E: I’ll call you tomorrow but this is something I need to do alone.
I powered my phone off and looked at Aunt Lisa who shook her head as we stood up, mumbling under her breath, “Hardheaded.”
Jason pulled up the security app for the apartment and I saw her exit, mouth ‘I love you’ to the camera, blow me a kiss, and get into the elevator. I tried to call her over and over again, all going to straight to voicemail. I could tell by her posture that she was beyond angry and knowing she was gone, my fear for her safety and mental well-being was off the charts. Seeing her leave, alone, had my heart shattering inside of my chest.
Andrew came in and I explained what was going on. He tried to call her over and over, all with the same results. By the time he was ready to throw his phone against the wall, the rest of the family came into the office and were brought up to speed.
“She left and it’s all your fault, Josh.” Andrew spits at me, causing Caroline to swing around, confronting her husband head-on.
“Cut the crap, Andrew! We’re all worried about her but pointing fingers at the man she loves, the man who protected her from herself, from the dangers, isn’t getting us anywhere. I know you blame yourself but it is Shane Montgomery’s fault, no one else. His selfish desires, both then and now are what drove Josh’s protection, your anger, and her running. Everyone in this room has run from something at one point or another and who is the person who always talks us into listening. It’s Josh, so what we need to do is stop arguing and figure out where she is so he can go get her and bring her home.” Caroline said, bringing a sense of calm into the room.
I mouthed “thank you” to Caroline as she took Andrew by the hand and pulled him into a hug.
“Where would she go?” Maddie asked. “Has anyone called her therapist to see if she has heard from her?”
Andrew picked up his phone and put the call on speaker.
“Dr. Elaine Sawyer, how can I help you?”
“Dr. Sawyer, it’s Andrew Sheppard, Emily’s brother. Have you heard from her today?”
“No, I haven’t, Andrew. What’s going on? Is Emily okay?” she asked, concerned about my love’s well-being.
“We found out today that the man who attacked her is appealing for a new trial. The only way to keep him in jail is for Emily to testify in front of a judge. She overheard all of us talking about what would be the best course of action. She took off and isn’t answering her phone. She went to the apartment but left about twenty minutes ago. We need to find her.” Andrew explained as I heard Dr. Sawyer exhale loudly through the phone.
“Who all is listening in on this conversation?” she inquired.
“Jason, Carol, Caroline, Maddie, Lucas, Josh, and myself.”
“And you were all involved in the conversation she overheard?”
“Yes.” I answered, “This is Josh. We have to find her, Dr. Sawyer. I’m afraid of what she will do.”
“You all need to be worried. Damn it. I was hoping she was moving past this but apparently, she isn’t. I’m not supposed to talk with you about a patient but Emily signed a waiver for you Andrew, so I’m going to pretend we are alone on this phone call. Agreed?” her tone leaving no room for error. This conversation never happened.
I mutterings of yes and she began to speak, “You have always assumed Emily was scared, afraid, hiding inside of herself. That’s because that’s what she wanted you to see. Emily is filled with rage. Pure, unfiltered rage at what that man did to her. She was helpless to stop him and after she recovered, she used the training Andrew taught her to fuel the anger inside. She feels immense shame for the anger and resentment she carries inside. She felt guilty, telling me she shouldn’t feel the way she did. In truth, she wanted to testify. She wanted to face him in court and let him know she was stronger than he was. She survived what he did to her. I’m not afraid she will hurt herself or anyone else. I’m afraid she is so angry, she isn’t thinking clearly, looking for a needle in a haystack. She’s pissed at you for trying to decide her path for her and I’m afraid she has gone to find the missing piece of her memories, alone.”
“You’re talking about the sound of water, aren’t you?” I asked into the room, the pieces starting to come together in my mind, “She wants to prove what she has always suspected, doesn’t she?”
Everyone in the room swivels their heads toward me, a quizzical look on their faces as Dr. Sawyer confirms my gut feeling.
