"I know," she whispered.
"But I drove you away, and I regret that."
"You don't have anything to apologize for, believe me."
"Well, it won't happen again. A few days ago I told you I wanted to race, to follow in Jeremy's wake, to experience what he did, but the truth is I don't want any of that. I never did. I never wanted to be him, I just wanted him to be here."
She was confused. "Then why did you say you were going to race?"
"Maybe I was looking for another way to get to you. It kind of worked," he said and gave her a crooked grin. "It got you talking to me again."
"Your mother did that."
"I'll have to give her a big present on Mother's Day. So, do you want to go for a sail?"
She stiffened. "Uh, no, not in this weather."
"Relax. I was talking about this boat." He tipped his head toward the boat next to her. "It's as ready as you are for a dry-dock test run." He pushed the box steps over to the boat. "Want a closer look?"
"All right."
Sean climbed into the boat and held out his hand to her. After a moment's hesitation, she climbed aboard.
Sean sat down on the bench seat and patted the spot next to him. "Sit here with me."
She did as he asked, feeling an odd sense of comfort as she sat down, as if she'd come home.
"Remember when we had a picnic in Mr. Garcia's motorboat?" he asked her.
She smiled at the memory. "Your father was furious at us for getting jam on the seats. I don't think we were more than twelve."
"The good old days."
"The good old days," she echoed.
"What do you think of this boat?" Sean asked.
"It's beautiful."
"It's my design. I sent it to my father a couple years ago. He finally found a customer who wanted it."
She looked at him in surprise. "You did this? That's incredible."
"A little better than all those bad drawings I used to show you, huh?"
Ashley nodded, remembering how Sean had always been busy scribbling on pieces of paper. "As I recall, most of those boats looked like supersonic jets. You had a fascination with speed.”
"I'm learning to slow down," he said, putting an arm around her shoulders.
"I don't think that's slowing down," she replied, not quite sure she was ready for what was coming, but she wanted it all the same.
The kiss started out slow but took off fast as Sean groaned and swept the inside of her mouth with his tongue, taking all she had to give, and asking for more.
A door slammed shut, breaking them apart. "What was that?" she asked breathlessly.
"Just the wind," Sean said. "No one else is here. They've gone home for the night."
"I hate the wind. It makes me crazy. I feel so out of control."
"I like you out of control." He swooped down and stole another kiss.
She put a hand against his chest. "Maybe we should stop."
"Is that what you really want?"
She stared into his beautiful gold-flecked brown eyes and knew it was the last thing she wanted. But was she ready for Sean? She could feel the energy, the tension he barely had under control. This wouldn't be a gentle love affair; it would be wild and turbulent and unpredictable, exactly the way she didn't like things.
"1 can't," she said slowly. "It's too much, too soon."
"Then I'll wait. I'm used to it," he said, an annoyed edge to his voice. He pushed her away and stood up. "Let's get out of here."
"And go where?"
"Wherever there are people, crowds, noise, action. Someplace where I won't be thinking every second about making love to you."
She followed him off the boat, not particularly liking his mood or trusting it. "Maybe we should just take a break from each other," she said as they reached the hallway.
"No. No more breaks. We've had too many already. Let's go to my house. We'll be fine with my parents as chaperones."
Ashley liked that idea even less. "I'm not sure I'm ready for a family dinner."
He put his hands on his hips. "What the hell are you ready for, then?"
She glared at him. "Sean, you are being a jerk. You've been back in town less than a week. Don't rush me."
"Maybe I'm afraid you'll change your mind, that this is some bout of temporary insanity, and you'll suddenly wake up and shut me out the way you have the last eight years. Perhaps that's why I'm rushing you a little."
She saw the insecurity in his eyes and could understand where it came from. "You have a right to feel that way, but we can't go from nothing to everything in five minutes. That won't work, either. We need to get to know each other again. Why don't we go down to the marina and get a soda? Then you can meet your parents for dinner, and we'll set up something for tomorrow."
