“No, no. I think I get it. It’s that saying that goes something like, ‘If you love something, let it go.’ I can’t remember if that’s the exact wording, but yeah. That might actually work.” She tapped her finger against her lips in thought. “Or, I could always arrange for him to catch Cathar kissing me…”
My eyes shot to hers in surprise, and I suspected my mouth hung open as I stared at her. When she saw my face, she immediately broke into laughter, and I, too, joined in the fun with a hearty sound. For a moment, it felt like we were kin, sharing an intimate moment with deep secrets that no one else knew of. And I might have even dared to say the forming of a bond had begun between us then.
It made my heart smile.
Chapter Twenty
~Nari~
It was the crack of dawn, and we were on the move. Now that Mycah and Rydan had their gifts back and everyone was healed, it was time to go after Ohtar. I was told we needed to find his scent “before the veil of dusk.” Elves had a knack of speaking in poetry that I still sometimes marveled at.
But I was in no mood for poetry, riddles, or pretty words. I was a walking zombie—deprived of much needed precious sleep. That always seemed to happen to me. I hadn’t been in blissful unconsciousness for long last night before Ender had almost startled me into an early heart attack.
Then after his heart-shattering lecture, any potential for sleep had been obliterated. And so here I was, clasping Lissë’s neck tightly—drained, exhausted, and completely hollow.
“Who pissed in your coffee this morning?” Rydan joked from his place on the ground walking next to me.
“Ender did,” I whispered. “Well, it was more like last night. I’ve had it with this whole thing, Ry. Seriously.”
“You always say that, but I really don’t think you have any choice in the matter,” he pointed out. Of course he was right. That was the tough part.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. But you don’t need to remind me about it. I repeat—a girl can dream, can’t she?” I sighed, enjoying the wishful thinking for a second. “If only for one moment, I’d like to pretend there was peace in my life and I had the power to prevent all negativity from leaking into my peace-bubble.”
“You’re crazy,” he chuckled.
Naminé chimed in, “I admire your strength, Nariella. I am confident in believing that had it been any other girl when faced with heartbreak, she would have given up the fight against Ohtar and left. It is evident by the fact that you are yet here standing with us whilst immersed in Remycah’s presence, despite what is being asked of you to do, shows real courage and tenacity.”
My eyes shot to her in surprise as she continued to walk next to Rydan’s left. For a moment, she kept her eyes down but then moved them to mine and let me see her genuineness. I smiled. Gratefulness swelled in my chest for her yet again. I had no idea hearing someone, practically a stranger even, say those words would make me feel so much better. But she was beginning to feel less like a stranger and more and more like a close friend.
I believed I was weak and a coward, but it was strange how effective a person other than yourself could be against your too-critical-self-image. Why was it that we needed other people to validate what we should already know ourselves? Either way, and whether or not I had the ability to believe her words, none of that mattered. Because sometimes, it could only take one person to voice the precise sentiments needed to keep you going and from giving up. She encouraged me to believe that I could succeed. And so I thanked her warmly, and there might have even been tiny tears in my eyes.
But I quickly blinked them away.
“She’s right, you know,” Rydan added. “I guess I should tell you those things more.”
“It’s okay. I appreciate your guys’ support.” I smiled again at them. “Thanks.”
I prayed Mycah couldn’t hear us talking. Or maybe it’d be better if he did hear us. I battled the huge part of me that didn’t want him to concede and bail out of our relationship. That half of my heart begged for him to keep chipping away at my resolve and barrel through the little wall I was building between us. Because deep down I didn’t want to let go. I’d never want to let go of Mycah.
But if he did overhear us, perhaps he’d learn on his own to quit the charade and follow his destiny, since I knew it would have to happen in the end one way or the other. And if he did buckle against the pressure, it’d make it a lot easier on me. I wouldn’t have to resist so damn hard.
“I really hope we find Ohtar,” Rydan changed the subject. “That bastard can’t get away with what he’s done.”
“He won’t,” Naminé said, as if she could see the future and it was already fact. I’d like to believe it was true. He had caused so much pain and sorrow—no one should be allowed to exist after all that he had tarnished.
“Yeah, she’s right. We’ll get him, Ry.” I was determined to make it happen.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t that day. After spending hours trying to pick up Ohtar’s scent to no avail, we were forced to make a new camp for another night. But tomorrow we’d be right back at it again.
There were violet and vibrant blue flowers scattered everywhere.
I was back in the Duck Room of the O’Malley Bed and Breakfast, and it was exactly as it looked the night Mycah had decorated it to make up for my missing the school dance. Was I dreaming of that night? Hey, that was fine with me. I’d give anything to secretly return to that moment Mycah had held me in his arms and we had danced the night away.
I spun around in awe, soaking it all in. It was so unbelievably real. There was no way this was a dream. I was sure I had somehow got transported back to the Earthly realm by a secret magician who had been lurking in the trees while I slept. He must have felt I was an abomination too and wanted me out of there. But where was my handsome prince? I mean, king.
“No, love. This is in fact a dream,” his accent clicked over the words from his spot in the doorway—just like last time, too. Speak of the devil. Or in this case, secret magician. I turned around to face him.
