The Soul That Redeems Me (The Forever Mine Series Book 3)

by H. J. Marshall

  Maddie and Lucas had decided not to find out the gender of the baby, happy in the knowledge the baby was healthy. Caroline, on the other hand, was determined to know and it was only at her last ultrasound that she found out she was having a daughter. The baby was determined to remain a secret until recently.

  I dialed Jason’s number and waited for him to answer, all the while stroking Emily’s hand, trying to convey calmness to her. I wanted her to stay in the moment and not get lost in thoughts that weren’t good for her. Whatever they may be.

  “Josh, how are you?” Jason answered, his tone sounding cheerful and light.

  “Lucas wanted me to give you a call. Maddie is in labor and is on the way to the hospital now.” I explained as I heard shuffling through the phone.

  “Are you there with Joe and Lisa for Caroline?”

  “Yes. Emily and I got here about an hour ago and Lucas called a few minutes ago. Joe went back to tell Lisa. It looks like Maddie and Caroline are determined to have their babies at the same time.” I laughed, without having to explain the closeness they shared.

  “Through life, those two will walk together, always in sync. It’s amazing, isn’t it? I’m on the way there now. It shouldn’t take me more than thirty minutes to get to you. Is Emily with you?” Jason asked, his tone lower, almost like he was trying to keep the question private.

  I glanced down at our entwined hands and answered simply, “Yes.”

  “Good. Take care of her Josh.” He replied as he disconnected the phone.

  Huh? That’s strange and I made a mental note to speak with him later about the inquiry.

  “He will be here in about half an hour. How are you feeling?” I asked, looking into her eyes for signs of stress or anxiety, seeing nothing but excitement and joy.

  “I’m doing good. Thank you for letting me freak out earlier. It’s embarrassing and I never want you to think you need to lie to Andrew about anything, but can you not let him know about my meds? I want the chance to tell him after things settle down with the baby.” Her eyes were telling the truth; she would speak with him. I was encouraged she was finally opening up to me, even if only a little.

  I spoke low enough for only her to hear me. “I will never tell your secrets to another living soul, Emily. Anything you say to me stays with me. I want to be here for you whenever you need someone to lean on or someone to pick you up. You can trust me to protect you and, if needed, I will stand for you if you can’t stand for yourself. I will never betray you. I couldn’t betray you. Ever.” I moved my hand to her face, cupping her cheek as I leaned down and kissed her forehead, a gentle and chaste kiss.

  I could hear the uptake of her breath as she slowly moved her eyes to look into mine, a shy smile telling me she felt it too. This had been the first time I had treated her any differently than I do Maddie and Caroline and I knew the significance of her reaction. I had just given her the first confession of my feelings for her. I wanted her to understand that I would always be here for her, defending her against the world, and helping her spread her wings to fly.

  We were still sitting hand in hand when Lisa and Joe returned both smiling and animated, as they talked about the happenings with their daughters.

  “I just talked to Maddie and they are bringing her up from the emergency room now. She is progressing pretty fast and I’m wondering if she may beat Caroline,” Lisa mused aloud as they settled back into their space in the waiting room.

  “Jason should be here any minute. How is Caroline doing?” Emily asked, her voice strong and her smile infectious. I liked to see the real joy on her beautiful face and so far she seemed to be handling the time in the hospital better than when we arrived.

  “She is great now that the epidural is working. They think it may be another hour, but babies dictate the timeline so, for now, we wait. I made arrangements for Maddie and Caroline to be next door to each other, so they can give each other moral support, even if there is a wall separating them.” Lisa rambled, looking toward the elevator, waiting on Maddie and Lucas, I assume.

  Moments later, the elevator opened and out walked Jason, followed by Lucas holding Maddie’s hand while she is wheeled into the hallway. Her breath is coming in short pants and I recognize the technique from seeing Caroline and Andrew practicing a few weeks ago. She exhaled a huge breath and appeared to be past the contraction as Lisa and Joe rush to her side.

