by Angel Rose
“I have to head out. I have to be at the club for inventory this morning.” I stood up to get ready to leave but he yanked me down by my hair.
“I don’t remember giving you permission to speak.” He said through gritted teeth. I nodded with tears in my eyes. He eyed me up and down and leaned in close to my face. “I want you to know, I’m really crazy about you.” Really? I couldn’t tell by all of the time spent on my knees swallowing him whole until I gagged. “You may speak Madison.” His devilish grin burned a hole in my heart. Here I was, being told when to speak, when to suck, when to work and what time to be home. I’ve never had a father and I never had to answer to anyone. But this guy had a hold on me. A hold on my life and I had to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes, while he slept, I would take out the switchblade in my bag and slide it over his chest while I watched his chest go up and down as he breathed. It would have been easy. I knew exactly where to stab him, but then I knew, I would lose everything. The kids, my life, my whole world…Tiny.
“I have to go. May I?” I pleaded.
“Go…I’ll see you later.” He kissed me quickly on the lips and though I hated his ways, when he was nice, he was very nice, over the top nice; but, when he was bad, he was downright abusive and that scared me. I was in this toxic relationship for the sake of the kids and there was nothing I could do.
I packed up my stuff and stepped over two women that were having sex. I looked back at Andrew, his manhood standing in attention as he walked towards me. I thought he was walking me out, but instead he kneeled down and placed his mouth on one of the women’s nipple and tugged at it gently, then winked and waved goodbye to me. My stomach hurt. I couldn’t believe what I was doing. I felt so disgusting knowing he was screwing these women then placing his dick in my mouth whenever he had the urge. God, why can’t I just leave? Why?
***
I opened up the door to the apartment and Clarissa was sitting at the table eating a cookie.
“You’ll get a fat ass Clarissa.” I said as I closed the door behind me.
“It’s already fat.” She giggled. She walked towards the window.
“Hey, can you babysit today? I have to go in to work at the club early today for inventory.” I asked Clarissa who was sitting on my windowsill with her knees against her chest.
“Again? You were out all last night. Damn girl, you need to take it easy.”
“Daniel’s plastic surgeon called me again. I have to pay him by Friday.”
“Shit…Okay. Let me cancel with Stephan. He doesn’t need to come over.” She took out her cell phone from her purse.
“Thanks, Clarissa. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I hugged her around her shoulders. Her hair smelled like Suave shampoo and the perfume she was wearing was sweet like my mother’s.
“I got your back girl. Love ya…see ya in a few.” She strolled out of the apartment shaking her big ass in her jeggings. Clarissa was beautiful. She could have been a model but her parent’s didn’t have the money for a portfolio or anything else. The little money I gave her to watch Alyssa and the boys was barely enough for food, but she did it anyway.
I went to check on the boys as they slept. Daniel and Bryan looked so peaceful. Bryan still had a little cough. He’s been sick for a couple of months now his asthma has been flaring up more than usual. He’s always been sickly and back then I didn’t have insurance. I always made home remedies and he got better, but now, my remedies and doctors’ visits aren’t really working. I haven’t been able to take him to a specialist. There’s a waiting list backed up three months. His family doctor says he’s okay, but he doesn’t sound right. Sometimes, I wish she was here, my mother. I wonder if they miss Ana or even remember her at all. But the person I miss the most is Tiny. I’ve missed him so much I’ve cried every night this past year, wondering if he is dead or alive. Andrew has been good to me, but he’s kept me away from Tiny. I don’t know how much longer I can take of this. I’m ready to crack. I need to see him, hear his voice, touch his hand, see his beautiful blue eyes and know that he’s okay.
***
Alyssa slept like an angel. She really was the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. We all had different colored eyes, but hers were exceptionally beautiful, crystal clear blue. I sat on the edge of the bed thinking about when that fucking animal slashed Daniel. The tears quickly filled my eyes. I was so happy I witnessed seeing his brains splatter across the kitchen floor. Bleach really does work wonders. I got up and covered the boys with their ninja turtle blanket and kissed them both as my tears fell on Daniel’s face. He opened his eyes.
“Mommy crying.” He whispered sleepily.
