by Justin Lloyd
Jim’s popularity was continuing to grow nationwide. And Ernest’s phrases were popping up in the unlikeliest places. One Tennessee Baptist church used Ernest humor when placing a message on its signboard. It read, “Hey Vern, only three more days of Bible school, Ya know what I mean?”
As busy as Jim was with movie and TV projects, he was still committed to promoting Ernest through countless public appearances. In August 1989, Jim and Ernest writer Dan Butler went on the state-fair circuit, beginning with an appearance at the Illinois State Fair in Springfield. Fans of Ernest, many dressed in caps and vests, showed up on the day called “Ernest Comes to the Fair.” They delighted in watching Jim smash a whipped-cream pie into the face of a robot toting a water-machine gun. Later Jim served as grand marshal of the parade. Close to a million people attended, and countless fans came home with autographed photos of Ernest.
In the fall of 1989, shooting on “Ernest Goes to Jail” began. The Tennessee State Penitentiary was chosen for the exterior shots. Much of the interior shots were filmed in an old Nashville warehouse. In addition to Ernest, Jim played Ernest’s doppelganger, Felix Nash. This evil-twin plot gave Jim a chance to show audiences his ability to play a more serious role with a different look.
In the movie, Ernest is working as a custodian at a bank. After being summoned for jury duty, a crooked defense lawyer notices how much Ernest resembles crime boss Felix Nash. A plot is soon hatched: The jurors tour the prison that houses Felix, and a switch is made between the two. Ernest finds himself on Death Row, while Felix takes on his identity at the bank. When the electric chair malfunctions on the day of Felix’s (Ernest’s) scheduled execution, the resulting jolt Ernest receives gives him superhuman powers that enable him to finally bring Felix to justice.
Jim was familiar with the role of the villain from his younger years. He recalled once, “They always cast me as the villain or the bozo. It was one end or the other. I never got the romantic leads – I don’t know why. With my good looks you’d think they would offer them to me all the time.”
Jack Turner, one of Jim’s castmates from his days at the Third Masque Theatre in Chattanooga in the ‘70s, remembers what turned out to be an amazingly accurate prediction of Jim’s. As the two were talking about future roles, Jim told him, “I think I’ll probably wind up as the jester or some kind of joker most of the time.” But as much as Jim loved comedy, his longing for something more dramatic never seemed to fade. Jim was optimistic that the Felix Nash character might open up some eyes in Hollywood. He said during the time, “Maybe I’ll be reading with Harry Dean Stanton and fighting over a villain role.” (Like Jim, Central Kentucky native Stanton attended Lafayette High School.)
As Jim prepared for his dual-role, he found inspiration from Peter Sellers’ Inspector Clouseau. He credited Sellers with keeping alive the practice of actors playing multiple roles. Jim hadn’t had a chance to play a villain onscreen since the largely unknown Dr. Otto. In addition to playing Felix Nash in the movie, Jim also broke out the wig and makeup for a character called Auntie Nelda. She had actually first appeared in “Dr. Otto.” Often complaining about a son named Hymie who never treats her right, Auntie Nelda is a dour old lady who speaks in a deep monotone. She uses a walker and wears a neck brace. The brace adds to the humor of Jim’s portrayal, as he would squish his jaw into it causing his face to appear fleshier and more wrinkled. Ample padding gives Auntie Nelda a disproportionately wide figure to go along with her oversized breasts. Her dress, hat and pearl necklace make her look as if she is ready for church. Her sullen face includes heavy eye makeup and thick, bright-red lipstick. She peers down through glasses resting on the end of her long nose, looking as if she is studying – and more often than not, judging – whoever is on the other end.
As usual, Jim was performing some of the bigger stunts himself. For the flying sequences inside the bank, he wore a harness similar to the one Christopher Reeve wore in “Superman.” He joked that it was “a real pain in the crotch.” A souped-up floor polisher that could reach speeds of up to 20 mph was constructed for the action sequences. In one scene, where Ernest attempts to restrain the floor waxer, he utters a line that connected Jim right back to his childhood fantasies. As he is flying through the air he says, “Peter Pan, eat your heart out.” Just as Ernest was flying high, so was Jim’s career.
