Stars On Fire

by E. L. Todd

  Of all the things he’d ever said, I found that most attractive. I didn’t consider myself to be a feminist, but I did consider myself to be an equalist. There should be no professional divisions between men and women. Women could be mechanics, electricians, and engineers. It shouldn’t be viewed as uncommon. “How many female astronauts are there?”

  “A few. There’s twenty of us right now. Two are women.”

  “That’s pretty low…”

  He shrugged. “Being a woman is different. When they’re launched into space, that interrupts the time in their lives when they would need to be pregnant and bear their children. On top of that, if they do have children, they’re far away…and no mother likes that. Women are expected to take on two roles nowadays. They need to be present mothers, but they also need to bring home the bacon because it’s essential to have a two-income household to survive. It’s rough.”

  My god, this man was sexy. “That’s observant of you.”

  He shrugged. “Like I said, that’s what I do.”

  It was a shame that he would never be a husband, never be a father. He seemed like he would be amazing at both positions. “Then where do you find lady friends?”

  He shrugged. “The bar…the gym.”

  “When do you go to the gym?”

  “The morning.”

  “It must be easy for you to get laid.”

  He had the humility to shrug off my assumption.

  I smiled. “You’re the perfect man.”

  “What?” he asked incredulously.

  “You’re honest, humble, respectful, and super sexy. I think that all adds up to making you perfect.”

  “Well…” He shrugged and looked into his coffee.

  “So, you never want to settle down because of work? You can’t be an astronaut forever, right?”

  He drank from his coffee again then looked up to meet my gaze. “I still have a long career ahead of me.”

  “But is there a cutoff age? When you’re up there, I’m assuming there’s no doctor or health care system. If you get sick…you’re screwed.”

  “That’s correct. We have antibiotics and other medicines just in case. But if something terrible really does happen, like a heart attack or diabetic coma, there’s nothing anyone can do for you. That’s why all astronauts have to take rigorous health exams. You need to be in perfect health to stay in the program. No high blood pressure, no vision problems, nothing.”

  “Wow.”

  “So, you can keep being an astronaut as long as your health permits it.”

  “Is that why you’re in such great shape?”

  He shrugged. “It gets me laid too.”

  I chuckled. “You’d probably get laid anyway even if you didn’t have zero-percent body fat.”

  He pointed at his face. “True. I do have this.”

  I laughed at his joke. “So, that means you could be an astronaut until you’re in your sixties.”

  He nodded. “I could. So yes, it’s a lifelong commitment. I won’t have any room in my life for another person, let alone a couple of kids. They would always be second on the list, and that’s not the kind of man I want to be.”

  “So, you would want a wife and kids if this weren’t your life?”

  He considered the question before he answered. “Not necessarily. I just can’t see me being happy with that lifestyle. I don’t like to be in one place very long. If I left the space program, I would probably go back to the air force or something.”

  “Any other person might think that’s sad, but I think it’s smart. Half of marriages end in divorce, but people continue to get married anyway. There’s more to life than settling down with one person. There’s more to life than having kids. But it’s such a dogma in our society, and if you don’t have a family, there’s something wrong with you.”

  Instead of his agreeing with me, a look of pity entered his gaze. “Charlotte.”

  I tensed at the sudden change in tone of his voice. He turned lethally serious, his voice deep.

  “I know you’re trying to make yourself believe that to feel better, to convince yourself you’d rather be alone forever than give love another chance. But I promise you, that’s not how it always is. You will find a man who loves you so much, he would never, ever hurt you. You will have children, just in a way you didn’t imagine. You will be happy. I promise you.”

  I lowered my gaze because I couldn’t meet his look anymore.

  “I know you’re still hurting right now, but it will pass. When you fall in love with the right man, you’ll forget Cameron’s name. Maybe fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, but what about the other fifty? What about Vic and Stacy? You should hear the shit Vic says when she’s not around. That guy is a million times more pussy-whipped than you could possibly imagine.”

  I used to be happy for Stacy, but right after I got divorced, I envied her. She had the perfect marriage and the perfect guy. Why couldn’t Cameron have been the perfect guy? I forced myself not to be jealous, to be happy for my best friend.

  Neil kept staring at me. “You’re too beautiful, too smart, and too awesome to give up. Alright?”

  “You’re sweet…”

  “I’m serious.”

  “I…I don’t know. I guess right now, I’m incapable of feeling anything other than lust. I’m so numb.”

  “It’ll pass.”

  “Have you ever had your heart broken?”

  He held my gaze as he thought about his answer. “Truth be told, I’ve never been in a serious relationship.”

  “Ever? Not even when you were younger?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve never been close to a woman. My flings last a couple weeks before they die out. I lose interest and stop calling. Honestly, you’re the closest I’ve ever been to a woman.”

  “But we haven’t known each other long.”

  “Yeah, but I’ve never sat around and had deep conversations with any of my girls. It’s some playful banter back and forth and then sex. We don’t sit at the dining table and talk over a cup of coffee.”

