The Story of Us

by Barbara Elsborg

  “Wake up.” Zed leaned over to breathe into his ear.

  “What for?”

  “I need to say I’m sorry and I can’t do that if you’re asleep.” He licked around Caspian’s ear.

  “Aaaah. Don’t stop doing that to start talking. Talking is overrated. Sending me wild with desire, isn’t.”

  Zed smiled, relief flooding his veins that Caspian wasn’t angry. “I have things I need to say.” He took Caspian’s entire ear into his mouth.

  Caspian vibrated. “Make it quick. You say sorry. I say sorry and we fuck.”

  “Sorry,” Zed whispered.

  “Good.”

  Zed tried not to laugh but he couldn’t help it. “And?”

  “And what?”

  Zed nipped his ear.

  “Sorry.” Caspian groaned into the pillow.

  Zed pushed back the covers and trailed his tongue slowly down the bumps of Caspian’s spine, rubbing his chin against them, then licking the places he’d abraded. As he reached his lower back, Caspian dragged down his boxers and gave a frantic wriggle to get them off his feet before dragging them back up the bed and stuffing them under his belly.

  “Oh God, you stopped driving me wild with desire,” Caspian whined. “I was trying to remove all obstacles.”

  Zed pushed Caspian face down on the bed and started again from his neck.

  “Fuck. I’m sinking into the bed.” Caspian’s breathing turned ragged.

  The sensation of pressing his teeth into Caspian’s neck was a bigger turn on than Zed could have imagined. He didn’t want to hurt him but it was a display of dominance, knowing that he could hurt him.

  “Keep doing that and I’ll come. God,” Caspian panted.

  Zed alternately kissed and licked down the centre of his back until his face was pressed against Caspian’s arse, his fingers digging into Caspian’s hips. Zed licked down the seam, pausing to flutter his tongue over the hole.

  “You found it,” Caspian said. “I was worried about your sense of direction.”

  Zed reached between Caspian’s legs, took hold of his cock and eased it back so he could flutter his tongue along it, then over Caspian’s balls and up the seam of his backside.

  He did it over and over while Caspian shook and whined and groaned, pleading with him, begging him, and every sound and every movement wound Zed tighter, sending goose bumps flashing into life all over his body. His cock leaked precum over the back of Caspian’s thighs. His balls were tight and aching. Zed wrapped his hands around Caspian’s hips and hauled him onto his knees. When he spread his arse cheeks wide and exposed the puckered entrance to his body, Zed’s heart stuttered. Oh fuck.

  “Put on condom, apply lube, insert seven-inch battering ram. In that order.”

  “Right.” Zed’s fingers shook as he prepped himself.

  “God, I really want you to fuck me,” Caspian moaned. “Could you manage that before you start the waterboarding?”

  “Oh shut up.”

  “Hey, I’m nervous. I talk when I’m nervous. You go quiet. That makes me sound noisier than I am.”

  Zed positioned his cock against the ring of nerve-rich muscle and rubbed over it a few times. Wasn’t it going to hurt if he didn’t stretch him first?

  “I need you. I need this. Now,” Caspian gasped. He pulled his cock back under his body and began to jack himself off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

  Zed pushed the head of his cock more firmly against the hole, the urge to ram himself home lighting up his balls. Steady, steady. But as Caspian’s muscles gave way, along with his voice, Zed slid in and kept sliding until he’d bottomed out. They both froze for a long moment.

  “Forgotten what to do?” Caspian gasped. “I missed out that part. Withdraw battering ram, then re-insert. Continue until you break me.”

  Zed pulled back, then thrust so hard that Caspian slumped and Zed collapsed on top of him.

  “Yep, I’m broken,” Caspian grunted.

  Zed grabbed the pillow Caspian was shoving toward him and pushed it under Caspian’s hips before he began to move again. Each drive into that warm, tight channel was bliss. Every withdrawal the same. Watching himself do this did something to his insides. Made them melt, made them burn.