Since Jim had now become a big part of the Disney family, he began making appearances on their shows. In 1989, he appeared on the half-hour special “Walt Disney Celebrity Circus,” promoting a new Disneyland ride called “Ernest Goes to Splash Mountain.” Later, he appeared on the “New Mickey Mouse Club.” The following year he showed up on the John Landis-directed “Disneyland’s 35th Anniversary Special.”
Even popular talk-show host David Letterman found a way to use Ernest’s popularity. Letterman’s writers had begun injecting Ernest into their popular Top Ten lists, always referring to him as the “Hey Vern” guy. Beginning in the late ‘80s, and even continuing a few years beyond Jim’s death, they included him in no less than 12 lists over a 15-year span.
Letterman writer Bill Scheft shed some light on perhaps why in a piece Scheft wrote for Sports Illustrated in 2009. In describing David Letterman’s affection for how star athlete Peyton Manning played the stooge in various TV commercials, he wrote, “To call someone a ‘TV stooge’ is the ultimate accolade from Dave. To be a stooge is to willingly participate with no ego, no concern for how it all looks.”
In addition, one little-known fact is that a few of Letterman’s memorable non-sequiturs uttered through the years are borrowed from a character named Elrod Napier in one of Jim’s old routines. Jim had written the character late one night at a Shoney’s restaurant in Lexington. Elrod is a chubby boy around 12 years old from the South. Instead of playing outside, he prefers to sit around and scratch his back while watching TV all day. On their move to California, Joe Liles contributed a piece of the routine that helped tie it all together. “Elrod, Elrod, help Momma water the lawn. Elrod honey … these buckets is heavy!” is a line Liles thought of in a Denny’s restroom north of San Diego. When Liles returned to the table and told Jim the line, Jim started laughing so hard he spilled his coffee.
In Jim’s act, lazy Elrod was always in front of the tube asking his mother the same annoying questions. “What time is it?” became Elrod’s catchphrase, along with, “Are you cookin’ beans?” and “Is Zorro on?” (Author’s note: Comedian Jeff Altman does a great imitation of Elrod when praising Jim’s talent in the Special Features segment of the “Pink Lady and Jeff” DVD collection.) Elrod always got a great response when Jim performed the routine on the “Merv Griffin Show.” With the respect Letterman seemed to have for Jim, it’s curious that Jim never made an appearance on his show.
Some people say you haven’t arrived until you a perfume is named after you, someone plays you in a movie or a doll is made in your likeness. When Jim came home to Lexington for Christmas in 1989, he brought along a box full of Ernest dolls. The 15-inch figure made by Kenner had a string that when pulled, spoke up to six different Ernest phrases. But the recordings played back too fast. If the string was given slight resistance, allowing it to retract more slowly, the voice began to sound much more like Jim. He once joked that kids must have been sticking pins in the dolls because he was having a lot of unexplained aches and pains.
In February 1990, the Atlanta Braves front office thought they could use Ernest to raise attendance, which had fallen to last in the league. Being in the South, where Ernest historically flourished, the move seemed like a no-brainer. A one-year contract was ironed out including TV and print ads, as well as promotional appearances at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium.
An open house was arranged soon after the contract was finalized to allow fans to come to the stadium and meet Ernest in person. The only problem was that it was not Jim, just a life-size cardboard replica of Ernest. Parents toting excited kids were less than thrilled. The rocky start of the campaign was a sign of things
to come.
The magical selling power of Ernest proved to be no match for a sports franchise piling up more losses than wins. For Braves fans who did not like Ernest, he added insult to injury. Two years later the Atlanta Journal Constitution wrote, “A lot of Atlantans associate Ernest P. Worrell with the Atlanta Braves’ last-place finish in 1990. The article added, “Some even credit the 1991 surge to the World Series to Varney’s departure from the club’s TV commercials.”
