by Jahquel J
“Ma! Look at the pigs!” Gyan screamed and ran back over to where me and Yoshon were sitting.
We all had swimming suits on. I had on a pair of ripped jean shorts, a Bikini and white tank top over the top of it. It didn’t take long to dock and we exited off the boat. Soon as we got off, there were a bunch of people boarding boats to go back to their resorts, or in the way because they couldn’t miss their opportunity to get a picture with one of the pigs on the sand. After maneuvering through the crowd of people and gripping Gyan’s hand for dear life, we came to a part of the sand that wasn’t so polluted with people. We placed our things down and the security found a place right behind us. The one bright side was that we could leave our belongings on the sand and didn’t have to worry about anyone stealing them. Coming out my shorts and shirt, I helped Gyan out of his white shirt and Yoshon did the same.
“You ready, baby?”
“Mom, you were the one screaming about the iguanas, are you ready?” he cracked up laughing and I pushed his little ass onto the sand. “Hey! Mom, that’s not fair!” he hollered as me and Yoshon made our way to the water. He was being so quiet and reserved since we got off the boat.
“You okay, babe? Are you still thinking about the Gyan thing?”
“Nah, nah, nah. I was thinking about something,” he showed me that smirk I loved so much. “Come on and get in the water with these pigs… Gee, come on!” he called back for Gyan who was still picking himself up off the sand.
“I’m coming… mommy pushed me,” he snitched and then stuck his tongue out of his mouth. We all held hands and got into the water. The water was freezing and these pigs were just swimming by like the water wasn’t cold as hell.
Me and Gyan took a million pictures with the pigs. I posed with one while acting like I was about to kiss it. A baby one kept following us and I wanted to bring it home with me. Yoshon even took a few selfies with the pigs too. Me and Gyan were laughing and splashing in the water while Yoshon was behind me talking to the security. He kept tapping me and I ignored him because I didn’t want to hear what the security had to say about us swimming too far from the shore.
He tapped me for the last time and I whipped my wet hair around with my mouth screwed up. “Wha—” my word was caught in my throat because he was on one knee in the shallow water, holding up a green velvet box up in his hand.
“Yeah, your ass was about to try and talk shit, huh? Caught you by surprise, huh?” he laughed and I stared at him with tears in my eyes.
“Are you serious right now?” A few people stopped taking pictures with the pigs and zeroed in on Yoshon on his knee in the water and me with tears in my face. “Yoshon, you’re not serious, are you?”
“You think I’d be on my knee in sand that probably has some pig shit in it? I’m serious as a heart attack, baby girl.” He stared into my eyes.
“Girl, you better tell him yes or I will. Look at that damn ring and that fine man on his knees!” Some lady with long fingernails and multicolored braids yelled from behind Yoshon.
Yoshon laughed. “Shorty will take me, so you need to make your decision,” he joked and I laughed.
Bending down in the water with him, I kissed him on the lips. “Yes, I’ll be your wife,” I told him and he picked me up and kissed me on the lips. Handing the ring back to the security, they placed it in their pockets.
“Wait, my ring.”
“Baby, I wouldn’t let her put it on either. One of these pigs will gobble that ring up!” The same nosey lady yelled out again.
“We on the same page!” Yoshon yelled back and smiled.
“Uh huh… with your fine ass.” She let another remark about how good my damn man looked slip out her mouth.
“If she talk about how fine you are one more time, Yoshon.” He laughed and covered my lips with his. “You didn’t tell me you were doing this.”
“Why would I? This was a surprise.” He kissed me again as we walked to shore. Gyan was happy as a tick following behind us.
Yoshon mentioned us getting married and I was fine with that. I had no problem being his wife and was actually looking forward to finally cutting ties with Grand and being in a healthy marriage.
“Mommy, I knew and didn’t tell you.” Gyan pranced around excited that he kept a secret from me.
“You knew? I thought we were best friends?” I acted hurt and he hugged me around the waist.