  He couldn’t stop moving now—a living machine, pile driver, jackhammer, electric drill. His body was aligned to Caspian’s. His hands pressing on his shoulder blades, his legs rubbing on Caspian’s, his hips rolling on and on, thrusting his cock all the way in then out until only the very tip was left inside before he shoved back again.

  “Harder,” Caspian gasped. “Slower, softer, faster, harder, twist and turn and shake it all about. Oh fuck do what the hell you like. Just keep doing it.”

  How can you make me laugh so much when I’m doing this? Zed’s movements grew faster and choppier as the need to come galloped through every cell in his body. His brain fogged to everything but that. Caspian was bucking up into him as Zed drove down and Caspian gave a long wail as he came. Moments later, lightning zipped down Zed’s spine and he was exploding. As long, hard spurts of cum filled the condom, he plastered himself against Caspian’s back.

  It was a while before either of them could move. The only sound in the room was their frantic breathing which took a while to slow. When Zed regained muscle control, he tugged Caspian to the bathroom and they showered together in the cramped space.

  Back in the bedroom, they dressed and Zed pulled Caspian back onto the bed. “You scared me,” he whispered, pulling his fingers through Caspian’s wet hair. “You are my reason for living, for breathing, for everything. I care about you above anything else. If you’d fallen… My life would be over.”

  “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “If you’d have been wearing a helmet and a harness I’d have been fine, but one slip…”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “And then I said something stupid.”

  “You called me a fucking idiot.”

  “You are a fucking idiot. It wasn’t that. It was when I told you to fuck off. Because you did and I couldn’t find you. All I could do was sit and hope you’d come back.” Zed choked back a sob.

  “I didn’t even know if I could climb it. I started and thought—yes I can. Scared but determined. When I actually got back to the sand, I was on such a high. By sheer willpower and determination, I’d done something I didn’t think I could do. And I wanted you to be thrilled for me and you weren’t.”

  “But you understand why.”

  “Yes, I do but maybe I’m going to do more crazy stuff. Maybe I can’t help myself. When I was inside, I felt…as if I was in water and having to swim all the time except I kept getting pulled under the surface. I’d always swim up again but… sometimes the temptation to let myself sink, to disappear, sleep without dreams… Yeah, well it was always there, always tempting because it was the only way out that I could manage all on my own. My pad mate told me that just about everyone works out how to kill themselves, usually by hanging. Not that most of them would ever want to, but it was the comfort of knowing they could that they liked. And I understood.”

  Zed held him tighter.

  “I’m not trying to tempt fate now I’m out. I don’t want to die. I want to live, but I want to live a full life, one where I can conquer my fears and do what the fuck I like… As long as you’re with me.”

  “I’m still not going diving with sharks. And I don’t want a piercing either. I read where a guy had the skin of his cock ripped off when clothing caught on his piercing. People have choked on piercings, chipped their teeth or got one trapped between their teeth and the person with them has had to call 9-9-9. So can we skip that too?”

  “I love you.”

  Zed jolted, then smiled. “Now you choose to tell me?”

  Caspian grinned. “My first ten times I’m going for memorable occasions. Then you’ll always remember.”

  “Hmm.”

  “And I’m fine with no piercings. I want us to have our cocks tattooed.”<
br />
  Shit. “You first then.”

  “That wasn’t what Henry said you had to do.”

  Zed’s jaw dropped. “You were listening? You little… I am not having my cock tattooed. If you want to, go ahead. It won’t kill you. I’m fine with that.”

  “What do you like to eat?”

  “Why? Oh.” Zed laughed. “Brussels sprouts.”

  “Damn it. I don’t want those on my cock. Okay no tattoos there.”

  “Let’s go and see the northern lights. That sounds fairly safe.”

  Caspian kissed him. “Base jumping in Dubai.”

  “I’d rather bike down a volcano in Hawaii.”

  “While it’s erupting?”

  “No. Are you crazy?”

  “Of course I am.”

