He had a lot of thinking to do about all of it, and no idea where to start. They still had two days, though. Two days was plenty of time to work out where they stood with each other.
Chapter Eighteen
While Caleb appreciated Ethan kissing him when they got back from their trip to the top of the volcano, he wasn’t in the mood for anything other than sleeping and brooding. Cancelling a wedding wasn’t as easy as it sounded, especially one this involved. Olivia would need help, and while she’d agreed that the best thing for everyone was a nap, he’d be called on soon enough.
“You don’t seem into this,” Ethan said, which only made Caleb feel worse. It didn’t help that he’d seen Olivia go straight for him. On the one hand, any comfort she could get, he wanted her to have. On the other hand, he saw Ethan first.
He wasn’t sure whether he was mad at her for going to his boyfriend for comfort, or mad because Ethan wasn’t his boyfriend and Olivia was a better option by any possible measure.
The thing was, Ethan holding Olivia had been the perfect illustration of everything Caleb expected from Ethan. That he’d go back to women as soon as they were home, because that was easier and less stressful and wouldn’t require him to make any big life changes.
He’d been stupid to even consider otherwise. It wasn’t that Ethan was a bad person, it was just that being straight—or appearing to be straight—was much easier than the alternative. Of course he’d go back to it. Any sensible person who had that option would.
Especially a sensible person who’d just realized that if he wanted someone like Olivia, he could have her. Ethan had to have worked out by now that he was much more attractive than he thought he was.
“I’m sorry.” Caleb sighed, unable to hide how exhausted he was by everything that had happened this week. He’d given Ethan too much of himself, and that was his own, stupid fault. Not Ethan’s. He had to own up to his mistakes and start living with them. “I’m so tired. I don’t mean to disappoint you.”
“I’m not disappointed,” Ethan said softly. “I am a little worried about you, though. This hit you hard.”
“And you’re the one who actually got hit.” Caleb reached out to touch Ethan’s shoulder. He couldn’t just suddenly go cold on him. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” Ethan rolled his shoulders back. “I’ve had worse. Payton’s not gonna be a heavyweight boxing champ anytime soon.”
Caleb couldn’t help laughing at that. “You did save me, though. And I’m a lot more delicate than you are.”
“I dunno, man. I’m not sure I could have stood up to him like you did.” Ethan shrugged. “I was impressed.”
“Thank you,” Caleb said, blushing. “I just wanted him to leave Olivia alone. I didn’t think he’d get violent, honestly. I’m glad we know that before she married him. He might never have hit her, but…”
“Seems like a risk I wouldn’t want my sister taking, either. If I had a sister.” Ethan nodded. To Caleb’s surprise, he reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear, tracing the curve of it before taking his hand away again. The gesture left Caleb breathless for a moment, as though all the air in the room had suddenly been sucked out.
He was in way too deep with Ethan now. He had to put a stop to it as soon as possible.
Thankfully, cleaning up the mess they’d just made would give him something else to focus on. After he’d had a chance to sleep.
“You’re not here,” Ethan said. “That’s not a criticism,” he added.
“I just need to sleep. I’ll be okay after an hour or so.”
“Then let me put you to bed.” Ethan reached out and started unbuttoning the coat Caleb was still wearing from their trip. It had been ridiculously cold up there, colder than Caleb had imagined it would be, even though he’d read a dozen warnings on travel sites.
“Ethan, I’m seriously not in the mood.” Caleb sighed. He didn’t understand why Ethan was still pushing despite his clear disinterest.
“I know,” Ethan responded, frowning at him. “I’m not… I’m not undressing you for sex. I’m taking your coat off so you can get some sleep. I can stop if you wanna do it yourself.”
Caleb went to respond, but realized quickly that he had no idea what to say. No one had ever done this for him before.
“No, it’s fine,” Caleb said eventually. “Umm. Thank you.”
