I couldn’t believe my bones that shook with pain at having to answer this question. I tried to be better than this. Stronger than this. I tried to be the daughter I knew my father wanted, but when I opened my mouth to tell him yes, I couldn’t. My pent-up sobs were strangling the life out of me. I fell to my knees, and he let me, with shock etched into his face. All I could manage was a nod.
“So be it. Then I will let you give up. But I won’t deny that it’s only come to this because there’s no more trying to convince you otherwise tonight. My heart cannot bear seeing you like this.”
“Thank you,” I think I said, if the words managed to escape my aching vocal cords.
“Don’t thank me, Nariella. You and I…we’ll never be the same as we once were before each other. A butterfly can never regain its wings.” He stood tall with his head to the wind, remaining calmer than the dawning sky. I imagined he waited there for waves to flood in on both sides of him and crash, as if maybe he wanted to be swept away from here. I wanted to yell at him and beg him to stop faking this tough demeanor that I knew hid his misery. But I was no better. I was faking, too. And I was so damn tired of obeying my stupid brain that I almost gave in.
Almost.
I knew then that he’d never give up on me, and I would forever be tortured like that butterfly if I didn’t leave. I would have to endure this “break up” again and again. So I tried my best to leave first—afraid if I didn’t, the shattered pieces of my soul that lay on the ground where I waited would be forced to watch him walk away from me. And I was terrified I'd go after him if I did. But I couldn’t move.
He turned in departure from this miserable spot, and I wrestled with the deepest parts of me to keep from chasing after him, taking back all the wrong things I had said and begging for forgiveness. My fists were clenched so tightly it hurt as I watched in torment Mycah descend further into the darkness with a hand dug deep into his pocket, the other clenching the back of his neck.
I would miss him forever. What he left behind, it hurt my marrow. Made it impossible to get up and do the right thing—to accomplish what was needed so that Mycah would be released from my hold. But I was cut too deep that I cried on my knees and broke down into the soil instead. All I had left to cling to was my love for Remycah Avel Zafriel when I hit the ground.
With the help of my Fëa, I recovered momentarily and returned to the group’s resting place. Mycah wasn’t here and everyone remained asleep, so it didn’t take me long to gather my few things.
Ender had been right, yet again. I should’ve left before Mycah he had woken that day. It was the only way he would be allowed to heal and realize his foolish actions. Without me there, he’d come to his senses and save his people a lot sooner than later.
I was sure that above everything, I couldn't be wrong about this. And maybe I needed to prove that I was strong enough to make it on my own. That I didn’t need to be so attached to a man to be okay. But, who really knew? Heartache was quick to make you believe any excuse in order for you to feel better as soon as possible. I’d let myself buy anything at this point.
With my sword returned to my side, I slinked back into the woods with my tail between my legs. Lissë nuzzled my neck tenderly with her soft nose, then wiped the tears that fell periodically in silence down my face. Her snout was like pure butter on my skin. I tried to smile, but I couldn’t. Nothing had ever hurt so much as to let Mycah go. I needed to walk and mourn the death of a love I knew could never be replaced.
I wandered through dense trees and foliage like a drifter no one would care to notice and recollected memories of Mycah and me. I felt terrible for hurting him, and there would always be a huge scar on my heart that would serve as a reminder that I should've never let him go. But that heart collided with the logic of my mind and fell down deep through the pits of my stomach until it split and divided on the ground.
I needed to be stronger. I needed there to be more in me. Despite feeling stale, I was able to find a tiny piece of dignity that would serve as glue buried inside me somewhere, and so I stuck myself together for now.
My mind was so unfocused and clouded that I was blind to where I was going. I tripped on something and plunged to my knees. I stayed there for a moment to catch my breath. I was scattered and grey like ashes spread on the ground. And I was tired of blowing around without a home to go to. I could feel my sanity beginning to fray at the ends like an overused rope.
