He grinned and came toward her in deliberately slow steps. “Then why have I never heard about this until now?”

  Jillian felt herself blush. She lowered her head. “I guess because I didn’t think it proper to say so.”

  “But it’s proper now because we’re engaged, right?”

  She looked up, regret and sorrow written across her face. “Oh, Mac, I’m sorry to have involved you in this. I promise to get things straightened out.” She paused and looked away before adding, “Although I’m not at all sure how I’m going to do that. You could have saved us both a great deal of trouble if you would have just put an end to the idea of a double wedding with Zack and Gwen. What were you thinking?”

  “I thought it sounded like fun.”

  “But, Mac . . .” Her words trailed off as she shook her head. There were no words to explain how painful this was becoming. Why couldn’t he just love her as she loved him?

  “Jilly, you worry too much,” he said, seeming to understand her turmoil.

  She couldn’t help but smile at the nickname. “That’s the second time you’ve called me that.”

  “Do you mind?”

  She shook her head. “No, but it just seems . . . well . . . I don’t know.”

  “Personal? Intimate?” he questioned, looping his arm through hers. “It’s intended to be that way. Engaged folks often have terms of endearment for one another.”

  “But I don’t have such a term for you,” Jillian said quite seriously. She could feel her pulse quicken at his touch and found herself longing to speak of her true feelings. Why did this have to be so hard?