by Angel Rose
“Tiny…don’t.” I whispered. He glanced up at me, the tears streaming down his cheeks while his lips trembled.
“Do you remember? Do you remember Maddie?” Tiny whispered. I nodded my head.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. It was Andrew. I shut off the phone. Tiny glanced over at me and stared at the cell phone in my hand then turned around to Bryan.
“No…please. Bryan…please.” I held Tiny from behind, placing my head on the back of his shoulder.
“Tiny…let him go. He’s suffering. Let him go.” He turned around and held me in his arms. I could feel his body trembling against mine. Oh God…I’ve missed him so much.
“Maddie…please help him. Don’t…don’t let him die.” He whispered in my ear. My body shuddered when his breath vibrated against my ear. I held on to him as his tears saturated my neck.
All of the sudden, Bryan sat up and stared at us both.
“Ana?” He said. Then he fell back and the heart monitor started to beep. A flat line followed.
Lacky ran out with Alyssa in his arms calling for the doctors. Daniel crawled into bed with Bryan and held his hand. I lost it. I hit the floor on my knees, screaming Bryan’s name while Tiny toppled over Bryan’s lifeless body sobbing hysterically. The doctor ran in.
“Everybody out!” he shouted.
“No…No! Bryan! Bryan!” I stood up again, screaming at the top of my lungs, pushing the doctor and nurses out of the way. Tiny pushed everyone away that tried to touch Bryan. They had to call security.
“Nurse, get someone from psychiatry down here! Now!” The doctor held me in his arms. I wiggled my way out of his embrace and balled my hand into a fist connecting it to his jaw line. He fell backwards landing on top of the chair near Bryan’s bed.
“Bryan!” I yelled. “Bryan!” I screamed. I thought I was having a heart attack. The pain in my heart was so intense my chest tightened as my breath was knocked out of my body. I hit the floor face first.
“Get me five milligrams of Ativan! Hurry!” I curled into a ball, holding onto my knees as I heard Tiny’s sobs. Then, I covered my ears, screaming Bryan’s name.
“Bryan! Bryan!” I screamed until I felt a sharp stick in my arm. “Bryan! God…please…take me. Bryan! My Bryan.” I immediately became lightheaded.
“Pick her up and take her out!” I heard someone say. I was practically dragged out of the room still screaming Bryan’s name.
“Bryan! Bryan!” I sobbed. My eyes were closing on me and then…I couldn’t see or hear anymore.
Chapter 4 Stone
I stood as far away as I could, only enough to see Maddie behind the priest’s head as he prayed over the casket. Bryan’s grave was dug, the dirt fresh and seeping into the grave as the wind and rain blew in heavy that day. His small casket, white, with gold trimming was ready to be lowered into the ground. My hands were clenched in my front pockets as the pellets of rain mixed with the tears in my eyes. I was trying to make my brain concentrate on my hands clenched into a fist in my pockets. If any motherfucker crossed my path right now, he would be six feet under with Bryan. I wasn’t there for him. I wasn’t there.
I glanced up towards Maddie who held Alyssa and cradled Daniel’s head against her thigh. I could still see the tiny scar that laced his cheek. My blood began to boil even more. Lacky lowered his head as he whispered the prayers the priest said out loud.
Maddie thanked the priest and paid him for his services.
“Thank you father. Bryan thanks you, too.” She whimpered. She was pale and her face was swollen from crying so much. The doctor gave her some anti-depressants to deal with Bryan’s death. She’ll chuck them in the garbage. I know her, She’ll insist on suffering. She blames herself for Bryan’s death.
“Let’s take the kids home.” I grabbed Daniel.
“This is where I say goodbye. What are you going to do kid? Are you going to come back with me or are you going to stay with Maddie?” Lacky said.
“I’m going to stay with Maddie. Thanks man, we couldn’t have done any of this without you. Thanks for paying for his funeral and for the burial.” I shook his hand and he gave me a hug. Looking over his shoulder, I saw my grandmother near a tree at the other end of the cemetery. She nodded at me as she stood there underneath her black umbrella. I nodded back then, I looked away. I stood hugging Lacky. I felt a little awkward but, I really was grateful. The only person I ever hugged was Maddie and the kids. Just them. Only them.