“I think so and the fact that she told you means she trusts you, explicitly. She will lash out at you, Josh. Support her. Love her. Hold her tight and let her decide how she wants to proceed. Trust her you will be fine. But in the future, every one of you, don’t exclude the person whose life you are deciding. Talk to them and have faith. Someone needs to call me when she is located so I know she is safe.” Dr. Sawyer’s voice sounding into the silent room.
“I’ll call as soon as we know.” Andrew responded and disconnected the phone, his eyes swinging to mine as he asked, “Want to explain what the hell that last part was about?”
I sent my Mom a text, asking her to meet me at the apartment with Jake as soon as possible. I knew where Emily was headed and I wanted Jake there when I found her. His ability to calm her has been instrumental in her ability to handle the stress and apparent anger she is dealing with.
Looking up, I found six sets of eyes looking at me, waiting for me to explain something that I felt Emily should. I needed to give them enough to calm down without uncovering Emily’s full confession to me.
“Can we sit?” as we moved to the couches against the exposed brick wall and settled in, “A while back, Emily had a nightmare and we sat up all night talking. She told me a little more about her attack. Memories, small details, that type of thing. It was so hard to listen to her but she needed to get it out. She needed absolution from her pain. After we spoke, I tried not to dwell on what she said but there was something nagging me about her recollection. I think she is headed to Columbus. Call it a gut feeling but I think she is looking for that last piece of the puzzle to be able to prove what he did.”
“We know what he did.” Maddie whispered.
Sighing, I knew I would have to spell it out without giving too much detail, “She remembered water loudly rushing all around her while it… while he… she told me the last thing she remembered before she passed out and woke up in the hospital was crossing a bridge, driving back into Georgia. He took her into Alabama and that’s where he…”
“My lawyers didn’t find that in the evidence documents, Josh. How did we not know this?” Jason asked, a small smile playing on his face.
“I don’t understand. He took her into Alabama? What does that have to do with anything?” Caroline asked.
“That makes what he did a federal crime.” Lucas responded, a stunned Andrew swinging his gaze around the room.
“If I’m right, she is looking for the place he took her, to prove her memories are correct. I don’t understand why but I need to find her. My Mom is meeting me at the apartment and I’m getting Jake. Lately, he is the only thing that keeps her calm and my hope is he will help keep her on a level keel while I help her search.” I explained as I stood and began to walk to the door.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, stopping my leaving and I swung around to see Jason standing behind me.
“I’m contacting the lawyers now. If she is able to find any additional details, they can contact the feds and we can halt this madness in its tracks. With potential charges out of state, he has more than enough hurdles to jump over and we can get him to drop the appeal.” He said before leaning in and whispering, “When you find her, don’t let her go.” His eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I’m never letting her go.” I said loudly into the room as Andrew tossed me his keys with a silent nod. I returned the gesture, an unspoken truce between us.
Making record time to my apartment, I walked in and found the note she left for me on the table, along with her cell phone and my Jeep keys. At le
ast I don’t have to drive Andrew’s car all the way down to Columbus with Jake shedding all over his seat.
Reading her letter, her thinking I didn’t trust her broke my heart. I never wanted to keep it a secret, only protect her from undue stress and anxiety before it was necessary. Knowing she has been hiding her real emotions from me helps to understand her mindset a little better.
I changed clothes and was packing an overnight bag when I heard a knock on the front door. Opening it, I found a happy Jake and my Mom with a concerned look on her face. Jake began to run through the apartment, looking for Emily before he returned to my feet and began to whine, pawing at my leg for guidance.
I leaned down and rubbed behind his ears, “We’re going to get her now, buddy. I promise you’ll have your Emily back soon.”
I explained to my Mom what had happened today, and she expressed her guilt over agreeing with Jason and I about keeping it a secret. I reassured her it was the right decision, and no one knew she and Dad knew. I would protect my parents at all cost but my love for Emily was more than anything I had ever experienced.