  “How are you doing, sweetheart?” Lisa asked her while Joe and Jason embraced and he nodded his head toward Emily and me, still sitting in the chairs in the waiting room.

  I acknowledged Jason, and Emily gave him a small wave as she rested her head on my shoulder and released a pent-up breath that seemed to relax her. I then realized her grip on my hand was strong and her palms were sweating. She was hiding again or allowing something to bother her and I needed to calm her down before anyone else saw her physical symptoms and drew attention to her.

  I stood from my chair, her hand still in mine as we approached the group, waiting for them to move Maddie into her room. I smiled down at my friend, who looked a little hesitant behind her false smile, before addressing the small group, “I’m going to get Emily something to eat while they get Maddie settled into her room and Caroline is stable. I’ve got my cell if we need to come back sooner. Is that okay?”

  Lisa responded for the group, “I think that’s perfect, Josh.” Maddie’s contractions started again and she began the rapid in and out breathing that let me know it was time to leave her to nature’s course.

  Emily and I got on the elevator and were whisked down to the ground floor, following the signs indicated where the cafeteria was. My plan was to make sure Emily had the food she needed to get through the day and, hopefully, she would open up a little more to me.

  We had just finished eating our lunch in the outside seating area when Josh’s phone began ringing. We’d sat silently through our meal and I found myself sneaking glances at him, admiring his dark hair, well-kept beard, and piercing eyes. The tattoos he had were peeking out from the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt and I could see black lines disappearing under his collar. I wondered what the entire picture of his ink looked like and I fought to control the blush from creeping up my face as he answered his phone.

  “Jason?… Okay. We will be right there.” Josh disconnected the call and looked at me with an infectious smile. “Are you ready to become an aunt? Jason said we need to come back upstairs, your niece is on the way.”

  I smiled and nodded my head as we gathered our trash and made our way back to the elevators, getting whisked back up to the maternity floor, where life begins and joy is plentiful.

  I wonder if I will ever experience the feeling for myself? Don’t get back in your head, Emily. Stay here, in the moment, lean on Josh.

  “I can’t believe she is about to be here. I wonder how Maddie is doing?” I asked Josh as the elevator stopped and the doors opened with a whoosh.

  He shrugged his shoulders as we went back into the waiting room and found Uncle Joe and Jason pacing back and forth and Aunt Lisa nowhere to be found.

  “Well? Any word?” I asked Uncle Joe, trying to get him to stop wearing a path in the carpet.

  “Andrew came out and said it was time and Caroline wanted Lisa in the room for the delivery. Maddie is fully dilatated and Lisa is going back and forth between the rooms. She said both babies will be here very soon,” Joe responded, and began pacing again.

  I sat down and found myself rocking back and forth slightly, a nervous twitch I developed when I went through rehabilitation after my accident. I didn’t know where my fear and apprehension were coming from but I had this feeling of a lead weight in my stomach, all the food I just ate threatening to come back up.

  Suddenly, I felt an arm come around me and Josh gently pulled me into his strong chest, as he rubbed one arm with his large hands and took my hands with his other, keeping me from fidgeting and allowing my stress to come back to a manageable level. Jason glanced over at us and gave m
e a subtle wink as he continued to walk the waiting room floor.

  I’m not sure how much time had passed but before I knew it, Aunt Lisa came down the hall and we all jumped up and surrounded her, waiting on the news of the newest additions to the family.

  She cleared her throat as her eyes glistened with tears and she fought a smile that threatened to split her face in half. “Lillian Grace Sheppard and James Michael Walters have arrived. They were born twenty-one minutes apart. Both mothers and babies are doing great and should be ready for visitors in a little bit. I told them I would come let everyone know.” She explained before being consumed by a group hug that had all of us in tears.

  The five of us stood in an embrace for a moment before pulling away and wiping at the tears we had allowed to fall, unchecked. My feelings of overwhelming sadness had morphed into elation and joy at the arrival of our newest additions.