Chapter Twenty-One
~Naminé~
Try as I might, I could not resist. I had grown so accustomed to Rydan’s and my relationship developing through our dreams that I felt most comfortable sharing my feelings with him there, despite knowing his physical body was near mine. Though, it might've had to do with the nature of this particular discussion I wished to have and the overwhelming number of ears that had the chance of listening to our private matters, should we speak in person. It seemed best to keep this topic secret, and communicating by way of a dream would ensure that it did.
Calen was warm beside me as I stroked her feathers. I had been waiting to portray the doubts I had over the sudden advancement in our relationship ever since we had escaped our execution, and my mother voicing her concerns to me planted them deeper. I knew she was right. I only had to figure out a way to make Rydan realize that as well.
With the assistance of Calen, though not needed when it came to Rydan apparently, our usual dream scene was painted in seconds. I called to him like a whisper in a shadow. Instantly I felt his presence, and without my permission, my soul rejoiced in our connection.
I closed my eyes and prayed that I would have the strength needed to do what must be done. I feared the moment my skin would make contact with his, I would be done for. His power over me was far too great.
“Hey,” his voice rumbled. “I was hoping you’d meet me here.”
“Rydan, before you continue, I must tell you this will not be easy for us.” I had motioned my hand toward the dream atmosphere, indicating I referred to this conversation. “I came to you for one purpose and one purpose only. I fear I will not follow through on what my conscience is screaming at me to do, and so I must not let anything else in this dream go any further until I speak my mind. So please listen.”
His face drew painstakingly close to mine, and I nearly came undone at the seams. For my heart pleaded with me, pleaded that I release my prior reservations to the wind, forget they ever existed, and kiss his utterly seductive mouth to the stars above.
But I was not weak. I held my palms up and his chest pressed against them. His heat seeped into my skin as I kept them there, reveling in our stolen touch. “Rydan, you mustn’t.”
“What do you mean?” He lifted my chin to meet his waiting gaze. His silver eyes bore into mine with concern and affection. The air in my lungs became trapped while I remained captive by his stare.
I did my best to break from his enchantment, remembering what Cathar had said about me that day. “I am afraid my mother knows of our…of this.” I gestured between us. “Not only she, but my brother, and doubtless my father as well. Rydan, I was a fool to encourage what might have accidentally developed between you and me. I believed that we would be executed shortly after, for I did not foresee Ender and Nariella assembling such a massive army as they had, then storming the castle.”
“Wait, what are you saying?” His heartbeat increased and pounded harder beneath the pads of my fingers. “You’re not backing out of this, Naminé. I don’t care what I was born into. I don’t care what you were born into. To me, you’re every bit as beautiful, if not more, than any queen could hope to be. It doesn’t matter that you’re not of royalty.”
“We have discussed this before.” I turned away from him, my cheeks burning deep as embers. “It does certainly matter. It means everything. If we are to live in this realm, Rydan, then we must obey its laws and traditions. It is of great shame not to. It could mean our exile and disconnection from the land’s lifeblood. Do you recall the rogue elda
who had Lómë in captivity? We would descend into darkness, much like her. Much like Ohtar, and even worse…Dae’Sûl.”
“Then tell me what to do. Tell me, Naminé. What is it that you want from me?” He slid his hand around my arm above my elbow and spun me around to face him once more. Our lips were held millimeters apart, and our gazes collided with a force that had my heart spiraling out of my chest. “Because I’ll do as you ask. Anything. If you want me to back off and never touch you again, then so be it. Just know, if it were anyone but you, I’d just pursue you like there was no tomorrow. But you’re you. Pedestal.”
My poor heart now crashed violently against my ribs as he waited for an answer. An answer I wished more than anything I didn’t have to give. For the moment I did, my world would crash and burn.
My breath was held, for I dared not move—not even to inhale. I feared doing so would be the end of me and my determination to hold strong to our traditions.
“Naminé? Tell me,” his deep, raspy voice murmured.