  “So that means I’m special?” I teased.

  He nodded. “You are…”

  I held his gaze and felt the tension rise in my chest. Ever since I met Neil, there had been this undeniable connection between us. I could feel it the first time we drove to the 7-Eleven and got Slurpees. I could feel it now as I stared into his pretty eyes. “Then it’s a good thing this is only going to last a couple of weeks. Because I think we’re going to be friends for a really long time.”

  “Yeah…I think so too.”

  11

  NEIL

  I FELL into the chair across from Stacy at the restaurant. There were already three bottles of Stella on the table. She was in her pencil skirt and blouse since she just got off work, and her thumbs tapped hard against the screen of her phone as she typed a message and sent it off.

  “Where’s that asshole?”

  “My husband?”

  “Yes. You knew who I was talking about.”

  She chuckled and tossed her phone aside. “He’s running late. Had a long day at the office.”

  “He loves to sue people, doesn’t he?”

  She shrugged. “I’m not really sure what he loves about it. He says he’s stressed all the time, but then he puts in these long hours.”

  “Just because he’s stressed, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love it. I’m stressed all the time—but I wouldn’t change anything.”

  “You don’t seem stressed.”

  “I’m pretty good at staying calm.”

  “Your brother is like that too. Must be a genetic thing.”

  I shrugged. “Or maybe he learned it from his older brother.”

  “Oh, don’t flatter yourself.” She took a drink of her beer when her phone lit up with a text message.

  It was from Charlotte. I didn’t mean to look, but my eyes picked up on the name.

  Stacy typed a message back and set her phone down.

  “I
s Charlotte coming?” It’d been a few days since she was at my place. I got busy with work and didn’t have a chance to call her. I’d been sleeping alone every night, lonely without that fine piece of ass beside me.

  “No. She and Kyle are going to the movies.”

  The few times I’d been around Kyle, I’d always gotten this cold vibe. He didn’t like me, which was ironic, because I didn’t like him either. An unspoken hostility erupted between us the second our eyes locked at Stacy’s birthday. “Kyle has a thing for her, doesn’t he?”

  She looked up at me, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Why do you ask that?”

  “Because I have eyes.”

  “Neil, are you jealous?” A slow grin stretched across her face like she found this extremely amusing.

  “No.” Charlotte and I were just friends who had amazing sex. Nothing more to it. “I just think he needs to back off because it’s obvious Charlotte only sees him as a friend.” If that weren’t the case, she would be sleeping with him instead of me.

  “I don’t know… Kyle is pretty hot.”

  My eyes narrowed. “You think Vic would be okay hearing that?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, Vic checks out other women like every other guy on the planet.”

  “No, he doesn’t.”

  “Don’t cover for him, Neil. I don’t care if he looks at other women. It’s normal.”

  “I’m not kidding, Stacy. He doesn’t.”

  She sighed then took a drink.

  Now I couldn’t stop thinking about Kyle, imagining him obsessing over Charlotte. He would have to be gay not to be attracted to her. “Is Kyle seeing anyone?”

  “Not that I know of. But if he is, it’s nothing serious.”

  “Why would you assume that?” Maybe he was a playboy who moved from woman to woman, so he really didn’t want anything from Charlotte. If he actually valued his friendship with her, he wouldn’t screw it up.

  She watched me for several seconds, a knowing look coming into her gaze. “Why are you so interested in Kyle?”

  “Just curious. Charlotte is a good friend of mine, and he’s a good friend of hers.”

  “You two are still hitting it off?”

  I didn’t share details about any of my lovers to protect their privacy, and the same rules applied to Charlotte. “I really enjoy her company.”

  “Well, she really enjoys yours too,” she said with a laugh. “But she told me you’re calling it quits in a few weeks.”

  “Yeah.” I knew she wouldn’t tell my family I was leaving again. That was my secret to share when I was ready.

  “You really think you can stop in a couple of weeks? She’s one hot mama.”

  The corner of my mouth rose in a smile. “I know she is. But Charlotte and I care about each other and we’ve become really close friends, so we think we should end it so things don’t get weird in the long run.”

  “That’s really mature.”

  It was Charlotte’s idea. But now that I’d spent an extended amount of time with her, I understood her reasoning. I never wanted to lose the closeness we had. I wanted her to be in my life always, as a friend I was extremely fond of. If we slept together for a while until things got ugly, we would never be in the same room together again. I would grow distant from my own family, or she would grow distant from her best friend. “She’s a special woman.”

  “She is. It’s no wonder Kyle has been so patient.”

  I raised an eyebrow because I had no idea what that meant. “Patient?”

  “When you two hooked up, he was really annoyed. But now that he knows it’s nothing serious, he’s able to turn the other cheek.”

  “Why would he need to turn the other cheek at all?”

  She took a drink of her beer again. “I don’t see the point in keeping it a secret. Charlotte has become oblivious to her charms ever since Cameron broke her heart. Now she can’t see what’s right in front of her—and that includes Kyle.”

