Whiskey & Honey

by Andrea Johnston

  “True enough. We weren’t in love.” He begins to reply before I cut him off, “But, that doesn’t mean I deserved to be treated that way.”

  “What about Sullivan?”

  “What about him? I told you, we’re friends.”

  “I’ll admit, at first I was pissed you were together, but the more I thought about it the more it makes sense. Plus, anyone that’s around you two for more than thirty seconds can feel the sexual tension.”

  I’m not able to reply to his comments because something catches his attention over my shoulder. With a sly grin on his face he sits up straight and places an arm on the back of the booth while he reaches for his coffee. Nodding to whomever is behind me, he takes a sip of his coffee.

  Like a lead brick, my stomach drops.

  I slowly look to my right and up at the person who is now standing next to me. Crap.

  “Dominguez.”

  “Sullivan.”

  “Princess.”

  “Umm, hey, Ben. How’s it going?”

  “Fine. What’s going on here?” The tension in Ben’s jaw has me worried he’s going to break a tooth.

  “Piper and I were just enjoying an early breakfast. She needed the substance after last night,” Tony replies and I shoot him a look to shut his mouth. His insinuation doesn’t go unnoticed by Ben.

  “Last night? I thought you weren’t feeling well.”

  Just as I’m about to explain why I’m here with Tony, his name is called for a to-go order.

  “Wow, that’s a lot of food. Your mom isn’t cooking?” I ask.

  “This is for the guys. They’re meeting me at my house to do some work. I haven’t been spending as much time on the house as I should lately.”

  Excuse me if spending time with me was such an imposition. I’m sure Laurel would never demand so much attention. I don’t say any of that. Instead I smile and grit out a polite response.

  “That’s nice of them. Well, don’t let us keep you,” I say while turning back in my seat so I’m facing Tony. Who, by the way, is smiling like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.

  The dismissal evident in my voice, Ben says nothing and instead retrieves his order and walks out of the diner. I quickly look out the window and see him stop at his truck and look in my direction. Our eyes meet and the look in his breaks my already fragile heart into a million pieces. I’m not even aware I’m crying until Tony pushes a napkin in my hand.

  “Damn, that was awkward. What did the guy do, Piper? I almost feel bad for him.”

  “He did what all the guys I’m with do. He chose someone else. I have to go. Tell your mom I said goodbye.”

  I rush from the diner, leaving Tony sitting in the booth alone. I haven’t even started my car when my phone chimes a text message.

  Ben: If you are trying to make me jealous it didn’t work. Don’t push me away.

  The crocodile tears start and I don’t respond. I need to be somewhere safe and full of love. That place has been with Ben. He fills the voids and hushes the loneliness. Ben challenges me and cares for me in equal amounts. I want nothing more than to talk to him and ask him to choose me. To tell him that I screwed up. I should never have treated what we had as something salacious when it was pure.

  Instead I drive around for a bit before I find myself at the Sullivans’. Before Ben was my safe place, their home was where I feel my best. My haven when life is too hard and I seek something to stop the loneliness. When I pull up I gather myself and hope that Ashton will just be here for me without me having to explain what is happening. I can’t explain it to her if I have no idea.

  As I approach the kitchen door I notice the house is quiet and there are no cars outside. I check the door and confirm it’s locked. I use my own key to unlock it and head inside. Even if there are no actual Sullivans here, the house itself offers me enough comfort. I’m filling a glass with ice tea when I hear footsteps and then a gasp. Startled, I drop the glass, which shatters across the floor.

  “Oh shit! You scared me. Don’t move, I’ll get a broom.”

  Laurel. Of course she’s here. Why wouldn’t she be. I can’t even move because there’s glass everywhere. I’m stuck here in this position while I wait for her to return.

  “Here, let me just sweep this up so you can move. You aren’t cut, are you?”

  I shake my head but don’t speak. She is quick to clean up the mess I made and takes the dust pan of glass shards to the outside trash. While she’s gone I attempt once again to pour myself a glass of iced tea. This time, using an unbreakable glass.