  The names of the babies made me smile as I cried happy tears. “Grace” after my mother and “Michael” after Lucas’s father. Both were missing from the joyous event, and their absence was palpable. I looked over and realized Jason had quietly collapsed into his chair and was silently crying, shoulders shaking. Tears for his lost love, Sara, I imagined.

  I found myself moving across the room, sitting down next to him, and rubbing his back. The gesture was foreign yet felt necessary. I don’t know why, but I felt the overwhelming need to give him comfort. I knew some of the pain he was feeling at the loss of a loved one, and I hoped to be able to give him a reprieve from mourning, if even for a moment. He looked at me with his watery eyes and in a low tone spoke, barely loud enough for me to hear:

  “I know you understand the pain of loss as much as I do, but don’t allow the past to dictate your future, Emily. Your parents, Sara, Lucas’s Dad… They all are here with us and would want us to be happy. If you find someone who makes you happy, hold on with both hands for as long as you can. Don’t let anything… not work, school or life… stop you from experiencing the love they have to share. Don’t be afraid to be open with him, either.” He nodded his head toward Josh who was talking to his parents on the phone while Aunt Lisa and Uncle Joe waited for the chance to be back with their daughters and new grandchildren.

  I snapped my eyes to him as he continued, “I can see how much you care about him, and how much he cares about you. Give him a chance if your heart is so inclined. Life is too short to live with regret and pain. Celebrate today and let the rest work itself out tomorrow. I promise it will all be okay.”

  I found myself nodding my head at the man who sacrificed his own happiness to protect his family, and never had the chance to be reconnected with his one true love. His words of advice carrying more meaning than he could possibly understand.

  “I’ll remember that,” I replied to him as he stood up and made his way to the rest of the family. Josh finished his phone call and returned to the seat next to me.

  “Are you doing okay?” Josh asked, as he watched Jason interact with Joe and Lisa. “What did Jason want?”

  “He just reminded me our loved ones that are gone, really aren’t gone. They’re still here and want us to be happy. I think he was reassuring himself as much as he was trying to comfort me.” I shrugged as I explained the brief, yet intense conversation I’d just had with Jason. There was no need to go into the personal advice he gave me on Josh. Especially not with Josh.

  It was the first real conversation I’d ever had with Jason. Somehow, he made me feel like he had always been a part of my life, and I took his advice to heart. I would celebrate today and let the rest wait until tomorrow.

  I would give Josh a chance, an opening to see if he feels for me what I feel for him. A complete and total devotion to him, and a desire for a future filled with happiness. I was scared but my parents had always told me ‘something worth living for is something worth fighting for.’

  “If anyone would know, it’s him. I think it’s great advice. Are you ready to meet your niece and nephew?” His eyes danced with excitement.

  “I sure am!” The excitement of finally meeting them contagious.

  We made our way down the hallway as a group, the grandparents walking ahead of us as Josh and I brought up the rear. We got to the doorways and Jason went into Maddie’s room and I opened the door to Caroline’s. I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to follow me, but the silence as the door closed behind me let me know I was getting my time alone with my brother and his family.

  Caroline was sitting up in bed, holding a small bundle in her arms. A look of pure love and contentment was unmistakable on her face. Andrew made his way around the bed and his arms wrapped around me as his large body shook with tears of joy. I hugged him back whispering how proud I was of him and how happy Mom and Dad would be.

  Reaching my arms around his body, I leaned up and whispered, “Mom and Dad would be so happy for you. I’m so proud of you for finding your way back to her. Thank you for making me an aunt.” Tears fell from my eyes as we embraced.

  He walked back over to the bed and gently took the sleeping baby from Caroline, a look passing between them, causing me to glance away. I didn’t want to interrupt the love I could feel from the two of them. He motioned me to come closer and he gently placed Lillian into my arms.

