Becoming His

by Mariah Dietz

  “You left your phone, and your dad wouldn’t let me talk to you.”

  I shake my head. “What are you doing here?” I repeat.

  “Ace, last night was a mistake.”

  “Yeah, I understood that message loud and clear,” I state coldly as my chest begins to ache and the familiar burn of tears returns.

  “No, Ace, you aren’t understanding.” Max says. He reaches forward, touching my hand briefly before I rip it away and glare at him.

  “Ace, please listen to me. I wanted last night to happen. Hell, I’ve wanted last night to happen for years, but it wasn’t supposed to happen like that! I felt so disappointed and frustrated with myself and with you because I’ve been thinking about that moment for so long. Planning out how to make every detail perfect, and last night wasn’t it. Nothing went like it was supposed to.”

  Before I can stop it, a small part of me feels elation and hope surfacing, accompanied by pain at hearing disappointment and not supposed to. I move my eyes up to him, refusing to talk, not trusting myself or my emotions.

  “This isn’t coming out right,” he says with a sigh. I watch his hand run over his hair a few times before wiping down the front of his face.

  “Ace, I care about you, a lot,” he says, looking at me like this should offer me clarity. I tilt my head slightly, focusing on his words, as I try to listen with both my head and my heart. “I can’t stop fucking thinking about you.” Max’s eyes are wide as they search mine. “It’s not that us sleeping together was a mistake. You were perfect. I just wanted it to be perfect for you.”

  Slowly, I start piecing the last twenty-four hours together with a new perspective.

  “I didn’t want last night to happen like it did. I wanted it to be the most romantic night of your life. I wanted to have flowers and music and tell you how important you are to me.” I feel the vise wrapped around me slowly release. “Please say something,” Max whispers.

  I push off the covers and crawl toward him, stopping when there’s only a few inches left between our bodies. “Last night was the single most romantic night of my life thus far because of what happened, Max. It was being with you that made last night special.” I hesitantly reach out and set my hand on his.

  “I am head over heels for you, Max, but if you—”

  Max grabs my face between his hands and before I’m able to finish my threat, He presses his lips to mine with a sense of need.

  I kiss him back as the fear and heartbreak seep away with every second.

  “You should go home. Come back tomorrow and kiss me like that once I’ve showered, dressed, and my hair doesn’t look like a rat’s nest,” I say, leaning my forehead against his shoulder, breathing in his warm scent.

  “You have no idea how beautiful you are,” Max replies, moving his body and holding my face so that we’re face to face. “I just need to be with you right now. You scare the hell out of me when you run.”

  I nod in understanding. Max has told me about his father leaving one night and never returning. I feel the same desire to be close to him. Max pulls me down so we’re lying with our faces mere inches apart.

  “I’m sorry for my reaction. You were so perfect and amazing. I was just caught up in my anger. And then you ran, and I didn’t know what to do.”

  “You look tired,” I whisper, stroking his unshaven face.

  He nods and pulls me closer so my head rests on his shoulder. I wrap my arms around his chest and bury myself into him.

  “You have to stop running from me,” Max whispers in my hair. “I’m not letting you go.” He squeezes me once more and warmth floods me.

  Soon the sound of Max’s soft breaths and the even beats of his heart lull me into a peaceful sleep.

  “Harper Jo! What is going on in here?” The piercing shrill of my mother’s voice breaks me from my peaceful dream and my head snaps up. She’s standing in my doorway with a shocked expression conveying disapproval. I feel Max’s leg move from between mine and recall the events from last night. My face flushes as she stares at me with her large blue eyes.

  For some reason words jumble and collide in my mind, not allowing a coherent thought to string together. My dad rounds the corner, breathless, obviously rushing from Mom’s shrieks. His eyes are wide as he takes in the room. When his eyes fall to me, words are completely lost as I stare at him like a child with her hand caught in the cookie jar.

  “It’s my fault. I’m very sorry. This was—” Max begins as I remain completely mute, making me feel even worse about things.

  “A situation that needed to be resolved,” my dad finishes, surprising all of us. His eyes fall to me. “I expect you guys to keep visiting hours during the day going forward.”