  Laurel walks up to me with a tentative smile and extends her hand. “Hi there. I’m Laurel.”

  Because my mother imbedded manners in my psyche, I shake her hand. “Piper Lawrence.”

  “Oh. Oh!” she responds with some sort of recognition in her voice. Which is strange since we’ve never actually met. My confused look must register because she covers her mouth and begins laughing. “You must think I’m a crazy person. You’re Piper. Ashton’s best friend.” I nod and relax a little. Ashton must have mentioned me. “Ben’s Piper.”

  What in the what?

  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re Ben’s Piper. He told me all about you. Well, not all about you. He’s rather mum about the whole being in love thing, but whatever. Semantics.” Her hands waving like she’s shooing something from around her. “I’m so excited to meet you. Thank goodness nobody is here so we can talk. You two really have made a mess of things, haven’t you?”

  “I’m sorry, what? I need to sit down.”

  “Oh sure, of course. Let’s sit down. That tea looks good. I’m going to get some. Are you hungry? That’s why I was walking in here, to get a snack. I’m starving. I haven’t been eating much but for some reason, being here has retriggered my appetite.”

  I decline a snack and watch as she buzzes around the kitchen. She’s obviously familiar with the setup. This should seem normal; she was with Ben for years and has been here before. Only, this triggers nothing but jealousy.

  Ashton has always referred to Laurel as cold and closed off. This is not the person rambling on and on about crackers, gluten, and regret. I shake my head a little as if that will somehow make this less awkward.

  “So, Piper. You’re probably wondering what I’m doing here. I asked myself that same question this morning. It took me a few minutes to realize I was in Ben’s childhood room. Patty should really redecorate the space.”

  I cough a little when she mentions sleeping in Ben’s room. They stayed here. In his childhood bed. Why wouldn’t they? Could this day get any worse?

  “Oh shit! That sounded really bad. I’m making things worse, aren’t I?” I don’t reply, I just stare at her wide-eyed. Some questions aren’t in need of an answer. “Let me start with telling you that Ben and I are just friends. One hundred percent, we’re just friends. I have some things happening in my life and really needed a friend so I called Ben. He insisted I come stay here for the week and celebrate the holiday with his family. With all of you.”

  I relax a little at her explanation. She must recognize it because she exhales what sounds like relief. “He slept on the couch.” I nod. I have no idea why I can’t speak, but my tongue feels like it has tripled in size. “Anyway, so this house is made for sleeping. I don’t know if it’s the house or the quiet but I slept like a baby. When Ben and I were together I was always on edge, not quite fitting in with his family, so I didn’t appreciate how warm and inviting it is. I also didn’t appreciate how kind his parents and Ashton are. Truly, they are wonderful people.”

  “I agree, they really are. I’m sure things will be different between you and them now. Different than it was before.”

  “Oh, I meant what I said. I am not here to be with Ben. I just needed somewhere to go that wasn’t home. And, well, let’s just say nobody would think to look for me here so it was perfect. Anyway,” she says shooing the invisible flies again to indicate she’s past that subject. “Enough about me.
Can we please talk about what a mess you and Ben are making of things?”

  “Look,” I reply with a warning in my voice. “I’m not sure what you and Ben have been talking about, but there is nothing going on to make a mess of. We’re friends. Co-workers.”

  “Oh, sweetie, that is so beyond crap it’s not even funny.”

  “Why don’t you enlighten me then, Laurel, because I’m pretty sure I know what my relationship status is and I’m not in one.” Now I’m just pissed. Who does she think she is? She doesn’t know me and couldn’t possibly know anything about Ben and me unless he’s been talking to her about us, which he promised he wouldn’t do.

  “Now, now, no need to get snippy. I’m on your side. I’m absolutely team Biper.”

  “Biper?”

  “Yeah like Brangelina and Bennifer. You’re Biper. Sorry, I love pop culture and maybe watch a little too much E! in my downtime.”