Maddie walked over to Lacky slowly. She tried to shelter Alyssa from the rain with her umbrella leaning it over her head.
“Thanks, Lacky. My mom would have been happy. Even though, nothing ever made her happy, except getting high and her men.” Maddie shook his hand. I was surprised. I thought she would hug him but she didn’t. He stared at her for a moment. The wind and rain blowing hard against his face. He didn’t care. The exchange of looks between them worried me. It made me feel uneasy and I didn’t know why. He became an emotional mess, wiping the tears and the rain from his face, he turned around quickly and walked away from us. I let him. I was thankful, but I knew it was best if he just left us alone…for now.
“Let’s go.”
***
I drove home with Bryan on my mind. No one said a word. Alyssa didn’t even coo. Daniel fell asleep. His little hand reaching out for Bryan but landed on the empty side of the seat where Bryan used to sit. I felt nauseous. I felt like I wanted to kill myself. I couldn’t believe he was dead. Bryan was the first born of the three. We all had different fathers. When I came to live with them, Maddie was just eleven years old. But she was the mother in the house before and after the kids were born. We got along so well. She never questioned why I was there, except for the first day she met me. Then afterwards, she just accepted me as her big brother. We went to school every day together, not because her mom made us go, but because Maddie loved school and she made me go with her. She made me breakfast every morning, two eggs and one biscuit. We always had money for eggs and biscuits if nothing else. Her mother never got up to get us ready for school. She was always strung out lying face down on her stomach on the living room floor. Maddie and I would lift her up and drag her to the bedroom. She wouldn’t wake up until her men came knocking on her door.
Maddie packed my lunch. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white bread, a banana and a bottle of water she would steal from Mrs. Stevens who lived near the trailer park entrance. She would steal five bottles of water every day from Mrs. Steven’s shed on the way home from school. Mrs. Steven’s knew she was taking the water. She practically left it out for Maddie. Maddie thought she was a master thief and always boasted when she came in through the door, “I did it again, Tiny. She never catches me! Never!” I laughed. I knew Mrs. Stevens left the water out for her. She would always wave at me and then shout out, “Want some water Tiny. It’s in the shed.” Then, she would wink at me. I let Maddie think she and I were a team, like Bonnie and Clyde, but Maddie couldn’t hurt a fly. She was the sweetest person in the world. She even ironed my clothes and made sure I had clean underwear for school. I didn’t have any clothes and when Ana’s men would sleep over sometimes, they would leave their shorts and shirts around. Maddie would collect them and alter them to fit me. She knew how to do everything.
My loser, doped up father said Ana was my mother. Since Ana was always on drugs, I think she wanted to believe that I was her son, but she really wasn’t sure herself. My father was a straight up loser. Strung out on heroin all of the time and fucking women he didn’t even know. He didn’t know who the fuck my mother was. He didn’t even remember if he got her pregnant. He said he couldn’t handle me anymore. He never once showed up at school for anything, good or bad, and he sure as hell didn’t show up at Juvie when I got arrested for stealing food at the supermarket or trying to steal wraps to roll up a joint. I got drugs for free. Every girl that wanted to be with me knew they had to buy me weed…if they wanted me.
Then, my father met some chick and
I was a problem for her, too. She didn’t like me. She never really tried. So he dumped me at death’s door, Ana’s house, and Maddie and I have been together ever since. Then, I got locked up for six years…defending the honor of my…sister.
***
“Hey, I’ve got her. Go to sleep.” I grabbed Alyssa from Maddie and placed her in the crib near the bed.
“Where are you sleeping, tonight?” she asked.
“On your couch.” I whispered.
“Can you sleep with us? I’m scared. Tomorrow is Bryan’s birthday.”
