Too Fast For Hope

by Adair Rymer

  “That's bullshit!” Tee reflexively came to my defense.

  “It's OK, I got this.” I was in no shape to do this right now, this soon after everything had gone down. That's the thing with the club lifestyle, it never slows down to let you be ready. When the pieces fall, you're either ready or you're not.

  I could let Top's death cripple me or use it to give me the strength I needed. I've come too far to let Star face this world alone. Top didn't let himself get shot just so I could give up when it counted. If I didn't fight now, it was over.

  “Deadeye's right.” I squeezed my brother's shoulder then stood up to face everyone. “I brought the Lobos here. I even opened my clubhouse door for them.”

  “He admits it.” Deadeye raised his gun at me again.

  “We don't kill our own. Not like this!” Again Tee slapped it down.

  “And my son, Rio? Was he not a patch holder?”

  “That was self defense! I was there I saw what happened.” Tee was a good friend. Even after I shot him he was willing to lie for me.

  “I don't care. Killing brothers and helping our rivals to tear us apart is too far! I'm calling a vote for judgment. All in favor of killing Remy Daniels for crimes against the club?” Deadeye thundered.

  Everyone was hesitant. A vote right now? Especially one involving the life and death of a member when we still had the wounded and dead Veins to take care of. No one wanted to be rushed for a decision like this. Doing it this way was against the spirit of the club and everyone knew it.

  “Let the kid speak for himself first!” One of the old men cried out in the background.

  Deadeye begrudgingly kept quiet and let me speak.

  “Let's tend to the dead and hurt first. I'm not going anywhere,” I said.

  Star came over and we all helped the wounded into a few cars bound for the hospital. The dead Veins were laid along the side of the building, we'd lost five good men and four of Deadeye's crew. I took some time to mourn over my brother.

  I thought the guys would be more pissed at me from for all the things I'd done but each and everyone of them came up and gave me their condolences. I don't know what Tee told them all before bringing them over but there was nothing but support and understanding coming from them.

  All thirty Lobos were tossed into a pile by the dumpster. As much as we'd have loved to leave them for the garbage truck, we'd have to call the cops and do it the right way. There were just too many bodies for anything else. Fortunately for us this would be a clear case of us defending our house. We wouldn't have any trouble selling it in court.

  With everything taken care of, soon we'd have to call the cops. If I was going to address the club it had to be now.

  “Look around!” I spoke to the nearly ninety members that remained. “I look at you and I see a lot of new faces promoted to the big seats in your various chapters. Why is that? Where did the old timers go? Guys that have been around since the club was formed. The men that made this club famous. The great men that opened Steel Veins chapters across the whole fucking world!

  “They're gone because their club is dead. The Steel Veins that I grew up with, that I've bled for, that I've killed for! Is gone. The ideals that were our fucking foundation have been stolen from us. We all do things different in our chapters but I can go to any Veins clubhouse, anywhere in world and there will be three words carved into the walls somewhere. Community. Loyalty. Honor. That is us! That is who we are! That's the Steel Veins I remember!

  “So why the fuck are we partnering up with the Knights, of all clubs, to cook meth? Why are we opening channels through our communities for the H trade? So we can sell heroin to fucking high schools?...Jesus. Yeah, it's not in our backyard but so what? That doesn't make it any less fucked up. Where's the honor in that? When did the Veins become drug dealers?

  “That's why the originals are hanging up the colors and I can't fucking blame them! How'd this shift happen? From the Veins we were to the Veins we are now. Chig? Loose? I heard you guys put in for transfers from the parent chapter, that true?”

  “Yeah,” Loose pipped up. “I'm headed to Longwood and Chig is about to go nomad. We were going to vote on both today.”

  “Why leave the founding chapter to go fucking nomad?” I asked.

  “Dunno, man.” Chig looked at Deadeye and shook his head. “Too many new faces I guess.”

  “New faces? You didn't know the guys that got voted into your chapter?” I knew the answer. The question wasn't even really for Chig it was for everyone else here. To illustrate a point.