Knowing she was alone made my heart ache. She was looking for a sliver of a memory from years ago and she was trying to do it on her own. No way would I want her to walk into that emotional pain without me there to hold her up or let her beat her fists in anger and frustration.
I kissed my Mom on the cheek as we made our way to the parking lot and I loaded Jake into the Jeep. With a promise to call her once I found Emily, I was about to crank the vehicle when my phone pinged with a text.
E: I’m in Columbus with Aunt Lisa and I am safe. I need to do this, so… please, trust me to know what is right. I love you.
J: I do trust you. Please talk to me, let me help you.
E: I’ll call you tomorrow but this is something I need to do alone.
Now I knew exactly where I would find her. Now, to get her to listen.
I pulled up to the curb outside of Joe and Lisa’s house, let Jake out and quickly walked up to the front door, knocking before I reached down and patted Jake, trying to get him to calm down. He sensed Emily was close and he was whining and fidgety looking for her.
I raised my hand to knock again when the door opened and I was faced with a smiling Joe. “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get here. She’s over at the park watching a baseball game. I told her to text me when it was almost over and I would walk over and escort her home. Why don’t you take Jake and go get her?”
“How is she?” hoping Joe would give me some insight into her current mood.
“She’s surviving. Take time with her. Listen to her. Ask her what she is feeling and don’t dismiss her. You guys should have given her the heads up but I understand why you didn’t. I need to tell you, she is stuck in the past right now, trying to force a memory she may never recover. Don’t allow her to push you away and don’t listen if she starts to give you reasons to leave. It’s the anger, even if she won’t admit it. Time will make it better.” A look of understanding passed over his face before he schooled his features.
I shook his hand with a promise to return soon and started walking the few blocks to the park. The lights from the ballfield illuminated the entire end of the park, making me feel calmer knowing she is surrounded by people in a well-lit area. I pause for a moment, sent Andrew a text, and concentrated on Emily. Her smile, her laugh, the beauty of her face when she allows herself to come undone. Then I remember the tiny whirlwind of power and energy in the dojo. The precision she uses in her movements, as she repeats the katas over and over, ingraining them in her memory.
Emily doesn’t need me to protect her. She just needs me to love her.
I walk up to the bleachers and I hear a familiar voice yelling for the runner to take home. She is bouncing on her feet, high up in the seats, cheering on strangers like they were her best friends. When the runner slides into home base, she is high-fiving the people around her, a smile illuminating her face.
Jake, hearing her voice, begins to bark along with the cheering crown, making me laugh at the joy of this moment. I came all the way down to find her and when I do, I expected to find a jittery, anxious, angry woman. Instead, I find her enjoying the love of baseball, in a park filled with hundred-year-old trees, and the laughter of children filtering through the air.
The cheering quiets down and Jake lets out a few more barks, causing Emily’s head to swing around until she saw us standing to the side of the metal seating. She jumped up from her seat and bounded down the stairs, jumping into my arms as I engulfed her into a hug and Jake jumped up, his tail wagging as he tried to get her full attention.
She slides down, all the way to her knees, and pulls Jake into a hug, his tail flipping back and forth as she lets a few tears fall. Pulling back, she stands up, wiping her knees off before taking me by the hand and walking away from the game. Silently we walk until we are at the playground, the empty swings calling out to be used.
“My Grandad used to take me to the park near his house when we would go to visit. He would push me on the swing until I swear, I was about to touch the sun. Hours upon hours of him pushing, every time I asked. Life was simpler then. Go outside, play, come home, sleep, and start the next day again. Now, everything’s so complicated. Muddled. I would never want to go back, but I miss when the only thing I worried about was if I would get to play outside or not.” She remarked, her first words to me since I found her at the baseball fields, her feet kicking back and forth, moving her swing higher and higher.