“Sure.” I slipped off my pants and stood in my boxers and slipped under the covers. Daniel lay in between Maddie and I. We all held hands. I stared into Maddie’s beautiful gray eyes my body reacting to her stare. Her lips curved to the side of her mouth, she inhaled and let out a soft sigh. Her fingers intertwined with mine and I felt nothing but complete love for the both of them. The kind of love that comes from your gut. Her cell phone buzzed on the kitchen table, but there was no way I was releasing her hand. Maddie closed her eyes and fell asleep. I turned around to keep an eye on Alyssa. Then, the torture began. I kept seeing the hospital, casket and tombstone flash before my eyes. Bryan’s beautiful face popped into every corner of the room. My heart started pounding and I suddenly turned around to notice Maddie was wide awake.
“I can’t sleep.”
“Me neither.”
We held hands again and stared at one another. I knew what she was thinking and I wanted so much to do what her eyes were asking me to do, but it wasn’t the right time. I rubbed her hand gently with my thumb until she began to close her eyes again and fell asleep. I prayed and closed my eyes and finally let the stress of these last couple of days catch up with me. I was exhausted. My life. Jail. Death and Maddie, sucked my fucking soul right out of me. Bryan’s face was etched in my mind. I closed my eyes and to my surprise, I…was out.
***
I woke up to Daniel’s cheek planted on mine and Maddie’s leg draped over my thigh. Alyssa began to babble and I pushed Maddie’s leg gently off of me and kissed Daniel on the cheek. Then I remembered. I had an appointment with the probation officer.
“Shit!” I shouted.
“What? What is it?” Maddie said rubbing her eyes.
“I got an appointment with my P.O. He’s a fucking prick!” I put one leg into my pants and then the other practically tripping over myself. Then, as I was getting ready to zipper up, I caught the skin of my balls in the zipper. “Holy fuck!” I fell face first on the bed. “Jesus Christ! What the fuck!” I yelled, the pain piercing through my body. Maddie giggled. “It’s not fucking funny!” I shouted.
“How many fucks are you going to use this morning? Get the fuck out already!” She stormed into the bathroom while I rubbed my pinched nut.
Daniel jumped off of the bed and started looking around the room.
“What are looking for buddy?” I asked leaning down to give him eye contact as my ball throbbed.
“Bryan…Bryan?” He said. I choked up. Maddie came out of the bathroom. Her hair was up in a ponytail. Her gray eyes filled with tears. She grabbed Daniel.
“Go brush your teeth baby. I have to go to work. Clarissa will be here any minute.”
“Clarissa?” I repeated.
“Yeah…she’ll be here when you get back. I have to go.” She started to get dressed. She removed her t-shirt, her perky breasts bouncing around while she pulled her thigh highs up her legs up to her thigh. I swallowed hard. I haven’t seen a girl in six years. She was my sister so they say, but she was fucking beautiful…that natural beauty that gets your dick hard in a matter of seconds. I stared at her and then she caught me.
“It’s not like you’ve never seen me naked before.” She removed her panties and I almost fell off the bed. She slowly slid the red laced panties up her thighs. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t hide my hard on.
“You were a kid Maddie with boy tits. You can’t get undressed in front of me like that.” I shook my head and walked towards the bathroom with Daniel helping him brush his teeth and concentrating on making my dick die down.
“I never had boy tits. I had the body of a woman when I was eleven. I’m sure you remember that.” She smiled because she knew I did. I remembered her body when I first met her. She filled up that white sun dress completely. She knocked me right out of my Chucks with her beauty.
“Now, move and get out of here! You’re going to be late.” Her lips were moving in slow motion until I heard a knock on the door. I walked slowly towards the door still admiring Maddie’s beauty. I opened the door still looking behind me, then, Holy shit! The mother of all that was fucking sexy in this world just walked through that door…Clarissa.
Her long, straight black hair flowed down her back down to her ass. Her deep brown eyes blinked a thousand times when she saw me. Her ass was as round as a pumpkin in her black spandex and they pressed nicely against the v between her legs. Oh my God! This girl was the epitome of sex. She oozed sex everywhere. I got hard the minute she walked in through the door. Jesus, my dick was walking and talking on its own and it was saying that v was going to be mine.
