by Jamie Beck
Levi stares at me without responding. He conceals his emotions so well; I rarely know what he’s thinking.
I begin turning over the Scrabble tiles to break the silence. Unexpectedly, he grabs my hand and laces his fingers through mine. I hold my breath, affected by the insistence of his grip.
“I know you don’t expect anything from me. When I leave here, I’ll never do or say anything out of a sense of obligation, okay? Whatever happens will be authentic. It’s the only way I know how to be.”
Oddly, his words comfort me. I envy his secure sense of self—his fierce independence. He’s carved out a life on his own terms, overcome great odds, and, contrary to my earlier assumptions, has a social life, albeit a shallow one.
Once he’s healed, he’ll resume his normal lifestyle, Shari and all. Remembering Shari sends a little shiver through me. I jerk my hand away.
“Good to know, Levi.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Levi
At first, returning home felt foreign. I’d been away for almost seven weeks. Lindsey changed the sheets on my bed and cleaned the house for me. Whenever I’m convinced I’ve seen the limit of her generosity, she goes a step further. She’s the kindest person I’ve ever met and I’ve missed her company these past two days.
In just two months, she’s blown into my life and reshuffled everything. My solitude now leaves me empty instead of comforted. My house now seems cold instead of peaceful.
I’ve seen her a bit, only because she’s still running errands for me until I’m permitted to drive. I’ve purposely kept her at bay. Foolishly, I thought my life would return to normal once I came home and dived into my old routines. Not happening. I’ve simply spent most of the past two days consumed with thoughts of her. To top it off, I’m more aware of my aches and pains without her company to distract me.
No matter how I convince myself of the benefits of my no-strings philosophy, or of us being only friends, the truth is I want her—all of her. I want her heart and soul, her warmth and compassion, and her love.
It’s a startling and completely uncomfortable need, but I want her to love me. It’s unfair, too, because I doubt I’m capable of giving love in return.
I’m sure my confession has Pop rolling his eyes in heaven, or hell. But I’m no fool. She deserves better than me and she knows it. Hell, considering what she’s learned about my parents, my background, and my love life, she’d probably run for the hills rather than give me a chance to break her heart.
Can’t say I’d blame her, either. Also, while she hasn’t mentioned Rob lately, it’s not over between them, in my opinion.
Her parents arrive today, sure to hound her to return home, and to him. Although I don’t stand a chance against them, I’ve decided I can’t let her take off without any fight.
This past week I purchased the first birthday gifts I’ve bought anyone in decades. I ordered a Wüsthof chef’s knife, a paring knife, and an apron. Although these things aren’t romantic, they’re sentimental, considering this whole thing between us began with a cooking lesson. I expect she’ll appreciate the intention.
She intimated to Jill she’d be staying through her lease term, which gives me a few months to wrest her from her past. I need to start with these gifts and get them to her before her mother arrives. I feel like a ten-year-old boy trying to impress a girl.
When did I become such a pansy? Scowling at myself, I straighten my shoulders and make my way to her house.
When I arrive, I knock on the screen door’s frame as a courtesy before I open the door, call out her name, and step inside. I’m greeted, however, by a glamorous older woman with a blonde bob; sharp, pale-blue eyes; and patrician features, just like her daughter’s. She raises one eyebrow.
“You must be Levi.” She steps forward with her hand extended. “I’m Helene, Lindsey’s mother.”
Her polite smile is dazzling but lacks real warmth. Her eyes fix on mine, attempting to discern my character in a few heartbeats. She’s shrewd, but she doesn’t scare me. I already dislike the way she condescends to Lindsey, so I’m hardly interested in impressing her. For Lindsey’s sake, I’ll be polite.
“Hello, ma’am. Yes, I’m Levi. Sorry to intrude.” I step back. “I didn’t expect you to arrive until a little later. I only stopped in to deliver something to Lindsey.”
Her gaze drops to the gift box, wrapped in pink paper and ribbons, held in my left hand. “How lovely. A birthday or thank-you gift?”
“Birthday. Haven’t found anything suitable to thank her for everything she’s done for me, but I will.”
“I’m pleased to see you’re recovering. I’m sure you’re enjoying your independence again.”
Her phony demeanor chills the room. The pale hair and cool-blue eyes remind me of Mama. What is it about me that makes mothers’ blood run so cold? Guess I’ll never know unless I insist on answers from my own—which pretty much means I’ll never know.
Thinking of Mama makes my blood run cold. Lately it seems I’ve been thinking about her, Pop, and the past far too often. I blame Pop’s death and Lindsey’s arrival for thrusting Mama to the forefront.
Helene clears her throat, awaiting a response.
“It’s great to finally be feeling stronger, although I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to missing Lindsey’s care. It’s a pleasure to meet the woman who raised such a fine, compassionate person. I suspect she learned how to tend to others by your example.”
From what I know of Helene, I’ve just lied through my teeth. But I needed to disarm her during this parry of ours. Her authentic smile convinces me she bought my line.
