Babymaker

by B. B. Hamel

I face him, heart hammering, both afraid and excited. I want him so badly it hurts, want to kiss him and touch him, but he’s so far away. Five years is sitting between us, and everything that’s happened inside of it.

  “Why didn’t you write to me?” he asks, his face hard. “Why haven’t you sent me a picture of my son?”

  “I’m sorry,” I say to him. “I just couldn’t.”

  “What’s his name?”

  I hesitate. “Max,” I say.

  He nods a little. “Good name.”

  “I’m glad you like it.”

  He stares at me and I can see all the hurt and pain I’ve caused him. I wish I could tell him everything, but I’m afraid of how he’ll react, what he’ll do.

  “Never answered my calls. Never wrote,” he says softly. “Just disappeared. Left me there.”

  “Luke,” I say, but my phone starts ringing. “Shit.” I pull it out of my pocket and my father’s name shows up on the screen.

  He looks down at it. “Better answer,” he says. “Can’t ignore Daddy when he calls.”

  “Luke,” I say again, but he’s already walking away.

  I stand there watching him, my phone ringing insistently in my hand. I want to go after him, ignore the call, explain everything. But right now, I can’t afford to get kicked out of my house. I have to think about Max above all else, and Max needs this.

  “Fuck,” I say softly to myself, and I answer the phone. Luke keeps walking, disappearing up ahead, around the bend.

  “Hello?”

  “Come home,” my father says. “Right now.”

  “Dad, wait—“

  “Come home,” he says again. “Thomas called. I’ll be there soon.”

  “Dad, he just—“

  “Come home right now.” He hangs up.

  I stare at my phone, shake my head, and slip it into my pocket. Dad’s going to be angry, but I think he’ll forgive me. Thomas attacking Luke is going to take a lot of the pressure off.

  I stare up ahead at where Luke just disappeared. I want to run after him but I know I can’t. I have to go back.

  But this isn’t over. I can’t leave things hanging like this. The man I love is still in there, buried under all that anger and hate, and I have to find him again. I’m going to keep trying, because I’ve never given up, not after all these years.

  I turn away and head home, more determined than ever.

  5

  Luke

  The radio blares some generic rock song but I’m not listening to anything around me.

  I’m losing myself in my hands. In my work, specifically. I’ve always been able to do this with cars, for some reason they’ve always made sense to me. I can fix just about anything, mostly because I’ve spent so much time trying to. I’m lucky that I have this job where I can clock in and lose myself for a few hours.

  But of course it’s not that easy. The real world always seeps in through the cracks, and I can’t stop myself from looking at it.

  Avery is there in everything I do. I keep seeing her face, her beautiful fucking face. It’s exactly the same, except it’s also different. Her hair’s changed, a little longer than I remember. But she’s also grown up, somehow gotten more gorgeous, more mature. There are more layers there, more defenses, although I know I have plenty of those, too.

  My lip aches a little from where her brother fucking sucker punched me when I was on the ground. I wanted to kill him. I think I would have too if Avery weren’t there. I would have gone after that bastard and ripped him apart, because he represents everything I hate about this place.

  All the fucking prejudice. They let me hang for a crime I didn’t commit, rushed me through a trial. A jury of my peers, what a fucking joke. Those people all saw my last name and they knew what they were going to do. The trial lasted barely two days, and the conviction came back within an hour of them deliberating. They sent my ass to jail all because my family is supposedly trash.

  But they didn’t know me. All they see are names and their assumptions and prejudices do the rest.

  That’s how Thomas and his fucking friends work too. They hate anyone that doesn’t have money like he does. Thomas loves lording that shit around town, a place where most folks don’t have much. Thomas has a lot, and he’s not ashamed to show it off, though he’s never worked a day in his life to get it. He’s a spoiled rich man’s son, stupid and ugly, and I wish I could have snapped his little neck.

  But I can’t let myself give in to that. I hand-tighten a lug nut on a tire, tensing and relaxing, taking a deep breath.

  I have to be better than them. I can’t go around fighting everyone, hating them, trying to kill my past. What’s done is done, although the real murderer is still out there. I’m going to find him and I’m going to figure out who set me up, and nobody’s going to stop me.

  I finish up this car and lower it down. When the tires hit the floor of the garage, I finish lightening it up. When I’m done, I hear a noise and look up.

  Thomas Seller is standing in the open door. Sunlight spills down around him. I squint a bit and step toward him, wrench in my fist.

  “What do you want?” I ask him.

  He holds up his hands. “I’m not here for that.”

  I glance down, following his gaze. I relax my grip onthe wrench and put it down on a tool bench. “What do you want?” I ask him again.

  “My father sent me here.” He crosses his arms. “Told me to come apologize.”

  “Fine,” I say. “Apologize.”

  He grins at me. “Sorry.”

  “Go fuck yourself.”

  That just makes him smile more. “He told me to tell you another thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t come near us again. He says he’ll make sure you go to prison again and you fucking stay there this time.”

  I narrow my eyes and start walking toward him. “You threatening me?” I ask.

  “Just telling you what I came here to say.”

  “Get the fuck out of here. If you come around here again, I won’t put the wrench down.”

