“Nah, I figured it out, but he didn’t deny it either. I don’t get the secrecy. I mean, unless she’s married or something. Ben wouldn’t do that though. He’s the good guy.”
“I agree. Maybe he just wanted to have something for himself. Keep it private for a while.”
“That’s ridiculous. We’re family, why wouldn’t he want us to meet her? Is he embarrassed by her? Oh my gosh! You don’t think it’s Felicity, do you? I heard her and the Mr. Thorne were having problems. Jenna Showalter was in Country Road the other night and said she was in Burlington last week shopping. She saw Felicity shopping at Target. I don’t think she’s stepped in a Target since 2003!”
We both laugh at that. I can’t imagine seeing Felicity walking around Target decked out in her Gucci pushing a red shopping cart comparing toilet paper brands.
“We shouldn’t laugh, but it is funny. Besides, I can guarantee it’s not Felicity. At the school’s Fall festival Ben was not impressed with her when she was rude to me.”
“See, that’s what I mean. Good guy. One day that good guy thing is going to bite him in the ass. His holier-than-thou noble attitude is going to screw him over and I’m going to laugh.”
I was hoping there would be an opportunity for me to casually bring Ben up to Ashton tonight. I’m closer to deciding what to do with that ball in my court and this is the last part of that equation.
“That’s funny. You’re right though. He is a good guy. Did I ever tell you I had a crush on him?”
“Eww, on my brother?”
“Yep. Probably off and on from the time I starting liking boys.”
“That’s weird and a little gross.” She visibly shivers and I laugh. “I guess I can see it though. You guys are totally alike. Plus, even I can admit he’s not completely gross-looking. I mean, for my brother and all. Did you ever, you know, hook up or anything? This is a weird conversation.”
“For the record no, your brother is far from gross-looking. You can relax, I never made a move on your brother.” Truth. Well, semi-truth. I did beg him to have sex with me a few times. “Besides, it’s not like I was ever on his radar anyway. You know it took me until I was in college to really have any confidence.”
“I’ve never understood that but yeah, I remember. Well, this is an interesting development. Maybe you guys should get together. Then he’d stop being a complete jerk all the time.”
Ashton’s comment comes at the exact moment I take a drink. “What?” I spit out, along with half of my tea.
“I said maybe you guys should get together. But the more I think of it that would be weird. I mean what if you realize he’s really disgusting and dump him. That would be really hard for him at holidays. Being alone when you were over instead of him.”
She winks at me and I laugh. Maybe telling Ash would be a good thing.
“Just tell me if you decide you want to live out some teenage fantasy and make out with my brother. I’d need to prepare myself. Like maybe go into therapy or something. I really hate surprises and may have to kick your ass if you spring it on me without warning. A year’s warning, minimum.”
Or not.
Ashton and I ended up staying up too late and she spent the night. Sharing a bed with Ashton Sullivan is not nearly the experience it is with Bentley Sullivan. My bed is large but Ashton has the ability to take up three quarters of it and kick a person enough to leave bruises.
After she left this morning I promised to come over early to help with dinner while the guys watched football. I’m going to use the next few hours to decide once and for all what I’m going to do about Bentley. I feel a shift in every aspect of my life today and I need to put my big girl panties on and take control of my life. There is really no room for self-doubt at this point. I need to put it all on the line and see what happens. No risk, no reward.
I decide to take a run to work off some of this tension. Instead of running in my neighborhood as usual I drive to the trails across town. I need to be in a more serene environment and this is it.
I warm up a little before I start off down the main trail. A winding three-mile path with a few hills to challenge me is exactly what I need. My running playlist is booming in my ears and my pace is quick as I make the last curve before the trail loops back around. Something to the left catches my attention and I blink a few times as the figure comes into focus. Ben.
Slowing my pace as I approach, I watch as a smile takes over his handsome face. It’s been less than a week and I miss that smile. The feeling hits me hard and my already labored breath quickens under his guise.