“We must remain only acquaintances. Nothing more. Any intimacy we had shared must be put to an end. And you will remain my prince, and I your servant.” My entire body trembled from the sheer magnitude the meaning of my words held.
“Fine. Anything for you. But let me ask one thing.” He retreated from me by taking a step backward, and any contact our bodies had was extinguished in a heartbreaking second. “If I convinced my mom to approve of this…would you reconsider?”
“I would not dare dream of it. That is impossible—”
“Naminé, would you reconsider?” he interrupted me.
“I…I know not if I even could.” I clenched fists at my sides, held my head high, and did my best to hold myself together. “But…I suppose…if by some miracle we were given permission, then…then yes. But I—” Again, he disrupted my speaking, only this time, he held a finger to my lips.
“That’s all I needed to know.” He lowered his lips to my ear and whispered, “And don't say I didn’t warn you, beautiful.”
My insides ached at his words, and I found myself awoken from the dream and returned to the reality of Luïnil. My heart hammered wildly as I slid my focus to Rydan, who lay on the other side of our resting space, staring at me stoically. Not seconds later, he maneuvered his head to gaze upon the night sky above before draping his arm over his eyes.
I turned on my side and huddled closer to Calen for comfort, realizing too well I had no chance of sleep tonight after my experience with the enigma known as Prince Rydan Cael Zafriel.
Chapter Twenty-Two
~Nari~
The silence that coated the atmosphere was so loud, it left little room for sleep. But before I knew it, the sun had peeked its ferocious face up over the horizon, and its light sprinkled in through the trees encircling me. I hadn’t even realized I had stayed in this one spot the rest of the night.
I was hung loose like a dying branch, just fluttering with each tiny breeze that blew, making the wind look so cold. I remained holding onto everything I held dear so close. And that was stupid of me. I needed to let it all go.
My eyes were again drowning in tears that I couldn’t seem to stop. If I could do one thing differently, I would have let Mycah know that he had been my shining light through the darkest of storms. The one beam I had looked to every night and believed whole-heartedly would always take me home.
Without it, I felt purely lost.
I remained at a spot near the trunk of a tree, needing more time to just sit and think. Lissë remained asleep, lying on buckled legs next to me. Looking around the borderline of Aselaira, I had hoped it would feel more like home by now. But the only emotions I currently felt from it were resentment and strife.
My upper body dropped down to the ground until I was curled onto my side. I stared openly at nothing, not seeing anything, completely lost in thought. Until surprisingly, something happened.
I jumped up into a sitting position, my heartbeat pounding erratically. There in front of me was a small, translucent…animal. Creature. Thing. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but I knew it was unique to Luïnil. It stared at me with its large black eyes and glowing body. Which I could see through. I asked, “Hello?”
I was met with silence, but it did turn its head at me like a puppy. It continued to do nothing but stare…and it didn’t even have eyelids. Okay, now I was a little creeped out.
“Shoo.” I waved it off, feeling insecure. Suddenly, more popped up, surrounding me. They were all different shapes and sizes—some skinny, some chubby, with those big black eyes, maybe a foot tall at the most. But the thing that freaked me out more was how every single one of them was see through. Hazy-white and glowing, they looked like…ghosts.
But they weren’t ghosts.
At least, I didn’t think so…They definitely weren’t human, elf, or anything normal like that. They were their own type of creature.
They started jumping around and hopping on each other’s backs as they waved me on to follow them. I didn’t know why, but I did. I felt safe. I could feel they didn’t mean me harm. I crawled on my hands and knees as they led me somewhere else.
Eventually, I found myself in front of a puddle. The little creatures got down on their hands and knees, too, and knelt over it, setting their tiny heads in their even tinier hands. They gazed into the puddle, and a few gestured for me to do the same. So I did.