Good God! My stomach flipped at the sight of him. How could anyone be allowed to be this…this…hell. How did one describe such sexy perfection? He made me ache just looking at him as he leaned on the doorframe with his arms crossed, accentuating his biceps, with his otherworldly eyes that never failed to pierce my soul. Cheekbones and muscles and…hell. I blinked. The stubble over his glorious jawline was infectious…I had to touch it.
But I didn’t.
I kept my cool.
We hadn’t spoken since we had that heartbreaking conversation and I left his ring on the ground. I swallowed. “Oh, hey. Yeah, um, it’s going to take me a lot longer than a few weeks to get over this whole dream-weaving thing.” And his sexiness.
A whole lot of time.
Centuries probably. And even then I was sure it wouldn’t be enough. One did not just get used to Mycah Nightly’s gorgeousness.
He took my hand gently—cautiously. “Wake up. I want to show you something. But keep quiet, and whatever you do, do not disturb Ender. If I could deepen his sleep, I would. But my abilities are useless against him, as you are already aware.”
“Where are we going? And are you like, sitting next to me right now out in the real world like a big’ol’creeper?” I made an “ew” face. Obviously, I was totally faking, because that’d be so freakin’ hot. But only because it’d be him…who wouldn’t want Mycah Nightly sitting next to them, even if they were asleep?
He shook his head and scoffed. “No. How can one person be so silly?”
“Magic, I think.” And hot, sexy elves who did crazy things to my mind.
“Just follow the trail I left you. Alright? Be quick.”
Then not one second later, he was gone. And I was once again conscious with my heart jumping like crazy. I needed to ignore him. Just ignore him.
But then I looked and found that there were those same purple and blue swirled flowers left in a trail like breadcrumbs, like I had suddenly
stepped into the story of Hansel and Gretel. Why did I get up and start to follow them? I knew they’d lead me to my doom—to the house made out of candy with a cannibalistic witch inside, but I didn’t care. I went anyway. And like Hansel and Gretel, the thought of just one taste seemed too sweet to pass up. My breath caught momentarily as I let Mycah lead me somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away from where I was supposed to be.
He stood in the middle of the path; well, more like unbeaten path, since it was the middle of a forest. But nonetheless—he was there, waiting for me. Ethereal and dangerous, I was at risk of falling even more in love with him than I already was. I hated when that happened. I was supposed to be falling out of love with him and him out of love with me. So why did I let him drag me out to these places? I knew one-hundred-percent nothing good would come of it. And yet, even so, there was absolutely no stopping my feet from following him blindly like two giddy children on their way to Disney World.
“Stop worrying, sweetheart.” He caressed my jawline gingerly, and my body reacted to his touch like a bolt of electricity zapping me upright.
Oh, he was certainly the devil in disguise. I no longer had to wonder if he was maybe an angel. There would be no denying that he was actually the opposite.
He led me through trees, trees, and more trees, until finally, he stopped. “We’re here.”
“And where’s here, exactly?”
“The place that dreams are made of.”
I looked then, really looked, and my heart jumped into my throat at the sight before me. It was another one of Mycah’s dreams that he had weaved for me—the first one he had ever created for us. I hadn’t known it was a dream at the time, but I had discovered that little fact when Naminé spilled the beans. Not that it was supposed to be a secret or anything.
But this wasn’t a dream. This was real. For once, a dream literally had come true. And it was one of the most exquisite things I had ever seen.
Giant weeping willows stood towering across the whole glen, circling a translucent pond. A million fireflies lit up the air until the scene appeared to be twinkling. In the middle hung the bed of flowers that was suspended by the arms of the willow trees. Though they weren’t in the water or really that close to the pallet of flowers, it was pure magic that extended their reach from across the way to hold it up with perfect grace.
Mycah used his mind-blowing powers and drew those branches that were attached along the massive platform to the edge of the pond with the intention for us to climb on board. It dangled there in front of me like the worst kind of bait known to man. Oh, this boy was good. Way too good for my measly self to handle.
I was being stalked like prey. Hunted in the way one would seek a rare treasure or prize. But don’t get me wrong—it definitely wasn’t in a bad, creepy-stalker-ish kind of way. No, no. This was much different. This was done out of the purest form of love that could ever exist—an unrelenting love that could never be extinguished.
There could be nothing more beautiful.
Mycah was doing everything in his power to win me over. I looked into his fire-lit eyes and praised every moment more that I was able to do so. Because he had been my only light that had truly chased away the darkness that worked so hard to consume me. Not even Rydan was able to do that. I could read his stare like an open book—a passion was emblazoned there meant just for me.
What was I to do, or even say? I was never good at change. And that was what needed to happen. Change. We couldn’t continue like this. I couldn’t have another late night fight with Ender as he berated me for not trying hard enough. I couldn’t live through that again.
I immediately turned around and fled back the way we had come. I felt Mycah come after me, but I didn’t stop until I was able to recognize where I was.
“Nariella, come back.” Mycah slid his hand over my wrist to stop me from walking away. “Please don't leave quite yet. I need you to hear me out. Alright?”
