The Story of Us

by Barbara Elsborg

  He slumped on top of Zed as if he was falling into another dimension, not one muscle under his control, not even his heart. Oh fuck, that was so good. Thank fuck I didn’t know how good that was before now. But it wouldn’t have been that good with anyone other than Zed.

  For a long time their hands stayed linked before Caspian finally mustered the energy to withdraw and roll off him. He turned his head to find Zed staring at him.

  “That was the best fuck I’ve ever had,” Zed said.

  Caspian burst out laughing.

  By the time Caspian woke on Monday morning, Zed was up and dressed.

  Caspian whined. “Clothes? Really?”

  “Yes because otherwise we’d be at it like bunnies when the house clearance guys arrive.”

  While Caspian showered, Zed loaded the car with his bag and Caspian’s belongings so that nothing was taken by accident. Caspian helped him drag down the mattress they’d slept on and they heaved it into the skip along with the duvet, sheets and towels.

  “We can’t be this extravagant every time we fuck,” Caspian said.

  Zed chuckled. “It’s all old stuff.”

  After the charity had loaded up their large van and driven off, the house was more or less empty. Zed had kept back the hoover and Caspian volunteered to tackle upstairs while Zed cleaned the kitchen, emptied the fridge and freezer and switched it off. By the time they’d done, the hoover was in the skip and the house looked pretty good. The estate agent arrived at ten, checked Zed’s ID and his father’s death certificate and took copies of the documents with her phone.

  “You’ll have to prove ownership but we can start the selling process. I’d suggest £699,000.”

  Zed almost had to be picked up off the floor.

  “I don’t think I’ll have any problem selling this house,” the woman said. “Popular village, close to a high-speed station, it’s in a lovely location. I bet you have fond memories of your childhood.”

  Caspian’s hand rested in the middle of Zed’s back and he kept quiet. Zed signed the contract and gave her the spare keys and the fob for the gate. Once she’d left there was nothing to keep them there. Zed took the meter readings for the gas and electricity and they set off for Ashford.

  Zed’s head ached by the time he came out of the bank. He’d been able to provide all the identification needed for both himself and his father but because of the sum of money involved, thousands and thousands in his father’s two accounts, and the amount due from life insurance, Zed had to apply for Letters of Administration.

  Caspian was sitting on a bench with his face tipped to the sunshine waiting for him when he emerged. He looks like he belongs on the front page of a magazine and he’s mine. Almost as though Caspian could sense him looking, he opened his eyes and turned to face him. “All done?”

  “For the time being.” Zed tugged him to his feet. “Time to go home.”

  Caspian’s smile melted his heart.

  “What’s that look for?” Caspian asked.

  “Your smile. It’s beautiful.”

  “Not my most beautiful.”

  “Really?”

  “I’m saving that one. How’s your arse?”

  “Sore.”

  Caspian beamed at him. Zed elbowed him in the ribs.

  They reached Greenwich just after five. Zed pulled up next to Jonas’s car. He was tired, and not just physically. He’d hated his father but it was still draining having to deal with the aftermath of his death. Hard to believe he wasn’t there anymore. Would there ever have been a chance of reconciliation? Only if his father had said he was sorry and that was inconceivable.

  “This looks…big,” Caspian said.

  “It’s divided into sections but the part they own is pretty big. Let’s leave everything in the car and go in and speak to Jonas first. Henry won’t be back from work.”

  “What does he actually do?”

  “I don’t actually know.” Zed grinned. “Government stuff.”

  “The if I tell you I’ll have to kill you type of stuff?”

  Zed nodded. “So don’t press him.”

  Jonas came rushing to the door when he heard them come in. He wrapped his arms around Zed, but when Caspian hung back Jonas didn’t try to hug him.

  “Good journey?” Jonas asked.

  “Terrible traffic. Took us twice as long as it should have done.” Partly because he’d been careful not to drive too fast. He was all too aware of Caspian clutching the sides of his seat so tightly that his knuckles were white.

  “A drink,” Jonas said. “What would you like? Caspian?”