  “Loose and I didn't vote for shit. We don't know these fucking guys. They were Rio's guys” Chig pointed at the Veins bodies dragged out of my clubhouse. “We didn't like 'em and we sure as hell didn't trust 'em. That's why we're splitting.”

  There was general grumblings from the other members as they started to really grasp how much the club had deviated from the right course and the idea that patch holders were getting in without being vouched for didn't sit well with anyone.

  “Had to be like this!” Deadeye interrupted. “Times change. The Lobos. The Angels. In five years they'll have us outmanned and outgunned. The Steel Veins needed more bodies and we needed more money.”

  “I look around and I see brothers. Real brothers! Men I would give my fucking life for. Men like Top...” I spared him a glance. He was cold on the ground. I almost couldn't finish. Had I not seen Star watching me, slowly nodding for me to continue, I'd have probably stopped right there. The speech would've been over and who knows what would've happened.

  “Yeah, I brought the Lobos here, I set this whole thing up. I couldn't live with myself knowing that the club we loved was dying so I did something about it. I used the Lobos and as a result, we united and crushed that club!”

  “Good men died today because of me. They died so that we could be strong one last time! Look, I don't care what you do to me. I'll accept any judgment that comes my way but I refuse to accept it from that man.” I pointed at Deadeye. “This is your chance to start making the Steel Veins whole again.”

  “That's fucking bullshit! If you love this MC so damn much then where are your colors? Never trust a man who can't keep his fucking vest.” Deadeye was making his play. I had lost my vest when the kill teams were after me. It wasn't something any member should ever lose under any situation.

  I may have lost the vest but I could never lose my colors. I tore off my hoodie and shirt. The words were prominently displayed on my chest for all to see. STEEL VEINS.

  “I never lost my colors, old man,” I spat defiantly. “Every letter was paid for in blood and love and sacrifice. Doesn't matter what I wear or what happens to me. No one can ever take them from me! These colors don't come off!”

  “Dishonoring the spirit of the club, running drugs and bringing in untrustworthy men, without a vote! Deadeye is the real traitor to the Steel Veins.” I was done talking. I had said my piece. It was up to the club now.

  “Remy was working with me and Top. When I briefed you all on the situation, at the meet, before we rode over here, it was Remy that put his ass on the line to get us that info. Without Remy, the Lobos would've caught us with our pants down. Even if we somehow beat them back, they'd have fucking decimated us! We sure as hell wouldn't have killed Bones and it'd only be a matter of time until they picked us off one by one. Especially—” Tee paused for full effect. “—under Deadeye's 'leadership'.”

  In the ensuing silence, even Deadeye couldn't bring himself to say anything in his defense. I think, deep down, he knew it would eventually go this way.

  “Call a vote.” Tee told Chig. “You're still in as VP, right?”

  “Till later tonight, yeah.” Chig answered.

  “Then call a vote. Kick that son of a bitch out of our club!” Tee pointed at Deadeye.

  “You can't do this, I'm the national president!” Deadeye protested.

  “Not in my club,” Loose interjected. “Here you're just a regular president. And I don't fin
d you fit for your position. I'm calling a chapter vote. Kick this piece of shit out, all in favor?”

  Both Chig and Loose raised their hands.

  “Opposed?” Chig asked the lined up bodies that were all that was left of Deadeyes “Veins”.

  To vote someone into the club it had to be unanimous by all members but to kick someone out it only had to be a majority. Deadeye saw that there was only the three of them left in his chapter and knew he was done. He didn't even bother raising his hand. He was too proud to whine or beg.

  The parking lot was deathly silent as they ripped the vest off Deadeye. He looked only at me the whole time. I was expecting venomous anger but all I saw in his face was weariness. Disgraced and stunned, he stood there for a moment and took it all in. Without his colors, he just looked like a weathered old man, a broken war vet that needed to rest.