Undeterred, Carden & Cherry tried to work some Ernest magic for an NFL team a few years later. Jim shot a few commercials for the Kansas City Chiefs to promote ticket sales. Although the Chiefs experience went more smoothly, it was Ernest’s last foray into advertising for professional sports.
In the early spring of 1990 Jim went on a 12-city promotional tour for “Ernest Goes to Jail.” In what had become a routine, Jim made time to visit children’s hospitals such as the Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Crippled Children in Dallas. Jim visited thousands of sick children through the years as Ernest. If kids were well enough, sometimes he took them out for lunch. He jokingly claimed to have eaten more Happy Meals than any living adult. He was passionate about helping kids who needed his humor most.
CHAPTER TWENTY: “HEY VERN!”
In 1991 Jim and Janie ended their marriage after three years. In the “E! True Hollywood Story” about Jim, Janie said his work took a toll on their relationship. “He’d be going here, I’d be going there,” she said. They did remain good friends, and she also stayed on as his assistant. During this time, another important relationship of Jim’s ended. After a successful collaboration that lasted around four years, Jim and Phil Walden parted ways. Jim’s attorney, Hoot Gibson, began handling Jim’s management duties.
But Jim’s career was still moving at full speed. In the late spring of 1991, filming began on the last Disney-backed Ernest picture, “Ernest Scared Stupid.” In the movie, Ernest plays a sanitation worker who unknowingly releases a demonic troll from underneath a cursed old tree where his relative Phineas Worrell had buried it many years earlier. Before long, many other trolls begin invading his small town, turning innocent children into statues. It is soon up to Ernest to stop them. He receives help from neighborhood kids in searching for a way to eradicate the evil trolls. An eccentric old lady played by Eartha Kitt provides Ernest with some of the tools needed to stop the creatures.
Before deciding on the name for the spooky tale, many other titles were considered, among them “Ernest and the Trolls” and “Ernest and the Curse,” along with “Ernest Scared Stiff.” With “Scared Stiff,” some Disney executives became concerned that parents might not appreciate the unintended adult reference. “Ernest Scared Stupid” made the most sense. Jim joked, “It’s the degree he’d be scared to. Scared into stupidity.”
As was the case with the previous Ernest movies, “Scared Stupid” received mostly poor reviews. Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert both gave it a “thumbs down,” and Ebert admitted that it was the first Ernest movie he had ever seen. He actually said he could imagine liking the movie if he was 8 but could not recommend it otherwise. That really wasn’t such a bad review given the intended audience.
When Jim was doing interviews following the “Scared Stupid” premiere, he once again discussed with honesty his love-hate relationship with Ernest: “For several years this character has been extremely prohibitive to my (non-Ernest) career.” Since 1987 he had made four Ernest movies, 13 episodes of an Ernest-themed TV show and hundreds of commercials, all while continuing Ernest’s many public appearances. He told one reporter that 16 commercials alone had been filmed in the week leading up to the “Scared Stupid” press junkets.
But during press tours he did express excitement about a role he had just been offered in the film “Wilder Napalm,” screenwriter Vince Gilligan’s first feature film. The romantic comedy, starring Dennis Quaid and Debra Winger, is about estranged brothers who possess pyrokinetic powers. Jim was offered the role of Rex, a heavily tattooed traveling carnival operator and partner of Quaid’s character, Wally. “I’m finally breaking out,” Jim told one reporter. But he was not planning on turning his back on Ernest. To reassure thousands of fans, he said, “I expect we’ll keep making these movies as long as people want to come see them.” (Little did Jim know that Gilligan would go on to have an outstanding career as a writer/director/producer in film and television, including creating and producing the acclaimed TV series “Breaking Bad.”)
The stage also continued to call to Jim. A year earlier, a scheduling conflict had prevented him from reading for a part in “Twelfth Night” in Dallas. Now his sights were set on winning the part of Nathan Detroit in “Guys and Dolls” on Broadway. Although Jim was confident about winning the role he had played in his dinner-theater years, Nathan Lane was eventually cast and earned a Tony nomination for his portrayal. The play ran for about three years. It’s interesting to imagine the impact landing the role might have had on Jim’s career. Although it surely would have been satisfying professionally, he would have missed out on playing Jed Clampett in “The Beverly Hillbillies,” a part that would mark one of his biggest thrills as an actor and become a favorite among fans.
