2 States: The Story of My Marriage

by Chetan Bhagat

  Rajji mama gloated after everyone complimented him on the masterstroke gift.

  ‘Uncle, start the DJ,’ Nikki said to Rajji mama.

  Rajji mama nodded towards the dance floor. DJ Pussycats from Rajouri Garden comprised of two fat surds who had waited hours for that signal. They started with dhol beats. All the younger cousins hit the dance floor. The uncles needed a few more pegs and the aunties needed a few more elbow pulls from the younger kids to come and groove.

  ‘They gave a car?’ Ananya said in a shocked voice even as Nikki dragged her towards the dance floor.

  ‘Yeah, a silver Santro,’ Nikki said, ‘come no, didi.’

  Ananya went with the girls. Her years of Bharatnatyam training made her the best performer on the floor. She picked up the Punjabi steps fast and even taught my cousins a few improvised moves. She looked beautiful in her dark green Kanjeevaram. Like an idiot, I fell in love with her all over again.

  ‘Have you eaten dinner?’ my mother came up next to me.

  ‘Er . . . no,’ I said, peeling my eyes away from the floor.

  ‘Then eat fast, we won’t get an auto home,’ my mother said.

  ‘We will buy a car soon,’ I said.

  ‘Like your father will let us have one. Anyway, why should we take? Kamla said we shouldn’t buy anything major until you get married. We don’t want duplicate items.’

  ‘Mom,’ I protested.

  ‘Go fast, the paneer will get over. And tell your friend to eat.’

  I waved at Ananya to come eat with me. She panted as she walked with me to the buffet. I put black daal, shahi paneer and rotis on my plate. Ananya took yellow daal and rice.

  ‘That’s it?’

  ‘That’s all I like,’ she said.

  There was a commotion at the bar. Duke and his friends were fighting with the bartender.

  ‘What happened?’ I asked. ‘They are not making the pegs large enough. Duke’s friends are upset,’ an onlooker said.

  Rajji mama intervened. The hotel staff had foreseen that the whisky may run out and so had started doling out smaller quantities. There were no extra bottles of that brand even in the hotel. Rajji mama took out a wad of notes and gave it to the hotel staff. A waiter was sent to the Delhi border to fetch the whisky. Like always, money soothed nerves and everyone became cheerful again.

  ‘This is a wedding?’ Ananya said.

  ‘Of course, that’s how all weddings are. Why, your side has it different?’ I said.

  ‘You bet,’ Ananya said.

  We bade goodbyes to Rajji mama and Kamla aunty. As I walked out with my mother and Ananya, Shipra masi called me.

  ‘Yes, aunty,’ I said.

  ‘Listen, you are our family’s pride. Don’t do anything stupid. These Madrasis have laid a trap for you.’

  ‘Good night, aunty,’ I said.

  ‘See, I am saying it for your benefit. Your mother has suffered, make her happy. You can get girls who will fill your house with gifts.’

  I bent down. If all else fails with kin, touch feet.

  ‘What did Shipra masi say?’ Ananya asked me.

  ‘She said to make sure Ananya is dropped home safe,’ I said as I stopped an auto.

  46

  I met Ananya at Punjabi by Nature in Vasant Vihar. I should have thought of a better-named venue, given her current mental state. However, the location was convenient and the food excellent.

  ‘What is the point of me attending these family events, I feel so awkward,’ Ananya began.

  ‘It’s one more ceremony – the actual wedding. Don’t worry, tomorrow my aunts will be more used to you. Once my mother sees them accepting you, she is more likely to say yes.’

  ‘I think she wants a set of car keys more than anyone’s approval,’ Ananya said.

  ‘No, my mother is not like that. She doesn’t want the car, but she wants her siblings to appreciate she managed a car. Get it?’

  ‘Not really,’ Ananya shook her head.

  The waiter came to take the order. We ordered one parantha, which came with enough butter to stop your heart instantly. We ate dinner as we contemplated our next move.

  ‘Sir, would you like to try our golgappas with vodka?’ the waiter said.

  ‘What?’ Ananya said.

  ‘No thanks,’ I told the waiter and turned to Ananya. ‘It is a gimmick. Trust me, Punjabis don’t do that on a regular basis.’

  ‘I am going back to Chennai in two days,’ Ananya said.

  ‘I know. But I will speak to mom, maybe even my uncles, after the wedding. I want to lock this in,’ I said.