Lindsey is midway down the stairs when she sees me with her mother and stops short. Her eyes initially flash with alarm, but she contains her fear and smiles.
“Levi, I didn’t expect to see you today.” She slowly takes the final two steps. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine.” I raise the gift in the air, then place it on her dining table. “I came by to drop off a little birthday present. Didn’t intend to interrupt your visit.”
I’m used to seeing her in shorts and sneakers, or a robe, so her conservative minidress and ultrastraight hair tucked behind a headband throw me. Guess she dressed up for her mom. The short skirt practically begs me to run my hand up along the inside of her thigh . . . all the way up. Ah, hell. I’ve gotta get out of here.
“That’s sweet, thanks. You didn’t need to buy me anything.” Her eyes light up with curiosity as she tries to guess what would fit inside the box. “Can I open it now?”
“No, open it later. It’s only something small.” I wish her mother would disappear for ten minutes, but that won’t happen. “I’ll leave you ladies alone and talk to you tomorrow. Enjoy your afternoon.”
I turn to Helene and affect a slight bow before stepping toward the back door to make my escape. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“Levi, you should join us for dinner tonight.” Helene’s offer ambushes Lindsey and me, and I sense Lindsey’s concern from across the room.
“Thank you, but no.” Part of me is disappointed to miss out on an up-close look at Lindsey with her parents. Seeing them together would give me the insight I need to advance my own agenda. “I’m sure y’all prefer some private family time after these months apart.”
“Nonsense. I always make it a point to know my daughter’s friends. Apparently, you’ve become someone I should get to know.” Helene’s smooth, and intent on her prey. “It’s unlikely I’ll have another opportunity to do so anytime soon. Plus, Bill will welcome another man at the table tonight. He hates to be outnumbered.”
I’m not interested in being her quarry.
“That’s very kind, but Lindsey probably wants to visit with you alone.”
Without even looking at her daughter, Helene waves her hand dismissively.
“We’ll have alone time this afternoon. Tonight, you’ll join us. I insist. We’re dining at Spago at eight o’clock.”
I offer
Lindsey an apologetic expression before accepting the invitation. Just then, the doorbell rings, thankfully interrupting the awkward silence and tension in the room.
Lindsey leaves me with the tiger lady and goes to answer her door. She returns carrying a large vase with three dozen long-stemmed red and pink roses, which she places on the coffee table before she reads the card. Helene observes me to determine whether I sent them, which I did not. I can guess who did, and now she can, too.
“How gorgeous, dear.” She clasps her hands in front of her chest. “Who sent them?”
Lindsey shifts her weight to one leg and fiddles with the card between her fingers. “Rob.”
“How thoughtful, especially under the present circumstances.” She gazes at me, smiling, as she hammers the wedge. “Don’t you agree, Levi?”
“Hmmm.” I nod and don’t dare utter a negative word about the manipulative SOB. “Well, ladies, have a pleasant afternoon. I look forward to meeting Mr. Hilliard.” I nod to Lindsey and take my leave.
This night promises to be exhausting. Helene’s openly challenging me, knowing I can’t fight back without alienating Lindsey. She used my feelings for Lindsey to lure me into her trap, proving once again my pop’s wise advice about the danger of letting your emotions run amok. Damn.
I need to approach this dinner like a poker game and leave my feelings at the door. Otherwise I’m bound to blow everything.
At seven, I shower, trim my whiskers, and dress in a jacket for dinner. After considering several strategies for dealing with Lindsey’s parents, I decide to be honest. Truth is, they’ll never approve of me anyway. I don’t share Rob’s pedigree and I’m geographically undesirable, too. Ultimately, it’s all up to Lindsey, so I’ll place my money on her good sense and the progress she’s made these past couple of months.
Lindsey
My mother’s machinations today set me on edge. All afternoon I sidestepped her efforts to pump me for information about Levi. She also pressured me about Rob, but I remained silent on that topic, too. Admittedly, my resolve is weakening after mere hours with her.
She can be nearly rabid about getting what she wants. Despite her overreaching, I know she loves and misses me. I’m her only child. We did everything together for years. She thinks she still knows best what I need. I can’t convince her overnight of my differing opinions. But however good her intentions are toward me, I dread how she may treat Levi tonight.
He’s a cool cucumber. I’m fairly certain he’ll handle whatever she dishes out. I’m only sorry he’s been forced into this situation. Perhaps Dad’s presence will keep her from baring her fangs. My stray thoughts are interrupted by Levi’s knock at the front door.
The sight of him takes my breath away. He’s dressed in white linen slacks and a crisp pale-blue shirt, paired with an unstructured, navy, linen-silk blend jacket. He looks as if he stepped right out of an Armani advertisement. I almost reach out to touch his refined five o’clock shadow.
How utterly embarrassing!
“Wow, you clean up well, Levi.” My pulse thunders in my ears.
“Thank you, ma’am.”
His eyes graze the length of my body, which is wrapped in a flirty, brightly colored Nanette Lepore dress. I’ve thrown on a pair of high wedge sandals and pulled back the front of my hair to reveal gold hoop earrings.