  I look from my dad to my mom and see shock flash across her face. It obviously isn’t the reaction that she was expecting either.

  “David, she’s—”

  “She’s nearly twenty, lives independently, and has a boyfriend that we like. We’re not making this into big deal, mon moitié.” My parents turn to look at one another, having one of their silent arguments for a brief moment before my mom turns her eyes to me.

  “We love you. Both of you, but please, no more sleepovers while you’re here.”

  “Sorry,” I finally reply.

  “It won’t happen again,” Max adds adamantly.

  “We’re heading out to meet the Prestons for brunch, and then we’ll be home. We’ll see you both for supper,” Mom says, not posing it as an invitation to Max as she runs a hand over her perfectly-styled hair. They leave after ensuring my bedroom door is as far open as it can go.

  Max’s head falls to the pillows with a quiet train of curses as he covers his face with both hands. I feel dazed, shocked at how calm they were. After Jenny got pregnant at seventeen, my dad became overtly aware of all of our interactions with the opposite sex.

  Suddenly I giggle. I giggle so hard I can hardly breathe.

  “Your parents are going to hate me. This strikes you as funny?”

  “If they hated you, you wouldn’t still be in here.”

  “Then why are you laughing?”

  “Do you remember asking if everyone would know when we … yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re all going to know.” This doesn’t seem to be nearly as amusing to Max. He shakes his head and looks up to the ceiling as more quiet curses leave him in a breath, making Kendall’s vulgarity seem childlike, which only serves in making me laugh harder.

  Max leaves shortly after my giggle fit ends, kissing me several times before retreating to his own house for a few more hours of sleep and a shower.

  I take my time getting dressed as I replay the events of this weekend again and feel myself blush, thinking back to Friday night. I slept with Max Miller.

  A quiet squeal of delight rips through my throat, and my cheeks ache from the giant smile that I can’t stop. I pull on some clothes I find shoved in the back of a drawer and head to the backyard with a book and coffee.

  “You know, you’d be super tan if you sat in the sun as often as you read.”

  I look over as Kendall sits on the lounge chair beside me, looking nervous as she tucks a few strands of blond hair behind her ear.

  Ignoring her comment, I set my book down and sit up. “Thanks for sneaking Max in.”

  Her shoulders visibly sink with relief. “I love you, Ace, and I know I should have waited and talked to you first. It’s just … I’m really glad Max makes you so happy, and I didn’t want you to completely push him and the idea of him away without listening to him first.” She gently knocks her knee against mine, giving me a knowing look. “He was a freaking idiot to brood like that, but I think it’s only because he really is in deep for you. He left right after you did, still shirtless, and went to your apartment where he apparently pounded on the door like a crazed maniac for fifteen minutes before Abby let him in. Then he nearly got in a fight with Jesse to get into the apartment because he didn’t believe them when they said that you weren’t there.” My
jaw drops and Kendall nods, pursing her lips slightly. “Yeah, he may need your help mending that relationship.” She nods, agreeing with her own assessment. “Then he came back to the house and started going crazy, worrying about if you were okay and where you’d be if you hadn’t gone home. In all honesty it’s not like he had a lot of options, but he did connect the dots pretty damn quick. He got dressed, grabbed some things, and took off at like four in the morning!”

  “I’m sorry for involving you and Jameson.”

  “Ace, I’m your sister. I want to be involved.” Kendall grips my fingers within hers. “Seriously, I never want you apologizing to me for involving me in things, especially if you need me. Anytime, I’m there. No questions asked. I love you, Ace, and for all the million times that you’ve been there for me, I’d like to be there for you once in a while.” I get up from my chair and perch on the edge of hers, hugging her tightly to me.

  “I love you too.”

  “So since the boys were up most of the night, I have a feeling they’re going to sleep most of the day, and Mom left a note in the kitchen asking you to make three batches of spaghetti sauce, so I’m guessing everyone is coming tonight.” I nod, glancing to see what time it is.