  When he walked to his bike the crowd parted for him. The old guard was out, it was a new beginning for the Steel Veins. The old man started his bike and left. The end of an era.

  “The fuck do we do now? Can't have a chapter with only two members,” someone in the crowd said, breaking the silence. They all looked to Chig and Loose, the two remaining members of the parent chapter.

  “I'm still putting in for Longwood so our clubhouse is going dark either way,” Loose offered with a shrug. “Maybe we should designate a new parent? Leslie's been kickin' around a while, right?”

  “Hell, we have reps from all the other chapters here, I say we put it to a vote!” Chig shouted to make sure everyone could hear him. “Leslie chapter is one of the oldest the Veins have. All in favor of making it the new parent chapter?”

  I had never heard of anything like this happening in any MC. Usually the parent chapter was the last one to fall in a dying MC. We had the opposite problem. Most of our other chapters were strong. If the Steel Veins as an institution was going to survive, we'd have to adapt. We had to make up the rules on the spot.

  Hands slowly started going up all across the parking lot. For something this big it had to be unanimous and it looked like it was. It was history being written right in front of me. I was damn proud to see everyone come together for the good of the club. The real good of the club.

  Then everyone looked at me.

  “Raise your hand, you stupid fuck. You're killing the moment,” Tee said to me with a sly smile. Seeing the utter confusion on my face, he explained why I needed to vote. “We never kicked you out, you were just, y'know, dead. Nothing in the charter says the dead can't vote.”

  I shook my head and raised my hand.

  “It's official. Leslie chapter is the new host club.” Tee clasped me on the back and pulled me in for one of those one armed, side-by-side hugs. “The Steel Veins live to see another day!”

  There was hooting and cheering and sense of relief that was like stumbling out of a burning building and finally breathing fresh air. For damn near all of us, this club was all we had and today it was nearly destroyed. Without a unifying parent chapter, the individual chapters would've eventually split off and been invaded, patched over, closed or wiped out. It was some scary shit.

  I started walking over to Star when I felt Tee's dark, brown hand clamp onto my shoulder.

  “C'mon... What now, man?” I asked him. It was on them to elect someone. All I wanted to do was save my club and that was done. As far as I was concerned we had won. The club was stronger in this moment than it had been in the last ten years. I was even allowed back into my home chapter! Granted, officially I was never even kicked out. They'd still have to remove me as 'deceased' from the books.

  I had my girl and my club welcomed me back. For the first time in my life, everything felt right.

  “Everyone listen up!” Tee shouted. “As one of the motherfuckers in charge now, I'm calling one last club-wide vote. With the passing of our brother Top, the Leslie chapter doesn't have a president. Which means that the whole US branch of the Veins doesn't have a president.”

  Shit, Tee was right. In all the chaos, I was so balls-deep in the plan with the Lobos and Deadeye and watching Top get killed that I didn't stop and think about what that meant for the club. We were leaderless.

  “I nominate Poet, Remy Daniels for national president.” Tee called out.

  Tee had caught me off guard with that. I brushed it off as him fucking with me, that was until other members started seconding him and it looked like the motion was gaining momentum. Me as president? I'd never given it any thought before. What the hell did I know about running a club with thousands of members and affiliates!

  “All in favor?” Tee shouted.

  Throughout the parking lot hands went up a lot faster for this vote. Jesus, an hour ago I was 'dead'. Two weeks before that, I was in a rough way with kill teams all over me and now...

  “Always fucking waiting on you, Rem.” Tee elbowed me, snapping me out of my retrospection. Everyone's hand was up. “What do you say? Its gotta be unanimous.”

  “I don't know, man. This is a big deal. I never wanted to run shit,” I spoke softly to Tee. Give me a gun and a bike and I could kill the Sun but a soapbox and real responsibility... fuck. It made me nervous. “I don't know if I can do this.”

  “Rem, you're the only one that can do this. These guys see what you've done already. They trust you. You want to save the club? Then don't bitch out at the fucking finish line, man.”