  Interesting, I didn’t take Laurel as a pop culture and tabloid aficionado. “Maybe we could skip the nicknames and you could just tell me what you think you know about Ben and me.”

  “Deal. First, I haven’t talked to Ben much in the last few months. We have texted here and there but nothing really. We were together a long time but in the end we were and are just good friends. The romance had died out long ago.”

  She pauses almost like a check-in to make sure I’m following along. When I don’t respond she continues, “Then, like I said, I have some stuff happening in my personal life and I needed a friend. Ben was the only person I knew I could trust and wouldn’t judge me. For some reason I feel like I should tell you everything just so you know I’m serious here. We are just friends.”

  “You don’t have to tell me anything. I’m sorry you have things going on but I’m glad Ben was there for you. Everyone should have someone to lean on.”

  “Thank you. Anyway, I text him yesterday morning and asked if we could meet for lunch.”

  Morning text and lunch. Oh no.

  “It’s funny; I called him because I needed a friend and it turns out he did, too. I was a mess and will forever be grateful he took the time to see me. But, I knew as soon as he sat down something was different.”

  This conversation is making me uncomfortable and I begin shifting in my seat.

  “This morning over a cup of coffee, we had a few minutes to talk. We talked about my stuff but I pried and asked why he was being such a moody jerk. He told me about you.”

  “He had no right to do that.”

  “Didn’t he? He needed to talk to someone. Ben cares about you, Piper. I think more than cares, and if your reaction to all of this is any indication, you care for him, too. I’d go as far as to say you love him.”

  I don’t respond.

  “Look, I’m no relationship expert,” she says with a slight hitch in her voice. “But I know a little something about wasting time and taking love for granted. Ben has respected your wishes and not told Ashton about you. He’s also been patient by letting you decide when and if you tell other people about your relationship. You can’t expect him to sit around and wait forever. It’s time to piss or get off the pot.”

  I cringe at her choice of words.

  “Sorry, too much?” I shrug. “I’m serious though. I won’t go into any details but will confirm that Ben didn’t talk to me about his feelings for you specifically. That’s a conversation you should have with one another.”

  I am relieved to hear Ben didn’t talk to her about his feelings. Something about that would bother me more than I’d like to admit. Not that it’s Laurel, but that he’d tell someone something so private before talking to me.

  “Now, that we have all of that out of the way. The Ashton angle is a bit of a problem, isn’t it? I don’t know her well but I can see the trepidation. She’s a little scary for such a little thing, isn’t she?”

  I laugh with Laurel and have to agree with her. What’s the point in even disputing any of this? “I have to agree with you there, Laurel. I love Ashton like a sister but I am thankful I sit on her good side. That’s part of the problem. As much as Ash loves hard, she can hold a grudge like nobody’s business.”

  “Are you afraid she’s going to be angry and not talk to you anymore?” I nod in agreement. “That’s ridiculous!” I startle as Laurel smacks her hand on the table. “Whoops, sorry. It is ridiculous though. Why would Ashton be angry if you and Ben are together?”

  “She has this motto of hos before bros. I’ve known her my entire life and don’t know what happened, or when, but she has always made that her thing. She’s backed out of important moments in her life to be with me when I needed her. Ashton and the Sullivans have always been my family and I will not do anything to mess that up. If that means I sacrifice whatever feelings I have for Ben, then that’s what I’ll do.”

  “Hmmm. I didn’t take you for a martyr.”

  “I’m not a martyr.”

  “Well, then what do you call it? Selfish?” Laurel squints her eyes at me like she’s trying to figure me out.

  “I’m neither a martyr nor am I selfish. Maybe you’d handle things differently but I’m doing what I think is best for all of us.”

  “I believe that, Piper. But when it comes to love, isn’t the risk worth the reward?”

  That’s all she says before leaving me alone in the kitchen. This has been the strangest day. Breakfast with my ex-boyfriend to get some pseudo apology for sucking at the same title followed up by my … whatever Ben is … ex-girlfriend giving me relationship advice.

