Wayward Hearts

by Susan Anne Mason

  He settled on the edge of the couch nearest her and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he was nervous. The way he clasped and unclasped his hands. The way he kept licking his lips.

  Before he could say a word, the question that had been nagging at her burst out. “Why did you buy my parents’ farm?”

  He dropped his gaze to the floor for a minute as if contemplating his words. Then he looked into her eyes. “I figured it was the least I owed you.”

  Disbelief swirled through her system. “You bought my house because you broke up with me?” As well as she knew him, she didn’t understand his logic there.

  He shrugged. “You needed money for your partnership. I needed a home. It occurred to me that all those acres would come in handy and I could offer a portion to the city for a fire station one day. Seemed like a good idea all around.”

  The shard of pain in her heart dug deeper. “What about Gloria? I can’t see her wanting to live in my old house.” She still couldn’t bear to imagine Jason living there with that woman and forced the terrible image from her brain.

  Jason scrubbed his hand over his face. “Listen, a lot has changed in the past couple of days. That’s what I came to tell you.”

  She tried to look away from his earnest eyes, but they drew her in like a magnet. What expression did she see there? Regret, guilt. Could it be hope?

  She jumped to her feet and paced to the far side of the room. “Whatever it is, Hanley, just spit it out and go.” She didn’t care if she sounded rude. There was only so much nearness to Jason she could take right now. He needed to leave before she lost every shred of dignity and begged him to stay.

  ****

  Jason rose from the sofa and let his pride and dignity fall away. He would take Maxi’s rudeness, her disdain. He deserved all that and more. Maxi’s slim back shuddered with pent up emotion, and fear crawled up his spine. How could he make her understand how much she meant to him? How his world wouldn’t be complete without her in it? What if she couldn’t forgive him and wanted no part of him? His hands shook so much he shoved them into his pockets as he closed the gap between them.

  “Maxi, look at me, please.”

  She finally turned to face him with barely disguised anguish. “What do you want, Jason?”

  He waited a beat until she met his gaze. “The baby isn’t mine. It’s Marco’s. So I won’t be marrying Gloria after all.”

  Her eyes grew huge and color seeped from her face. She raised one hand to cover her mouth but said nothing.

  “I know this doesn’t erase what happened, doesn’t make up for the way I handled things, or my inappropriate relationship that led to this problem. I want you to know how sorry I am—about everything.”

  She stood stock-still, shaking her head. What did that mean? Was she refusing his apology? His chest tightened to the point that his breathing became labored.

  “If you’re willing to give me another chance, I’d like us to try again. I know how important your career is, and you shouldn’t have to give it up for me. Once I get my firefighter certification, I’ll move to New York. Try to get a job here.” He paused for a breath, pushing back the fear that grew larger by the moment.

  Her eyes darted around the room. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

  He moved to stand right in front of her and pried one of her hands loose. Her stiff, cold fingers remained unresponsive in his. What was she thinking? For once, he couldn’t read her. Panic fluttered in his stomach. He pulled out his trump card and prayed it would be enough to win her over.

  “Maxi, the one thing I’m sure of after this whole fiasco is that I love you, and I don’t want to lose you. No matter what it takes.” Moisture impaired his vision. He didn’t care; nothing mattered but what she would say. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I hope it’s not too late for a second chance.”

  The vulnerability on her pale face made him want to wrap her in his arms and protect her. Make sure nothing ever hurt her again. A huge ball of emotion lodged in his throat, making speech impossible. Instead he reached out and caressed her cheek with his knuckles. Against the roughness of his fingers, her skin felt like velvet.

  She closed her eyes and her whole body started to shake. When she covered her face with her hands and began to weep, he didn’t hesitate for a second. He pulled her to his chest and enfolded her slim form against him. “Please don’t cry. You know I can’t take it when you cry.”

  His hands moved up and down her back. At last, the warmth of his body seemed to penetrate her stiffness. Her tears subsided. He pulled a tissue out of his pocket and gently wiped her face.