“No…back to beddy bye.” I kissed his cheek and wiped the tears away. He would never see me cry again…never.
My phone vibrated on the kitchen counter. The name Lacky appeared. I suddenly felt nauseous. I haven’t heard from him in years, but I never deleted his number when I transferred all of my numbers from my cell phone. I picked it up curiously to find out why he was calling.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Are you home?” his voice sounded the same.
“Lacky is that you?” I asked. “Is Tiny okay?”
“Yeah, it’s me; text me your address. I need to see you, immediately.” His voiced trembled with urgency. I guess something did happen. I was hesitant to see him. Oh God, why did I listen to Andrew? I should’ve visited him like I wanted to. The kids missed him so much. I missed him…the most.
“Sure…see you in a few.” I texted him my address and placed the phone back on the counter and walked over and locked the kids inside. The monitor was by the kitchen sink. If this was a ‘bad news’ visit, I didn’t want the kids to see me cry…or hear me scream.
I sat on the couch waiting nervously, wondering what was going on. Lacky wasn’t this impulsive unless it was something bad. I remembered him rushing over to our house every Saturday night to arrest one of the men that always beat my mother up after they had sex. They never wanted to pay her and she would start yelling and screaming at them. Bryan was just a baby; he was born a month before Tiny turned sixteen. Tiny and I always sang to him when the screaming in the house got really loud. Hush little baby was Bryan’s favorite song. He would smile and coo. Tiny and I would lay on the bed and hold hands while Bryan lay in between us. The three of us would forget about the commotion on the other side of the bedroom door and fall asleep to the sound of police sirens, cursing, yelling, screaming and sometimes…gun fire.
Maybe this visit had to do with Sly and not with Tiny. I began to pace back and forth anxiously until I heard a knock at the door.
“Who is it?”
“It’s me, Lacky.”
I opened the door slowly, peeking my head, scanning the hallway, as I saw Lacky standing there with a bag filled with groceries.
“Come on in.” He followed and before I shut the door someone lodged their foot in between it.
“Who’s there?” My eyes stood fixed when I looked into his eyes. My heart dropped. I stood frozen. Every single emotion that was pent up this last year finally unraveled at that very moment. The tears trundled down my face, my body shook with the desire to touch him, to hold his body against mine. Seeing Tiny as he stood standing by the door with his beautiful smile, made me lose my breath. I was stunned.
“Am I welcomed in?” He said in his deep, alluring voice.
“Oh Tiny, what are you doing here?” I jumped into his arms and began to cry against his chest. He held me tightly. The electricity that radiated through my body ripped through me like a live wire. The warmth of his embrace, his body next to mine, made me cry even harder.
He was standing here in front of me.
Oh God…I can breathe again.
He’s here and he’s…alive.
“Close the door Stone.” Lacky said.
“What. Are. You. Doing. here?” I said as I wiped my tears with the palm of my hand.
“I’m out Maddie. They let me go. The appeal
went through. Not enough evidence. No witnesses. I’m out on parole. He grabbed me by the shoulders gently. “I can’t believe I’m here. But, I‘m really angry with you.” His tone sent shivers down my spine. Tiny wasn’t someone you wanted to cross.
“I had to move. Sly…” I lowered my head in shame. I never ran from anyone.
“I know. I don’t want to talk about it now. Where are the kids?” He looked around the kitchen and living room.
“They’re sleeping.” I glanced over at Lacky. “Lacky, why are you here?”
“I took him from your grandma’s grip. The old bat had come to pick him up.”
“Why would that bitch do that?” I said angrily.
“She said she was doing him a favor but, she probably wanted to let Sly’s gang know that he was out. I’m sure somewhere along the line she was in the mix plotting to have Stone beaten to death in prison…and you…killed.” He shook his head. I believed every word he said. My grandmother would sell her fucking soul and her grandkids for some coke or meth.
“She doesn’t have any power like that, Lacky. Trust me. She’s just an evil old woman.” I glanced over at Tiny who was staring at me from head to toe. He’s been locked up for a long time. I’m sure right about now I looked like a piece of meat to him. I felt uncomfortable so I grabbed the groceries from Lacky to distract him. “For us?” I asked happily.
