The Year of Falling in Love

by Jessica Sorensen

  I smile innocently at her. "That doesn't sound like something I'd say."

  "You were pretty out of it." She slows the car down for a stop sign. "But still, I don't know. I could kinda see you saying something like that when you're completely coherent."

  My brow teases upward. "Are you making assumptions about my character?"

  She fiddles with the heater, twisting the knob. "From everything I've seen, you seem like the kind of guy who likes to joke around a lot."

  "Not all the time," I argue, feigning hurt. "Sometimes, I can be serious."

  "I haven't seen you act serious, so I'll have to take your word for it." She casts a sidelong glance at Isa, who's still staring out the window, then returns her gaze to the rearview mirror. "So, what's your idea? Something distracting, I hope."

  "It's very distracting." I lean forward and rotate the knob of the stereo. "Nope, nope, and nope," I say as I flip through the stations, searching for the perfect song.

  After I find one, I settle back in the seat as a song by Icona Pop comes on. As the rhythm thumps, I start to dance, swaying in the seat and bobbing my head. Indigo joins in, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel. We've done this before, the night she picked Isa and me up from a party. It took Isa a moment to get into it, but she eventually started rocking out with us. Today, though, she doesn't budge. Her hands are in her lap, her gaze focused on that window, her body stiff as a board.

  All right, drastic times call for drastic measures.

  Unfastening my seatbelt, I scoot forward and swing a leg over the console.

  "What the hell, Kai!" Indigo snaps, her fingers clasping the wheel. "You're going to make me wreck."

  "Not if you keep your eyes on the road," I say, clumsily diving into the seat beside Isa.

  As my hip bumps into hers, her head whips in my directions, her eyes huge.

  "What're you doing?" she sputters through a gasp.

  "Apparently, causing everyone to panic." I slip a hand between myself and the console to unbuckle the seatbelt. "I can't believe how you two are acting. It's like you've never seen a guy try to be attentive."

  "Attentive?" Indigo flashes me an accusing smirk. "That's an odd word choice."

  I'm not positive what she's accusing me of, but I smooth over the subject.

  "Well, I'm a strange guy." I toss a smile her way while weaving an arm around Isa's back. "Strange guys use odd words."

  "Is that all it is?" she questions. "Because it seems like you're trying to impress a certain someone."

  "I never have to try to impress," I quip as I grab Isa's hips and lift her onto my lap. "It just comes naturally."

  Isa starts to scoot forward, as if about to climb onto the floor.

  "No way. You're not going anywhere." I hurry and loop my arms around her waist, dragging her backward until she's settled between my legs with her back pressed against my chest. Then I reach back, draw the seatbelt over us, and fasten us into the seat. "You promised me you'd rest your head in my lap, remember?"

  "Yeah, my head," she stresses. "This is way more than my head."

  "Oh, I know that." I gently squeeze her hip, causing her muscles to constrict. "But isn't this so much better?" I pull her closer and put my chin on her shoulder. God, she smells so good, like cookies. "It's so cozy and relaxing."

  She doesn't respond right away. I think maybe she's thinking of a comeback, but then her body begins to tremble. I realize she's crying at the same time Indigo does.

  "Isa." Indigo reaches over and rubs Isa's shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

  Shaking her head, Isa rotates her body around and buries her face against my chest. Her hands find the bottom of my shirt, and she clutches fistfuls of the fabric as her shoulders shake.

  "I'm trying to be strong," she croaks. "But I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't stop thinking about her and my life and how everything's connected. How, if she's bad, that means I could be, right?"

  I smooth my hand over the back of my head, trying to think of something to say, but my mind is blank. Indigo looks at me, silently pleading for me to do something. I feel as helpless as her.

  Not knowing what else to do, I just start talking.

  "Do you remember that day in seventh grade when we walked home, but I didn't speak to you the entire time?" I ask, rocking Isa back and forth. "It was raining, and I was in a really bad mood because Kyler's friends locked me in a locker as a prank. You probably thought I was being a jerk because I wouldn't tell you what was bugging me. At least, that's what I figured until we were almost to my house."