  The rest of the holiday was just about as perfect as Zed could have hoped for. A mixture of surfing, sex, walking, sex, flying the kites…oh hell, even he had jumped and understood where Caspian was coming from. They’d eaten out, eaten in. They’d played board games with Henry and Jonas. The weather had been perfect. Enough to give them all a bit of a tan. Caspian had told him he loved him while he was taking a piss in the bathroom, and then he burped I love you. Zed hadn’t been able to stop the laugh from bursting out.

  “Are you counting?” Caspian asked.

  “That was three.”

  Four was yelled out at the top of a cliff scattering a flock of birds and freaking out a couple out walking.

  Five was written in the sand along with I love your arse. Zed had to kick that part out.

  Six was laid out in stones and shells along with I love your cock. He had to kick that out too.

  Seven was when Zed was trying to persuade a traffic warden not to give him a ticket when they’d gone to Newquay. Though Caspian had told the traffic warden he loved him too, several times and in the end the guy had laughed and let them off.

  Eight was muttered into Zed’s arse.

  Nine was said at the checkout in the supermarket when Caspain had put five packets of condoms on the conveyor belt.

  Apparently Caspian was saving ten.

  Zed was sorry when it was time to go home.

  Even more sorry when they’d packed up the car and he’d had another text from a different number. I’ll see you soon, little brother. He called Jackson and told him before they set off. Then texted back. Are you Fahid or Tamaz? Either way, I look forward to seeing you.

  There was no reply.

  Another text came the following day and the one after that. Same message. On Jackson’s advice, Zed didn’t respond.

  The following Saturday, Caspian went to a meeting of the inventors club while Zed was rehearsing in Tower Hamlets. They’d arranged to meet up afterwards so they could go home together. Jonas was rehearsing at the Barbican for a concert with Michael Tilson Thomas due to take place the following evening and Henry said he was looking forward to a few hours of peace and quiet.

  Zed waited for Caspian at the far end of London Bridge and waved when he saw him coming.

  “Had fun?” Zed asked.

  “Not as much fun as I had this morning.”

  Zed laughed. “I should hope not.”

  They set off across the bridge.

  “So how did it go? Did you talk to anyone?”

  “Everyone was really friendly. I discussed the basics of a few of my ideas and had some encouraging comments. Well, if you count—that’s interesting—as encouraging. I even managed to make some suggestions of my own on an idea a woman had about baby changing mats. I know zip about babies but the restraining system she was proposing was similar to the one I’d imagined for something else. Then I had a call from my new SO, just checking in now Glenn has handed me over. Great timing but at least the biscuits were delicious.”

  Zed chuckled. They checked the road and began to cross. “Want to go for a drink in Borough?”

  “No, let’s go home. I’m tired.”

  “Okay.” They headed into the station.

  “Fin still being a pain in the arse?” Caspian asked as they stood on the down escalator.

  “He’s a perfectionist but he doesn’t go about getting perfection in the right way. We sound good. Fin thinks we can sound better but he’s never satisfied.”

  There was a muffled noise behind them that sounded like a car crash then a scream. What the hell?

  “Should we go and see if we can help?” Caspian asked.

  Zed was torn but hey were already at the bottom of the escalator. “There’s a lot of people around. We don’t have medical skills. We’re more likely to get in the way.”

  When they were on the overground train and it was moving, Zed had a call on his phone.

  “Hi Henry.”

  “Where are you?”

  “On the train. We just left London Bridge.”

  “A van’s been driven into pedestrians on London Bridge.”

  “Shit. Is Jonas back?”

  “No. He’s not answering his phone.”

  “He has to turn it off when they’re rehearsing.”

  “Yes, but he should be on his way home. Oh fuck. I’m going to try him again. Don’t block his line.”

  Zed slipped the phone back into his pocket.

  “What the hell’s happened?”

  Around them in the carriage, people began to talk.

  “That noise we heard… A van’s been driven into people on London Bridge.” Zed took a shaky breath. “Jonas isn’t back and he sometimes walks across the bridge instead of using the Tube.”

  “And Henry can’t get in touch with him?”

  Zed shook his head. Caspian wrapped his arm around him and Zed began to search for news on his phone.