“Hey, Maddie here?” she said smiling. A flirtatious smile that knocked the breath out of me. Jesus, I was so horny. I couldn’t hide it either and she knew it.
“Yeah, I have to go. I’ll be back.” I said rushing out of there before she noticed my erection. Too much pussy in one place. I needed to get the fuck out of there before someone got hurt.
I hailed a cab to the PO’s office. I was late and shit, I was going to hear it from this guy.
I raced up the stairs and low and behold, who did I run into? HIM.
“You’re late Joseph.” He said sternly. I wanted to push him down the stairs, but I held on to the railing as tightly as I could. The urge to push him was too much. No one has called me Joseph in years. The only person that called me Joseph was my father. Only my father. Only him.
“Yes, I apologize. My little brother passed away. I over slept, sir.” Fuck you asshole. I’m late and so what.
“I’m sorry about your brother. But, you’re still late. Don’t let it happen again.” He continued to walk down the stairs, his cocky attitude invaded the air. I wanted to kick him so hard, my foot would stay wedged up his ass. “I have another appointment. Consider this one a freebie.” He walked out of the staircase towards the front of the building. He pushed the door knowing that I had followed behind him and let the door slam in my face. I ran behind him and pushed open the door before he disappeared out of view.
“Thanks, sir. See you next week?” I said politely, wanting to push him in front of a speeding car.
“Sure thing, and Joseph dress to impress next time. You look like a fucking bum.” He smiled and got into a sleek silver BMW that pulled up and waved at me as if I were his best friend. DICK. I hope he crashes his car and totals it.
I turned and looked at the reflection in the glass window of the building. He was right. I was a fucking mess. I looked like shit and I felt like shit. I had no money and no job. I was worthless right now, but I knew I wouldn’t be for long. That guy gave me an idea, now I just have to think how I’m going to get it done without going back…to jail.
Chapter 5 Madison
“Jeez, Who.Was.That?” Clarissa sighed.
“Who? Stone?” I said laughing.
“Stone? I’d love to get stoned with him. I’d let him put it anywhere!” She grabbed her big ass and licked her lips. Jesus, what’s wrong with this bitch!
“Take it easy there sister, that’s my brother you’re talking about.” I eyed her up and down with hate bubbling inside of me for a moment, but I knew I couldn’t take her seriously. She was my best friend and had been there for me when no one else was.
“He’s not your brother. You don’t know who the fuck he is. I know your story.” She said smiling. “I’d like to fuck him right there near the windowsill where everyone can see.” She was practically drooling and I knew she
meant what she said. This bitch was horny…all of the time. She had a different guy every week take her out. I mean, I don’t know if she let them get it in, but she went on way too many dates and that was just plain insane. Or maybe…I was just jealous.
“He is my brother. I mean, half-brother…at least. I’m not sure, just…don’t use him. Even though he’d love it.” We laughed in sync. I glanced over and stared at her beautiful porcelain face and tight, curvaceous body. I was jealous and I really did want her to stay away from him.
“Damn girl, you look good. Look at you, working at that corporate office has changed you. You look like a million bucks. I’m sure your boss is ready to sink his teeth into you today. Have you thought about his offer?” She looked out of the window pensively. I was thinking the same thing she was, but, I have the kids and that offer can’t happen…just yet. Especially not today. Today was Bryan’s birthday and I couldn’t face Andrew or anyone else at that job.
“I have to go. Everything is in the fridge for the kids.” I stopped breathing for a moment. Clarissa stood staring at me and I lowered my head. “I miss him Clarissa. I really miss him. Today’s his birthday.” The tears spilled onto my cheeks ceaselessly. I felt the stabbing pain in my heart a mother would feel for her child. After all, I did raise Bryan alone after Stone got locked up.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. If I would have received your text, I wouldn’t have left to go see my mother.”
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault I didn’t have phone service in the hospital and besides, your mother needed you.”
“You know I loved Bryan and you needed me more. Be strong. They need you. Happy Birthday Bryan, I know you’re an angel in heaven.” She kissed my cheek tenderly. I held her around her shoulders tightly and whimpered like a wounded puppy. My Bryan was dead and he was never coming back.