  ‘What about your dad?’ Ananya said.

  ‘He won’t agree. We’ll have the wedding without him. Aren’t mom’s side relatives enough?’

  ‘They are more than enough. Each talks more than ten of my relatives. Still.’

  ‘Ananya, you can’t get everything in life. Your parents, my mom, relatives—we have enough blessings. My father is not required.’

  ‘You should talk to him though. He’s your father,’ Ananya said.

  ‘Isn’t the food great?’ I said as I rubbed butter on my parantha.

  47

  Minti’s final wedding ceremony gave new meaning to the expression over the top. Real elephants and ice sculpture fairies greeted us at the entrance. The boy’s side had not yet arrived. Patient ushers waited with trays of flower petals. We shuffled through landscaped gardens with two dozen dolphin-shaped fountains to reach the main party area. The caterer had chosen a world theme. Food stalls served eight cuisines—Punjabi, Chinese, home-style Indian, Thai, Italian, Mexican, Goan and Lebanese—with at least five items in each genre. Apart from these, there were two chaat stalls – one for regular eaters and the other for health-conscious guests. The regular counter served samosas and tikkis, while the health counter had sprouts-stuffed golgappas. My aunts took both, one for taste and another for health.

  There were two bars. The first bar had a giant Johnny Walker Black Label magnum cask. All uncles congregated here and waiters kept bringing in a regular supply of paneer tikkas and hara bhara kababs. The second bar was the mocktail bar, nicknamed the ladies bar. It had a large display shelf with two dozen glasses of different shapes and filled with psychedelic fruit drinks.

  ‘Beautiful, Rajji, you have held the family name high,’ my mother said, admiring the flower arrangements on the bridal stage.

  ‘These orchids have come from Thailand. Just landed two hours ago from Bangkok,’ Rajji mama said.

  ‘Fifty thousand is just the flowers bill,’ Shipra masi said. We raised our eyebrows to express suitable awe.

  My cousin Rohan came running in to tell us that the baraat had arrived. We went outside and stood next to the elephants to receive them. Rohan gave me a pink turban, something all brothers and close male relatives wore to receive the groom.

  ‘You look cute,’ Ananya grinned.

  All turbaned men posed for pictures with their equivalent counterparts from Duke’s side. I had a picture clicked with Prince, Duke’s cousin. Minti’s father grinned as he hugged Duke’s father for a picture. Duke’s father frowned.

  ‘Why is the boy’s father so serious?’ Ananya said.

  ‘Maybe he is hungry,’ I said. We soon found out I was wrong. Duke’s family did come inside and sat on the sofas. However, they refused to touch anything to eat.

  ‘One cold drink-ji,’ Kamla mami begged Duke’s mother, who shook her head.

  ‘We are not hungry,’ Duke’s father said. Duke, his parents and a dozen close relatives sat on the sofas next to the stage. Half a dozen waiters stood by with trays but the boy’s side ate nothing.

  ‘The snacks are not hot, go get fresh ones,’ Minti’s father screamed at the waiters. His anger was misplaced. The boy’s family had not refused food because of its temperature.

  ‘Ask what’s the matter. Something is wrong,’ Shipra masi said.

  ‘Who will ask?’ Rajji mama said, ‘They are not saying anything.’

  Kaml
a aunty wore a worried expression. Ten minutes passed.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Ananya said.

  I shrugged. Shipra masi told the younger cousins to move back. She folded her hands and went to Duke’s father. He looked the other way.

  Ananya and I stepped back a few metres. We could see the elders but not hear them.

  My mother and her two brothers folded their hands in front of Duke’s parents. Like a landless farmer, they waited for the feudal lords to respond. A few minutes later, one of Duke’s aunts spoke to my mother.

  My mother nodded as she listened carefully. After Duke’s aunt finished, my mother came back to huddle with her siblings.

  ‘This is too much drama, I have to know what’s going on,’ Ananya said.

  I pulled my mother aside.

  ‘It’s the Santro,’ my mother said.

  ‘What? It doesn’t start?’

  ‘Be serious, Krish.’

  ‘Sorry, what happened?’

  ‘Some misunderstanding has occurred. When Rajji gave the Hyundai keys, Duke’s parents thought it was Hyundai Accent. But it was a Hyundai Santro. Accent costs five lakh, Santro only three lakh.’