He seemed to relax at the promise of tomorrow. "Okay, I guess I can do that." He grabbed his jacket off a hook and opened the front door. A blast of wind hit them right in the face.
"Oh, my God," Ashley murmured, her already tense body stiffening. "The sky is black." Her heart sped up. A shiver ran down her spine, and her breath came faster as thunder rocked the night, taking her right back to the very place she didn't want to go. She shook her head, trying to get the memories out of her head, but all she could see were the clouds, swirling, swooping, then the waves doing the same, all mixing together, bearing down on her. "I can't do this," she murmured. "Close the door."
Sean shut the door. "It's just a storm, Ashley. It won't hurt you. We'll be fine."
His voice sounded just like Jeremy's voice. She closed her eyes and saw Jeremy in her mind, his brave face lined with worry, but his eyes alight with the magnificence of it all. He hadn't been scared.
He'd been positive they would come out of the storm all right.
She opened her eyes, seeing Sean, seeing Jeremy, their similar features blurring in her mind, just as the past was blurring with the present.
"That's what Jeremy said, but he was wrong," she murmured.
"What? What are you talking about?” Sean grabbed her by the shoulders, gazing deep into her eyes, into her soul. "Did you talk to Jeremy the night of the storm? Did you hear his voice on the radio?"
The truth pressed against her lips. She couldn't let it come out. She couldn't.
Chapter Twenty-Two
"Answer me," Sean said, giving her a little shake. "If you heard Jeremy's voice on the radio, those might have been the last words he ever spoke. I can't believe you never told me this before."
Ashley winced as his grip tightened on her arms, but she deserved the pain. A flash of light illuminated the room, spotlighting the torment in Sean's eyes. The loud clap of thunder that followed seemed like a sign from the heavens that it was time to come clean, time to tell the truth.
Before she could speak, the door to the building burst open, and Caroline and Kate ran in.
"Thank God, you're both here," Kate said, her eyes lit up with worry and fear.
"What's wrong?" Ashley asked, her uneasiness escalating.
"It's Dad," Kate said shortly. "He took Tyler out on his boat today. They haven't come back yet, and the radio is dead."
"What are you saying?" Ashley asked.
"He's missing, Ashley. He's caught in the storm, and we need to find him." Kate looked at Sean. "I need a boat. I've asked everyone else, Sean, but there are three other boats missing and everyone willing to search is already out on the water. Do you think you could take me out on your dad's boat? If you don't want to do it, will you let me take the boat myself?"
Ashley couldn't believe what her sister was asking of Sean. Nor could she believe what Kate was contemplating. "Kate, you can't be serious."
"I am serious," Kate said, determination in her eyes. "It's not just Dad. Tyler is with him. They're in trouble. I know it. I'm desperate, Sean. I know I shouldn't ask, but I don't have another choice.”
"I'll take you out," Sean said abruptly. He looked over at Ashley. "But when I get back, you and I are going
to have a long talk."
"Meet us at Kate's house," Caroline told her as the three of them walked toward the door. "Bring some of your cookies, Ashley. Make some tea. We'll probably need it when we get back."
That's what she had been reduced to—tea and cookies. She'd once been as good a sailor as both of them. But they didn't trust her now. She'd lost their respect along with everything else. Wasn't it about time she tried to get it back?
The three people she loved most in the world were on their way out the door when she finally found the courage to speak. "Wait, I'm coming with you."
* * *
Kate couldn't believe Ashley would actually get on Sean's boat, but she didn't want to waste time arguing. When Ashley balked, they'd simply leave her behind and deal with that problem when they came back. Right now she had to concentrate on finding her father and Tyler as quickly as possible.
"We won't be able to stop and bring you back," Kate told Ashley as they ran down the dock. "Maybe you should just wait here."
"She's right, Ash. You don't have anything to prove," Caroline said.
"I'm part of the family. I have to go. One for all, all for one, remember?"