“We are. Mr. Yoshon just needed me to be quiet so he can make you his wife.” He put a huge cheese smile as he stared at me.
“Well, you both surprised the hell out of me.” I wiped away the tears that were still on my face. Yoshon Santana was sneaky and surprised the hell out of me. I had no clue that he was going to pull this. Then, the ring. It was a halo ring with a huge rock centered with a bunch of smaller diamonds around it. Just to wear that ring, I needed to use the security to escort me. I wrapped my arms around my man’s neck and placed a wet kiss right on his lips.
Everything in my world was going perfect and I had to take a minute to thank God for all the blessings he was giving me and Gyan. Then, I thought about how I was still married to Grand and got upset. I had to do something to get this divorce done so I could marry someone that was worthy of my love. Grand wasn’t going to make it easy and I knew he wouldn’t. When I tried to file last time, he had his lawyers basically shut me down, so I had no choice but to accept that we were married and were going to stay married until he agreed he didn’t want to be anymore. Knowing Grand, I knew that he had another woman. So, why was he so worried about me? He needed to act like me and Gyan didn’t exist and be in his other kid’s life. We were good and will always be good. Grand wasn’t needed in our lives and I was going to make sure that he wasn’t a part of our lives.
8
Hazel
“I wanna have a baby,” I blurted as I watched Yolani slip on her sneakers. She was going to leave the house again to rip and run the streets like she usually did. My little revelation didn’t break her stride one bit.
“The fuck we need a baby for? We good, babe,” she laughed as she fastened her Gucci belt.
“We’re not good. I want a baby and you’re pushing it off like it doesn’t matter, Yolani.” Standing up, I walked over to her side of the room and stared into her eyes. Right then and there, I should have left and I didn’t. I saw how detached she was from this conversation. I could see how much she didn’t give a fuck about my need to start a family of our own. Yolani was worried about herself and herself alone.
“No, we’re not good. I want to have a baby. You know my parents have been asking when we’ll give them grandchildren.”
“Your pops been asking. Your moms don’t give a shit about what’s going on over here,” she shot back quickly.
It was true; my father was the one more concerned about me having his grandchild. He asked each time I called and wondered how we would do it. He was against everything that came with Yolani. When I promised him that we would have children one day, he was determined to make sure I kept my word. My mother didn’t support anything that came with my marriage and I knew that. She didn’t give a damn if I had children or not. In her mind, I had made a mistake the day I decided to marry Yolani Santana.
“I’m not worried about either of them. I want to have a child and I want us to talk about it.” Yolani sprayed some cologne on and turned toward me. She put her hands on my waist and smiled in my face.
“I don’t want no damn kids. The fuck I look like going through all this shit to have a kid. Who gonna carry the shit? I got balls, but not for this job,” she continued to tell me a million reasons why we shouldn’t or wouldn’t have a child.
“I want kids. I want a child that is my own. I have a business, marriage, house and I want a child. Don’t you want to hear little feet running around this house? We have all this room and it’s only just the both of us.”
“Hell nah, I don’t want to hear all of that running around. Babies are sticky and all that shit. Get a fucking
dog, Hazel. I’m not talking about this shit again!” she yelled and headed out of our bedroom.
I didn’t bother chasing her down or screaming why there were a million reasons why we should start a family. It seemed like the universe was trying to tell me that it was time. Yolani had the money for us to hire a surrogate or go to the sperm bank. She just didn’t want to have a child and it hurt me to my core. Why didn’t she want to create life with me? I laid across the bed and stared at the ceiling as I heard her rumbling downstairs. It wasn’t the first time that I realized that Yolani Santana was about herself and I still managed to stay.
“Babe, why you over there in deep thought?” Denim walked into the apartment with grocery bags.