  ‘I thought it was a gift,’ Ananya said.

  If my mother found Ananya’s entry into the family conversation odd, she was too preoccupied to dwell on it.

  ‘Yeah, wasn’t it a surprise?’ I said.

  ‘What do you think this is Krish? A birthday party? Everyone knows the surprise. Duke’s parents had already announced the Accent to their family. They are feeling insulted and cheated.’

  It is amazing how people can feel insulted even after being welcomed by elephants.

  ‘Now what?’ I said.

  ‘Nothing, they are saying no wedding until Rajji changes the car.’

  ‘Can he?’ I said.

  ‘He is already broke doing this wedding. But what choice does he have? He has promised them he will.’

  ‘Then why are they sitting there with sullen faces?’ I said.

  ‘They want a guarantee. Duke’s father wants the difference in cash right now.’

  ‘Now?’ I said.

  Ananya’s eyebrows went up and stayed there as she didn’t know how to react. Shipra masi called my mother again and the elders held animated discussions.

  ‘Is this for real? I am so pissed off,’ Ananya said.

  ‘I am as stunned by it as you,’ I said.

  We went to the ladies bar. I ordered two mocktail daiquiris.

  ‘What are they discussing? Why don’t they call the police?’ Ananya said.

  ‘Ananya,’ I said, ‘are you stupid?’ I handed her a glass.

  ‘No, I want to send some criminals to jail. Is that stupid?’

  ‘Yeah, if you care about Minti’s reputation. Plus, what about all they’ve spent?’ I pointed to the various stalls.

  ‘Oh, and nothing about the little fact that your sister is going to marry into a family of total jerks.’

  ‘This kind of stuff happens. The elders will resolve it,’ I said.

  ‘We should be with the family at this time,’ Ananya said as she kept her glass down.

  We moved back to Drama Venue. Rajji mama had placed his pink turban at Duke’s parents’ feet. They ignored him. He offered a cheque, Duke’s parents refused it. Rajji mama called his friends for cash. No one could come up with such a large amount at such short notice. Meanwhile, new guests were arriving at the party. With them, Rajji mama hid his stress and smiled and hugged all of them. Meanwhile, the ladies came up with a bizarre plan.

  ‘Quick, Kavita, take your jewellery off,’ Shipra masi said and removed her own necklace. My mother struggled to remove her bangles. Kamla and Rajni mami took off their jewellery sets as well.

  Shipra masi put all the ornaments in a plastic bag and gave it to Rajji mama. ‘Give this to them. Tell them to keep it until the car is replaced,’ she said.

  Rajji mama fell on Shipra masi’s feet.

  ‘Are you mad? You are my little brother. Minti is our daughter,’ Shipra masi said. All her siblings broke into tears. Duke’s father, still sofa-bound, kept looking at us from the corner of his eye.

  ‘Now go,’ Shipra masi said.

  ‘I’ll check with them first,’ Rajji mama said. He went up to Duke’s father.

  ‘I can’t believe this,’ Ananya said.

  ‘Shsh, everything will be normal soon,’ I said.

  Rajji mama returned after meeting Duke’s parents.

  ‘Shipra didi, they’ve agreed to keep the extra jewellery as security,’ Rajji mama said.

  Rajji mama collected the bag from Shipra masi.

  ‘Uncle, wait,’ Ananya said.

  All eyes turned to her. This isn’t your business, I wanted to tell Ananya.

  ‘May I suggest something,’ Ananya said, ‘before you give it to them, Rajji mama.’

  ‘What?’ my mother said to Ananya, surprised.

  ‘Aunty, you elders have had so many meetings to resolve this. Can the younger cousins talk to Duke?’ Ananya said.

  ‘Ananya, this matter concerns grown-ups,’ I said.

  ‘It’s Duke’s marriage. We should have a word with him,’ Ananya said.

  ‘When the jewellery is ready, then why?’ Kamla mami said.

  ‘Please uncle, Shipra masi, please. What’s the harm?’ Ananya said.

  Shipra masi sighed her consent.

  Tinki, Nikki, Rohan, Kittu, Bittu and us sat in a separate group of chairs ten metres away from the grown-ups. Ananya walked up to Duke’s side of the family and identified a twenty-year-old boy. ‘Are you Duke’s cousin?’

  ‘Yes, myself Pranjal,’ he said.