“No problem.” Ethan smiled a shy smile at him. “Remember at the start of all this when I said I was going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated? That still stands.”
Caleb swallowed. This was how Ethan thought he deserved to be treated. He thought Caleb deserved a soft, gentle boyfriend who’d take a punch for him and then tuck him into bed after.
If he’d had more energy, Caleb might have cried. Or might have confessed that he wanted to stay with Ethan for as long as he’d have him, regardless of the consequences.
As it was, all he could do was let Ethan undress him to his underwear and lead him to the bed. Caleb closed his eyes as soon as his head hit the pillow, his body and mind both desperate to shut down for an hour or so and recharge.
Just as he was dozing off, he felt Ethan climb into bed beside him, the mattress dipping as he did so. Part of Caleb hated how comforting it was to know he was there, but the rest of him finally calmed down enough to fall asleep.
Chapter Nineteen
Ethan woke from his nap to the sound of banging against the hotel room door. He looked to Caleb, who was still sleeping soundly, and realized he’d have to answer it himself. Thankfully, he’d gone to sleep in his clothes, minus his coat, so he wasn’t about to answer the door half-dressed.
Olivia was on the other side of it, tears and mascara striping her face. She was calm now, though, except for a trembling lip.
“Hey, is Caleb awake?” she asked, her voice tiny. Ethan thought of Caleb as a small guy, but he could have comfortably bench-pressed Olivia. She was slight and short, and her distress only made her seem even smaller.
“No, but he can be,” Ethan stepped back from the door to let Olivia in, closing the door behind her.
As soon as the door was shut, she burst into tears again. Ethan had no idea how to deal with a situation like this. He didn’t have a sister, and women who were crying around him were usually crying because of him, no matter how much he tried to avoid that.
This was uncharted territory.
“I’ll wake-” Ethan was cut off by Olivia barreling into his chest, wrapping her arms around him as she had earlier. This, Ethan could handle. Hugs were something he understood.
“Or we can do this,” Ethan finished instead.
“I just need someone to tell me I did the right thing,” Olivia sobbed.
“You did do the right thing,” Ethan assured her. He hadn’t known Payton at all, but he wouldn’t have stood idly by if his own sister was planning to marry him, either. A guy who wouldn’t hold a punch when faced with someone who could knock him flying wasn’t a safe guy to be around. Olivia was lucky she knew that now.
She sniffed and loosened her grip a little, but didn’t let go. “I know,” she said. “I know, but all these people came all this way to see me get married…”
“They did that because they love you. People who love you will understand why you wouldn’t want to marry a guy who might have hurt you. And who you weren’t really in love with. They’ll forgive you.”
“They’ve never forgiven Caleb for being gay,” she said softly. “Not really. It’s hard to marry him off to a nice girl from a nice family if he’s not interested in girls, y’know?”
Ethan frowned. “Your parents? They seemed fine with it. Your dad gave me the treat him right or I’ll hurt you talk.”
Olivia looked up. “They did?”
Ethan nodded. He remembered thinking that they seemed a lot cooler than Caleb had made them out to be, but he figured he didn’t know the whole story.
“Huh.” Olivia paused for a second. “Maybe they have fo
rgiven him. Not that he’d care. Caleb is a law unto himself.”
“You can sing my praises to my face, you know. I won’t get embarrassed,” Caleb said from the bed. He yawned widely, then rubbed his eyes. Ethan couldn’t help smiling at that. He was cute in the morning.
He also had the urge to jump away from Olivia, but stayed put. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. If Caleb was family to him, then so was Olivia, who Caleb obviously loved. He wasn’t holding her because he was into her.
Normally, someone like Olivia would be so far out of his league that he wouldn’t even meet her eyes unless he was forced to. Now she was just… someone who needed help. Someone Ethan wasn’t interested in at all.
It was Caleb he wanted, and he knew that now. The timing was awful, though. He couldn’t exactly say anything until this whole cancelled wedding thing was over and done with.
