Wayward Hearts

by Susan Anne Mason

  Why did that thought irk him so much?

  Maxi’s big hazel eyes stared straight ahead, dulled by sorrow. The smattering of freckles she so hated stood out in stark relief against the pallor of her skin. Knowing firsthand the volatile nature of her relationship with Charlie, Jason guessed she would be suffering from a wide range of emotions—the main one being guilt.

  As the procession moved past, Maxi’s ravaged gaze flicked over to Jason. Their eyes met and held for a brief moment before she jerked her head back and stumbled forward. Her brother, Aidan, caught her arm to steady her, and they moved past.

  Jason hardly heard a word of the service. His attention remained riveted on Maxi several rows ahead. Her shoulders shook as she wept in Aidan’s arms, and Jason wished he could be the one to comfort her. Like he had all through high school.

  His heart ached for her pain. Despite Maxi’s difficult relationship with Charlie, Jason knew his death would devastate her. He shifted on the hard pew, the scent of candles and funeral flowers drifting by him. He must be a real jerk, because in spite of everything, he envied Maxi. At least she knew her dad, even if they never got along. And now she’d have closure—something he would likely never get with his own father.

  When the service finished and the family filed out of the church in solemn procession, Jason hurried after them, hoping to catch a moment alone with Maxi. But as he sifted through the crowds in front of the church, he couldn’t see her anywhere. At the curb, Aidan North helped his mother into the car. Jason tried to peer into the backseat, sure Maxi must be inside.

  “Hello, Jason.” Even after the trauma of losing her husband, Bernice North still had a smile of welcome for him. She looked much older than a woman in her mid-fifties. He imagined her illness had something to do with that.

  She held out her hand to him. “Thank you so much for coming. I hope you have time to come back to the house for refreshments. Everyone’s welcome.”

  There would be no trip to the cemetery since Charlie was being cremated. Jason didn’t hesitate for a minute. No matter how mad Maxi might be at him, he couldn’t pass up the chance to see her again.

  “Thanks, Mrs. North. I’ll be there.”

  ****

  Maxi moved like a robot through the living room of her parents’ sprawling farmhouse, offering drinks and trays of sandwiches to the people who’d come by to pay their respects. Keeping busy allowed her to avoid thinking, or feeling, anything. On automatic pilot, she smiled at neighbors, gave the appropriate responses to their words of condolence, and scurried on to the next guest as soon as it was polite to do so.

  She still couldn’t believe Charlie was dead. Crushed by his own tractor. Her family had worried his drinking would end in something like this one day. Now their worst fears had come true.

  A waving hand from the other side of the room caught her attention. Her mother motioned her over and a pang of guilt swamped Maxi. She should be paying more attention to Mama, instead of running from her emotions. Mama was the one who’d be most affected by Charlie’s death. After all, she depended on him for everything.

  Too bad Charlie wasn’t dependable.

  She set the tray of sandwiches on a side table and weaved her way over to the wheelchair in the corner, crouching down so her face was level with her mother’s. “What is it, Mama? Do you need something?” A breeze at the open window lifted the curtain and ruffled Maxi’s bangs.

  “I’m fine, dear.” Despite her assertion, the strain of the past few days showed in the lines on her face. Her light brown hair, streaked with a good deal of gray, needed trimming. Her mother reminded Maxi of a wilted rose—once beautiful but now withered by time and disease. Much like the faded furniture in this living room.

  Her mother smiled. “Look who’s here. It’s Jason.”

  Maxi’s hand froze on the arm of the wheelchair. How had she missed Jason standing off to the side? She grappled to keep her expression neutral as she slowly straightened. Faced with the reality of seeing him again, she found herself unprepared for the onslaught of conflicting emotions. After two years without contact, she had no idea what to say to him. So she said nothing—and simply stared.

  He looked so different, she almost didn’t recognize him. He’d filled out through the chest and shoulders, giving him a more rugged look. His hair, which skimmed his collar, had deepened into a beautiful chestnut color. His stunning blue eyes, however, remained as intense as ever. Right now they shone with sympathy.