  My heart started to pound.

  “He’s had feelings for her since she was married. Once she was divorced, he made a move, but since she was so devastated, it didn’t work the way he wanted. Now he’s giving her time to get over her divorce, to return to being in a good place, and then he’s gonna go for it. He’s frustrated because he already knows what he wants, but he can’t rush her into being in the same position. It has to happen at the right time…who knows how long that will take.”

  Charlotte wasn’t mine and she never would be mine, but knowing there was a handsome guy waiting for his chance to be with her made me realize I had something really special. I felt a flash of emotions, from annoyance to jealousy. I even felt possessive…when I had no reason to be. My life was meant to be spent among the stars, far away from Earth, which meant she would end up with someone else.

  If Kyle was that patient, then he must really care about her.

  And that was exactly what I wanted for her.

  Even though it made me feel like shit.

  I SAT with Hyde at the bar, both of us drinking beer because liquor was too irresponsible right now. We had plenty of time to sober up before the following morning, but even a slight trace of alcohol could impair our faculties. We never knew what was going to happen at the Space Center. Disaster seemed to strike at the most unsuspecting times.

  “So...” Hyde grinned like an idiot as he watched me.

  “So...?”

  “Come on. You know.”

  “I really don’t.”

  “You think we’re just gonna hang out and not mention the woman you brought to dinner?”

  “She’s a friend.”

  “Yeah…sure.” He chuckled then took a drink. “You’re friends with beautiful women like that often?”

  “I’m not enemies with them.”

  “You’re really gonna hold out on me? I haven’t been single in so long. I need to live vicariously through you.”

  “Do you want to be single?” I countered.

  He shrugged. “Not really. But I tell you all the kinky shit Jane and I do. Your turn.”

  “But I don’t ask about all the kinky stuff you do. You just tell me.”

  “Because I’m proud of my sex life. You aren’t proud of yours?”

  I looked at the TV and took a drink.

  “Come on. I’ve never, ever seen you take a woman anywhere besides a bar. Jane and I were both shocked when you showed up with her in tow. That’s gotta mean something.”

  “Yes. It means we’re friends.”

  He gave me a cold look. “You expect me to believe that?”

  “She’s not my girlfriend, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Is she gonna be?”

  “No. Like I said, we’re friends.”

  “Who’s friends with a chick that hot?”

  “Just because she’s beautiful doesn’t mean she’s not pleasant company. She’s smart, funny, and great to drink with.” Charlotte really was just a friend…a friend I was insanely attracted to. She was the only girlfriend I had…unless Stacy counted.

  Hyde rolled his eyes. “Jane thinks you should marry her.”

  “Jane just wants me to get married.”

  “No. She wants you to marry someone she can be friends with. Charlotte got her stamp of approval.”

  Charlotte got everyone’s stamp of approval.

  “This woman really means nothing to you?”

  “I never said that. She’s a good friend of mine.”

  “Well, I couldn’t be friends with Jane, especially if she wore cutoff jeans and halter tops like that.”

  Just picturing Charlotte made me hard, so I focused on the TV.

  My phone lit up on the bar top with a message from Charlotte.

  “Speaking of the devil…” Hyde grinned.

  “Do you mind?” I picked up my phone so he couldn’t see the message.

  “Come on. We’ve seen each other naked, drunk each other’s urine, and saved each other’s lives how many times? Yeah, I can
look at your phone.” He drank his beer and focused his gaze on the TV.

  I turned it over and read the message. Torpedo misses you. It was a picture of her dog chewing my old wallet. I chuckled as I looked at the sweet dog who’d ripped the leather to shreds. Even when he misbehaved, it was impossible to be angry. How could anyone be mad at a dog?

  I miss you him too. But miss you more.

  Did you ever get a new wallet?

  Not yet.

  So, you’re walking around with all your stuff just sitting in your pocket?

  Yep. Been busy.

  Geez, let me buy you a new wallet. What are you doing now?

  Drinking with Hyde.

  Oh, tell him I said hi. Text me whenever you’re done.

  Alright, I will.

  I put my phone down.

  Hyde had a knowing look in his eyes. “Why don’t you just admit that you like her?”

  “I do like her.”

  “Okay…then why don’t you do something about it?”

  “I like lots of girls, Hyde.”

  “Yeah…but I can tell this one is different.”

  Maybe because I respected her. Maybe because I actually liked her brains more than her beauty. “This one is different because I still want her in my life even when it’s over…so she is special.”

  WE BROWSED the wallets in the men’s department at Target.

  “What about this one?” She picked up one that was light brown with dramatic stitching.

  “I’m a simple kind of guy.” I grabbed a plain black one.

  “But that’s boring. You need to make a statement.”

  Being an astronaut was statement enough.

  She picked up another, one that was a mixture of both brown and black. “This is kinda cool. It’ll always match whatever you’re wearing.”

  “I’m not the kind of guy that cares about matching.”