He didn’t even know if Caleb felt the same way. Or if he’d be tired of him by the time they got home.
Olivia broke away from Ethan immediately and went to her brother, perching beside him on the bed. Caleb blinked at her, still waking up, and then sighed. “You look awful,” he said.
Olivia punched him in the shoulder, but it didn’t look painful. Ethan felt as though he was seeing something he shouldn’t really have been seeing, something that was family-members only.
No one was telling him to go, though.
“I need your help,” Olivia said softly. “I can’t deal with all these people by myself.”
“Okay,” Caleb said, yawning again. “Okay, I’m up.” He stood and stretched, raising his arms high above his head and standing on the tips of his toes.
Ethan wanted to push him back down onto the bed and kiss him for hours, but he couldn’t exactly do that. Not in front of Olivia, at least, and not while there were more pressing things to deal with.
“I’ll uh. I’ll get out of your way,” Ethan said.
“You’re not in the way,” Olivia replied softly. “Tell him, Caleb.”
“Ethan has never been in the way once in his life, but he is free to leave.” Caleb looked up at him. “This isn’t your problem, and I get why you’d want to avoid dealing with it.”
“If there’s something I can do, I’m happy to help.” Ethan really did want to take some of the pressure off Caleb, and Olivia by extension. He didn’t like to see anyone upset.
“We’ll find something for you to do, unless you come to your senses and escape,” Caleb said. “We’ll all get through this.” He put his arm around Olivia’s shoulders, holding her close. Ethan had never really seen Caleb being a big brother before. Everything about his personality that had previously seemed odd made sense now. He was used to looking after people.
“First off, I think we could all use some coffee and pastries,” Ethan said. That was what he’d learned to get for Caleb when he was having a rough time, so at least one of them would appreciate it. “That gives you two time to form a plan of attack, and then you can give me all the little annoying jobs that don’t need to be done by family.”
Olivia sniffed again. “Can you… if I give you my room key, do you think you could get my stuff from my hotel room? I don’t think Payton’s there.”
“I don’t care if he is,” Ethan said. “He only gets one free shot at me.”
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Caleb said. “He’s not worth it.”
“What, am I an idiot all of a sudden?” Ethan raised an eyebrow. He held his hand out for Olivia’s key card, tucking it into the pocket of his jeans. “I’m not going to start anything. I’m just saying I can handle myself.”
Caleb glared at him, and for a moment Ethan was hurt and angry at the idea that Caleb somehow, after all this time, didn’t trust him. Then he recognized the look for the fear it was, the worry that something was going to happen to him.
Ethan looked down at the floor. “I love you,” he murmured. He told himself it was for Olivia’s benefit, to keep up the act, but he meant every word of it. He didn’t ever want to see Caleb hurt or scared or worried. Because he was in love with him.
Really, genuinely in love with him.
“She knows,” Caleb said. “That we’re not really together, I mean. But thanks for trying.”
Ethan’s heart sank. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but the total lack of emotion in Caleb’s voice wasn’t it.
He laughed despite himself. “Okay. Uh, room number?”
“Four fifteen,” Olivia said. “Everything I need is in my overnight bag. It’s uh. Navy blue, fake leather, kinda looks like something Mary Poppins might have carried.”
“So, huge?” Ethan double-checked.
“You have no idea.” Caleb smiled wryly. “Thank you for doing this,” he added.
Ethan took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying not to read too much into Caleb’s sudden coldness. Judging by the way Olivia was looking at him, even she’d noticed it.
“I’ll be back soon,” Ethan said, heading for the door. “Coffee, donuts and luggage coming right up.”
“Thank you,” Olivia called after him as the door swung shut behind him.
As he headed down the hall toward the elevators, Ethan told himself that Caleb had just gone cold because of what Ethan had said. He was just tired and stressed and he didn’t want to deal with anything else on top of that. That had to be it.