  "I remember that day. You seemed really sad," Isa whispers. "I hated when you looked sad. You always seemed too pretty to look so sad."

  Indigo covers her mouth with her hand, and her shoulders heave as she tries to laugh silently.

  Me, I chuckle. "Pretty, huh? I'm not sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment."

  "It's a compliment," she assures me, her voice barely audible.

  "I'll have to take your word for it." I draw hearts on her back with my fingertip. "But, that wasn't really my point. My point is what you said right before I went into my house."

  She ducks out of my arms and sits up straight to look me in the eye. "I don't remember saying anything to you."

  Probably because her words didn't mean as much to her as they did to me. That day sucked balls big time. Kyler's friends treated me like shit, my dad screamed at me that morning because I spilled juice on the floor, and I got lunch detention for being late to class, only because I was locked in the locker.

  "You said that, no matter what happened to me, tomorrow was another day, that no two days are the same." I wipe a few stray tears from her cheeks with my thumb. "Then you said probably one of the most adorable things I've ever heard you say. You said not all days can be crappy; otherwise, happiness wouldn't exist. And it had to exist; otherwise, fairytales, dreams, and comedies couldn't."

  "Comedies?" Indigo looks at me, puzzled. "That seems random."

  "No, it isn't," Isa argues, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Comedies are funny and make people laugh, so they're connected to happiness just as much as fairytales and dreams."

  "I don't really connect fairytales or dreams to happiness," Indigo says, setting her hand on the shifter. "My preference is sex and chocolate. One day, you'll see what I'm talking about."

  Isa's cheeks redden as her gaze glides to me.

  "It's beside the point." Normally, I'd be all over teasing her, but considering she was just sobbing into my shirt, I let her off the hook. "The point is what you said. That not all days are bad. And I know it's crazy to think about right now, because this whole thing with your mom is still really raw, but eventually, that pain will fade."

  "But it might not go away completely," Isa whispers, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.

  "No, it might not," I answer truthfully. "But it'll get easier."

  She studies me for so long I feel myself getting uneasy. "You're kind of wise when you want to be," she finally says.

  I shrug. "I was just repeating your words."

  "You did more than that." She looks like she might say something else, but instead, she faces forward and settles against me.

  She doesn't say much more during the car ride but she's not nearly as distant. I start tracing my fingers up and down her arm, trying to soothe her as much as possible. Then I notice red marks on her wrist.

  "How'd you get these?" I ask, rolling up the sleeve of the jacket to get a better look.

  She frowns at the marks. "They're probably from when Lynn grabbed me yesterday."

  A ripple of anger waves through my body. "She did this to you?"

  "Yeah, we were arguing, and she grabbed me. I'm not sure if she meant to do it or not." Isa shrugs. "It doesn't really matter, though, does it? I mean, I'm not living with her anymore, so she can't do it again."

  "Don't do that," I say, fighting to stay calm. "Don't brush it off as nothing. Don't lower your self
-worth."

  "I'm not lowering my self-worth," she whispers, her big eyes all wide, revealing the pain she's feeling inside. "I just ... I don't want to make a big deal of it. There's already too much going on."

  I clench my hands into fists. "If she does it again, we're not blowing it off."

  "That's fine, but she won't do it again, because I won't be around her anymore." She lowers her voice. "And I should probably be saying the same thing to you."

  Maybe she's right. My dad has never full-on beaten me or anything, but he has crossed a line a couple of times and left some marks and bruises. I never really talked about it with anyone, mostly because his anger seemed justified a lot of the time. I'm a screw up. I get that. I've never been like Kyler and just did whatever our dad said. I always have to question everything he wants from us. I mess up. I defend myself. I'm the disappointment, while Kyler is his perfect son.

  "Does Grandma Stephy know about the marks?" Indigo asks Isa.

  "I told her she grabbed me," she tells Indigo. "It's part of the reason Lynn and my dad didn't fight her more over letting me move out."

