The most beautiful ring I had ever seen.
When he took my hand, I couldn’t even force myself to hesitate. I knew I was supposed to, yes, but I was on autopilot. One-million-bajillion butterflies started popping, dancing, and fizzing like fireworks inside my stomach. There was no point in even trying to calm my speeding heart. It would be impossible by this point. He slowly brought my middle finger of my right hand to his lips and kissed it—right between each knuckle. My skin was so ablaze with fire, I was sure that his next touch would send me over the edge.
He slid the ring onto the finger he had just kissed. “But that moment I first looked into your violet eyes, I knew then that miracles did indeed exist. Because there could be no other reason for me to meet a creature as beautiful as you. It was not magic, and it certainly was not destiny. It was a miracle that brought us together that day, Nariella. And miracles are not to be trifled with, for they are most rare. You do not throw them away, love. Not for anything.”
As my heart hammered violently in my chest, I drew in bouts of the pristine oxygen to keep from hyperventilating. I could hardly believe myself as I said, “This is different. I can’t keep you from saving your kingdom. It’s what you’ve been living your whole life for. If I were to give in now, and let’s say we did stay together forever, living in exile or whatever, one day you’re going to wake up and resent me. You’re going to realize how stupid it was to let hundreds of people die—an entire kingdom die—all for the sake of being with me. You’d hate me in that moment. You’d be filled with regret and sorrow, and all kinds of other horrible, similar adjectives. You know it’s true, Mycah.” I withdrew my hand from his hold. “There is a reason you’re supposed to listen to your Guardian. They’re supposed to be like, incredibly wise and all that. When have you not listened to Ender? If you ignore his warnings again, after seeing for yourself what happened because of our relationship, it won’t just be me you wake up hating one day. It’ll be yourself. And I cannot have that. I refuse to be the cause of your pain and misery. I’m doing this for you, Mycah. I’m letting you go because it’s my turn to do the saving. You’ve saved me countless times, and I have a lot of catching up to do.”
“I do not wish to be king if it means sacrificing you.” He reached out to claim my hand once again, but I pulled away. Having his touch on any part of my body would ensure my failure in what I had to do next.
“God, don’t say that. It makes it so much harder for me to do the right thing. I don’t want you to give up kingship for me. Don’t you understand? It’s not what I want. I’m sorry.” My voice was raw, showing my vulnerability like a neon sign. Not that Mycah wasn’t able to feel it for himself regardless. I took off the ring and tried to give it to him, but he held up his hands.
“Keep it.”
“I can’t.” I set it down on the ground and forced myself to take each step required to return my body back to the campsite. I shook uncontrollably. Even still, and despite the heartache, I was proud of myself for having the ability to say no. Though, only a tiny bit proud. Mostly I was horrified, miserable, and possibly even more in love with Mycah than I had ever been before. Just perfect.
Rydan saw me coming. “Hey, what happened?”
I glared at him and worked to fight back my tears. I hadn’t shed any yet, but I could feel that they were there just waiting in the backs of my eyeballs like vultures. “Thanks for the back-up, Ry! So much for making sure we stay separated.”
“Are you serious?” He took my hand and tried to soothe my trembling. I had a feeling it was the protector instincts in him that he was enslaved to and nothing else. “I’m not your babysitter, Nari.”
“Yes, you are! That’s exactly what you are. The official title might be Guardian, but you and I both know that’s just a fancy term for babysitter.” I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “And I really need someone stronger than me to like…I don’t know…throw chains around my body and cuff me to a tree anytime I’m tempted to go follow Mycah into the Twilight Zone. That person has to be you!”
“You are so overdramatic, you know that?” He chuckled a little, and I crossed my arms.
“Of course I am. But you love me anyway,” I muttered disdainfully from my sour mood.
“You and I both know that’s just a fancy term for ‘stuck with you.’” He poked my cheek, and I glared at him for using my words against me. Actually, it was more out of knowing he was only teasing me in order to distract me from my anguish—but I always did love a good distraction.
