“It sure is. I wanted to make you something healthy and homemade and I think I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself.” Pride was evident in my voice.
“You’re too good to be true, you know that, right?” he asked me as he pulled me into a hug, my head resting against his chest; his strong heartbeat a comforting cadence.
“I’m glad you like it. Why don’t you get comfortable while I boil the noodles?”
“I’ll be right back.” He goes to turn but I kept my hand in his, arresting his retreat.
His eyes gazed into mine as I pulled myself up to him, placed my arms around his neck, and reached up for a kiss. The moment his lips touched mine, his arms wrapped around my waist, gently pulling my small frame against his much larger one. The kiss stayed gentle and slow, his soft lips opening so his tongue could explore mine, and an audible groan broke free from him.
I slowly pulled away from the kiss and looked up at him to find he had an enormous smile on his face and a look of love in his eyes. After placing another gentle kiss on my lips, he went into his room and I was left with a racing heartbeat and a curious dog who’d stood guard while we embraced.
“I hope I don’t screw this up, Jake,” I said to the dog, knowing he wouldn’t respond but feeling better that I’d let the words out of my mouth.
“Can I help with anything?” Josh asked as he wrapped me in a hug from behind, his head looking over my own as I watched the pasta boil in the pot.
“You can grab us some plates while the noodles finish, and then we can eat.”
After a kiss on my cheek, and he pulled away, the cold seeped into every area his warm body has caressed me. We made our plates and ventured into the dining room as Jake settled into his bowl of food and we tucked into dinner.
I watched him take the first bite, hoping I made the sauce right and when his face lit up, I knew I’d finally cooked something not only edible, but tasty. After a pot burning incident a few years ago, Andrew had taken over the cooking duties and had taught me only the basics of preparing a meal. It felt nice to be able to cook a meal for the man I love and have him enjoy it.
Yes, I loved Josh.
No, I hadn’t told him yet.
A small amount of fear kept me from blurting the words out to him, worried he would leave and shatter my fragile heart, or maybe that he didn’t feel the same way. After we ate, he cleaned up the kitchen, explaining that I cooked, so he cleaned. He actually just loaded the dishwasher but it was the thought that counted.
We made our way into the living room and settled into our normal evening. Jake curled up against me and me curled against Josh. The proximity of his body to mine was causing my brain to swim with naughty thoughts and my fear to recede. Josh was the most trustworthy person I knew and he would never push me past what I was comfortable with.
I allowed my hand to slowly run his right pectoral muscle, the feeling of his strength evident in his defined muscles. He looked down on me with lust in his eyes and raised his eyebrow at me, a questioning look on his face. I took the remote off the ottoman and muted the TV, not wanting the auditory distraction.
Jake, sensing something was different, jumped off the couch and made his way into the back of the apartment to take a nap on one of our beds. I stood up and moved in front of Josh, willing myself to take the next step with him.
I place one knee outside of his strong legs and gently grabbed his shoulders as I lowered myself, straddling his lap, his growing arousal evident through his sweatpants. I wanted to sit on his lap directly but was shy as to what to do next.
“Is there something you want, Emily?” Josh asked, as he slowly put his hands on my hips and raised his feet to rest on the ottoman, giving me something to lean against as he stared into my eyes.
In a soft voice, I responded, “I want you to touch me, Josh.”
His eyes grew darker and I saw his erection twitch in his pants, not knowing they could do that. My inexperience was evident to me, and I hoped I didn’t make a fool of myself with him. I wanted to be with him and I knew we needed small steps to get me to the point I could actually have sex.
His gruff voice breaking through the lust swirling around us. “Where do you want me to touch you, baby?”
Hoping my hands weren’t shaking, I gently grabbed his hands and placed them on my breasts, my decision to go without a bra crystal clear at my hard nipples under his warm palms. He gently squeezed my aching breasts and a groan broke free of me, the feeling of his hands on me too much to keep the sounds contained.