  Caspian shrugged. Zed could see him looking round, taking everything in.

  “I’d love a glass of white wine,” Zed said. “Mr Grumpy will have the same.”

  Jonas took wine from the fridge and poured their drinks. “Show Caspian around. If you two want to move into the basement, that’s fine.”

  Zed started at the roof terrace and worked his way down. Caspian was too quiet, not himself at all, and Zed wondered what was going through his head. It was pointless saying anything. Caspian had been in a dark place for so long it would take him time to fully emerge and stay out of the darkness.

  When Zed pushed open the door to the tunnel-like underground room, he knew this was where they ought to be, where he now wanted to be, but he’d let Caspian decide.

  “The band sometimes rehearses down here. Well, if Jonas and Henry are out. It’s private. We’d even have our own kitchen. What do you think?”

  “That I’m lucky.”

  “Let’s bring everything in and then you can help me move my stuff down here from the bedroom.”

  By the time they’d sorted everything out, Henry was back. Jonas had cooked.

  “Do you always eat together?” Caspian whispered.

  “We try to but Henry works crazy hours and Jonas is out a lot of nights playing in concerts. We take it in turns to cook.”

  “I can’t cook,” Caspian said.

  Jonas laughed. “Neither can Henry.”

  Zed squeezed Caspian’s fingers. “You can learn. I’ll teach you.”

  Zed set the table, showing Caspian where things were kept. He was still far too subdued and Zed was worried.

  “Jonas tells me you’ve moved to the basement,” Henry said.

  “Thank you for letting me stay here,” Caspian blurted. “I’ll get a job. Pay rent. I won’t tell anyone what you do.”

  Henry froze momentarily as he helped himself to salad. “And what do I do?”

  “I have no idea. That’s why I won’t tell anyone.”

  Henry laughed and glanced at Zed. “I work for the government. Not very exciting.” He turned to Caspian. “What would you like to do?”

  “I can…wash dishes or do garden work or maybe work in a shop.”

  Zed gaped at him. “What would you like to do, not what you think you might have to do and you’re not going to wash dishes.”

  “Except here,” Jonas said.

  At least that brought a small smile to Caspian’s face.

  “You like inventing things,” Henry said.

  “He’s come up with hundreds of ideas.” Zed glanced at Caspian.

  “They’re not all original,” Caspian muttered.

  “Most products that are patented are just improvements on existing ideas,” Henry said. “There’s an inventors club near the London School of Economics. They have a meeting every month. You could join. You might find people who’d offer help in building prototypes and they’d be able to give you business advice.”

  “Or tell me my idea is crap.”

  “Yep, they might.” Henry shrugged. “But investors won’t put money into something that no one has any faith in. Your idea has to look credible, well thought out and well presented to stand any chance of success. And you need to protect it.”

  “Patent it. Yeah, I know. Not just in this country too. It costs a lot of money.”

  “I’ll help,” Zed said. “Once I get my sh
are of my father’s money.”

  Caspian sighed. “I can’t let you do that.”

  Zed opened his mouth to argue and caught Henry’s warning glance.

  “Be careful what you say to people,” Henry said. “Whatever’s special about what you’ve invented, keep those details a secret. But telling someone you’ve invented a way to recycle plastic bags or found a new source of green energy is fine because you might just be speaking to someone who works in that field or knows someone who does.”

  “Okay.”

  “So are we all set for Cornwall?” Jonas asked.

  Henry nodded. “We leave on Wednesday. I’ve hired surfboards and wetsuits. They’ll be waiting for us at the cottage. Can you surf, Caspian?”

  “I told you—” Henry’s glance shut Zed up.

  Caspian turned to Zed. “Have you been abroad, ridden on a roller coaster, climbed a mountain, skied, surfed?”

  And Zed knew exactly what was wrong. Caspian had wanted to do those things with him. But it wasn’t fair to have expected him to wait. Irritation rose and fell. He’d waited in the most important way.

  “I’ve been to the States with Jonas and Henry. Oregon and then California. I went on a roller coaster with Jonas. Henry is a wimp.”