  And waited.

  ****

  Maxi took a cleansing breath deep into her lungs and blew it out. The fog seemed to clear from her brain. Had he really said he loved her?

  “You—you’re not marrying her?”

  “No, I’m not. Can you ever forgive me for causing you so much pain?”

  Hope began as a tiny bud in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to believe him, but she was too scared her lovely dream would burst like an overfilled balloon. As it had so often in the past. “I think so.”

  “Are you willing to give us another chance? This time with nothing blocking our way. Not my father, not Drew’s death, not Gloria.”

  She took a step away from his intoxicating presence. It sounded like heaven. Her, Jason, and no baggage. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “You’d really move here?”

  “If you want me to, I will. Whatever will make you happy, I’ll do.” The sincerity in his voice matched his eyes. He was laying himself bare for her. Laying his heart and his life on the line for her.

  “I turned down the partnership.” The words erupted out of her.

  His mouth fell open as his eyes widened. “But why? That’s all you’ve talked about for years.”

  The shock on his face softened her heart. He’d thought of her happiness first.

  “It’s not what I wanted after all.”

  He took a step closer. “What do you want, Max?” His voice was unbearably gentle. “Whatever it is, I’ll get it for you.”

  She moved to the boxes in the corner and straightened the flap on the top carton. “I want a life in Rainbow Falls. Funny, isn’t it? The thing I thought I hated the most is what I really wanted all along.”

  A tender expression softened his face. “And what about me?”

  She watched the hope bloom in his blue eyes, overshadowed only by fear. With her answer, she held the power to make or break his heart. It was time for the truth at last.

  “I love you, too, Jason,” she whispered. “I’d like to start over.”

  “Thank You, God.” He sighed and stepped toward her. His hands framed her face as he lowered his lips to hers. She drank him in like a drowning woman. The familiar taste she never thought she’d savor again, the feel of his strong arms holding her, the smell of his leather jacket. Heat swirled up through her system, like steam rising off a lake.

  Suddenly he pulled away from her. Dazed, she wondered what was wrong. He bent down, fumbling in his pocket to pull out a tiny blue box.

  “I love you and want to share my life with you, Maxi. Will you marry me?”

  She couldn’t think, staring at the gleaming diamond encased in velvet. Everything was happening too fast for her to process. “It’s a little soon for this, don’t you think?”

  The devastation that spread across his features shamed her. “I mean, we’ve only been on one official date. And you just narrowly escaped another marriage.” A random thought crossed her mind. She pointed at the ring. “This isn’t…”

  “Of course not.” He rose stiffly to stand before her. “I couldn’t buy her a ring. Because I want to marry you—in front of God and everyone. It isn’t too fast, Maxi. I’ve known you since the first grade. I’ve loved you almost as long, only it took me a while to realize it.”

  She saw how much it had cost him to do this, to lay his heart
open before her. Trust her with his soul. Marrying Jason was all she’d ever really wanted as far back as she could remember. Why was she hesitating now?

  He pocketed the box. “You’re afraid.” His words came out as a flat statement. “I understand that. I haven’t given you much to go on all these years.” Strong hands reached out to settle warmly on her shoulders. “Whatever way you want to do this, I’m fine with. As long as we’re together.”

  She met his warm gaze with her own and lifted her chin. If he could risk everything for her, she could take a step with him. “Don’t put that ring away yet, Hanley. I’ll accept it on one condition.”

  A slow grin spread across his face. “Name it.”

  “We go on at least ten dates before we get married. To make sure we’re compatible.”

  He threw back his head and gave a loud laugh. “That’s the Maxi I know and love. Ten dates it is.”

  “And I mean classy dates. Not Ruby’s Diner or—”

  He silenced her with a lingering kiss. She melted into his arms, her bones feeling as malleable as clay as all the weeks of tension drained out of her body. She grasped his shoulder to keep from falling while his lips traced a path down her cheek to the soft skin below her ear. She shivered, overcome by delicious sensations rippling through her system.