  “Fine,” he says. “Same goes for you. Come around Avery again and there’ll be problems.”

  Thomas grins and walks off. I follow him a bit and watch as he gets into his fancy foreign car, driving off way too fast.

  I shake my head and sigh. I glance to my right and Uncle Nick’s standing in the doorway of the office, frowning.

  “What’d he want?” he asks me.

  “Nothing,” I say.

  He stares at me for a second and shakes his head. “Stay out of trouble.”

  “Always do.”

  He sighs and walks back inside. I turn and go back into the garage, and as I pick up the wrench, two thoughts hit me simultaneously.

  First, I can’t help but notice what Thomas said. He told me his father will make sure I go to prison and I stay there this time, as if he has the ability to do something like that. Robert Seller has been on the top of my list of suspects since the beginning, but that comment just solidified my suspicion.

  And the second thought is stupid and dangerous, but I can’t help it. I go grab my phone from my locker and I pull up my contacts. I type up a text and pray that she hasn’t changed her number.

  “Meet me tonight at the League.” I hit send and wait.

  She answers almost right away. “What time?”

  I smile to myself. Of course Avery hasn’t changed her number after all these years. “Ten if you can.”

  “Max goes to bed early, so I’ll be there.”

  I put my phone back into my locker and turn toward the garage.

  I shouldn’t be trying to see her like this. I know I’m just doing it out of anger and spite. I want to piss Thomas off, make her father angry, fuck with all the bastards that fucked with me.

  But really, I know that’s just an excuse. I came back to Coldwyn for one real reason, and one reason alone: to see Avery again, and to get my son. Finding out who framed me, who set me up, tha
t’s all just an excuse. I could do that from a town over if I wanted.

  I’m here for Avery and my child. Always been the case. And after seeing her, I know I have to do it. I don’t have any other choice, like it’s a magnet pulling me toward her. I can’t turn away. Fuck, I don’t want to turn away.

  I’m back to claim what’s mine and I’m not stopping for anything.

  6

  Avery

  I sit in my car with the engine still running, staring at the cheap stucco façade of the League. Part of me wants to turn the car around and head back home, back to where it’s safe and easy, but I know that’s just an illusion.

  There’s nothing safe about that house.

  My father was pissed when he came through the door. “Why?” he demanded. “Do you want me to kick you out?”

  I had to explain to him what happened, start to finish. He almost didn’t believe me, but Thomas actually backed me up for once. He didn’t seem apologetic for attacking Luke like that, but father was pissed. Yelled at Thomas for ten straight minutes, accused him of bringing too much attention down on the family, all that stuff.

  In the end, I got off with a warning. I can’t be around Luke anymore or else he’ll throw me out, all that good stuff. Which is why I shouldn’t be here right now.

  Max is in bed, sound asleep. Mom and dad are both asleep as well, although I don’t know where Thomas is. If Max gets up, he’ll go bother his grandmom if he finds me not in my bed. I know it’s a little irresponsible, but he’s not alone. My parents can handle anything that comes up, although I hope nothing does. I’ll be totally screwed if they realize I’m gone.

  But no, I’ve been waiting too long. I knew this wouldn’t be easy. I’ve been dreaming for years about finally seeing Luke again, being able to touch him, talk to him. My parents forced me to stay away from him while he was in prison and I listened for Max’s sake, but even when I wasn’t contacting him, I never gave up. Luke was always on my mind. I spent every penny I earned on Luke and sacrificed more than he’ll know.

  I cut the engine and get out of the car. I’m not turning back, not now. I have to be brave, although I don’t want to be.

  The League is a dive bar like any dive in any small town. It’s old, probably built in the seventies or something like that, and hasn’t been updated at all since. It’s supposedly a sports bar, and although there are three cheap flat screen TVs, nobody pays them any mind. Mostly people come here because the drinks are cheap and the burgers are surprisingly good.

  I haven’t stepped foot in here in years. I haven’t had much of a social life since Luke went away. Frankly, I haven’t had any social life at all. I haven’t had any boyfriends, and most of my close friends slowly drifted away from me. I’ve been something of a pariah in town, all because my boyfriend supposedly killed a woman. People looked at me like I caught his murder-disease.

  I didn’t care. I used that to fuel my anger. But I feel awkward, stepping into the League and looking around.

  Fortunately, I don’t recognize anyone. I don’t want to risk anyone knowing me and telling my father that I was here with Luke. I got lucky once already and I don’t want to test that.

  I spot Luke sitting at one end of the bar. He nods at me as I approach him, and I can’t help but feel excited by the little smile that threatens the corner of his mouth.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” he says, and for a second I think we’re kids again. He used to say that to me all the time.

  “Hey, stranger.” I sit down on the empty seat next to him. “What’re you drinking?”

  “Beer,” he says. “You want something?”

  I shrug. “Might as well. We’re in a bar, after all.”

  He flags down the waitress and orders me a gin and tonic. I smile to myself, happy that he remembers I drink those, although I haven’t had one in a while. I’m more of a wine girl now, but he’ll figure that out eventually. No need to rush things.

  I get my drink and he looks at me. “I’m glad you showed up.”