  “Hey. Vertigo. Remember?” Henry said.

  Jonas laughed. “Right. Of course it is.”

  “I’ve surfed with them both. Henry taught me to ski. I’ve climbed a mountain with them. With them not you.” He nudged Caspian’s foot under the table. “I’ve not seen the northern lights. I’ve not stayed in an ice hotel. I haven’t biked down a volcano in Hawaii. I’ve not been to the top of Kilimanjaro to look at the stars. We have a lot of things to do. And I haven’t changed my mind about swimming with sharks. You’ve got a long list of things you want to do with me. We’ve already done some.”

  “What were they?” Caspian asked and when Zed saw the look in his eyes he knew he had him back again.

  He called Caspian’s bluff. “You took me into space. I lost my virginity to you.”

  Both Henry and Jonas let out a cry of mock-horror and clamped their hands over their ears.

  “I still can’t believe you said that,” Caspian mumbled as he cleaned his teeth next to Zed.

  “It was true.”

  “Yeah but there’s sharing and then there’s sharing.”

  Zed spat into the neighbouring basin, then swilled out his mouth.

  “Did I really take you into space?” Caspian asked.

  “Don’t fish for compliments.”

  “I like space travel. We need to do it again.”

  “We definitely do.” Zed grabbed a towel and wiped his mouth. “We also need to pack for Cornwall. You don’t have any swimming trunks. We’ll go and buy some tomorrow. I’m meeting the band in the afternoon for a quick practice session. Come with me?”

  “Okay.”

  That was something, Zed thought. He’d worried Caspian would say no.

  “What are you going to do about getting in touch with the guy who’s probably your birth father?” Caspian asked.

  “It can wait until we’re back from Cornwall. I need to think about the right thing to do.”

  Caspian went back into the bedroom and Zed washed his face. As he reached Caspian’s side and caught a glimpse of the TV, he froze.

  “What’s happened?” Zed asked.

  “A bomb,” Caspian whispered.

  A device had gone off in the packed foyer of the Manchester Arena at the end of a pop concert. Hundreds had been wounded and several people killed.

  “All those kids.” Zed swallowed hard. “How can they think this is the right thing to do? To deliberately target children?”

  How could he think playing in a band was more important than helping stop things like this from happening?

  Caspian tugged him to the bed and pulled him down, spooning behind him, his arms holding Zed tight. “You can’t save everyone,” he said quietly.

  But I can save some.

  “I know what you’re thinking, but what can you do?” Caspian kissed his neck. “Don’t go back into that world. Please. Please. Remember what you wrote to me? I want to keep you safe, but I can’t. So you have to stay safe. Promise me. Look after yourself. When you get out we’ll be together and we’ll be happy. That’s my promise to you.”

  “You remember what I wrote?”

  “I remember every word. You promised we’d be together and be happy.”

  Zed turned in Caspian’s arms and kissed him. “I did. We will.” But I want the world to be safe for you and if that means working for MI5, that’s what I’ll do.

  Chapter Thirty

  Caspian woke the next morning with a smile on his face. A warm, wet, insistent tongue was caressing his cock. He was already hard. Now he went harder.

  “Zed, come out of the bathroom,” he shouted. “Hey, do Jonas and Henry have a cat? Ouch. Oh no, it’s one of those sensory alarm clocks. Ouch.”

  Caspian flung back the covers and watched as Zed played with him. Each lick, each suck sent flickers of lightning racing down his veins. He ran his fingers over the bulge in Zed’s cheek, and as he felt his cock inside Zed’s mouth, he groaned.

  “I thought I might get breakfast in bed but it looks like you’re getting it instead.” Caspian grinned.

  Zed let him free with a soft pop. Caspian’s cock was slick with precum and saliva and Zed’s lips glistened. When his tongue slipped out to lick his lips, Caspian pulled him up and did some licking of his own. “Oh, I taste good. Maybe not as good as toast and marmalade but pretty good.”

  “Stand up and fuck my mouth.”