“Hey,” I say between breaths.
“Hi.”
“How are you?”
“Okay, you?”
He doesn’t look okay. He looks tired. Exhausted may be more accurate. Sad and maybe a little defeated.
“So, this is awkward,” he comments, taking the words right out of my mouth.
“I know. I’m sorry, Ben.”
“Want to walk back and talk? I have to get home to help my dad with some stuff before everyone comes over.”
I nod in response and fall in step beside him. The trail is wide enough to allow us to walk side by side and not touch. I want nothing more than to reach out and grab his hand. To apologize for pushing him away. For jumping to conclusions about him and Laurel. I want to beg him to love me back. I don’t.
“Piper, can you tell me what I did wrong? What changed?”
“Nothing changed. I just … I don’t know. I’m so confused and my head is a mess. I am my own worst enemy and know that. I am who I am though, Ben. I just need some time to figure things out. Sort through it all and consider all possibilities.”
Stopping, Ben sits on a nearby boulder and runs his hands through his hair. His beautiful dark-brown hair that is a little longer than it used to be. It’s perfect. His scruff is neatly trimmed and I expect that was for his mom and today’s dinner. I take this moment while he’s silent to really look at him. I know under that shirt lays a set of abs to give Thor himself a run for his money. Just the thought of those abs has my breath quickening and wondering when the temperature rose.
“Are you done ogling me?”
“Whaa … what?”
Softly laughing, Ben reaches for my hand. “It’s okay. I miss you ogling me. God, Piper. How has it only been a week and I feel like it’s been years? I miss you. Why are you pushing me away?”
I take his other hand in mine so we’re holding hands. I take a step forward so I’m standing just before him, eye to eye.
“I’m not avoiding you, Ben. I’m avoiding us. It’s all too much and overwhelming. I don’t have the best track record and I’m scared.”
“I know you’re scared, Piper, but I promise this will all be okay. Trust me.”
I let go of his hands and take a step back.
“I saw you.”
I see confusion on his face.
“At the deli. With Laurel.”
“Piper,” he begins, but I stop him.
“It’s okay. I talked to her and she explained why she’s here. But I didn’t like how I reacted to that. The way I felt and how upset I was. I don’t want to feel like that, Ben.”
“Nothing happened. Nothing is happening with Laurel. You have to know that, Piper.” His voice is frantic and his face reflects the panic he’s feeling.
“You said I should trust you. I do, Ben, and that’s part of what scares me. I believe you when you promise you’ll never hurt me. But the reality is you can’t promise that.”
I shake my head like I’m trying to clear my mind. “Not only that, we’ve gone about this all wrong. Lying to everyone for months, Ben. I know you kept the secret for me but I was wrong.”
I feel the tears begin to form and a lump appears in my throat. Standing from his perch, he steps close to me. Putting a hand on either side of my face, his fingers in my hair, he tilts my face up to his, forcing me to look directly in his eyes. My hands go to his forearms, attempting to brace myself as
a piece of my recently built wall cracks.
“Piper, I’ve let you use Ashton as an excuse long enough. Yes, she may be upset because we’ve been crap friends and lied. She may also have one of her dramatic responses and declare she’s not going to speak to either of us for the rest of her life. None of that will be real, Piper. This isn’t about Ashton and it hasn’t been for a long time. This is about you and me. This is about you letting go.”
I don’t acknowledge his words as he continues.
“You’re right. It is possible you’ll get hurt. There’s a possibility I’ll get hurt. That’s the risk we take. Regardless of what may happen, you have to believe. Believe in us. I can’t promise things will be perfect or that there won’t be some bumps in the road. I can promise that I will always be there with you and will never stop doing my best to make sure you’re happy.”
I swallow and will the tears to stay hidden.
“Piper, I don’t want us to miss out on something that is so perfect because we are worried about what may happen or of hurting someone’s feelings. At some point we have to put ourselves first. We deserve this. You deserve this.”