I stared into his eyes as he caressed me and I allowed the sensations to overtake me. My body was warming up with each stroke of his large hands and my panties were starting to get wet, my clit throbbing with each beat of my heart.
Josh gently plucked at my hard nipples as he leaned toward me and took my mouth in a punishing kiss. I slid up his legs until his hardness was under my soaked panties and I felt myself giving a small undulation against the monster erection he had hidden in his pants. He slowly pulled back, never taking his hands off my engorged breasts as he asked me, “Is there any place else you want me to touch you?” he asked, as he slightly flexed his hips, causing starbursts to blossom in my vision.
The pleasure was outweighing my initial reservations and now I had to decide how far I was willing to take this tonight.
“Not yet…is that okay?” A small tremor in my voice betrayed my nervousness.
Placing a gentle kiss on my lips, he pulled back and explained, “Its more than okay. Is what we’re doing too much? You tell me and it all stops. No matter what, I’ll stop.” He sounded like he needed as much reassurance as I did.
“I trust you. Right now, I don’t want you to stop.” I said as leaned in and kissed him, rocking my core against his hard length. I don’t know where my new-found confidence was coming from but the feelings of his hands on my body was causing me to burn from the inside, my body heating up, my desire growing.
Josh moved his kisses across my face and down my jaw, finding a spot below my ear that had me gasping and rocking faster against his enormous cock. For each of my movements, Josh moved with me, both of us clothed as we seek pleasure from each other. His hands continued their ministration on my heavy breasts, his fingers occasionally plucking my nipples, sending a zing to my clit.
I leaned into him and whispered into his ear, “Will you make me cum, Josh?” feeling bolder and for the first time in my life, sexy and wanted.
A groan was his response as he grabbed my hips and began to grind me against his cock, the feeling of something harder than him rubbing against me causing lightning to ignite in my veins. I reached up and began to rub my breasts, as we kept rocking against each other, seeking release.
Faster and faster we ground against each other, our breath intermingling as I found myself lost in his eyes. I allowed myself to stay in the moment, not allowing any of the past thoughts to seep in and ruin what we were experiencing with each other.
Our breathing increased as we caressed and undulated against each other, the feeling of his strong fingers gripping my hips, helping move me back and forth as he rocked his hips against my quivering center. The tingling feeling that started in my belly kept growing, and I was unsure of what was happening until I erupted into a glorious orgasm that stole my breath away, lightning erupting throughout my body before I floated slowly back to earth. I felt his movement sputter a few times then he groaned out his release into the empty apartment, causing a feeling of peace to overtake me.
I found myself pulled into a huge hug as my heartbeat came back to normal and I relaxed into his embrace. I’d never felt more alive and safer in my entire life and it was all because of the amazing man who decided that I was worthy of his love.
I would have never expected the evening to end the way it did. Coming home to a freshly cooked meal was amazing enough but to have Emily allow me to give her pleasure, that she felt safe enough with me to open herself sexually, had my heart settling in a steady rhythm
and my mind at peace.
She seemed to have dozed off wrapped up in my arms, her small body draped across my lap, her head directly over my heart. I didn’t want to wake her and having her in my arms was a dream come true. I know this isn’t an open door for sex, that her allowing herself to be vulnerable, was a testament to her strength and dedication to move past her attack and hopefully towards our future.
I felt her plump lips reach up and kiss my neck before she began to sit up and I loosened my grip on her. I was hoping she’d sleep in my arms all night however, I also don’t think she was ready for that yet. Soon…hopefully.
The blush on her face showed me she was getting shy about what we had done and she started to get off my lap so I gently grabbed her hips, an urge for her to stay. She smiled at me and settled back down, leaning herself against my propped-up legs.
“I hope that was okay,” she whispered, as she gave me a goofy grin.
“That was more than okay. It was perfect.” I leaned in and cupped her beautiful face, placing a kiss on her lips before pulling back. I found myself stroking her cheek as I stared into her eyes.