  “You know he's right. No one is a better fit for this than you. They need you, Remy.” Star squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek. “Besides 'first old lady' has a nice ring to it. Or would it be 'old first lady'?”

  For a long time I felt like it was the danger and violence that defined me, that without it, I was nothing. I was always worried that I was just a hammer or a gun, a tool or weapon to be pointed and used. I stayed distracted because I knew that when I stopped moving, the way I was living would catch up.

  Looking out at all the support was heartening. My club believed in me. After the longest ride of my life, I was finally home.

  I raised my hand.

  Epilogue

  Star

  The yellow, orange and brown leaves gently dusted across the long, curvy rural road. Remy eased off the throttle to take in the multicolored overhang of fall tree branches above us. The forest was still and traffic was sparse on this sleepy Sunday morning. The country road was peacefully quiet save the loud, dull roar of Remy's new bike's engine. Remy had found and restored a Kawasaki Ninja that was the same year and model of the one that was destroyed. This was it's maiden voyage.

  We'd just gotten off the highway and were taking the back roads through New Hampshire. I smiled when I caught Remy's head snapping around like a tourist. I really couldn't blame him. The uneven and chaotic New England landscape was bursting with life and beauty.

  While I lived here, I'd always poked fun at the 'Leaf Peepers', the people that would fly in just to B&B and gawk at the trees in autumn. But seeing it again after so long made me understand why those camera-clad tourists came back year after year. I missed it a lot too.

  It'd been about a year since the 'changing of the guard', as it was now referred to, when Remy was voted in as president. So much had changed in that time. The first few months were the toughest. Remy had to reforge alliances and deal with various resistance. Sometimes it got really messy but with the club's full support, Remy was unstoppable. He really was born to lead. Under him, the Steel Veins had finally begun to mend and were definitely on the path to thrive.

  Within a month he had sent out club-wide statutes that shook things up considerably. He'd stripped the patches off everyone with less than a year in the club and bumped them all back down to prospects. We lost a lot of the new members that day but the ones that stuck it out were the ones the club deserved.

  My life had again changed dramatically. I helped Remy vet the prospects and took over the books, which was actually kind of a nice change of pace. I got the chance to use some of that college training to solidify the club with th
e government and to restore faith with the people of Leslie. I kept our town happy and prosperous by donating to events on behalf of the club and organizing fundraisers. While Remy kept the town safe by doing whatever was necessary.

  I haven't had to kill anyone again, which I was glad for. Still, I knew I was capable of it, if I had to, and that was a very empowering feeling. I had come to accept my dark side, it made me strong enough to never back down. It made me feel like I belonged by Remy's side. Everyone else saw that too, they all started calling me 'Star-fire'. I'd never been more respected in my life and I felt worthy of every damn second of it.

  A sign for the Merrimack river blurred by, we were getting close to home now. For weeks Remy had been insisting that I contact my parents and when I finally picked up that phone I think my mom and I cried for an hour straight. They, understandably, thought I was dead... It was a very long and difficult call but one I'm still glad I made. All the calls after that had been much easier.

  Over the months I told them what happened, well mostly. A few things I needed to leave out if I didn't want them to have heart attacks. I eventually eased their fears about the club and introduced them to Remy over Skype. My mom thought he looked handsome and now refers to him as my 'Pirate King'. I liked it, Remy even chuckled at that. They even invited us back home to finally meet Remy in person.

  Family meant a lot to him so Remy was very accommodating about the whole thing. He only had two conditions before we could leave. One was that we planned it for early autumn so he could see the leaves change and the second... was that I accepted his marriage proposal!

  I was going to tell my parents that we were getting married! I was beyond excited!

  It was crazy to think that I was just a scared, wounded girl when Remy showed up at that gas station a year ago. Now, after all that blood and horror and heartache, I had become so much more.

  The road ahead was bumpy and full of sharp, unexpected turns but we embraced our path. Every hazard only strengthened what Remy and I had become.