“My Granny would bake these amazing pies and cakes. She loved to cook for me and she was the one who started to teach me to cook. Every time I prepare a meal, I remember what she said to me, all those years ago. ‘Josh, to be able to provide someone with a hot meal is an amazing expression of love.’ I feel her with me every time I cook, still showing me love. Until I was adopted, it was the last time I really felt loved,” I replied into the darkening night.
“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at him. I’m angry that I still feel enraged about everything. I hate being like this.” Emily turned her face upward, looking into the night sky.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I should have trusted you to handle whatever it was that was happening. I wanted to protect you from him. From the painful memories.” I admitted to her, her movement slowing as she used her feet as brakes to slow her swinging.
“I don’t need protection. I need to make sure that animal pays for what he did to me. For robbing me of something precious, from believing he is above the law. I want to look him in the eyes and let him know he didn’t break me. You and Jason, hell… all of y’all, should have included me in the conversation but after talking to Aunt Lisa, I can understand why you didn’t.” she says as she turned her head toward me, unshed tears glistening in her eyes, “Do not ever keep a secret from me again, Josh.” Her hand reaching out and linking her fingers with mine.
I pulled her hand until she stood up in front of me and I swung back, pushed forward, and caught her on my lap. Her legs dangling to one side as I pumped my legs harder, pushing us up into the air. Emily’s hair as flying all around us as we swayed back and forth, Jake barking at the laughter from both of us.
“I’ll never keep another secret from you. I promise.” I told her, meaning every word, placing a small kiss on her neck. I would have to tell her about the other case in Texas and I was worried how she would react.
No secrets.
“Emily, I need to talk to you about a couple of other things. Do you want to stay here or do you want to go back to Lisa and Joe’s?”
Looking up into the dark sky, she turned to face me and place a gentle kiss on my lips, “Let’s go back to Lisa and Joe’s.”
We strolled, hand-in-hand, Jake walking on Emily’s other side as we made our way back to the house. Walking inside, we found Joe and Lisa watching TV and snacking on popcorn. Lisa got up and gave me a hug before she guided us into the kitchen to make us a plate of dinner.
They sat with us while Emily and I enjoyed the meal Lisa prepared for us.
We finished and I wasn’t sure if Emily wanted privacy or not for the conversation we were about to have so I gently grabbed her hand and squeeze it, her eyes swinging toward mine.
“Do you want to talk here or would you rather be alone?” I whispered into her ear.
“I think whatever we have to talk about can be said in front of our family. If they want to be a part of whatever you need to tell me.” Emily replied, a sad smile on her face as she looked over at Lisa.
Lisa reached over and took her other hand, “We will be right here with you until you tell us to go.” A look passing between them that had Joe clearing his throat and looking at the ceiling, his eyes blinking rapidly before he looked back at me and I suddenly understood his earlier comment.
Trying to gather my strength to explain the rest of the developments, I started speaking, “I know you overheard a lot this morning but I think there are some things you may not have heard. Jason’s PI started looking into that monster’s past. You heard that his family has money and they have covered up his crimes most of his life. It was only when his trust fund remained untouched did they care enough to try and find him. Now, with the legal maneuvers, they are trying to get him out of trouble again. You may have to testify in front of a judge but that’s not the worst of it.” Emily’s eyes cutting to me, anger fueling the tears that were flowing. I could see it now and I feel that I had been blind to her true emotions for too long. “There was a case in Dallas, the details were very similar to yours, so they started digging and found out he was there, living in the city, during the time of the attack. The girl was thirteen years old, and no one has ever been arrested for her assault. If he is allowed to go free on a technicality, Texas may not be able to get his DNA to prove he is the attacker.”
“I have always wanted to testify. My parents tried to hide me from everything, but I was aware when he plead guilty. I wanted to face him. To look him in his eyes and show him I won. I beat him. I just need to find where he took me. It might not make any sense to y’all but I need to know I’m not crazy. That what I remember is correct.” Emily explained to the three of us, her eyes shining with tears.
The Soul That Redeems Me (The Forever Mine Series Book 3) Page 19