Today had been a rough day on me and it wasn’t because of the baby. Pit Pat told me about what was going on with Yolani and I wanted to be with her. I couldn’t call her or see her and it was killing me. A big part of me wanted to see what the sober Yolani was like. Was it my best friend that I loved and was always there for me? Because somewhere down the line, my Lani changed and I wanted her back. I missed her more than she knew. Pit Pat promised that when she made it back to the states, she would tell me to come over. For now, I was sitting home feeling sorry for myself and thinking of all the times where we had argued, fought or disagreed. Netflix had watched me for the day and I didn’t mind. My mind was on Yolani and I knew it shouldn’t have been.
“I didn’t hear you come in,” I sat up on the couch and smiled. “What’s all of that?”
He came around the counter and into the living room to kiss me on the lips.
“Your parents are coming over tonight. I’m cooking dinner. I think it’s time for them to know about us, the baby and our marriage.”
Leaning up, I stared at him like he had lost his mind. “Tonight? When were you going to tell me this? Denim, I really don’t feel like dealing with my mother tonight.”
“Babe, how long you want to keep hiding this shit from her? We need to get this over with because my moms is tired of being quiet about it.”
“Whatever.”
“Yo, what is good with you? You been acting real different for a few weeks now. I been acting like I didn’t see all those clothes you brought in here a few weeks ago.”
“Why you acting like you didn’t see it then? Speak on it.”
“You went over to Yolani’s crib?”
“Yes.”
He didn’t say anything. I guess he expected me to lie or something. There was no need to lie to him about what I went to do. I went to get clothes and realized that my heart still belonged to Yolani at the same time. Since I’ve left her, she has been on my mind non-stop. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, even when I tried really hard not to.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Now that I’m your wife, I have to tell you every move that I make? You were in California and I had to try and move my entire life while being pregnant and married to you,” I snapped. He held his hands up and backed away. “What are we arguing about?” I sighed and rubbed my hand over my head.
“I’m just asking a simple question. You’re the one that got pissed. All I want is for you to be honest with me.”
“And I’ve been doing that. I didn’t tell you I went over there because I knew you would want to come. Showing up to her house with you is a slap in the face. I did it on my terms and it was a quick process.”
“You right.” He came over and slid down onto the couch next to me. “Communication is something we both need to work on.” He pulled me closer to him and kissed me on the neck.
I didn’t love Denim. I loved the idea of Denim, but I realized that I didn’t love him. Sitting here all day, I had a minute to think and I had come to the realization that I didn’t love him. Having love for someone and being in love with someone was one thing. The thought of losing both Yolani and then Denim for the second time caused me to latch onto him. Then, add the pressure of being pregnant and facing raising this kid alone; I damn near jumped at the chance to be married to him. My mother’s voice was in the back of my head and all I wanted was for her to be proud. My mother was never proud of anything I did and always complained about the things I did. Hearing how she felt about my pregnancy and how excited she was for Alicia’s because she had a man, caused me to make that happen for me. Denim loved me, and I knew he did, but those same feelings he had for me wasn’t reciprocated when it came to him.
“I agree. My doctor’s appointment is tomorrow. Are you coming?”
“What time?” He pulled out his business phone and stared at his calendar.
“Nine in the morning. I tried to push it, but she’s pretty booked.”
“Damn,” he whistled. “I gotta meet with Jean and go over the contract for the new gym. He wants me to partner with him on it.”
“It’s fine. I can go alone. She just needs to do blood work. You’re not going to miss anything.”
“You sure? I can cancel or push it back later. Let me ca—”
“It’s fine, babe. I can go alone and fill you in on everything. I have to head to the shop after, so it’s fine.”
“Okay. I’m making pasta and garlic bread for dinner. Your parents should be over in a little while. Go take a shower and refresh, cause I know how your mother makes you feel.”
“You’re right about that. I’m allowed to have a glass of wine so I hope you brought some with you.”
He held up the red wine and I smiled. “My kind of husband.”
“Go ahead. I got it handled in here.”