  My heart skipped a beat at the beautiful new life that I was holding. She had Caroline’s blonde hair and when her eyes opened, she had beautiful blue eyes that I hoped would change to hazel, the same color I share with my brother… our mother’s eyes. Her tiny little lips suckled and then she settled back into a peaceful slumber.

  I brought her small body close to my face, “Hello beautiful girl. I’m your Aunt Emily. I’m so happy to finally meet you.” Allowing the tears to fall as I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and situated her carefully back in Caroline’s waiting arms.

  “She is so beautiful. I’m so proud of you. I know mom and Dad are here, and they are proud of you too.” I told them as I placed my arm around my brother’s waist and hugged him from the side.

  I had already been feeling like I was intruding on the family and my decision to look for another place to live was solidified when I held Lillian for the first time. They deserved to have a marriage and raise their family without Andrew’s broken little sister taking up space. I fought to keep the smile on my face as the door opened, and in came Aunt Lisa and Uncle Joe. I saw Josh in the hallway and walked out to him, giving them some time alone with their new granddaughter.

  “She is so pretty. Have you been in to see Maddie and Lucas yet?” I asked him.

  “I was waiting for you. I wanted to give you some time alone with Andrew and Caroline, and I thought maybe we could go in together to see Maddie and Lucas.”

  I linked my small hand into his large one, and his eyes shifted to mine and his smile overwhelmed me. We walked the ten feet to Maddie’s room and gently knocked before we opened the door.

  Maddie was looking at her father with a smile of contentment, and Lucas was holding her hand when we entered the room. Jason was rocking the baby and whispering words of love to his grandson, as we made our way to the bed and embraced the new parents.

  Josh and I walked toward Jason and he tipped the baby toward us so we could see, but so far he didn’t seem like he wanted to let the baby go.

  “Hello, James. Welcome to the world,” Josh whispered before going over and squatting down next to Maddie, taking her hand into his.

  I kept my eyes focused on the baby, not wanting to see the moment that passed between them. Knowing what they once shared wasn’t a deterrent to my emotions for Josh, it was just difficult looking at them, and not feeling a little jealous and a lot sad. Jealous of their past, and sad for a future I wasn’t sure I would ever get.

  We spent a few more hours at the hospital before it was evident that the new families wanted some alone time and desperately needed sleep. Andrew and I had discussed me staying in the apartment alone until they came home in a few days, and Jason, overhearing the conversation,
downloaded the security app to my phone and walked me through the instructions.

  After another round of hugs and goodbyes, Josh and I finally got into his Jeep and headed toward the apartment, thankful that everyone was happy and healthy. When we got to the building, I expected him to drop me at the curb.

  I became confused when he parked in the lot and began to gather all the bags from the back seat, indicating he was coming up with me.

  “I can get the bags upstairs, Josh. I know you probably want to get home and check on Jake. You may still be able to see your parents before they go to bed.”

  “I’m staying with you. I texted my parents before we left the hospital, and Jake is fine with them.” His tone was clear and confident as we entered the building and got into the elevator.

  “You don’t have to do that. Jason showed me the security system and I’ll be okay for a few nights. I’ve got to get used to living by myself soon, anyway,” I reasoned with him, a look passed across his face, too fleeting for me to get a read on it.

  My life, just like that of everyone around me, was changing and evolving. I had to formulate a plan to find a place closer to campus and work out transportation. My motorcycle, a Honda Grom, gets ridden very seldom since we moved to Atlanta. The traffic is too heavy and my vehicle too small to be safely ridden for my commute.

  In New Orleans, the gym and our house were in the same part of the city and the drive took less than 15 minutes with traffic. In Atlanta, my commute by vehicle would be 20-30 minutes on the interstate.

  I was lost in thought about my plans, when his words cut through my mental haze.

  “I want to stay with you until they come home. I’ll sleep on the couch, but I want to be here to make sure you’re okay. Today was a lot to handle, and I know I don’t want to be alone right now. I was thinking you may be feeling the same way. Please, can I stay?” We made our way to the front door, entered the apartment I had grown to love, and would miss when I moved out.