Find Me: Faeries Lost

by Grace Brannigan

Chapter Three

  Pandimora lay curled on the ground, brilliant green ferns cushioning her body. A heavy mist hung all around her, the air lit by brilliant fireflies. Not the scarlet and gold fireflies she knew from home but equally beautiful blue and green fireflies.

  "Pandimora." The little man's voice came to her, although she could not see him. "Go to the healing springs to be cleansed of the black poison. Go now." She felt his concern in the air around her.

  She felt a nudge against her arm, then against her leg. The heavy mist clung to her, warming her where she lay, but her mind felt sluggish and she didn't move.

  "Get up, get up," female voices said behind her. Small winged creatures floated in and out of her line of vision.

  "Who are you?" Pandimora clenched her jaw, digging her fingers into the soft ground as she struggled upright.

  The creatures flew around her head and then in front of her face. The smaller of the creatures came very close. She had yellow hair and frowned fiercely, her purple gossamer wings beating the air with a slight hum. "We are trying to help you."

  "Immerse yourself in the water." The second faerie flew down near her legs and pinched her skin when Pandimora did not move.

  "Ouch."

  "Hurry. Into the healing springs. Your body is dying from the inside."

  Pandimora managed to get to her knees, and then slowly to her feet, frightened by the weak tremble of her legs. Every part of her body ached with terrible pain. Her thoughts were also jumbled inside her head. She could catch a thought now and then, but each time it quickly flitted away.

  The two creatures gently urged her across soft moss, the woods semi-dark and yet welcoming. The trees held shadowy arms out to her and seemed to sigh as she passed, but she felt their sadness also. The area ahead began to glow with vibrant, bubbling light. When she thought she could walk no more, they entered a small clearing.

  The charged, sparkling air looked very much like Aisywel. She reached out to touch a faerie light, but it flitted away from her and into the arms of the sheltering trees. "Am I home, then?" she asked in wonder.

  "This is an Aisywel simulation. You can never go home," the first creature said sadly.

  A small pool of water lay before her, emerald green with tiny curls of silver sparkles drifting from the water's surface.

  She turned. "Why can't I go home?"

  The second creature hovered in front of her. "You are banished," she said, pointing to the many-pointed star on Pandimora's arm. "You were marked for protection, but now the star has been altered," the little creature added in a hushed whisper. She held out her tiny hand, and Pandimora saw a similar many-pointed star on her palm. "As we bear the mark of banishment we also are banned from Aisywel."

  "Why are you banished?" she asked.

  Impatiently, the yellow haired faerie nudged her forward. "This healing realm is your only opportunity to relieve your body of the killing poison. Utilize this spring to get well. We will hope it is not too late."

  Pandimora looked around, catching a thought and holding onto it. "Where is Drew? He came with me."

  "The human is under observation. Is he yours?" asked the yellow haired faerie with a slight giggle.

  Pandimora looked at her, trying to focus. "Mine? No, of course not." No, she would in time find a faerie mate, not a human. She frowned, unsuccessfully trying to shake her foggy confusion. "I need to hide."

  "You are safe here," said the yellow-haired creature, her voice now soothing and warm. "Remain in these magical springs until the wounds no longer fester and burn. There now, go gently."

  Pandimora tried to shake off her blouse, difficult due to the ache in her arms, but the winged creatures pulled the blouse easily over her head and let it drop to the mossy ground, then pushed the silky pants down her legs. She stepped into the spring, which was hot on her naked flesh, but not unpleasantly so. Letting her eyes drift closed, she ducked down until the water covered her to her chin. As the water soaked into her skin, it began to sting, invading every pore as its healing properties scrubbed her, relentless in its pursuit of the poison.

  The water around her gradually grew murky and cool. As she began to shiver, the two faeries urged her from the water. Looking down at her body she was horrified to see black liquid seeping like blood from the pores of her skin. She twisted to look back at the pool and saw that it, too, was now black.

  They brought her to a second pool, this one glistening blue like the tropical waters of Aisywel. Her breath caught as she entered the water, sadness heavy upon her that she would never return to her birthplace. She looked at the mark on her arm. Her mother Clare had marked her for protection, but after her encounter with Lukais, the star had changed. The thought that she couldn't return home was a fresh misery heaped upon her physical pain.