  ‘Good, can you collect all Duke’s cousins and bring them to Minti’s cousins over there,’ Ananya said, pointing to our group.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Duke’s father said.

  ‘Uncle, the younger people want to have a meeting. C’mon, Pranjal, round them up fast,’ Ananya said.

  ‘Who is this girl?’ Duke’s mother said.

  ‘I’m their family friend,’ Ananya said and turned to the groom, ‘Duke, can you join us?’

  Duke gave Ananya a puzzled look. Ananya continued to stare at Duke until he became uncomfortable and stood up. She asked him to follow her.

  ‘Krish, call Minti here,’ Ananya said.

  ‘Minti?’ I squeaked.

  ‘I’ll get her,’ Tinki said and ran inside.

  48

  We made a circle of a dozen younger cousins along with Minti and Duke. The elders gave us suspicious looks from far, keen to know what was going on but Ananya made sure all younger cousins had their backs to the elders.

  ‘We shouldn’t have allowed this,’ Duke’s mother said.

  ‘Of courseji, two minutesji,’ Rajji mama said, agreeing to everything Duke’s parents said.

  ‘Hello everyone,’ Ananya stood up to address the cousins. I sat next to her.

  Everyone returned a meek ‘hi’ in response.

  ‘Do you think what is happening here is right?’ Ananya said.

  Duke and his cousins looked down, avoiding eye contact. My cousins huddled next to Minti, trying to keep her calm.

  Rajji mama and Kamla mami gave helpless looks to Duke’s parents as all of them wanted to peek into Ananya’s conference. Shipra masi walked over to the younger set.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Shipra masi said to Ananya, ‘Minti’s life will be ruined if they leave.’

  ‘I think her life will be ruined if they stay. Aunty, please, give us some privacy. You make sure Duke’s parents stay put,’ Ananya said.

  As Shipra masi left, Ananya turned to Duke, ‘Yes, you. Stand up if you can.’

  Duke stood up. He was six inches taller than Ananya and twice her weight. Of course, these anatomical facts didn’t register with my mad girlfriend.

  ‘What do you do, Duke?’ Ananya asked.

  ‘I am a software engineer,’ he said.

  ‘How much do you make?’ Ananya said.

>   Duke kept quiet.

  ‘Tell me,’ Ananya said in a loud voice.

  ‘Ten thousand a month,’ he said, in a heavy Punjabi accent.

  ‘Great, I make twenty-five thousand. Still, can you tell me what have you done to deserve a wedding like this? What have you done to deserve a car to be gifted to you?’

  ‘I, I am the b . . . boy’s side,’ Duke stammered.

  ‘So? Have you seen Minti?’ Ananya said.

  Duke nodded.

  ‘You are having an arranged marriage. That is why you are getting a girl like her. If you had to woo her, can you even in your dreams have a girlfriend like her?’

  Duke kept quiet as he shifted his largeness from one leg to the other.

  ‘What?’ Ananya said.

  ‘This is too much,’ Duke said.

  ‘I am too much,’ Ananya agreed and gave Duke a Bharatnatyam-style glare. She spoke again.

  ‘Do you know what Minti’s parents had to go through to do this wedding for you? That car cost two and half years of your salary, Mr Duke! These two parties have thrown him into debt. Now you want an Accent? It won’t be your Accent, it will be what you managed to wrench out of a helpless father who didn’t want a drama at his daughter’s wedding to turn into a scandal.’

  It was too many words for Duke to process at one go. He was stunned, like the rest of the cousins, more by Ananya’s confidence and fluent English than what she was saying.

  ‘Sit down,’ Ananya said. Duke complied instantly. Ananya turned to everyone, ‘Listen, all brothers and sisters of Duke, there isn’t going to be any Accent. The elders have shown their true colours, now it is down to Duke and all of you. If he wants to take Minti with respect, he should say so. If he doesn’t, then he is just a schmuck and we don’t want the wedding.’

  ‘Ananya beta. . . .’ Rajji mama came to us as the youngsters’ meeting had gone for too long.

  ‘Almost done, uncle,’ Ananya said. ‘Five minutes, Duke. Make up your mind.’

  Everyone fell silent as Ananya Swaminathan, brand manager HLL, MBA, rated best girl by popular vote at IIMA and rated best girlfriend by my own vote, forced the younger generation in Duke’s family to think.