“You sure? I’m not sure if I want you to burn down our kitchen.”
“Oh, you got jokes? Go shower before that belly get too big and you won’t be able to see your pussy.”
“Ugh, I can’t stand you or be mad because it’s true.”
“Don’t worry, even when you can’t see it; I’m still gonna be there to hit it from the back.” He licked his lips.
“Of course you would say that.”
I left Denim to cook dinner for my parents and went to prepare for my shower. While grabbing clothes out of the closet, I called Yolani’s phone, and it went to voicemail. Sitting my phone on the counter, I continued to search for something to wear that my mother wouldn’t criticize. Settling on a pair of jeans and black blouse, I grabbed my phone and went into the adjourning bathroom. What was she doing? How was she doing? These were questions that were running crazy through my mind. I just wanted to know if she was alright so I could calm down with thinking about her. My soul damn near jumped out of my body when my phone buzzed on the countertop. Scooping the phone up, my heart jumped when Yolani’s name popped across the screen.
“Yolani? How are you?”
“Nah, this isn’t her. This Big Ben.”
Big Ben? Pit Pat failed to mention that he got out of jail. I knew Big Ben and Yolani were really close. Even when we were best friends, she never crossed our friendships. She and Big Ben’s friendship was theirs and ours was just that; ours. Our friendship developed more once he was locked up. I guess she needed someone to lean on since he was gone.
“Hi, can I speak to Yolani?”
“She’s… uh, tied up right now.”
“Ben, I don’t know if you know me, but I’m Yolani’s wife. I know everything about her addiction, I just wanted to talk to her or come by to see her.”
“Yeah, I heard about you. Heard it was fake or some shit. She’s in her therapy session right now. Come through tomorrow. Pit Pat comes back from vacation and she’ll be here.”
“Yeah, but it’s kind of a hard habit to kill. I’ve been called her wife for so long, it feels weird not saying it. Okay.”
“No problem.”
“Thanks again.” We ended the call and I smiled because I would be able to see her tomorrow. I just wanted to lay eyes on her and see if everything was fine with her. From what Pit Pat told me, Yolani had the best care provided to her at the house. She wasn’t allowed to leave and everything was brought to her. Placing my p
hone down, I quickly showered so I could have dinner with my parents.
My parents arrived an hour late and dinner was already plated and on the table. I had drank my one allowed glass of wine and was pissed I couldn’t have another glass. My parents were so confused at why they were at Denim’s apartment and I was there. We sat at the table and stared at each other before Denim decided to clear his throat and speak.
“Stacy and Dre, you know I love and appreciate y’all. Since I’ve been younger, I could always count on y’all being there for me and my brothers.”
“Your mother raised you boys good. I’ve never had a problem with you boys being disrespectful like some of the other boys on the block,” my mother was the first to speak.
“And we appreciate always having a warm meal when our mother was working late, or you letting us stay at your house until she got off work.”
“Of course, Denim. You’re one of the good ones. Now, why are we here and why is Hazel here?”
“We went and eloped and she’s pregnant with my baby,” Denim announced. The wine glass filled with water was the first thing I took a sip of and tossed it back like the contents were wine.
My mother’s eyes widened and she stared right at me. “Oh my goodness!” she squealed with a huge smile on her face. “You didn’t tell me that you were pregnant by Denim and planning on getting married.”
“You didn’t ask.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? We could have planned a big, extravagant wedding and invited friends and family. The women at my job have been asking when you were going to get married and give me some grandchildren.”
“I’ve been married. I guess you didn’t fill them in on that part.”
“Babe, chill,” Denim bent over and whispered in my ear. “This is supposed to be a good dinner. She’s trying.”
My mother was trying because these were things that she wanted. She wanted me to marry a man and get pregnant to give her grandchildren. She didn’t care what I wanted or if it made me happy or not. As much as I wanted to please her and finally have her proud of me, I was also upset that she could be so happy for something that I didn’t want for myself.