“Ha ha, very funny.” I stuck out my tongue, playing along. I’d try anything to help forget even for a moment how I truly felt inside. Which was misery.
Mycah came up behind me then, and already my heart was back to pounding wildly. “How cute. My little bro still flirting with the other piece to my soul. Perfect.”
“Mycah—”
“It's fine.” He held up his hands. “I’m only joking.”
“Well, I’m not in the mood for jokes. At least not that one.” My eyes were all shifty from being nervous. I had thought another fight was about to break out between them.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He ruffled Rydan’s hair. “We still good bro?”
“Yeah, it’s whatever. Don’t worry about it,” Rydan replied just before Mycah walked away again. I was left gawking at his carefree retreating figure.
Who was that guy? That had probably been the most casual and guy-like-sounding I had ever heard Mycah be. Sure, he grew up around England and lived in America for a long time, but he was elven bred and reared. I was confident there could be no one else in the world who talked the way Mycah did—he was a mix of English accent, American dialogue, combined with Elvish structure. It was weird.
But totally hot.
I sat down next to the newly-healed Cathar, Rydan, and Naminé, and Lómë stalked over and laid her head in my lap. Her fluffy tiger fur was thick, but soft and shiny. I stroked her neck and ears and surprisingly found comfort in the gesture myself. Even though she was the one being petted, my frayed nerves were soothed. It was cathartic or something. She rubbed her face against the tops of my legs, as if taking care of an itch.
Naminé and Rydan chatted with Cathar about him being healed, but I remained in my own little world. Mycah sat alone with his back to a tree, his legs extended out in front of him and crossed over each other, his arms also crossed along his chest, as if not bothered by a thing in the world. Which infuriated me.
How could one person, who I loved so freaking much, be so infuriating at the same time? Gah! If I was miserable after that intense of a conversation we just had, then why wasn’t he, too?
Worse yet, it didn’t seem like there was any hope in Mycah changing his mind. I had no idea how I was going to keep resisting him, and it was apparent that he wasn’t going to stop trying to get me to give in to him, which he seemed to highly enjoy doing.
It was scary and exciting at the same time.
I was awoken with a start. “Shh,” Ender commanded. What the heck?
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I looked around in panic, expecting to die in any second, but noticed everyone was still asleep except for the few guards tasked to keep watch this shift.
“Opportunities to speak to you in private without any chance of Remycah eavesdropping are few and far between. I could think of no other moment to ensure our complete isolation.” He dragged me from my makeshift bed and out into the deep darkness of the forest. I shivered, but not from the cold. I wasn’t thrilled with being awoken in the middle of the night for whatever lecture Ender was about to give me. For all this, it had to be bad.
He finally stopped walking once we were far immersed into the woods. A lot farther than I had imagined us going. It was creepy being way out here away from everyone. I was a little scared.
“Ender, what? Just spit it out. Did you drag me all the way out here to kill me or something? Because if so, can we just get this over with? I want to go back to sleep.” I yawned. But my eyes did
n’t stop roving the area, always on the lookout for danger.
“Knocking your head against one of these trees might not be entirely in the realm of impossibilities. It may just do you some good! Nariella, what are you thinking? I specifically told you to keep away from Remycah!” Ender huffed, his anger released in full force instantaneously.
My shoulders practically dropped to the ground. “Ender, come on. It’s not my fault. What do you expect me to do?”
“I expect you to quit these foolish games you and he are playing and help me restore his motivation,” he shouted. I flinched. My chest caved in, and I felt myself spiral out of control.
“It’s out of my hands, you know that, right?” I shouted back. Emotion already clogged my throat, making my voice come out mangled. I didn’t like being blamed for something I was trying so hard to resist.
“You must make him fall out of love with you, Nariella!” Ender demanded.
“Yeah, I know, I told you I’m trying! I already plan on doing that.”