  Indigo briefly grows quiet. "I really hate that woman," she finally says. "I'm just glad you don't have to be around her anymore."

  "Me, too," Isa mumbles, resting back against me.

  We make the rest of the drive in silence. After Indigo parks in front of Big Doug's house, I unfasten the seatbelt, and Isa climbs out of the car so I can get out.

  She observes the simple, ranch-style house from over the roof of the car. "So, this is what a hacker's house looks like, huh? I pictured something more ... I don't know, big and flashy."

  "I never said he was a hacker," I remind her, stretching my arms above my head.

  My shirt inches up with my raised arms, and I notice she steals a glance at my stomach before her gaze collides with mine.

  She rubs her bloodshot eyes and blinks a few times, as if adjusting them to the sunlight. "You never said he wasn't, though."

  Suppressing a smile, I nudge her toward the car. "Get your cute ass back inside the car. I'll be back in a minute."

  She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. "Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you?"

  For a split second, all of my attention centers on her mouth. But then I remember how she told me Kyler kissed her. Fucking kissed her. Fuck. I know I have no right to be upset, but I am. I hate that he kissed her first. I hate that he kissed her ever.

  "Kai." Isa waves her hand in front of my face. "Are you okay? Is your head hurting? Are you getting a dizzy spell?"

  "I'm fine." I shove the thought of her and Kyler kissing out of my head, set my hands on her shoulders, and gently push her toward the car. "And there's no way I'm letting you go in with me. Your grandma would kick my ass."

  "You're seriously scared of my grandma?"

  "Heck, yeah, I am. The woman has hawk eyes."

  Isa giggles, but the sound deflates into a sigh. "Well, she doesn't have to know. It could be our little secret." She winks at me like we're making a silent agreement.

  "Look at you, trying to be all cute and sneaky," I say then push her toward the car again. "But the answer is no. I'm not taking you in there. And not just because I'm terrified of your grandma. It's too dangerous."

  "But you let me talk to Big Doug at the party."

  "But that was in the pool house at Bradon's. Here ... Well, he does more business here."

  I can tell questions are biting at the tip of her tongue, but she holds them back and gets into the car. I wait until she has the door closed before I head up the driveway. Following Big Doug's rules, I round the side of the house to stay out of sight from his neighbors. When I knock on the door, it creaks open on its own, and I immediately sense something's wrong. Big Doug never keeps his door unlocked, let alone open. If he did, the alarm would be going off.

  I think about what the guy said to me in the parking lot before he knocked me out: tell Big Doug his three strikes are up.

  I push the door open and step inside. The house is quiet, the lights are off, and the curtains are pulled shut. So much dust floats in the air that I start to cough. Covering my hand over my mouth, I leave the foyer and make for the stairway that leads to the basement.

  As I pass by the living room, I notice all the furniture has been tipped over, and the bookshelves look like a chainsaw was taken to them. With how much dust is floating in the air, I wonder when it happened. Probably not that long ago.

  Shit, what if whoever did it is still here?

  I grind to a halt in the doorway of the kitchen when I notice the alarm has been disarmed. I have never seen it off before. He always turns it off to answer the door then immediately resets it. I contemplate what to do. Pussy out and run back to the car? Then what? Call the police? If Big Doug is here, he could easily get arrested if the police showed up. I've heard him mention a couple of times about being off the grid. Honestly, I'm not even sure what his real name is.

  I decide to man up and hurry for the stairs. I keep my footsteps light, trying to be as quiet as I can. When I reach the basement, I know right away that some heavy shit is going down. The room that was once filled with computers, printers, and filing cabinets is completely empty. Only a couple of filing cabinets and the desk remain, and they have been emptied out. If I hadn't hung out here with Big Doug a ton of times, I'd guess the house had been abandoned for a while.

  I approach the desk and peer inside the open drawers. Empty. I glance in the filing cabinet. Again, nothing.