“I…I hope I didn’t disappoint you. I know I don’t have any experience, except for, well…” she stammered, her bottom lip trembling as she took a deep breath and blew it into the air, her shimmering eyes turned toward the ceiling.
Taking her face into my hand again, I gently coaxed her to look at me before I responded to her: “Emily, I know you’re a virgin.” She tried to interrupt, so I gently placed my thumb over her luscious lips and continued, “You never chose to be with someone, so emotionally, you are a virgin. Nobody gets to take that from you until you are ready to give it willingly. What happened to you…it wasn’t your fault. The fact that you chose me to have your first sexual experience with is humbling. I don’t want you to think that I see tonight as a green light for anything else. We will still take this as slow as you need for us to. If this is all we ever get, then it will still be the best I’ve ever had. You are so damn beautiful when you come undone, it’s like heaven opened up and shined a light on you.” I pulled her down to me to kiss her, not being able to go another minute without her lips on mine.
She pulled back and placed her forehead against mine. “Being here with you, it’s everything I ever wanted and thought I would never find. How did I get so lucky to have someone as amazing as you want to be with me?”
“It’s me who is the lucky one. I get an angel on earth and a love all-consuming. I know it may be too soon and I understand if you can’t say it back, but I love you, Emily.” I said as her hazel eyes began to glisten, a single tear falling into her lap.
“I love you too, Josh.” She responded, as she pulled herself to me and kissed me, my mouth opening to show her an offering of love in our tender embrace.
Too soon, we pulled back and she stood from the couch to stretch her leg, the injury from her attack causing her discomfort from time to time. I took this as an opportunity to keep her grounded in the moment and not start thinking about how the pain came to be in the first place, potentially causing her anxiety and depression to increase.
“I need to get cleaned up and take Jake for his last walk. Do you feel like joining us?” I asked her, hoping she felt up to a stroll. “I’ll spring for an iced coffee.” Wiggling my eyebrows as I stood from the couch and started walking toward the bathroom.
“Sounds good. I’ll go change while you are getting cleaned up.” A fresh blush covered her face. Turning back toward her I used one finger to tilt her head up and leaned down, giving her a gentle kiss.
I made my way into the bathroom and washed myself up, before heading into my bedroom to pull on a clean pair of boxers and pants. I heard Emily waking Jake up from his nap on her bed and his excited paws as he jumped around in anticipation of his adventure. I was glad to see that he and Emily had bonded so well. Most of the time, Jake slept with Emily and when it was time for a cuddle, he went to her first. Lucky dog!
Even though he isn’t a ‘guard dog,’ Jake is very protective of Emily and on more than one occasion, has growled at someone who got too close to her. Knowing he was here with her when I’m gone allowed me to function away from her with less worry. I spoke with Jason this afternoon and his lawyers are tracking the appeals process of that animal, hoping to circumvent his petition for a new trial.
I never want Emily to have to relive what she experienced and the thought of her having to face that man in court is enough to make me see red. I felt terrible about keeping it from her and from the rest of my family. I never wanted there to be secrets or lies, but after talking to my parents and Jason, we agreed it wasn’t either. We agreed that until there was something to tell everyone, we would say nothing.
If Emily was aware of the current legal proceedings and maneuvers, I knew for sure she would withdraw into herself and hide away again, allowing fear to take her into the dark recesses of her mind. If he was released, I’d have to sit down and tell her everything, but for now I kept it hidden. I want Emily to continue to flourish and grow, hopeful that she would be strong enough to face whatever comes at her in the future.
That evening after Jake’s walk, we laid down on the couch, Emily tucked against my chest and Jake asleep across her legs while we watched some random show on TV. My mind was replaying the events earlier that evening and I was hoping we could talk a little more about where her mind was.
I looked down at her and she was asleep with her head on my chest, her hand over my heart. I wished we could stay here all night with her asleep in my arms, but I’d promised her we would go as slow as she needed to. I gently untucked her from my body and leaned over to pick her up, deciding to carry her to bed instead of waking her.