  “We better make those fast dates,” he whispered into her hair, “because I don’t think I want a long engagement.”

  She laughed the first real laugh she’d had in weeks. A long beam of sunshine danced across the area rug, illuminating the room. She felt her own smile beam just as bright as she looked up into the eyes she knew so well.

  “How about you load those boxes in your truck while I pack the rest of my things? Maybe we can even squeeze in one date tonight.”

  Epilogue

  Eighteen months later

  The sun shone down on the large crowd gathered in front of the new Rainbow Falls fire hall. Maxi set a large pitcher of lemonade on the table under the giant oak tree and took mental inventory. Iced tea, water, lemonade, her mother’s homemade brownies, sugar cookies, and pumpkin loaf. That should keep the guests from getting restless after the ceremony.

  She scanned the crowd for Jason’s familiar face. A smile broke out when she spotted him standing with fire chief, Steve Hamilton, ready for the ribbon cutting. This was Jason’s big day, the culmination of his dream. Her heart filled to the bursting point at the joy on his face. Jason had sold off some acreage on the outskirts of their property and used the profit to pay off his bank loan. The whole community had come on board with the project and funding had poured in faster than anticipated to build the station. And now, just down the road from their farmhouse, the sparkling new fire station was ready for the volunteer fire brigade to serve and protect.

  Lily came up beside her, Annabelle glued to her hip. “I think they’re about ready to start. Let’s go get a better spot.”

  “OK. Everything’s ready here.” Maxi pulled the tie off her stubby ponytail and finger combed her now chin length hair into submission.

  “Don’t forget the apron.” Lily pointed to her full-length flowered garb, which Maxi hastily whipped off and then smoothed down her simple green dress. Her hand lingered for a moment over her stomach and she smiled to herself. Today was Jason’s day, but she had a surprise of her own for later. A slow roll of nerves hit her. She hoped his reaction would be as positive as hers.

  The ceremony was quick and to the point. When Chief Hamilton cut the ribbon and declared the Andrew North Fire Station officially open, a huge cheer erupted from the excited townspeople. Jason’s grin stretched wide enough to create two dimples. He peered through the crowd, and when his eyes met hers, he winked.

  “I love you,” he mouthed.

  Tears of gratitude welled. “I must be the luckiest person in the world,” she whispered.

  Lily nudged her. “Well, maybe the second luckiest.” Little Annabelle twirled one of her dark curls around the finger of one hand and sucked the thumb of the other. Lily smacked a huge kiss on the girl’s plump cheek.

  Maxi reached over and kissed the other cheek of her honorary niece. Her lovely little secret made her appreciate the toddler all the more.

  “Here come the crowds. We’d better man the table.” Lily handed Annabelle off to Nick standing on the sidelines and hooked her arm through Maxi’s.

  Once again, Maxi thanked God for bringing her back where she belonged, surrounded by family and friends. Her thoughts turned to Gloria Johnson who’d had her baby and had moved away to raise him. In her newfound state of serenity, Maxi could even forgive Gloria for everything she’d done to her and Jason.

  Peg pushed Mama in her chair over to help serve the refreshments. Maxi had never seen her mother look so relaxed and happy. As much as Mama missed Charlie, the constant worry over his drinking had taken a toll, and now that the problem had been removed, she’d settled into her new life rather happily. Peg also benefited from having a roommate, and Jason slept easier knowing his mother wasn’t alone.

  Clint Hanley stood among the crowd. Maxi smiled at the pleased look on his face as he watched Jason accepting congratulations from the community. Maxi had never been more proud of Jason and the way he’d put the past behind him, helping Clint obtain janitorial work at Nick’s church and doing his best to forge a relationship with his father. Now Clint would become one of the volunteer firemen at the new station named after her brother.

  Life seemed to have come full circle.