  "Fucking, shit, fuck." I sink down into the computer chair, roughly yanking my fingers through my hair. How the hell am I supposed to go out there and tell Isa that whatever was on those papers might be gone? I know the promise of it is the only thing that's keeping her from crumbling apart completely.

  "God, this is such a mess." I slump back in the chair and let my head fall back.

  Something on the ceiling catches my eyes. One of the ceiling tiles has a silver, star-shaped sticker on it--Big Doug's mark, as he put it. He told me once that he hid stuff all over the house in case of an emergency. I didn't really know what he meant at the time or what he would even hide, but still, I have to look.

  I lift myself from the chair and drag it over to the corner of the room. I climb on top of it, reach up, and push the tile all the way to the side. Then I stick my hand up in the hole and feel around until my fingers brush against something plastic. Jackpot.

  I jump off the chair then open a storage-sized bag with a smiley face sticker on it. Inside, is my phone, a flash drive, and a note, all of which have stickers on them. I fish the note out first.

  Kai,

  Sorry I got you into this mess and sorry for bailing out without explaining, but I need to lay low for a while. I wiped your phone clean in case it was bugged. And I'm sure you were hoping I'd find more about Isa's mom. I found some pretty interesting stuff. This flash drive explains it all. I'll get ahold of you when I can. Until then, peace out, man.

  -Big Doug

  I don't know who's after him, but if Big Doug ran, it's gotta be bad.

  I glance around the room as I tuck the flash drive and note into my boot. Then I head up the stairs, swiping my finger across the screen of my phone to check my messages. Not surprisingly, there aren't any calls from my parents. I do have one voicemail, so I type in my passcode to listen to it.

  It's a message Isa left yesterday, asking for a ride. It was during the time she was with Kyler, and she sounds upset. It was probably when he took her to the football field. I still can't believe he did that to her--took her around his and Hannah's friends. He knows how bitchy those girls can be, but he was probably trying to impress her with his football skills, which is just fucking stupid. If he knew Isa, he'd know she doesn't like football, never really has.

  That doesn't matter right now. What matters is getting to a computer and opening up whatever is on this flash drive. I just cross my fingers it'll be some kind of good news, maybe even a silver lining. Is
a could really use one of those right now, and I'll do anything to make sure she gets it.

  Chapter 15

  Isabella

  "Would you quit biting your nails?" Indigo pleads as she flips down the visor in front of her. "You're going to get ugly, uneven nails if you keep it up."

  "I can't help it." I tuck my hands under my legs so I'll stop. "I'm nervous. Kai's been in there for a while. What if something happened? What if Big Doug won't give him another copy of the papers? Or what if he did, and whatever was on there was bad, and Kai just doesn't want to come out and break the news to me?"

  She rummages around in her purse for a tube of lipstick. "Stop worrying about the what ifs and just wait to see what happens." She applies a layer of lipstick to her lips and pops her lips together. "It doesn't do any good to worry about stuff that may not happen."

  "Yeah, I know." I slump back in the seat, slip my sneakers off, and pull my legs to my chest. I think about what Kai said to me, how tomorrow will be another day, and focus on that. It's the only thing I can do other than start crying again, and my eyes really want to. "Can I ask you a question?"

  She drops the lipstick back into her purse. "You know you can ask me anything."

  "Yeah, but this is a weird question about life and stuff."

  "Isa, almost every question you ask is weird, like that time you asked me if I ever wondered if maybe gnomes come alive at night and dance around the yard."

  "Hey, I still wonder about that." I rest my chin on my knees. "You never know ... about anything."

  "Exactly. So stop worrying about what Kai's doing. I'm sure he'll be coming out soon ..." Her head turns toward the house. "Look, there he is."

  I sit up and watch Kai head down the driveway. The sight of him causes my nerves to bubble. I try to get a read on how he's feeling, but his expression is stoic as he rounds the front of the car and opens the passenger door.

  "Hop out so I can climb in," he says, glimpsing around at the houses lining the street.

  "You really want to sit that way again?" I ask, lowering my feet to the floor.