“Then forget what I said earlier, because clearly you are not trying hard enough.” His teeth were clenched and his hands pulled on his hair, something I had never seen him do before. In fact, I had never seen him look so deranged. I could see the sheer fear over his kingdom’s survival like it was a physical entity weighing down on his shoulders. It broke my already breaking heart. It felt impossible and suffocating and just…utter torture.
“I am. I’m doing everything I can,” I cried and fell to my knees. The tears streamed down my cheeks from the pain. “You have no idea how hard I’m actually trying. This is killing me! Don’t you understand? Please. Please don’t make me do this anymore. I can’t do it. It’s too hard. You…you have to find someone else. Someone else who can save your kingdom.”
“There is no one else. Remycah was reared for kingship since the moment he was birthed. He has been thoroughly trained to be the greatest king ever to take the throne in our kingdom. Prince Rydan does not have the strength nor knowledge to repair the damage Ohtar has inflicted over the Zafriel dominion.” He grabbed my shoulders so that I’d resume standing, but I couldn’t.
“Then go to him instead! Talk him out of giving up. Not me! I can’t help you. I’m sorry, but I can’t.” I sniffed and wiped my nose with the back of my sleeve.
“If I were to try once more, he would kill me. It has to be you, Nariella. He will listen to no one else.” Ender took care of the soggy tears that dripped from my chin.
“Please, there has to be another way.” I couldn’t stop the lament from escaping my body.
“I said there is none! It is unlike your Earthly leaders who can be interchanged and replaced continuously with no consequences to your land or people. It is a cold, shallow ruling with no heart or passion.” He shook his head, then gestured toward the realm. “Here, in Luïnil, our kings and queens are in direct connection to their dominion. The very soil and lifeblood that streams through the land’s veins are linked to its true ruler. It is a loving relationship that cannot be replaced or explained in simple terms. A most precious and highly exalted attachment. Without our kingdom’s true king, it will wilt away in cruel agony and misery until there is nothing left.”
“But why me? I’m too weak.” I pushed him away. “I can’t continue to resist him. Ender, I’m in love with him! Don’t you see? He risked his life for me countless times. He’s done nothing but protect me and save my life over and over again. He soothes my soul and gives me hope that there is more than evil in this world. He sacrificed everything for me. How can I turn him away? How can I possibly break his heart?”
“I do not know. But if you do not find a way, then all will surely be lost.” He pulled me tightly against his chest like a loving father would do, and I broke down at the contact. I could feel his protective arms around me as if he wanted to shield me from any and all pain, but was helpless to do so. I knew he didn’t want me to suffer. I knew it with certainty. But he was an elf of honor. He was what Mycah was supposed to be. One who would always put the needs of his kingdom above anything or anyone else.
Why did I have to fall in love with a king?
I sobbed into my father’s shirt. He was warm and strong, and exactly what I had craved all my life. Similar to how he had described the land being connected to its king, I felt my soul was intertwined with Mycah’s in the same way. The strands were woven together so tightly that I couldn’t bear the tears I would need to inflict. All I could imagine was wilting away into cruel agony until there was nothing left, just like what would happen to Aselaira without Mycah’s return.
After I dried my tears, I stayed clinging to Ender until my body ached from sitting in one spot for too long. He had held onto me equally tight, providing the comfort I so desperately needed. But I already knew nothing he did could mend the lacerations I would have on my heart once I experienced my soul being shredded from Mycah’s.
Chapter Nineteen
~Naminé~
A tear slipped from me and fell to the ground I lay on. My heart ached over Nariella’s pain. I had accidentally seen a moment of her outpouring of emotions through Calen, who had been perched on a branch in the forest nearby where Ender and she sat. I had not meant to be awake, but their departure had stirred my consciousness until I was fully roused by the sadness Calen had witnessed through no fault of her own.
I understood her pain too much, and it seemed to amplify my own. I wanted to comfort her in some way and share that she was not alone in her feelings. That there was another out there who could relate. Perhaps if she knew, it could ease her agony even if but a small amount.