“Yep, for all of us. Start cooking Maddie. I remember how you made your signature pork chops one day at your mother’s house. De-li-cious.” I moved to the kitchen to start cooking supper.
“Give me a minute, I have to call the club and tell them I can’t make it today.” I walked towards the bathroom and sent a text to my boss.
Jack, I can’t make it today. I’ll make it up to you, promise. Maddie
I waited patiently for a response before walking back out into the kitchen. My heart was racing. I couldn’t believe Tiny was here. Then, I remembered I asked Clarissa to babysit, so I sent her a quick text that I had a change of plans.
It’s okay, Maddie. Next time, text earlier. Jack
I walked over to the kitchen and drank in the beautiful sight that stood before my eyes. My heart fluttered and my knees weakened. Seeing Tiny standing there made me lose my breath again, and all I wanted him to do was hold me in his warm embrace, and never let me go.
“I want to see the kids, Maddie. Please…I need to see them.” I unlocked the door and let him in. The boys must have smelled him because they immediately woke up, jumped out of their beds and ran into his arms. He grabbed them both with one arm each and swung them around, their little feet dangling in the air.
Tiny was tall and well built, with broad shoulders, a strong back, flat abs and strong thighs. He was a runner in his first year of High School, then he just decided to run every day to stay in shape. He looked nothing like he did when he first came to live with us. He was…simply put…gorgeous. His dirty blonde hair and blue eyes drove the girls crazy back then. They were intimidating, strong, and possessive. He had a darker side to him that all the girls loved. He was strong, dominant and had a way with words. The older girls were crazy over him. He was irresistible to them, but to me, he was just plain old…Tiny.
The boy I grew up with. The boy who moved in with us when he was thirteen going on fourteen. The boy the kids know as daddy. The boy we know as our savior. The boy I fell in love with the day I grabbed his hand when I was eleven. My brother.
We sat around the table eating silently. The pork chops that Lacky brought were fresh and all you could hear was Tiny chomping on it like it was the last pork chop he was ever going to eat. I giggled and he turned and looked at me.
“What?” He slid his fingers across his lips then licked away the grease with his tongue. I stood staring at his greasy lips, wishing I could slide my tongue and lick away the grease for him, then I glanced away in shame.
“I know…you haven’t had a pork chop in six years.” Daniel laughed and Bryan coughed. I glanced over at Bryan.
“This pork chop is almost as good as a tight, wet pussy.” He laughed. I didn’t. I knew that was exactly what he was thinking.
“The kids? dumbass.” He looked over at them.
“Shit…I’m sorry.” Bryan coughed again.
“What’s the matter Bryan? Are you okay?” I asked looking at his tiny mouth.
“Throat hurt momma?” You could see it in his face that his throat hurt him. It seemed painful to swallow as he squinted his eyes closed with each gulp.
“Your throat hurts Bryan?” Tiny said.
“Mhhhmm…” He got out of his chair and crawled on Tiny’s lap, placing his head on his chest. He coughed again and spit up some blood.
“Oh my God!” I dropped my fork and ran to his side. I cupped his tiny face in my hands. I glanced over at Tiny. I got up and grabbed his coat.
“What are you doing?” Lacky said.
“Hospital…Now.”
We grabbed a cab to the Adirondack Medical Center. The emergency room was packed and by the time we got there, Bryan’s shirt was covered in blood. The in-take nurse brought him in right away. I sat holding Bryan as he continued to cough. They gave him an asthma treatment. We were used to the asthma. Bryan’s had it for years. But this blood? Where was it coming from?
Tiny held Daniel and Lacky held Alyssa. The nurse gave us formula for her and chocolate milk for Daniel. Bryan had to go in for a Cat Scan and I had to wait outside. I walked over to the window. Lacky gave Alyssa to Tiny.
“Madison?” I felt someone behind me. I quickly turned around to face him…Lacky.
“Yeah?” I replied. “I’m okay.” I whispered with my arms crossed against my chest, the tears brimming at the corners of my eyes.
“No, you’re not.” He placed his arm around me. I shrugged his arm off of me and turned away from him.