  “Oh my gosh, did you hear?” Her back straightens and her eyes become bright.

  “Hear what?” I ask.

  “Paul’s coming tonight.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I don’t know! Jenny was super vague about it all. She just mentioned that he’s coming. So I don’t know if they’re dating again or what?”

  “I hope not,” I grumble.

  “I know, right?”

  “Who are you ladies shit talking?” I look up to see Jameson approaching us with one of his quick smiles. He places a kiss to Kendall’s temple before dropping into a chair beside us.

  “We’re not shit talking.” Kendall growls, glaring at him. “Paul’s coming over for dinner tonight. We’re simply discussing how we hope Jenny doesn’t start dating him again.”

  “He is kind of an asswipe,” Jameson admits, bouncing his knee because he never sits still for any length of time. “That’s tough though, I mean…” he looks at us cautiously “…isn’t it better that he’s around being Lilly’s dad and all?”

  Kendall looks at me briefly and then shakes her head. “He’s not Lilly’s dad. Her dad’s never been in the picture. He was home from college and …” Kendall’s eyes grow as she moves her hands in a rolling motion, resembling patty cake, that makes me smirk. “Yeah, Lilly arrived nine months later. It was a mess. They had to go through paternal testing and then his parents threatened a custody battle. Thankfully that never became an issue, likely because their dickhead of a son never showed any interest in Lilly, but they ended up turning out pretty great. They’re good to Lilly and Jenny. But no, Paul is definitely not her dad. Thank God.”

  The rich aroma of basil, thyme, and Italian sausage fills the house when the family begins arriving.

  “Mmmm, spaghetti, my favorite!” Savannah breathes as she and Caulder come in, her hands travelling over her very pregnant belly. I smile in greeting as I stir the large pot filled with sauce.

  Paul comes in behind them, not even bothering to knock with a cocky grin covering his face. I watch as Caulder silently sneers at him, obviously under strict instruction not to voice his apparent thoughts.

  “Hi, family!” Paul greets jovially, earning him an eye roll from both Kendall and Caulder as we quietly murmur responses.

  I look up to see my parents coming in the kitchen as the doorbell rings. I hear Sharon’s voice and grin with the knowledge that Max has arrived.

  “So, Ace, did you miss me?” Paul leans on the kitchen bar.

  I turn my attention away from the doorway leading to the foyer in the anticipation of seeing Max.

  “Probably about as much as someone misses a hemorrhoid,” Kyle answers, clasping him on his shoulder before stepping in the kitchen to stand beside me.

  Paul scoffs and the tension has me reeling to devise a plan to calm everyone down. Emily, Jade, and Lilly, who are always a pretty safe bet for a distraction, once again prove their weight in gold as they run through the kitchen squealing with excitement, dressed in princess attire with Zeus trailing behind them, a cape tied around his collar.

  “Certainly can’t say we’re boring,” Kyle says quietly, leaning against the drawers and drinking his beer as I return to finishing dinner.

  With everyone here tonight we have a full house of sixteen flooding the kitchen and entryway with bodies and voices. My eyes sift through them until they land on Max, and I feel my lips turn up in a smile as I release my ladle and make my way over to him. I wrap my arms around his chest, hugging him tightly.

  We jump back in alarm as Mindi shrieks, and I follow her horrified expression and see bright flashes and smoke emitting from the microwave.

  Kyle, still standing beside the oven, quickly reaches over and turns it off, ending the bright flashes. We all silently stare at it for a moment to see if it’s really done and a loud boom pops from the inside, making both my mom and Kendall scream.

  “What’s in there?” my mom asks, looking directly at me.

  “I didn’t do it,” I say, shaking my head.

  “I spilled on some papers and thought it would dry them off …” Savannah says shyly.

  I mash my lips together to try and keep the hysterics surfacing inside. Kendall doesn’t even attempt to stop it. She bursts out laughing.

  “Microwaves should really amend their warning label to add that Bosse women aren’t allowed to operate them,” Dad says, shaking his head, causing a chorus of laughter.

  “Ace’s was the worst. Do you remember how awful it smelled?” Jenny laughs, wiping a tear from her cheek.