Rising quietly from my resting place, I made small, slow movements so as not to disturb another that lay near. My eyes found Rydan in a peaceful slumber, and I smiled at the chance of having seen it. I did not loiter long and was once again moving in the direction of Ender and Nariella.
I used Calen as my guide and found them without difficulty. Ender was alarmed by my intrusion, but once he realized it was me, he settled down again. “Forgive me, I thought perhaps Nariella could use a bit of heart-to-heart time with a female.”
Nariella sniffed as she wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve, sitting up from her place against Ender’s chest. Ender spoke, “I would have to agree with you. That would be most lovely, Naminé. Thank you.”
He embraced his daughter with kindness and gentleness before leaving us alone together, though I suspected he remained nearby in case of immediate danger. Calen and Lissë also kept watch over us, so I did not worry over being caught unaware, for any intruder would be seen long before they reached us.
I sat next to her and contemplated what to say. “Nariella, I do hope you don’t mind my coming here. I wanted the opportunity to provide to you a sense of comfort, if I could, for I, too, am suffering from similar heartbreak. I am terribly sorry for what you are going through. But you are not alone, and I am most certainly here for you if you should ever need someone to listen or speak to about this.”
“Thank you for that. That’s really nice of you,” she responded, her voice scratchy and raw.
“You are most welcome.” I sat pensive and quiet by her side.
“I have to make Mycah fall out of love with me,” she admitted, the words seeming to have caused pain in her side, for she tensely clutched her body. “He has to choose his kingdom over me. And right now, he won’t. I don’t know how, but I’ve got to do something to get him to love me less…love me little enough to do the right thing.”
“That is awful,” I exclaimed. I felt sickened for her and what she was being forced to do. “Do you at least have any idea of how to do it?”
“I…I honestly don’t know.” Her face fell into the palms of her hands as she continued to speak, “What could I do that would make him fall out of love me? Hurt him so bad that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me? I mean, that’s usually how couples break up where I’m from. They lie, cheat, or do something incredibly hurtful to the one they’re
with, and then…it’s over. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes they work through it and forgiveness is given. But when it’s really hurtful…too much for the one being hurt to take…only then do they walk away. And I can’t imagine doing something so hurtful to Mycah that he’d let me go. And I don’t want to. The thought alone is…unbearable.”
“Is it truly the only way? I do not believe Remycah has the ability to give up on you, even if you were to find a way to wound him.” I laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Nariella, would not Remycah forgive you for any of your trespasses?”
“That’s the hard part about this whole thing. He’s too loyal. Nothing I’d do would change his feelings. I believe that. I really do. Because I don’t think there’s anything he could do that would change mine, either.” She sat up and looked me in the eyes. It was so unsettling to see them in this black color that I was not used to. I wondered what had happened to their violet vibrancy, but I did not wish to change the subject, for I assumed it was tied to the reason she could not heal any longer. “When I thought he was on Ohtar’s side and killing those I felt connected to—the Tavas'Elda I felt were of my kin—deep down I still loved him. And I would’ve forgiven him in time had he really done those things. But Mycah is better than me. He’d know I was only doing it for his kingdom. He’d see through me…it wouldn’t be genuine, and I doubt he’d truly be hurt enough knowing on the inside I didn’t really want to do it.”
I placed my chin into my hand and sighed. “I do see what you are saying, and I must agree. Perhaps, instead of doing something hurtful, you appeal to his love for you. For if he loved you, he would want to make you happy, would he not?”
“Yeah, I guess so. Go on…”
“Well, then, if you convey to him most adamantly that what would make you truly happy is for him to let you go…and for him to save his kingdom and not choose you over it, then, though I cannot be certain, perhaps he will put your needs first again, which happens to be putting his kingdom first. Dear stars, I am beginning to sound like a lunatic, I’m afraid.” I lightly laughed at myself, for I was having the hardest time explaining what I had meant.
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