  Although, some of what she says makes sense. Ben has been patient and he has respected my wishes. He’s given me no reason to distrust him and yet I was quick to assume he was already moving on from me to Laurel in a split second. I let my own insecurities and past dictate how I responded to seeing him with another woman. I don’t want to be that person. As much as I hate the phrase, Laurel may be right. It’s time to piss or get off the pot.

  I have a feeling this is going to be a long and strange Thanksgiving.

  Having Laurel in town has proven to be a blessing. Ashton has been spending time with her and helping her deal with whatever is going on in her life. Ben’s respected my request for space and has only sent me good morning and good night text messages. I miss him. More than that I thought it was humanly possible to miss another person. It’s not just his touch that I miss. It’s his chivalry, kindness, and his amazing laugh. Heck, I miss his loud eating and I’d even take his leaving the toilet seat up at this point.

  I know it would only take a quick call and he’d be here. The ball is most definitely in my court at this point, I just have to decide what to do with it. Do I want to end things with Ben? No. If I were listening to a friend saying all of these thoughts aloud, I would be completely frustrated and want to shake some sense into her. And, I’d remind my friend that the guy isn’t going to wait forever and if my heart is broken it’s my own doing.

  I’ve been completely selfish. Ben doesn’t deserve this back and forth high school drama. I need to either lay it all out there or end things.

  A knock at my door jars me from my thoughts. Ashton doesn’t wait for me to answer and lets herself in.

  “Hey, sister from another mister!”

  Joining me in the kitchen, she tosses her purse on the table and leans against the counter, snatching a carrot from my cutting board.

  “Watch it, you wouldn’t want to lose a finger, would you?”

  “Oh hush, you wouldn’t cut me. I’m starving, what are you making?”

  “I was just making a salad and cooked some chicken. I figured since we’re eating big tomorrow we could eat light tonight.”

  “Excellent plan. I cannot wait for tomorrow. My mom was making a pecan pie when I left tonight. The house smells heavenly. God, I love pie.”

  “Yes, Ash, we know. Everyone knows how much you love pie. Want to eat in the living room?”

  “Sure, take that in and I’ll grab some drinks. No booze tonight, though. Laurel and
I drank way too much wine last night. That girl is a lot of fun. It’s too bad she was such a dud when she was with my brother. Maybe they wouldn’t have broken up.”

  I don’t respond to her statement and set our plates on the coffee table. Taking a spot on the couch, I remind myself that Laurel confirmed that the breakup was a good thing for both her and Ben. Regardless, the idea of them together stings just the same. Ashton joins me and places a glass of tea on the table.

  “So, what’s new? I know I haven’t been around much, sorry. Heard from dickhead lately?” she asks, grabbing her plate and taking a bite of her salad.

  “If you mean Tony, yeah, we had breakfast the other day.”

  Coughing while attempting to swallow her food, Ashton’s eyes widen. I take mercy on her and explain.

  “Oh, well, as long as you weren’t like on a date or anything. You deserve better than him, Pipe.”

  “Thanks. What about you? Any new prospects?”

  “Yeah, no. I’m on sabbatical from guys. Plus, I’ve been spending time with Laurel while she’s staying with us. Ben’s been working on his house non-stop. At this point he will be living there by Christmas.”

  “Wow, that seems fast.”

  “I know, but he’s been working around the clock all week and I think he finally hired Jameson to have professionals finish it. Something is up with him. At first I thought it was having Laurel around, but they both told me it’s not a big deal. He’s been a grumpy asshole again so I assume his secret girlfriend dumped him. I wish I knew who she was so I could ask her to take him back.”

  “Secret girlfriend?” I ask, my stomach tightening at the idea of Ashton knowing about us.

  “Yep. Didn’t I tell you? Ben had some secret girlfriend. He basically disappeared for a few weeks and we hardly saw him. But when we did? He was happy and fun to be around. He reminded me of how he was when we were growing up. I liked him again. Now he’s back to being boring and on edge.”

  I know the feeling. “Did he tell you he had a girlfriend?”