  “Hello, Maxi.” He stepped forward to kiss her cheek. “I’m so sorry about your dad.”

  His breath tickled her ear before he moved back. With that one tiny action, and the familiar scent of his cologne swirling around her, her long-standing crush roared back to life.

  “Thanks. You sure look…different.” The words were out of her mouth before she could think. In order to steady her hands, she crossed her arms over her chest.

  He smiled at her. “I suppose I do.”

  “Jason was one of the first responders here when I called for help. He’s a volunteer firefighter now,” Mama told her.

  Maxi looked down at her mother and blinked. She’d almost forgotten Mama was there.

  “Remember, I wrote about it in my last letter?”

  Maxi couldn’t admit she didn’t remember—that she tried her best not to think about Jason Hanley at all. Instead, she shrugged. “I guess.” She turned back to the intensity of Jason’s gaze.

  “I’m training to be a fireman over in Kingsville.”

  Maybe that explained the fire in his eyes.

  “I never thought you’d leave the auto body shop.”

  Jason tugged at his tie as if he wanted to pull it off. “Guess you didn’t hear that Tony’s garage burnt down. Ironic that I’d choose firefighting because of a fire where I worked, huh? Anyway, that type of work never did anything for me. I want to do something that will make a difference for people.”

  Maxi couldn’t conceal her surprise. When had Jason Hanley grown up? Before she left, he’d been adolescent in his ways, riding motorcycles and running with resident bad boy, Marco Messini. A multitude of questions raced through her brain, tangling her tongue, but now was not the time or place to rehash old issues.

  “How about you? What are you up to these days?” Jason asked.

  “Didn’t Peg tell you?” Maxi always worded her letters to his mother in a careful manner, conscious that every bit of news would be relayed to Jason.

  “She said something about a swanky shop in New York.”

  Maxi smirked. Sounded just like Peg. “Yeah. I’m at Baronne’s on Fifth Avenue. You’ve probably never heard of it, but it’s pretty prestigious.”

  “I’m glad. I know how much you wanted this.”

  An unidentifiable emotion flashed across his features. Features she had to admit were very attractive. For several seconds, she couldn’t tear her eyes from his.

  “I have to go…serve more food.” She waved her arms in the direction of the kitchen.

  “Sure.” He paused. “Listen, can we get together before you go back?”

  She hesitated. Bad idea, her brain screamed. She scrambled for an excuse to say no, but when nothing came to her, she shrugged. “I guess so.”

  “Great. I’ll call you.”

  He kissed her cheek again. Maxi closed her eyes, drinking in the familiar scent of him. Then she forced herself to step away into the safety of the crowd.

  ****

  After the majority of the guests had departed, Maxi sought a moment of solitude outside on the porch steps. With only the family’s faithful farm dog for company, she stared out over the expanse of their property. Acres and acres of green pasture interspersed with newly growing wheat fields, spread out as far as the eye could see. Good thing they’d have time to hire workers before the crop would need harvesting. If they didn’t sell first. Off to one side, Maxi could see the outline of the barn and the offending tractor parked outside. It sat askew, like no one had bothered to park it pro
perly after finding Charlie underneath it. She wondered who had found him and how they got the tractor righted again.

  She swore silently at her father’s stupidity to drive such a dangerous machine after drinking. How could he be so reckless with his life and end up leaving Mama all alone when he knew how she depended on him?

  Waves of anger rippled through her. How she hated this farm—loathed it with every fiber of her being. She hated it as much as Charlie had loved it. Every bad thing that had ever happened in her life, she blamed directly on this farm.

  Including Drew’s death—

  “There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

  Maxi jolted on the wooden stair and twisted around to see her best friend, Lily Draper—no, Lily Logan now—step out onto the porch. She stood with one hand on her very pregnant belly and pushed her long, dark hair off her face with the other.

  Maxi tried to smile. “Sorry. Just needed a few minutes alone.”