  The water stung once again, until it felt as if her blood boiled and sharp talons ripped at her insides. She tried to remain still, but the pain caused tears to flow from her eyes as she writhed in agony.

  "I never cry," she said, pushing away the wetness on her cheeks.

  "There was a time you cried," said the yellow-haired creature, her voice hushed.

  "No. I don't remember."

  "It was a long time ago, when your mother left."

  The tears continued to stream down her cheeks, coloring the water around her.

  Pandimora went still. "Did you know my mother Clare?"

  "All knowledge in the faerie worlds is shared, even though much time has passed. You will find your own memories in time." Pandimora put her hand up to wipe her eyes, and her fingers came away black. She looked up at the hovering yellow-haired faerie.

  "Do not be afraid, it is the poison being purged from your body," the faerie assured her.

  Gradually the tears ceased, but the pain continued, and she must have passed out briefly because she came to with a start, her arms flailing, splashing the water as the faeries held her head above water. Immediately she went still and thanked them humbly.

  Gradually the deep soreness inside began to be soothed away. The water around her cleared, no longer colored by the black tears but once more a deep, healing blue. Pandimora felt the water's energy as it embraced and cushioned her with great care. The pool began to bubble and sparkle brightly. Looking all around, Pandimora wished she could take joy in the absolute splendor of her surroundings, but a curious numbness hung on her. She couldn't even appreciate the silvery leaves which glittered upon nearby trees or the purple stemmed mushrooms growing along the water's edge, which she loved to eat.

  The winged creatures left her, riding a wave of light as great blue and white plumes of faerie dust swirled in the air. As the miracle of the mineral waters began to fully revive her, Pandimora's thoughts reorganized and gained clarity. But where was Drew?

  He had come through the portal with her, but beyond that she did not remember anything. Pandimora shook her hair back as it fell into her eyes. Gingerly, she touched her temple then moved her fingers carefully over the diminished soreness on the right side of her head, rubbing gently, trying to ease a slight ache behind her right eye. As reluctant as she was to delve into the fear which still swirled within, she knew she must uncover the memory of what had occurred when she fled Aisywel. It was crucial to her survival that she remember everything.

  Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and beckoned to the memories. They came dancing like the shadows of a dream.

  She'd overheard the elder Lukais arguing with another faerie and in the end the other faerie had been struck down and then engulfed by a green mist until he disappeared. Pandimora hadn't believed her eyes. Lukais had always been a mentor to her and her sister while growing up. She'd tried to run away, but Lukais had seen her. He'd tried to make her forget but she'd remembered.

  Pandimora materialized a portal and fled through it, transporting to the small cottage where she and Lilja lived. Her breath came fast, heart beating in panic. She had to find her sister so they could flee.

  Lukais as an eld
er was well versed in all the magic Aisywel held. But, although she knew herself to be no match for his dexterity, she had to try to evade him.

  Her mind raced. She would never see another sunrise on Aisywel, the realm of her birth. Why must she continually question what other faeries accepted? Other faeries never asserted independent ways or defied the elders by sneaking into the earth dimension. If she had not eavesdropped none of this would have happened. How could she fix this so it would all go away?

  Her bright red hair flew into her eyes and she pushed it back, jumping into one last portal and running toward the turquoise lake with its silver edging. Legs shaking, her chest heaved as her momentum took her to the edge of the lake. Why couldn't she find her sister? Where could they go that he could not follow? Aisywel had always been her life, and now it no longer felt safe.

  She braced her feet near the lake's edge, fear holding her rigid. The elder now stood behind her. Lukais put up a calming hand. "Pandimora, how dramatically you are reacting to what you mistakenly think you saw."

  "A faerie lay on the ground. I saw the mist take him." Never had she so blatantly defied an elder. "I heard what you planned, how you wish to control all the universe's resources for your own use. How can that not be evil?"

  He stepped closer and she retreated, the lake water warm around her bare ankles. In this beautiful paradise, she felt cornered.