In March 1992, Jim was honored by the Tennessee State Senate for outstanding contributions to the state, with special consideration for his work with children’s charities. A resolution was passed commemorating his achievements. The 33 senators in attendance donned Ernest masks while trading jokes with Jim. He grabbed one of the masks, placed it right next to his face and proclaimed, “I’m beside myself.”
As many commercials as Jim made, it seemed as if there had to be clones of him to keep up. It was around this time that Jim mentioned in an interview that he had starred in a whopping 2,700 commercials. He always took pride in throwing out the constantly growing number. He was well aware that a prominent West Coast car dealer named Cal Worthington had actually made more. Worthington, who had been parodied by Johnny Carson, had been shooting thousands of crazy commercials with exotic animals for his many dealerships since the ‘60s. But one detail Jim often mentioned was that Ernest commercials were shot on film while Worthington’s were not.
Also during this time, Carden & Cherry decided to resurrect one of Jim’s former characters for the Ernest commercials. Jim had created Bunny Jeanette while at the Third Masque Theatre in Chattanooga and later included her in his stand-up act. Bunny shared little in common with Ernest in terms of appearance, but her unsolicited advice and aggressive approach were similar. Her heavily made-up face, dangling jewelry and red beehive gave the beauty consultant an unforgettable look. Her professional background consisted of a diploma from Vo-Tech Beauty College. With that coveted degree, she began operating “Bunny Jeanette’s Beauty World” out of her home. Her slogan was “Beauty is Bunny’s Business.” To say she used unconventional methods is an understatement. She operated an electric bench grinder to file nails and used a chisel for facials. The fact that she was usually more involved in dispensing advice than concentrating on her work made these tools all the more hazardous to clients.
In May 1992, TV viewers from Los Angeles to Knoxville watched in amusement as Bunny began to show up in regional TV commercials. She was not a replacement for Ernest; he was still airing in around 20 regional markets. She was just another character in the vast Jim Varney arsenal that Carden & Cherry thought they could make work as a commercial “pitchwoman.”
On June 28, 1992, Jim’s family and hometown fans were treated to a special performance. Jim made a rare stand-up comedy appearance in the Grand Ballroom of the Marriott Resort Griffin Gate in Lexington. The occasion was Lexington’s “Comic Relief for the Homeless.” The money raised went to such charities as the Hope Center and the Salvation Army. Jim shared billing with another talented comedian, Stuart Mitchell, better known as the comic character Heywood Banks, who is still around today. Heywood’s energetic act is almost as loud as the colors of his mismatched tie and sport coat. Although he is hardly balding,
his hair is combed over on one side, and he wears big horn-rimmed glasses. His goofy, oddball look warrants laughter before he even opens his mouth. The character is famous for his clever, hilarious songs. One of the most popular, “Toast,” is sung while Heywood uses a metal toaster (tied around his neck) as a drum with two forks for drumsticks. (He is currently a regular on “The Bob & Tom Show,” which is nationally syndicated.)
Unlike Jim’s appearances on HBO’s “Comic Relief” specials, Jim was not dressed as Ernest for the Lexington show, and few references were made to the character. This was often the case for Jim in smaller venues. Since Bunny Jeanette was back in the public eye, Jim decided to bring out one of his oldest Bunny routines, where she rolls hair with frozen orange-juice cans. Despite how little stand-up he had been performing, he seemed at ease onstage. He smoothly went on to the next bit, where he imitated country music singer Mel Tillis in a fictional story about the two of them visiting the local Keeneland racetrack years earlier. The bit consisted of Tillis betting on a horse that jumped over the fence during the race, never to return. Tillis got so upset that he questioned the trainer who claimed that he had tried everything to prevent what had been a recurring problem. Tillis then suggested that the trainer place a little piece of metal behind the horse’s ear. When the trainer asked how he was to keep it in there, Tillis replied, “with a gun!” It was a short set, but the crowd loved it.