I close my eyes as I absorb his words. It’s quiet with the exception of the sounds of nature surrounding us and our own breathing. I take a deep breath and I open eyes to find him staring at me. A look so pure and loving my pulse speeds up.
Not allowing me to respond, he turns and takes off in a jog. No kiss, no hug, no declaration. I take the spot he vacated on the boulder and let his words settle.
Ben makes everything seem so simple and possible. I want to believe he’s right, it just doesn’t come natural to me. Risk for the reward, is it that simple?
I’m done waiting. Although it was only a short period of time with Piper this morning, I know it’s time to end this bullshit waiting game. It’s grand gesture time and since we’ll all be together tonight I don’t think there is any reason to put it off. I’m going to need help and I know just the person to help me.
When I walk in the door from my run the kitchen is in chaos. Every year my mom goes all out for Thanksgiving dinner. Laurel and I opted to stay home the last few years so I kind of forgot the crazy that ensues.
“Hey, ladies, how’s it going?” I ask as I open the refrigerator for a bottle of water.
“Save yourself, Ben! Mom’s lost her mind!” Ashton responds dramatically.
“Hush up, Ashton, or I will throw this pie straight in the garbage!”
“Don’t hurt the pie, Mom! It did nothing to you. I’ll peel the darn potatoes, relax!”
I catch Laurel laughing at the table, where she’s snapping beans.
“Hey, Laurel, do you think you could step away from those for a few minutes? I mean if the drill sergeant here will allow it?” I ask, nodding toward my mom, who responds by throwing a piece of carrot at me.
“Bentley James, you better get out of my kitchen unless you want to start helping!”
“I’m going, I’m going. I’m stealing Laurel for a minute though.”
“Fine, but not too long. We have a lot to do.”
I nod and motion for Laurel to follow me. I walk up the stairs and straight to my room.
“Close the door, would you?”
“What’s going on? I know you’re all messed up over Piper but I’m not going to fool around with you, Ben.”
“Funny. Sit. I want to talk to you about something.”
She does and I spend the next twenty minutes relaying my conversation with Piper this morning and my plan for tonight.
“Wow, when you make the grand gesture you really go all out. What about your sister? Are you going to tell her? Your parents?”
“Ashton, no. My parents, yeah. I think I have to so they don’t ruin the game plan.”
“Agreed. I’m a little worried about Ashton’s response though. She’s spunky, but I can tell she’s sensitive too. You know she’s going to be pissed you’ve been keeping this from her for months, right?”
“Yeah, but this isn’t about her. This is about Piper. I need her to know I’m all in and I need her to take a leap of faith. Ashton loves us; she’ll come around.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing. I’ll help, but I’m going on the record with Ashton that I did not condone the secrecy.”
“Noted. Now, go snap those beans so I can get to work.”
We both leave my room and I go in search of my dad while she returns to the kitchen. It doesn’t take long to hear the cursing from the back of the house. I turn the corner and find my dad with a pile of wood set to be split.
“Hey, Pops, need some help?”
“Oh thank goodness. I’m too old for this shit. Here, you split some of this wood so your mother can have her precious fire. I don’t understand why she insists we do this every year.”
“I don’t know why you act like she won’t. Why not keep a bunch of this already split? Move out of the way, I’ve got this. Besides, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Sounds serious. Everything okay with Laurel?”
“Laurel’s fine. I’m worried about her going home tomorrow but I know she has to. I just hope that asshole leaves her alone.”
“You’re a good man, Ben. Not everyone would have stepped up and invited her here. I think it’s been good for her. Your mom and Ashton, too. They weren’t always the warmest to her when you were together. They seem to really enjoy her now.”
“I know and I’m grateful to all of you. I actually wanted to talk to you about someone else. Someone I’ve been seeing.”
Silence develops between us as I split a few logs in quick succession. Once I’m done I set the ax aside and turn to my dad.