  Several hours later, after the festivities were over and everyone had gone home, Maxi finished putting away the last dish. She wiped her hands on the dishtowel, noting the slight tremor as she hung it on the rack. She licked her dry lips and took a deep breath before joining Jason in the living room.

  Despite the warm fall temperatures, Jason had a cheerful fire crackling in the fireplace. He looked up from prodding the logs with a poker when she came in.

  “Hey, honey. How’s the fire?”

  “Perfect.” She took a seat on the well-worn plaid couch.

  Jason put the poker down and came to sit beside her, his arm draped over her shoulder in casual familiarity. His warmth enveloped her, bringing a sense of calm to her nervous stomach.

  “Jason, can we talk for a minute?”

  Her voice must have given her away. He turned to look at her, a concerned frown wrinkling his forehead. “Sure. Is something wrong?”

  “Not exactly.”

  This was coming out all wrong. She’d envisioned the perfect moment, like something out of a romantic movie, but this wasn’t turning out as she imagined.

  Concern became silent alarm. Jason pulled her hands into his. “What is it? Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out together.”

  She tried to swallow, but her throat refused to cooperate.

  “You’re scaring me, Max. Just tell me.”

  All her fluffy words flew out the window. “I think I’m pregnant.” Unwanted tears sprang to her eyes. Before her vision blurred, she saw the surprise register on his face. She prayed not to see anything negative, like horror or disappointment. “I know we said we’d wait a few years,” she hurried on, “and I don’t know for sure—”

  He framed her face with his hands and silenced her ramblings with a kiss. She reached up and clamped her hands around his arms as if to anchor herself to him. When he pulled back, a huge grin split his face.

  “A baby?” As quickly as it appeared, the grin faded and fear settled over his features. Jason jumped up and began to pace.

  Her stomach roiled with a wave of nausea. What if he still didn’t want children? What if he couldn’t get past his fear of being a bad father?

  She rose on unsteady feet. “You’re not happy about this.”

  Jason whirled. He crossed the room in two strides. “No. Yes. I don’t know, Maxi. I’m happy. I’m just terrified.”

  Her breathing calmed. Fear she could deal with. “You’ll be a wonderful father, Jason. I’ve seen you with Annabelle. Y
ou’re terrific with her.”

  He tugged her hand and led her to the couch. “That’s not it. I can’t bear the thought of you going through labor…” He paused. “…like Lily did.”

  It all came rushing back to her then. The way Jason had practically shot off Nick and Lily’s porch the moment she’d mentioned having a baby. He’d been picturing her in labor.

  Her insides relaxed their death grip. “Let’s not worry about that now. It’s a long way off. In the meantime, you get to deal with my nausea and hormonal mood swings.”

  With gentle fingers, he wiped away the moisture off her cheeks. “Not to mention the tears.”

  She gave a light laugh. “Yeah, that part’s very annoying.” She sobered. “You sure you’re OK with this?”

  His smile returned. “I’m more than OK. But you’ll have to put up with my paranoia when it gets close to the time.”

  “Deal.” She reached up to caress his cheek. “I love you very much.”

  “I love you more.” He kissed her and then pulled her tight against his chest.

  She rested her cheek against his flannel shirt and let out a quiet sigh. For the first time since Drew died, she felt whole again. God had taken the fragments of her heart and healed them with the power of His love and acceptance. Maxi knew that somewhere Drew and her father were smiling down on them, giving them their blessing.

  With God onboard for the journey, she was sure the life she shared with Jason would be just that—one continual blessing.

  About the author

  Susan is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW)® and the Romance Writers of America (RWA)®. She writes both contemporary and historical inspirational romance, and enjoys creating stories that explore themes of forgiveness, redemption, and healing.

  In 2008, she became a Golden Heart Finalist with a Contemporary Inspirational romance entitled Wyndermere House. She has been a Genesis Semi-Finalist three years in a row, and recently, Susan’s historical Irish Meadows won the 2013 Fiction from the Heartland contest.