“I never thought this would happen. I knew it could be one of us, but not the kids. Even dead she’s causing trouble.”
“That’s not fair Madison. Your mother loved you guys.”
“She loved guys…not us. Don’t get it twisted. But, she died of Leukemia. I can’t help but think the worse. Couldn’t she have left us with something positive? Couldn’t she have at least done something right?” The tears finally toppled over onto my cheeks. “What are you really doing here Lacky?” Tiny walked towards us with Alyssa in his arms and holding Daniel with his other hand.
“He’s back.” I rolled my eyes at Lacky and shook my head. We walked back into the emergency room. Tiny followed holding Alyssa. Lacky stood behind him picking up Daniel.
The doctor walked in and greeted us.
“Hello everyone. My name is Dr. Bergman. I’m the ER oncologist on call tonight.”
“Oncologist?” Tiny repeated.
“Yes…you see…”
“We know what an oncologist is. What’s wrong with Bryan?” My heart dropped into my stomach. I had a feeling I knew what was wrong with Bryan. I just didn’t want to hear it.
“Is his mother or father here?” Dr. Bergman glanced around the room for our parents.
“Yes, I’m his mother and this is his father.” I pointed to myself then at Tiny.
“Well, if you don’t mind me saying…”
“We do mind doc, what’s the fucking problem?” Tiny said angrily.
“Look, Dr. Bergman. They’re the guardians. They’re both over 18 and they have the guardianship papers. What else do you need?” Lacky said using his authoritative voice.
“Nothing…Look, I’m sorry, but Bryan has leukemia.” He looked into my eyes and my whole world crashed. “But, I have to say. He’s in the final stages. I don’t know how it went undetected all of these years.”
“All of these years? He’s five…he’s not even six yet.” I said trying to catch my breath. I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach.
“I’m sorry…I doubt he’ll make it through the night.” Tiny practically threw Alyssa up in the air at me, I grabbed her in midair as Tiny grab
bed the doctor by his shirt and pushed him against the wall.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You think you could tell me that my little Bryan is going to die tonight. Just like that? You better fix him! Goddammit! You better fucking fix him now!” The doctor grabbed Tiny’s hands and Lacky tried his best to pull him off of him, but it wasn’t working.
“Son, let me go. You don’t want to do this right now. Bryan needs you. He’s weak. He’s frightened.” Tiny let him go…slowly. His blue eyes welled with tears. He turned to me.
“Maddie?” I walked over to him holding Alyssa. We held each other for a moment and then I handed Alyssa to Lacky and we walked over to Bryan.
“Hey there buddy? You want ice cream?” Tiny asked holding his tiny hand in his.
“Daddy, momma…I’m tired…I’m sleepy.” He whispered. His face was pale and he could barely keep his tiny eyes open. The little oxygen mask on his face barely fit. He was never so sick. I don’t know what happened. How could I let this happen?
“Yes angel…go beddy bye…you will see Ana there tonight in your dreams. She’ll be there when you wake up. Go to sleep my little angel.” I choked on my words, my heart swelling with pain ready to explode. We all surrounded him, kissing his cheeks and hands as his body grew weaker and weaker.
The hours passed as we watched as he deteriorated before our eyes. His pulse and oxygen level getting lower and lower on the monitor, the machines beeping when he lost his breath.
“Bryan?” Tiny whispered in his ear. “Hold on Bryan. Don’t leave me. Please, I need you. Bryan? Do you hear me?” I choked back the tears that were burning the back of my eyes, trying so hard to hold it inside. Just watching Tiny’s face destroyed me as he held Bryan’s hand and kissed Bryan on his cheek and then I heard it…the song we sang to Bryan when he was a baby so he could fall asleep.
“Hush little baby…don’t say a word.” Tiny sang softly to Bryan as the tears skated down his cheeks.
Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing. One of the nurse’s placed her hand over her mouth and began to sob. Lacky kissed Alyssa’s forehead and held in his tears, but they trundled down his cheeks anyway. The doctor turned towards Tiny as he was leaving the room, lowered his head, then turned around and walked away. The pain in my heart was so intense I thought it would send me to my grave.