If it wasn’t, then Ethan wasn’t sure how he was going to cope.
Chapter Twenty
Caleb stared at the long to-do list on Olivia’s phone, a deep, overwhelming sense of dread washing over him. There was still so much to do. Who knew that un-planning a wedding would be just as hard as planning one?
The big thing was calling all the guests and apologizing to them before the ceremony was supposed to start. That had to be the first thing they tackled. Thankfully, that list wasn’t particularly long and a lot of the guests were couples and families.
Caleb got out his own cell phone and started going through his contact list. He knew Olivia wasn’t up to it just yet, but it was urgent. He’d have to do it himself.
This was the kind of task Ethan would have been perfectly suited for if they hadn’t sent him away. If Caleb hadn’t sent him away by being cold and distant. He couldn’t stop thinking about how that had gone, thinking about everything he’d done wrong.
“So, I heard Ethan say he loved you,” Olivia said, as though she was reading Caleb’s thoughts. It wouldn’t have taken a psychic to do it right now, though. He was sure all of his feelings were written in bold print across his face.
“That was for your benefit,” Caleb deflected. He didn’t want to talk about it, though he suspected he wasn’t going to be given a choice.
“Nope,” Olivia said. “That was definitely not for me. If Ethan wanted to do something for me, he’d take me away from all this.”
“No, he wouldn’t,” Caleb growled, a surge of jealousy welling up inside him. It was an ugly feeling, one he hated, but it was right there and hard to ignore.
Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. She’d set a trap, and he’d walked right into it.
“So let’s stop pretending that it wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear and examine why you shut him out the second he said it.”
“Because he’s going to go back to being straight the minute we step off this island. Because I don’t get to have the happy ending with the man of my dreams. I’m trying to tear off a bandaid here, to get the pain over and done with.”
“He looked like a kicked puppy,” Olivia said.
“Sure, because he’s not getting his way anymore. Listen, I love Ethan. I’ve loved Ethan for years, at a safe distance, where it could never hurt our friendship. I’m an experiment to him. A test drive for the real thing. Even if he doesn’t go back to being painfully, hopelessly straight after this, it’s not going to be with me. We’re doing this because it’s not going to be with me.”
“Does he know that?”
“It was his idea,” Caleb said, reali
zing too late that he’d raised his voice to a near-shout. He didn’t want to yell at his sister. Especially not right now, when she was busy cancelling her wedding. “So yeah, he knows,” he finished more quietly.
“You’re making a mistake.” Olivia took her phone back from him and dialed someone immediately, holding it up to her ear.
“Who are you calling?” Caleb asked when it didn’t become immediately obvious.
“The reception venue. I’m on hold,” she explained. Caleb breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been afraid for a moment that she might be calling Ethan—although that was stupid, because she didn’t have Ethan’s number.
Caleb didn’t want to talk to him. He wanted to forget this whole trip had ever happened, take back everything he’d done wrong over the last few days. Even at the cost of the good memories. They were only going to hurt later when he was standing at Ethan’s wedding, wondering what might have been if only they’d met each other at different times in their lives.
Ethan wasn’t in his normal state of mind right now. Caleb couldn’t hold him to things he’d said or done lately, because he’d been doing them in secret and trusting Caleb to keep it that way. This was over once they were home. That had been the original deal, and neither of them had said they wanted anything to change.
There was no way in hell Caleb was going to risk that. He didn’t need Ethan to know that he’d been pining after him almost since they’d met. That would be every straight guy’s worst nightmare come to pass.
“You’re making a mistake,” Olivia repeated, apparently still on hold with the reception venue. “And this baby would be better off with two uncles than one.”
“Emotional blackmail doesn’t work on people who are dead inside,” Caleb said. He was being dramatic, but he did feel as though a part of him was dying. Hope, maybe. The hope that there was someone out there for him, and he just had to wait it out.
The Wedding Date Page 11