  “That’s right, the brownies!” Mom says, laughing even harder. “Ace put a metal tin in the microwave with brownie mix for twenty minutes,” she explains to the few that don’t already know the story. “I think it only made it to six or seven before it was on fire.”

  “I thought you were good at science,” Jameson teases.

  “I was like five and that was my one and only microwave incident. Personally, I think the time that Savannah used it to dry her socks was the worst smelling incident.”

  “Babe, tell me you didn’t?” Caulder pleads, shaking his head with a laugh.

  “No, the worst smelling incident was the fish that my queen of the kitchen accidentally added an extra zero to when attempting to thaw a whole fish. Never mind the fact that you should never thaw a fish in the microwave to begin with, but the fish exploded and it was by far the most disgusting and smelly microwave story yet.”

  “Why do you keep getting new ones, Dad?” Jenny asks with a laugh.

  “Because it hides all of the scorch marks on the wall.” This makes us laugh even harder.

  We continue to distribute jokes as mom works to usher everyone into the dining room. My mom had made a big fuss a few years ago about how there wasn’t enough space to fit everyone at our dining room table, bringing on a large renovation that took months to expand the dining room to fit a table that is quite literally the size of a boat.

  The table causes a myriad of jokes about how difficult it is to hear someone sitting further down the table. Kyle and my dad are the worst offenders of the ensuing jokes, which generally leads to Mom getting annoyed and her accent becoming thicker, like it always does when she’s upset, before she eventually threatens them with dishes or a food fight.

  “I think we should really consider doing spaghetti once a month,” Kyle says, patting his flat abs after finishing his second helping of spaghetti. “Seriously, you could bottle this stuff, Ace. Forget worrying about declaring a major.”

  I grin at him as the conversation flows easily with everyone laughing, still reminiscing on microwave stories that have plagued our family.

  “So, Savannah, how much longer do you have? Your face is getting really round,” Paul says as my mouth closes ar
ound a bite of spaghetti.

  I look up and see Paul touching his own cheeks. My eyes grow round with alarm, and I cringe in anticipation of the retaliation sure to come. Jameson pounds his chest and reaches for his water glass as he coughs. Caulder sits beside him, looking ready to kill Paul with his fork that he holds like a dagger.

  With no surprise, Mindi’s the first to start yelling. Savannah and Kendall jump in nearly immediately. Poor Jenny looks absolutely mortified as she begins defending Savannah. My mom looks ready to stab her butter knife through his larynx as she takes deep breaths, trying to remain calm.

  After a few moments of horrifying awkwardness for our guests as threats and insults are launched at Paul, Dad taps his water glass and stands up.

  “Alright, well I think we can safely say that remark came out wrong. Very wrong,” he says, looking pointedly at Paul. “Savannah, sweetheart, you look amazing. Now, if we’re all done eating, there are some cheesecakes in the fridge that I’m depending on you all to help me eat.”

  The mood has turned sour though, filled with tension as people begin carrying their dishes into the kitchen. “I won’t be offended if you want to go home. Hell, I’ll go with you,” I whisper. Max smiles and shakes his head as we make our way to the kitchen.

  Sharon does excuse herself with the excuse that she has an early surgery. Mindi, Kyle, Savannah, and Caulder all pack up as well, not even bothering to make an excuse.

  “Well, Paul, you certainly know how to clear a room,” Kendall remarks as she cuts into a cheesecake.

  “So, Ace …” Paul begins, ignoring Kendall as he leans into the bar, staring at me.

  “So, Paul …” I reply, digging through the silverware drawer to extract forks. “If you tell me I look fat, I’ll give Kendall permission to stab you with a fork,” I warn and swear I can see the corners of my dad’s lips go up as he walks to his den with my mom.

  “No, you don’t look fat, not at all. In fact, don’t get me wrong, I mean you’re really well proportioned…” he pauses and I look up to see him staring at my chest “…but if you gained some weight, they’d probably grow.” Paul throws back the rest of the liquor in his glass and looks at me with a grin.