  Goose bumps raced down Caspian’s arms and legs. “Christ, you’re bossy in the mornings.”

  He rolled out of bed and stood. Zed knelt at his feet and wrapped his fingers around the base of Caspian’s cock, before feeding it inch by inch into his mouth until it disappeared.

  “Oh shit. That is some magic trick,” Caspian panted. “Tell me you can make it reappear and not on the other side of the room.”

  Zed laughed, choked and pulled off. “I can’t do it if you make me laugh.”

  “Oh, it’s still there. Thank Christ for that.” Caspian ran his hand up his entire length. “All fifteen inches.”

  “Shut up.” Zed licked around the tip, slid his tongue into the slit and Caspian pressed his lips together to trap his whine.

  He locked his hands in Zed’s hair, held tight and thrust his cock between Zed’s lips.

  Zed’s bright eyes were wide open, watching him. That was such a turn on except Caspian’s eyes were glazing over. Zed dropped his hand from the base of Caspian’s cock, let him take control and his heart melted. How could Zed swallow so much? How could he breathe? How could he do that thing with his tongue at the same time as… Oh fuck.

  Caspian wanted it to last longer but want wouldn’t make it happen. The strong suction…the tight slide…the sensation of his balls slapping against Zed’s chin. Then Zed did something…swallowed against the head of his cock, and as a strangled sound burst from Caspian’s throat, he came. He gasped and trembled with each spurt and when Zed licked him clean, the whine of pleasure finally escaped.

  “Oh God, that was so good, that felt so fucking fantastic, I can’t tell you how sensational it was. Yeah, I can, oh fuck… No, I can’t. You… ohhh.”

  “Shut up,” Zed said. “I’m trying to concentrate here.”

  Caspian looked down to see Zed jerking himself off. Caspian yanked him up, kissed him and wrapped his fingers around Zed’s. Zed gasped and warm cum splattered between them. Zed rested his head on Caspian’s shoulder as he came down.

  “Wow,” Zed muttered.

  “Is that all I get? Wow?”

  “I did most of the work myself.”

  Caspian dropped to his knees and licked Zed’s stomach. “I’m still going to need breakfast.”

  Breakfast was a subdued affair. Henry had gone into work early and Jonas sat glued to the TV. The pictu
res of the Manchester bombing were horrifying. Caspian swallowed hard when they interviewed kids and their parents who’d been at the concert. So many innocents killed and wounded by a homemade bomb filled with shrapnel.

  “It breaks my heart.” Jonas turned from the TV. “What are you two up to today?”

  “We were going to go shopping,” Zed said. “Caspian needs some swimming trunks. Now I don’t feel like we should.”

  “Life goes on,” Jonas said. “They win if you don’t do the things you’d normally do.”

  “I suppose,” Zed muttered. “We can get what we need in Greenwich.”

  “But be careful.” Jonas rose to his feet and flung his arms around Zed. “Really careful.”

  Zed rolled his eyes at Caspian, but he thought Jonas was right. Everyone had to be vigilant.

  Zed made shopping fun, though Caspian refused to buy the trunks plastered with pink flamingos and instead chose a pair the colour of Zed’s eyes. Caspian hadn’t worried when he’d walked into any of the shops. No one knew him. They ate lunch in a café and no one knew him there either. No more panic attacks, he told himself. This was the new start he’d wanted and he had the bonus of his life beginning again with Zed when he’d never dared to dream that could happen. Well, he’d dreamed it but known it was only a fantasy.

  Dreams can come true.

  Though Caspian’s anxiety returned at the prospect of meeting Zed’s band. After lunch, they’d gone back to collect Zed’s guitar and were now on the way to Tower Hamlets.

  “Have you told them about me?” Caspian asked.

  “No. I’ve only ever talked about you to Henry, Jonas and Jackson, and not very often, but that’s not because I was embarrassed you were in prison but because I didn’t want that to define you when you came out. You don’t need to tell anyone. No one needs to know. Unless you want them to know.”

  “Not really. So are they going to ask how we met, how long we’ve known one another?”