  Lily took a seat beside her, her stomach protruding in front. “I thought you might be hiding from Jason.” The teasing quality to her voice brought a snort to Maxi’s lips.

  “That, too.”

  Lily wrapped an arm around Maxi’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry about Charlie. How are you holding up?”

  A storm of tears lodged in Maxi’s throat. She’d managed fine all day and would not break down now. “I’m fine.” Liar.

  “I know you didn’t get along well with him. Still, this must be difficult for you.”

  Maxi shrugged. “It’s no real surprise he’s gone. I think we all knew his drinking would lead to this one day.” She bit her lip to keep her emotions contained. “It’s my mom I’m worried about. She can’t live here by herself. Her condition’s become much worse since I left.”

  A soft breeze blew the scent of Lily’s subtle perfume across Maxi’s nose.

  “Is there any way to slow the progress of MS?”

  “Not really. Sometimes she’s stable for a while. Then she gets worse again.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  Maxi leaned her head against the railing for a moment and sighed. That one simple question summed up her whole dilemma. “I wish I knew.” Maxi pushed to her feet. “I’d better get back inside. Aidan will worry. And the dishes won’t wash themselves.”

  “If I can help in any way with your mom, you know I’m here for you.” The sympathy in Lily’s eyes was genuine.

  “Thanks, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” She opened the screen door and waited for Lily to enter the kitchen.

  “How long are you staying in town?” Lily walked to the long counter that lined the wall of the country kitchen.

  “I’m not sure. I need to get back to the city as soon possible. But first I have to figure out what to do about Mama.” Maxi took a block of cheese from the refrigerator and set it on the wooden cutting board. She would keep the finger foods going until the remaining handful of friends had left.

  Following Maxi’s example, Lily began to chop cucumbers to refill the vegetable tray. “I can ask Nick to look into some facilities for you, in case you decide to go that route. Being a minister has some advantages. He’ll know which places are good and which aren’t.”

  Gratitude for the compassion of her friends lifted Maxi’s spirits for the moment. As much as she hated to think of her mother in some sort of facility, she had to face the cold reality that there may not be another option. “That would be helpful. Thanks.”

  “I saw you talking to Jason earlier.”

  Bands of tension returned to Maxi’s shoulders. Without looking at Lily, she turned to the fridge to get another pitcher of iced tea. “Yeah, he was here.”

  “Was it difficult seeing him again?”

  The truth of Lily’s observation hit hard. Maxi took a deep breath and closed the fridge door. “Why would you ask that?”

  “Gee, maybe because you’ve had a crush on him for as long as I’ve known you.”

  A dozen different emotions sifted through Maxi, but the only one she let surface was anger. “That crush ended a long time ago. Just being back here makes me realize how much I hate the small town way of life. I can’t wait to get back to New York.”

  Lily laid down the knife. “Good thing I know you better than that, or I might take offense. Seeing that I’m part of this small town.”

  Maxi heaved a sigh as anger morphed into weariness. She swiped her arm across her forehead. “I’m sorry. Don’t listen to me right now. I don’t know what I’m saying.”

  Lily crossed the distance between them and put her arms around her. “It’s OK. Just breathe and put one foot in front of the other. The rest will work itself out in God’s time. It always does.”

  Maxi allowed the comfort of Lily’s embrace to seep into her weary soul. She envied the conviction of her friend’s newfound faith. If only Maxi could find comfort in a God who cared about her.

  But Drew’s senseless death had destroyed the threads of her trust in God. Her father’s demise only reinforced the fact that despite Mama’s constant litany of prayers, God paid very little attention to the plight of the North family.

  And Maxi had no reason to believe that would change anytime soon.

  3

  Jason let all Sunday go by without calling Maxi. He figured she’d need time to recuperate from the funeral. Now, late Monday afternoon, he packed up his toolbox and hauled it out to his truck. He’d been working for the past few months renovating Lily and Nick Logan’s main floor living area—a job that was taking longer than expected. Jason wiped the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve and slammed his tailgate shut just as Lily pulled into the driveway beside him.