  By the time they got off the train in Greenwich, they knew that the crash they heard was being treated as terrorism. The attackers had abandoned the van and moved into the Borough Market area where they’d stabbed people.

  “I should have—” Zed began.

  “No. What could we have done?”

  When Zed’s phone rang, he pulled it from his pocket and put it on speaker.

  “He’s okay,” Henry said.

  Caspian pulled Zed into his arms and hugged him. Zed started to cry.

  “He’s on his way back on the Tube. Where are you?”

  “Cutty Sark station. We’ll wait for him.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  By the time they went to bed, the details of the attack were still unfolding. Seven were dead but the total might rise, and three attackers had been shot dead. It wasn’t a surprise when the attackers were later named as Islamic radicals. Forty-eight people had been injured and eight innocent lives lost.

  Henry was subdued. He left for work early in the morning and came back late at night. Caspian was in bed asleep but Zed wanted to speak to Henry, wanted to know if MI5 had missed something, missed some opportunity to stop this before it happened. But Henry wouldn’t talk about it. Though he did hand over Zed’s father’s phone.

  “I don’t like the idea of you being used as bait but…”

  “I’ll be careful.”

  Henry sighed. “Be more than careful.”

  The security service was already under criticism for missing clues before the Westminster attack last March when a guy had driven a car into pedestrians on Westminster Bridge and crashed into the gates outside the Palace of Westminster. Four had been killed and more than fifty injured before he jumped out of the vehicle and fatally stabbed a policeman.

  “How do you cope with all this?” Zed asked.

  “If I don’t leave it behind before I step through the door, it wouldn’t just be me who was worrying.” Henry ruffled Zed’s hair. “It’s something to think about before you decide on Jackson’s offer. The cost of working to ensure the safety of others is high and while success brings great satisfaction, failure is hard to deal with. Your music can bring joy and pleasure to many. Don’t feel guilty for wanting that.”

  “Which is more important?”

&
nbsp; “Ah, well that’s your decision to make, not mine. But you know I’m as musical as a weasel. People would pay to not hear me.”

  A week later, Jackson came to the house to see Zed. Zed hoped he wasn’t going to ask him if he’d made his mind up about the job, because he hadn’t. Jackson asked him to walk in the garden.

  “Is it Tamaz?” Zed asked, his heart thumping.

  “No. Fahid was killed two days ago in an American drone attack in a remote area of Afghanistan’s eastern Kunar province.”

  Zed exhaled. “You’re sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was he the target?”

  “Yes and no. It was a meeting that he happened to be attending of Isis commanders who were planning a terrorist attack. Those texts to your phone helped locate him. The Americans confirmed he was one of the casualties.”

  “So it was Fahid and not Tamaz who texted me.” Zed wanted to be relieved but he was still worried about Tamaz. “What now?”

  “We wait to see if your brother surfaces.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Jonas stared at Caspian in disbelief. “I can’t believe you mended that. It’s been broken for ages. I meant to throw it away.”

  It was an ancient music system, so old it had a cassette player as part of the stacked tower. Caspian had enjoyed taking it apart and putting it back together. He’d bought a couple of new circuit boards and other parts online and now it worked.

  “Do you want it?” Jonas asked him.

  “No thanks. I listen to music on my phone or live.” He gave a dramatic groan.

  Jonas chuckled. “You’re not the only one fed up of hearing the same songs played over and over again. I think it’s different when you’re playing them yourself, but to listen…”

  Caspian shrugged. “The band wants to be perfect for Glastonbury next weekend. I get that though I’m pretty sure the crowd isn’t going to spot one duff note.”

  Zed was currently out playing a gig in a bar in Borough. Something that hadn’t made any of them very happy, including Zed, but Caspian knew once you changed what you did because of fear of what might happen, the terrorists had won. But when he’d said he’d go and meet Zed there, Zed had asked him not to this time. Caspian couldn’t help but wonder when the right time would be. They didn’t talk about lightning not striking the same place twice because both of them knew it could.