“Like I said, I’ve been seeing someone. It’s been kind of rocky the last few weeks or so but I’m ready to take it to the next level.”
“The rocky part wouldn’t have anything to do with Laurel coming to town, would it?”
I hadn’t thought of that, though now that he mentions it, this did all start when Laurel and I first talked. I just assumed it was Piper’s talk with her mom that started this, but it could be a combination. Interesting.
“I don’t know exactly. We’ve been taking it slow and just spending time together alone. Kind of our own little world, if you will. I’ve been patient waiting for her make a commitment and really make a go of it. Unfortunately, I may have been too patient and she’s managed to get inside her own head and now she’s overanalyzed it so much she’s backing away.”
“Ahh, this woman wouldn’t happen to be Piper, would it?”
“How did…?”
“There is only one person I know worth that kind of patience other than your sister. And, there is only person I know with the ability to get inside her own head enough to talk herself out of something like a relationship. I’ve known that girl most of her life and cared for as if she were my own. I knew something was going on with her when she stopped coming around as much. Now it just makes sense.”
I sit down on the chopping log and take the water my dad offers me. Once I’ve emptied the bottle I lift my shirt to wipe the sweat from my head.
“Yeah well, that girl you mention is a frustrating woman.”
My dad laughs. “I don’t doubt it. All the good ones are. Your mother challenges me at every turn. I pity the man that falls in love with your sister.”
I can’t help but agree with that. Poor bastard. Dad and I sit in comfortable silence as I wonder if I’ve completely lost my mind to move forward with this plan of mine.
“I’m done waiting for her. I’ve agreed to take this painstakingly slow so that she warmed up to us being more than friends. Me being more than her best friend’s brother. We both know Ash isn’t going to take this well and wanted to make sure this was worth the drama it is about to create.”
“I see. So you’ve been lying to your family and friends for months for Ashton’s sake?”
Ouch. “When you put it like that, we sound like jerks.”
�
�No, son, I don’t think either of you are jerks. I truly believe that you both are putting Ashton’s feelings ahead of your own. That’s a little stupid, but it doesn’t make you jerks.”
“Stupid? I thought it was noble. And maybe a little selfish.”
“Noble? Oh, Ben, you are grasping now. I think you’re scared of your sister. Hell, she scares me sometimes and I’m her father. Look, here’s how I see it. You’ve known Piper most of your life. She’s been part of this family and like a sister to Ashton. You’ve been gone for years, just making the occasional appearance. We’re all happy to have you home and you’re afraid your sister is going to vote you off the island or something if you tell her you’ve fallen in love with her best friend.”
“I never said I was in love.”
“Are you?”
“I’ll tell you what I’ve told Laurel and Jameson – if I am, then the first person I tell should be Piper.”
“And that’s the answer. Give your sister a little credit and accept that she’s going to react, most likely poorly. But, she’ll come around and in the end you’ll have the one thing you’ve always wanted and deserved. True love.”
“You’re so certain it’s true love?”
“Yes, son. I’m certain. You have your mother’s and my blessing.”
“Good, because I’ve decided I’m done waiting and there’s no better time than Thanksgiving for a big declaration. I’m going to need you to help run a little interference though.”
“Oh this sounds intriguing, tell me what you have planned.”
I catch my dad up on my plan and let him know Laurel is in on it, too. He thinks it’s brilliant and promises to clue my mom in a little so she doesn’t ruin it. I’ll make sure Jameson is in on the plan when he gets here. I check my watch and realize the next four hours are going to pass slower than any other time in my life.
Jameson was happy to play along with my plan and thinks the fact that everyone is in on it but Ashton is even sweeter. Those two need to get over their hatred of one another or this is going to be a long life.
Piper arrived a few hours ago. Not unlike every time I see her, she looked sexy as hell and I was instantly hard. I’m not sure how I’ll get through life with a constant hard-on but I figure there are worse things in life. Once I managed to get my act together and calm down the activity in my pants, we exchanged a very awkward hello.
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