  He watched her struggle to wedge her pregnant belly past the steering wheel to get out. Jason tried not to smile and went to help her lift two bags of groceries out of the trunk.

  “Thanks, Jason.” Her large brown eyes lit up. “Everything’s so difficult with this watermelon in the way.” She rubbed her abdomen with loving fingers.

  He chuckled as he carried the sacks up the stairs and inside the front door. “Where would you like these? Kitchen counter?”

  “Perfect.” She followed him at a slower pace into the homey kitchen. “So, have you seen Maxi since the funeral?”

  He put down the bags and glanced over at her, certain her question carried more weight than her casual tone implied. Especially since Lily was Maxi’s best friend. “Nope. Figured she needed some time to recuperate.”

  Lily’s warm gaze slid to his. “And now?”

  Jason tensed at her scrutiny. No way was he going to discuss Maxi with her. He shrugged, attempting a casual air. “I’ll probably see her sometime before she goes back.”

  “Good. I know she’s missed you.” Lily took some cans out of the first bag.

  He snorted. “Could’ve fooled me.”

  Lily turned to face him, one hand on her hip, head cocked. “Did you two argue before she left?”

  Her voice was soft, but the question jarred him. “Yeah, we did,” he admitted. “Seemed like she was spoiling for a fight that day.” He frowned. “It was stupid.”

  Lily came closer and laid a hand on his arm. “Don’t let her avoid you this time. She needs all the support she can get with her dad gone and her mom’s health so bad.”

  “I’ll do what I can.” He stepped back, hoping to escape Lily’s probing.

  “You still here, Hanley?” Nick Logan’s voice boomed down the hall. “My wife must have you doing extra chores.”

  So much for his escape.

  “He’s helping me with the groceries,” Lily called back.

  Nick entered the kitchen, loosening his clerical collar. He stopped to give Lily a kiss. “You should wait for me to do the shopping,” he scolded. “Doc said you shouldn’t be on your feet too much.”

  She rolled her eyes in mock exasperation but continued to unpack the bag.

  Jason bit back a laugh and turned to Nick. “How are things at the shelte
r?”

  He’d helped Nick turn the abandoned Strickland house into a shelter for abused women and children, and though the facility had opened six months ago, it had taken awhile for word of mouth to spread of its existence.

  Nick ran a hand through his dark blond hair. “Busy, but good. Another family moved in today.”

  Lily’s eyebrows shot up, interest lighting her face. “If you need me tomorrow, I could come by for a few hours.”

  Nick frowned as he stored perishables in the fridge. “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t work anymore until after the baby’s born.”

  Lily planted her hands on her hips, her famous temper beginning to show. “I did not agree. You and Doc ganged up on me.”

  Jason couldn’t help but smile. After working with the Logans for almost a year, first at the shelter and now renovating their home, he’d come to love their good-natured bickering. They’d overcome many obstacles to be together, thanks in large part to Maxi, who had helped them realize their true feelings for each other.

  “Well, you two, I’ve got things to do, so I’ll leave you to work out your…issues.” Jason smiled and bent to kiss Lily’s cheek, ignoring her scowl. He clapped Nick on the back and then headed out to his truck, his mind on Maxi.

  Very soon, he planned to have a serious talk with his former best friend and figure out just where things stood between them.

  ****

  Monday after dinner, Maxi wheeled her mother into the living room and turned on the TV for her to watch her favorite game show. She helped her onto the sofa, got her settled with a pillow behind her, and went back to the kitchen to clear the table and do the dishes.

  Maxi scraped the food from her mother’s plate into the trash. She’d barely picked at her meal. Maxi blew out a tired breath. As soon as the chores were done, she would find some treat to tempt Mama’s appetite.

  Bones aching with weariness, she filled the sink with soapy water, lamenting the fact that her father had never allowed them to install a dishwasher. One more example of his selfishness. She clanked the dishes in the sink, sloshing the water with extra force.