  "Come away, there is no need for alarm. You have misunderstood."

  "You are lying."

  "Lying is a grave charge to level at an elder," he mused.

  "Striking a faerie is a terrible thing." She retreated another step into the water, pressing a hand to her stomach.

  "There is harm in your false accusation, Pandimora. It saddens me that I will, of course, have to report this to the high elder council."

  Pandimora shivered. She could be punished ... exiled from her beloved Aisywel.

  "There is no evidence of wrong doing on my part," Lukais continued, watching her with sadness. He held out his slim hand. "Come. I will speak to the council on your behalf."

  Her life was ruined, out of perfect balance. All she thought she knew about Aisywel was tainted.

  "You are acting like an earth being, all due to a misunderstanding." He waved his stick. "Look around. All is still splendid, despite the aberration of your mind and thoughts."

  The question gave her pause and she felt a hint of uncertainty. "I know what I saw." She crossed her arms but seeds of doubt had crept in.

  "What you think you saw," he corrected her gently. "Pandimora, I have always cared about you and your sister. You must trust me now."

  She had an almost irresistible urge to close her eyes in acquiescence, but struggled to remain alert. "I - I'm confused."

  "We have nurtured you here in Aisywel. I thought perhaps with time you would outgrow the need to hide and listen to private conversations."

  She watched him warily.

  "You never outgrew that human habit." His mouth grew tight and she watched his fingers grip the wooden staff. "You are very like your mother," he added.

  "What do you know of my mother?" She felt the hopeful, trembling note in her own voice. She knew little of her parents. A secret wish, long buried, surfaced. She had longed to have parents as the humans did. She had never told anyone, not even her sister.

  Now he looked thoughtful, a slight regret on his face. "Clare came to Aisywel long ago at my invitation. I had hoped our world would have a calming effect on her." He stared up at the perfect blue sky. "She suffered episodes due to a mental disorder that jumbled her thoughts. She ran away one night, abandoning her children and her husband, my dear friend Declan."

  Pandimora caught her breath, deep pain lancing her.

  "You were very young." He looked down at her from his greater height. "Giving birth to your sister must have snapped Clare's mind. She ran off shortly thereafter."

  Her chin trembled but she clenched her teeth so she didn't cry.

  "We thought it best to shield you from this tragedy. Both your parents disappeared that night." He turned so she could no longer see his face but his words pierced her heart, opening a desire long hidden. Humans had family units, something that had drawn her to them. She'd had a family and never known! An ache twisted inside, a feeling of being abandoned.

  "I searched a long time, but my dear friend Declan was gone."

  The heaviness in her chest intensified. She bit her lip, worrying it between her teeth until she tasted the saltiness of blood. Faeries almost never bled. She touched a finger to her lip, stared at it.

  "The high council placed you and your sister in the faerie nursery and erased from your experience the loss of your parents."

  Panic twisted through Pandimora, making it difficult to focus. "If my mother came to Aisywel at your invitation, from which faerie realm did she come?"

  "Not faerie," he said, giving her a piercing stare. "Clare was human."

  Human! She shook her head no.

  Pandimora put her arms around her stomach, feeling betrayed.

  "Come, I will show you," he said solemnly.

  Lukais withdrew a vibrant green crystal from deep within a robe pocket. She had heard of the beauty of the Aisywel crystals, but she'd never actually seen one. It was magnificent, a rod about the length of his palm and it shot sparks and iridescent light all around them, drawing upon the color of the sky and the glittering quartz stones along the water's edge. Lukais used the crystal to draw circles before him in the air. The precious jewel created thin trails of pure gold light and a holographic scene began to form between them.

  "You know about the life force of the crystals," he said. "Did you also know the crystals cannot lie?"

  Pandimora watched intently as a young woman appeared in the holographic scene. She looked about her own age and had long, curling red hair. But the woman also had a wildness in her blue eyes that was painful to see. Pandimora swallowed as the woman turned her head from side to side, as if looking for someone. She couldn't take her eyes from the hologram as she drank in every detail.