Ashley's words of bravado were accented by sheer terror as she grabbed Kate's arm to steady herself on the dock, which was moving up and down with the water. "Just help me get on the boat. I'll be fine from there."
"It's okay, Ashley," Kate replied. "You don't have to do this. We love you. Dad loves you. He'll understand why you didn't come."
"He won't understand. He never understood. It was my fear that caused our problems before. Dad told me to grow up, to stop crying, or someone would get hurt." Ashley looked at Kate with anguish in her eyes. "I just didn't know it would be Jeremy."
Kate caught her breath at the sharp blast from the past. "Stop it. That was a long time ago and a completely different situation." Besides that, Ashley was wrong, completely wrong. If anyone was to blame, it was herself.
"Let's go," Caroline said impatiently from aboard the boat.
"It's now or never," Kate said, glancing at Ashley's white face.
"Now." Ashley reached out her hand to Caroline, who helped her onboard. Kate untied the rope and jumped onto the boat behind her sisters. They huddled on deck as Sean started the engine of his father's thirty-two-foot cabin cruiser and steered them out of the harbor, right into the heart of the storm.
* * *
The rain was coming down steadily. Tyler wiped his eyes, wishing he could see better, but the clouds had obliterated all light. "We should try the radio again," he said to Duncan, who continued to bail water out of the boat, which was looking to be a hopeless task.
"It's dead," Duncan said, pausing in his task. He straightened and pulled out his flask once again. "Maybe this was meant to be."
"What was meant to be?"
"That it would end like this."
"Hey, nothing is going to end tonight. That's for damn sure."
Duncan smiled with defeat. "You and Jeremy, so much alike—strong, energetic, determined, convinced you can overcome. I used to be like that."
"You still are like that, Duncan. You're going to race on Saturday, remember? You're winning back the Moon Dancer. Come on, man, don't give up on me."
"I won't be able to race. Rick won't let me sail without the girls. And they won't come with me."
"I'll help you change their minds." Tyler knew that he had to get Duncan out of this depression so they could fight the storm.
"It's over. I have to accept it. The girls have finally given up on me. It was only a matter of time. And this is the time."
"It's not the time. It's not the time at all. Kate will never give up on you. And Caroline is crazy about you. I don't know as much about Ashley, but I do know this: you're their father. You mean something to them."
"Ashley is a sweet girl, so quiet, so sensitive. I never know what is going on in her head. She's a mystery, has been from the day she was born." Duncan took another drink. "The only thing I know for sure is that she doesn't like me much. Sometimes I think she hates me."
Tyler stared at Duncan, realizing the old man had just given him a big clue. "Why would Ashley hate you?" He wondered if he'd finally hear the words—because I gave up her baby.
"They all hate me for taking them to sea, making them race, not letting them go home when they wanted to go," Duncan said instead. "They didn't know how much was at stake. I couldn't just quit. I'd bet everything: the life insurance money, the mutual funds set up for the girls, Nora's jewelry, her wedding ring. It would all be gone if we didn't win that race. I'd made side bets they didn't know about, and I'd used some of the money to help ensure our victory. It wasn't really cheating, even though Jeremy wanted to blow the whistle on me. He just didn't understand how things were done."
"Jeremy wanted to turn you in?" Tyler asked, trying to make sense of what he was hearing.
Duncan didn't answer him. His eyes were glazed, his face and clothes soaked from the steady rain pouring down on them. Tyler wondered if he even realized where they were.
"I thought he loved Kate," Duncan said. "But he loved the truth even more. Or maybe he just wanted to prove that he was better than me. I should have kicked him off the Moon Dancer when I had the chance."
"How did Jeremy get on the boat?" Tyler asked, still not sure he was following what Duncan was saying. The old man was rambling in a dozen directions at the same time, and it was hard to keep up.
"Kate snuck him aboard," Duncan said, "at the last minute, as we were leaving for Hawaii. She was clever about it. No one knew. We were underway before I realized he was there. I would have lost time kicking him off."