Suddenly, Ohtar appeared in the reflection. I whirled around to look behind me, but he wasn’t there. I turned back to the water and realized it was playing like a movie. It showed him step into the puddle, and then like magic, my eyes followed it up to a new puddle that appeared across the way. I quickly crawled over to it and watched it happen again and again until the puddles led me to a giant pool of water. The movie finished with Ohtar and his men crossing the water and making their way up a passage to the tops of the Nura’ringul Mountains.
Were these creatures showing me where Ohtar fled? Where he was currently hiding? I could hardly believe it. Turning to them, I thanked them but as the words left my mouth, the creatures disappeared in a snap. I couldn't tell if it was because they were done with me, or if it was for a different reason. Like they had run away from danger.
That made being alone out here in the middle of Luïnil—where evil monsters creeped out of every hole and cranny—seem like a really stupid idea. Distracted? Not paying attention to my surroundings? Uh, yeah. That was like a huge “All Psychotic Monsters Welcome! HAVE AT ME!” sign plastered on the tree above my head. That thought sent a jolt of electricity down my spine, like a pre-warning that I was about to get attacked.
No, I was only being paranoid. But still, my eyes darted around the area like ping-pong balls, just waiting to spot something out of place. Slowly, I stood up with my hands still bracing the trunk behind me and peered around to the other side. My heart beat faster than a double-base kick-drum. You can thank Rydan for that little reference there.
A scream ripped through my throat the instant I met another face inches from my own, but it was stifled by a hand clamped so tightly over my mouth and nose that it never actually escaped far. I could see through my mind’s eye that Lissë was startled awake by my fear and shot up to a standing position, but only to be knocked back down to the ground a second later with a large dart sticking out of her neck. My eyes looked for the culprit, but I couldn’t see him or her.
I couldn’t breathe. That fact alone was alarming enough to send my gut wrenching out of control, never mind anything else. My focus was set on returning air to my lungs, and so I paid no attention to the person responsible for my capture.
That was until I recognized a face. Oh, that gosh darn face was sure to haunt me for the rest of my long, immortal life. The newly-burn-scarred, crooked-nosed face.
Nikolai.
What…what the heck was he doing here?!
I fought against my attacker’s hold around my body and tried to break free. The grass below his feet began to multiply and thicken
into vines that slithered around his ankles and up over his thighs, all by my command. He shrieked like a little girl, but didn’t let me go. Until I made thorns spike into his flesh.
With a howl, he dropped me like a hot potato, and I dashed for cover faster than a racehorse at the sound of a gunshot. Not taking any chances, I sent rocks and tree bark flying at anyone who had been behind me—I had no idea if the stuff actually hit anyone, because I kept my eyes on where I ran. I prayed that Lissë would be okay if she remained where she was. I could return for her later once I lured these guys away.
A loud popping sound had me looking to my right, but at that same instant I crashed into the soil like a rag-doll. Just like what happened to Lissë, my legs wouldn’t move. My arms wouldn’t move. I couldn’t even twist my head or turn onto my back. I was completely paralyzed. I commanded any sort of aid from the elements surrounding me, but it was no use once my mind began to fuzz and my eyes closed.
I was a goner.
The glistening sun played delicately with the long, slight limbs of my glorious Weeping Willow tree. Its ageless friend—the wind—danced between the slender leaves with affection and fondness. The familiar pool of water that sparkled like glass remained lovingly at the Willow’s side. Dew glimmered along the vibrant, silky blades of foliage that stretched to the turf below.
I smiled sweetly as I caressed my hand over those graceful leaves that I could’ve sworn were made out of jade. I smoothed the wetness over my fingers and soaked the droplets up as if they were a part of me. The branches embraced me back like I was a long-lost friend who had stayed away for far too long.
I felt that way, too.
Rydan brushed past me and entered through the long curtain of branches with ease. Reaching back, he took my hand and pulled me to the trunk where we both sat cross-legged. He set his acoustic guitar in his lap just as the wind blew, and I closed my eyes at the familiar wood smell that reached my nose.
The Sweet Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 113