  "Declan!" Pandimora stepped back when the woman screamed the name. Again, she screamed out, "Declan!"

  Pandimora saw herself, a young child and her sister, an infant swaddled in a shimmering blue cloth. The woman cried uncontrollably as she opened an intricately carved wooden cabinet, urged Pandimora inside and then placed her sister in her young arms. The woman mouthed strange, fevered words and pressed her fingers upon Pandimora's arm. When she drew back, Pandimora saw the elven star on her skin.

  Her mother exposed her sister's tiny shoulder, tears streaming down her face as she again mouthed fevered words. A triskele with its three interlocked spirals appeared on her sister's shoulder. Just as she closed the cabinet door on them, Pandimora saw a dark-haired young man appear behind the woman. The image dissolved.

  "Wait!" Pandimora yearned to know more.

  "Your mother was disturbed," Lukais said. "She hid you and fled. We did not know your whereabouts for several days as she put both you and Lilja into a deep sleep. When you awoke we felt it best to erase your memories."

  "Why are you telling me this now?" She bit the inside of her cheek, her world turned upside down. Her parents had abandoned them? A terrible emptiness pervaded her soul.

  "It was time for you to understand that only in Aisywel can you be understood."

  Pandimora wanted to see her mother again, but right now she was hardly able to take in what she had seen. She focused on the one thing she knew was real. "What happened to the faerie in the garden?" She couldn't stop her body from shaking.

  "You had an hallucination just as your mother used to suffer. I had hoped you would not inherit her madness."

  Fear twisted a knot in her stomach."I am not my mother," she managed, ashamed there was no real challenge in her voice.

  "Humans carry anomalies from one generation to the next. Did you ever wonder why you are different from other faeries? Always seeking answers to questions othe
rs never ask? Never content with what Aisywel offers. Always fascinated by the earth realm."

  A deep buzzing began in her ears, its force making her sway on her feet.

  "Pandimora, be calm," he said. "Do not do this to yourself." His voice was above her.

  Her breath came faster and her heart worked in her chest. "I'm not doing anything," she said.

  "You're projecting your energy toward me and I have no choice but to block it. It is the gravest offense to try to manipulate an elder with the force of your life energy."

  Blue light snapped between them and she cried out as molten heat scorched her right temple, then moved over her shoulder and burned its way down her arm. Her sacred elven star became a burning welt. All these years she had never known why only she and her sister had these marks. Now she knew her mother had marked them, but why?

  "Make it stop."

  Lukais stepped back. "I am sorry it has to be like this, but I must protect Aisywel."

  Pandimora stumbled into the lake. For the first time in her life she knew weakness in her limbs. Her skin burned; the pain was debilitating.

  "Stop," he said aloud. "You are harming yourself."

  She choked as water flowed into her mouth. She had but an instant's reprieve before the razor-sharp light struck her shoulder again.

  Was she creating this terrible pain that now ripped through her body?

  She flailed her arms, turned and swam down into the lake, afraid she might drown. The pain in her scalp burned like fire, as if her head were engulfed in flames. Frantically, her thoughts turned to Lilja. Was her sister afflicted with the same illness?

  With her lungs bursting she kept diving down. Black wisps of smoke followed her, twisting around her. On the lake bottom she saw a blue portal. Black wispy fingers of smoke gripped the tender flesh of her feet like steel claws, then bound her ankles, circling around and encasing her legs and knees, reaching up to her shoulders. This couldn't be her doing! Why would she harm herself?

  She touched the portal. The black tendrils tugged at her, pointed barbs digging into her flesh. As the poison seeped in from the barbs, her brain began to fog over, the pain in her head so intense, she could barely think. In a last attempt to save herself, she desperately clutched the edges of the portal, wriggling her legs so that her pants were ripped away, and then her blouse tore from her shoulders.

  She put all her energy into pulling herself through the portal, pushed her shoulders through and her head was out on the other side where she pulled in deep gulps of cold air. She dug her elbows into the edges of the portal as the black mass tried to pull her back.

  She kicked her bound legs, using the force of the water to propel herself through the portal, landing on cold, snowy ground.

  The pain in her head exploded and she screamed.