  “Me too.”

  “I feel like it was weird last time, you know?”

  I laugh a little. “What, my brother trying to kill you didn’t make things comfortable between us?”

  He grins back at me. “That and the whole me being in jail for five years for a crime I didn’t commit.”

  “Oh yeah, that. Pretty awkward if you ask me.”

  He laughs and we both sip our drinks. “How are you, Avery?” he asks me seriously.

  “You want honest?”

  He nods. “Fuck it. We owe each other that much, at least.”

  “Okay. I’m living in my father’s house, whom I despise, and raising a child all by myself. I have a two-year degree, a part-time job, and no great prospects going forward. I’m a pariah in town and the only person I ever cared about was locked away for a crime he didn’t commit.”

  He listens with a blank face before finally sighing. “Sounds like shit luck.”

  “I guess I can’t complain. At least I wasn’t in prison.”

  “That’s true.” He takes a long swig of his beer. “Better to not be in prison, honestly.”

  “How are you?” I ask him.

  “You want honest?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay. I’m fucking angry, is how I am. I’m back in this town where they threw me into a hole to rot for five years. Turns out prison fucking sucks, and I had to fight for my life every day. And now I’m back, but nothing’s changed, and I’m mad as hell every day.”

  “Yeah,” I say softly. “Shit luck.”

  “Yeah.”

  We go silent for a second and I nudge him a little. “I’m glad you’re back at least,” I say.

  “I’m glad I am too.” He lets out a breath. “Sorry I just went off. Been a while since I had to, you know, socialize.”

  “Not a lot of small talk in prison?”

  “Not so much. Unless you count talking about how to make a shiv and smuggle in drugs.”

  I stare at him for a second. “Seriously?”

  He looks back at me before cracking a grin. “Nah, not really. I mean, that shit happens, but after that first year I mostly kept to myself and a little crew.”

  “You made friends?” I ask, surprised.

  “You got to, honestly. I didn’t that first year and it was like I was fighting every single day.”

  “Must have been hard,” I whisper, not sure what else to say.

  “Yeah, well. I’m not trying to complain. I’m okay.”

  “Good.” I pause awkwardly, looking at my drink. “I’m sorry, you know. For what happened.”

  “Me too. Wish it were different.” He drinks his beer, finishing it off, and motions the bartender for another. “Tell me about my son.”

  I smile a little. “He’s got your eyes. Sweet, funny, goofy. Loves to play with Legos. He’s also really stubborn, like you.”

  He grins a little. “He like sports yet?”

  I shrug. “Not really. He’s young though, he’s not really playing games like that yet.”

  “Guess I don’t care if he likes sports, as long as he likes cars.”

  I perk up at that. “He has a ton of toy cars. He loves them.”

  “Good,” he says, looking pleased. “Maybe I’ll get him some.”

  “He’d like that.”

  I look at the bar, my heart beating fast. It’s so odd, talking to Max’s father like this. Luke and Max are total strangers, and it’s going to be a long time before they have any sort of real relationship.

  “What have you told him about me?” Luke asks.

  “Not much, honestly. He asked about you once, and I just told him that his father lives somewhere far away.” I stare down at my glass for a second. “But that you’d be back one day to see him.”

  Luke watches me quietly, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. I wish I could break through that serious gaze of his and really get him to open up to me, but I can’t. The Luke I know and love is buried
in there, kept safely hidden away from me.

  I can’t blame him. I’d want to hide from me too if I were him. I’d be very resentful of the way I abandoned him, although I never abandoned him, not really.

  “You couldn’t have known I’d be back,” he says finally. “That wasn’t good.”

  “I knew,” I say softly. “I never gave up.”

  “So why didn’t you write?”

  I bite my lip and look away. “It’s not simple.”

  “Of course it isn’t.”

  “You don’t think I wanted to?” I look back at him, a little anger creeping to the surface. “I thought about you every day, Luke.”

  He doesn’t respond right away. His second beer arrives and he sips it before finally sighing. “I’m sorry. I just have so much anger. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with it.”

  “I understand,” I say softly. “More than you know, I think.”

  He cocks his head and a sly little smile flits across his expression. “You look good, you know.”

  I raise an eyebrow, pulse racing. “You think so?”

  “I know so. You look the same but… different.”

  “I had a baby,” I say, laughing.

  “No, it’s not that. You look more mature. Your hair’s different, but there’s something else.”

  “You look good too,” I say, a little breathless. It’s suddenly hot in here and I keep getting flashbacks to when he kissed me all those years ago, his mouth wet and warm against mine, his hands roaming my skin.

  “We had a lot of fun back then,” he says.

  “Yeah, we did.” I can’t help but smile. “Remember when, down at the creek—”

  “That guy almost walked right on top of us? ‘Hey kids, what are you guys doing down there?’” He makes his face, a perfect mimic of the guy.

  “Right, he was shocked when he realized you were going down on me.”

  We both laugh. It’s a good memory, although that guy freaked out and would’ve scared me if it weren’t for Luke.

  “Missed out on a lot of that,” he says softly.

  “Yeah,” I say and meet his gaze directly. “But now we can make up for lost time.”