"So you let him stay. And then there was an argument. You fought with him about something to do with cheating."
"I just shoved him away. He was in my face. I didn't mean for him to fall. I didn't know he hit his head. I never saw that." Duncan's voice filled with anguish. "It was an accident, I swear it. I heard Kate scream, and when I turned around she was in the water. My daughter had jumped into that angry sea. My precious girl. I had to save her." His eyes begged Tyler to understand. "You understand, don't you? A man has to save his child."
"What about Jeremy?"
"He disappeared. He was there, and then he was gone. The storm was huge, far worse than this. No one could survive more than a minute or two. I didn't let him die."
"But they thought you did." Suddenly it was all so clear. "That's it, isn't it? The girls think you killed Jeremy. That's the big secret." Tyler suddenly realized why Kate had been stonewalling him all this time. It had nothing to do with a baby and everything to do with Jeremy's death.
Or maybe Jeremy had had something to do with the baby? Had he come on board to help take care of Kate because she was nearing the end of her pregnancy? Hadn't Duncan said that Kate wanted Jeremy with her? What other reason could there have been? They were in the middle of a race. And they would have been together forever only a few weeks later when it was all over.
"Why would Kate jeopardize everything by taking Jeremy onboard on the second-to-last leg? Wasn't that against the rules?" he asked. "Wouldn't you have been disqualified as soon as you got to the next port?"
Duncan shook his head. "You could have a crew of up to six. It didn't matter who they were." Duncan paused, looking at Tyler. "I didn't kill Jeremy. I just couldn't save him."
"But he was going to blow the whistle on you. That's a good motive for letting him drown." Tyler knew it was stupid to speak so frankly at this moment. Lord knew he wasn't in a position to piss Duncan off, but he couldn't stop the words from coming.
"I couldn't find him. I tried. He must have been unconscious. Otherwise he would have been swimming."
"Why was his name listed on the other boat's manifest?" Tyler asked. "Why didn't anyone know he was with you?"
"The only people that knew were on the Betsy Marie. And I'm not even sure they knew Jeremy was with us. They might have thought he'd bailed at the last port.
When the Betsy Marie went down, everyone but K.C. went down with it."
"And K.C. didn't remember." It all made sense now in a terrible way. Kate's boyfriend had died off their boat, and no one had said a word. The girls had circled the wagons around their father. Loyal to the end, they'd protected him.
"I'm sorry," Duncan said, the alcohol slurring his words. "If we don't make it, I'm sorry. Tell the girls I loved them."
"No good-bye speeches. We're both going to make it. Tell me what to do, Duncan."
Duncan's eyes began to drift shut. His hand let go of the tiller, and the boat went into a spin. The boom came flying across. Tyler tried to get out of the way, but it caught him on his back and sent him sprawling onto the floor of the boat. Dazed, his only real thought was that he was going to drown, and he didn't even like to sail.
* * *
Kate and her sisters stood in the weather-protected cockpit next to Sean, watching as he steered the motorboat through the rough swells. They could see a search plane off to the right, its lights blazing across the water. There were Mayday calls on the radio, but none from her father's boat. She told herself it would be all right. Just because his radio was out didn't mean they were in severe trouble. She had to keep the faith. She couldn't let the fear overtake her, but it was there in every breath she took. This was too much like the last time. Maybe not the size of the storm, but certainly the stakes.
"Where to?" Sean asked briskly.
"Captain's Cove. He loved that spot. He might have tried to get a break from the wind over there," she said.
"No, he'd sail straight into the wind," Caroline countered. "The way he did before. Remember? He wouldn't listen to us. He was convinced that the only way out was straight ahead."
Sean looked from one to the other, then over at Ashley, who was huddled in the small space with them, her face white, her eyes huge, her grip on a nearby rail as tight as she could get it. "You okay, Ash?" he asked her.
Summer Reads Box Set: Volume 1 Page 29