“What else is there to say, Mycah?”
He didn't respond. We waited near the path that’d return us to camp. I could see him open and close his mouth a few times, struggling to come up with the right words. But it was the darn silence that hung between us that told me everything I needed to know and scared me more than the thought of leaving could. Because there hiding in that silence was the deafening proof that there were no more excuses to keep me from doing this. Thankfully, there was no shedding of those little tears I hated so much. I kept myself in control.
He finally spoke, “Have you ever seen Chaudet’s composition of Cupid Playing with a Butterfly?” I gave him a quizzical look, and he kept going as he shook his head at himself, “No, of course you haven’t. Silly me.”
“What are you—?” He placed his finger on my lips to silence me, and my toes curled.
“Just listen. Cupid, the god of desire, love, and attraction, offers a rose to a butterfly he is holding by the wings. The butterfly, symbolizing the soul, allows itself to be seduced by his rose.” His gruff voice, his words, they were like honey on my lips, and I suddenly wondered if he was Cupid himself. “Imprisoned by Cupid, or love, the soul then experiences love’s torments rather than its pleasures. Love plucks the butterfly’s wings, further enslaving it and…tortures it.”
“Mycah…” I somehow breathed his name, but already my heart was being strangled.
“I…suppose I suddenly understand that butterfly.” He slid his fingers down long strands of my hair, and they glided effortlessly. “Love, at times, can be quite more torturous than pleasurable, is it not?”
I closed my eyes and nodded my fervent reply. I knew all too well the torment of love.
He drew closer to me, and I sucked in a breath. “I thought about what you had said. And you’re wrong. I would never regret choosing you, Nariella. I could never resent you. Even if I am brought torment, you’ve already seduced me.”
“Mycah…”
“I understand you’re upset with what you saw inside the castle walls, but it's all that has a hold over us now. And we can overcome it in time.” I could hear the desperation in his voice. He fought with everything he had to keep me from continuing down this path of no return.
“No. I refuse to believe any lies or excuses and then live day after day telling each other we'll be fine forever. While deep down I would know that it’s a false reality. A dream that can never come true.” This wasn’t one of his creations that he could turn into reality. He had to understand that.
“It wouldn’t be like that, love.” He tried to caress my jawline but I jerked away. “I know you believe you have to do this, but you don’t!”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “This is how it has to be.”
“I know you're sorry, and believe me, I know precisely what you’re going through with all this insanity that you never asked for. And I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for us. Most of all, I feel sorry for my people. But they don’t want me, Nariella. And I refuse to let you walk out of my life all because of their ridiculous prejudice.” He slid his hand into his favorite spot at the side of my cheek, his fingers getting lost in my hair. I wasn’t able to fight it that time. “Nari, come away with me. Let’s go and get out of this dreadful place, just the two of us. A place where no one can stop us from being together.”
“I can’t do that, you know I can’t do that! I will always have the death of your kingdom on my mind, because I’ve felt its pain in my bones. Can't you see? We're not special, Mycah! Nothing about us is special. It wasn’t a miracle that brought us together. It was a curse. An omen. Our love will only bring death and destruction.”
“For bloody sake, don’t say that, Nariella!” He grabbed onto his chest like I had delivered a physical blow to his heart.
It killed me, but I was on this runaway train to hell with no stopping in sight. “God! Why are you doing this to me? We will never see eye-to-eye on this. You are too stuck in this tunnel vision.” And here came the lies, “For all of this, everything that I’ve been put thr
ough—how can you not see that I’m better off without you? We’re better off without each other. It’s like we’re on this car ride fated for destruction and slowly drifting to the wrong side. We’re swerving off the road and flying past all signs that had warned us not to head this way.”
“That isn’t true.” He grabbed my wrists and pulled me against his chest forcefully when I started to turn away. “Nariella. Even if being with you meant I was fated to die for it, you would be worth it. You’re worth fighting for, you’re worth dying for, and I won’t stop loving you just because someone tells me to.”
“But, Mycah…” I said the next words with complete numbness. I didn’t even listen to myself say them. My mind was set on something entirely different. I braced myself for the world to crash and burn the moment they left my lips. “Mycah, I don't want you to love me anymore. Because I’m over loving you.”
Stupid, fat, horribly ugly tears toppled over onto my heated cheeks and fell to the fabric of my shirt, soaking up into dark circles. But those same eyes were strongly covered in disguise. I had to deceive him into thinking it was what I truly wanted. I could not let my actual desires give way in any sort of fashion if I were to convince him I was being honest. He stared at me unrelentingly for a good few minutes. I was sure I could hear the sound of his heart breaking with each passing second I forced myself to feel like those appalling words were true.
“Be honest with me for this one time, Nariella. And then I won’t try anymore, if that is what you truly wish. Tell me, are you genuinely giving up on us? Is that really what you want from me? Quit with the façade and tell me truthfully right now, Do you. Want me. To walk away?”
Oh, God, please hear me now. Please give me the strength that I need so incredibly much in this moment to endure the hardest thing I have ever been presented with.
The Sweet Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 112