Her sleepy eyes looked up at me and a smile graced her face as I walked her into her bedroom and gently laid her onto the bed. She let out a little yawn as she rolled onto her side and brought her hand up, tucking in under her face as she continued to stare at me. Slowly, I sat down on the edge of the bed facing her, never allowing eye contact to break.
I leisurely placed my hand on her face, cupping her jaw as I leaned in and placed a kiss on her forehead. As I tried to pull my hand away, I felt her reach up and grasp my wrist, keeping the contact between us, her eyes peering deep into mine.
“Could I ask a favor?” her voice small and unsure.
“Anything, baby.”
“Would you…would you sleep in here tonight? I really don’t want to be alone. If that’s okay?”
“Are you sure, Emily? I told you we can take thing as slow as you needed, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You don’t want to? I understand.” she asked, her hand releasing my wrist and her eyes breaking focus with mine, trying to look past me, hoping to escape the moment.
I urged her to look at me with a gentle press of my thumb to her trembling chin, waiting for her to make eye contact.
“There is nothing I want more than to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake to your beautiful face each morning. I’m just worried that you are rushing yourself, thinking there is a clock on us. There is no time limit, baby. You and I? We’re forever. I want you to take as much time as you need and I’ll be here for you, every step of the way.” I leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
She allowed me to deepen the kiss without it turning frantic before I pulled away and she sat up in bed, her back against the gray padded headboard. Tucking her small legs up against her body, she wrapped her arms around herself and inhaled deeply before blowing the air out and smiling at me.
“Dr. Sawyer told me if I want something from you, I have to tell you or show you. I feel the safest when you and I are on the couch and every night, I come to bed and crawl into this empty bed, feeling empty inside. Now, I feel full, overflowing full, and I want to share that feeling with you. I feel like we are ready to share a bed, even if I’m not ready to move past what we did tonight, yet. I trust you and I really want to fall asleep in your a
rms. Am I making any sense?”
“You are making perfect sense, baby. Dr. Sawyer encouraged you to tell me more about what you want and feel. Tonight, you decided you were ready to open yourself up to me and for that, I am forever thankful. Having you express that you are ready to share a bed, to me, is a dream come true. But only if you are one hundred percent positive. And if you change your mind, I’ll go back to my room. Whatever you need, Emily. Anything to make you happy.”
“It’s not just about my happiness, Josh. It’s about what makes us happy. I know it may seem quick but I’ve been in counseling for years. Hoping to have a breakthrough in my…issues. Over the last few months, I have begun to feel like the old me again. Someone who’s not scared and anxious all the time and part of that is because of you. Today, we reduced my therapy sessions to once a week and I’m tapering myself off the Xanax, with her approval. I don’t want to need medication to function but I’ll take them as long as I must to get better. I want to be better. For me. For you. For us. I want to move past that one day and let it not be the defining moment of my life. There are too many other things that I want to experience and I can’t if I’m still living in the pain every day. You are helping me move past that pain and I’m ready for this if you are. What do you say, Josh? Are you willing to give it a try, for one night at least? If I snore, you can always go back to your bed.” She laughed, lightening the mood, causing my heart to flutter.
Emily had made so many strides in one day, I was curious about where she would end up when she finished her road to recovery. I had noticed her improved mood and upbeat personality more lately. I had lunch last week with Maddie, Lucas, and Caroline and they had all remarked how happier Emily seemed recently.
Maddie and Caroline had reminisced on the ‘old’ Emily and how much she was acting like her former, outgoing self. Lucas gave me a subtle nod, letting me know, without words, that he was happy about the newfound Emily. He and I had become great friends over the last year and I was happy to see he approved of my relationship with her. He and Andrew had given me the same threats that I had given them over Maddie and Caroline, only Andrew really will kill me if I break his sister’s heart.
The Soul That Redeems Me (The Forever Mine Series Book 3) Page 8