He clears his throat. “You look beautiful.”
I realize Levi’s never seen me dressed up, at least not since that night on the beach years ago. His obvious approval considerably improves my mood.
On the way to the restaurant, I’m uncharacteristically quiet. I can’t stop fretting about how the evening will play out. My hands grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. My left knee bounces continually. Of course, none of this escapes Levi’s attention.
“Darlin’, calm down.” He squeezes my shoulder to reassure me. “Everything will be fine.”
“I’m sorry she dragged you to dinner. I don’t trust her intentions. She wants me to come home. She’s likely to look for ways to make you squirm. We should have told her your back couldn’t handle sitting through a leisurely dinner.”
He pauses to consider my comments, then tilts his head. “Are you ashamed of me, or of what they might learn?” His eyes look guarded. “Is that the problem?”
My eyes widen in protest. “Absolutely not. No! This isn’t even about you. It’s about her dissatisfaction with me. You’re merely collateral damage to her. You should have heard her today, rambling on and on about Rob and the roses and New York.” I scowl at myself. “I hate how I revert to being a mouse in her presence.”
“Sweetheart, settle yourself. No one’s getting hurt tonight, least of all me. I know exactly what your mother’s doing. I’m not an imbecile.” He stares ahead, then turns to me and speaks softly. “You know she’s not mad at you. She’s under the misimpression she and I are in a competition over where you end up living. That’s all this is, and it’s silly. She assumes we can control your choices. As soon as she realizes that’s not the case, things will be easier for you.”
He’s right. If only I can figure out how to cut the apron strings with Mom, this battle between us will end. Levi’s confidence always empowers me. I love that about him.
The valet takes my car. When we enter the restaurant, my parents are already seated. I introduce Levi and my father. Levi kisses my mother’s hand when greeting her. Before seating himself, he pulls out my chair for me. My father’s already selected a bottle of wine, so Levi and I each take a glass and toast to my birthday.
At first, the conversation stays light. We discuss the restaurant motif, the menu, the weather, their flight, and other nonconfrontational topics. Dad and Levi end up conversing about the financial markets. I’m relieved because Levi can hold his own on this topic.
His Southern manners become evident when he stands each time my mom or I get up from, or return to, the table. I hope his conduct wins some approval from my parents. How can they not respect him, especially considering all he’s accomplished?
The second glass of wine helps me relax. I slouch back into my seat and listen to the casual conversation, pleased to be wrong about my mother’s intentions. Just as I blow out my last bit of tension, my mom jumps off the bench and gets in the game.
“So, Levi, your accent is charming.” Mom sips on her wine. “Where were you raised?”
“Charming?” Levi chuckles. “That’s one way to describe it, I guess. Most would call it a redneck’s dialect. But, to answer your question, I’m from a small town in southern Georgia—Tifton.”
“Oh, so you’re far from home, too. Do you visit your parents often?”
“No, ma’am. My pop died recently. I haven’t seen Mama since she left us twenty-plus years ago.” I notice Levi’s slight grin, which is likely springing from his surprising my mom with his direct and horrific answer.
I’m blown away by his casual admission, but wonder whether catching her off guard will be worth the high emotional cost of sacrificing his privacy.
“Oh my, dear.” Mom glances at Dad for help while she backtracks and considers her next move. “I’m so sorry.”
Dad jumps in, on cue. “Well, Levi, you’ve certainly overcome some difficult circumstances. It’s impressive.”
“Thank you, sir. I’ve learned to play the cards I’m dealt without complaining.” Levi winks at me. “Whining never resolves anything.”
Mom rejoins the conversation. “Good for you. I’m sure your mother would be proud to see you now. Have you ever tried to find her?”
I sharply inhale and drop my fork. “Mom, that’s none of our business. Levi, you don’t have to answer her.” My throat tightens at my inability to cut her off.
“Lindsey, Levi was young when she left. Maybe there were circumstances he didn’t know or understand. Not that there’s much to justify her actions, but maybe talking with her would be beneficial.” She nods at me assuredly and then turns to Levi. I sit helpless and appalled.
My mind flashes back to the letter containing Levi’s mother’s contact information. I’ve often thought of broaching the topic, but obviously Levi has no intention of reuniting with his mother. Despite the highly personal nature of this ambush, he’s behaved with dignity. I could kiss him. And that thought makes me admit, yes, I really would like to kiss him.
Mom picks at her salad. Without looking at Levi, she zings him with one of her special judgments. “Well, it’s certainly easier to avoid a potentially ugly confrontation than to secure answers.”
With that statement, Levi inhales slowly and leans back in his chair. He examines my father through narrowed eyes. He must be curious about Dad’s silence, but I’m used to it. “Trust me, ma’am, I’ve never shied away from confrontation. But I’ve moved on, so I don’t need to confront my mama.” His eyes dart to me and his grim expression becomes friendly. “Why don’t we steer the conversation in another direction before Lindsey becomes uncomfortable. After all, this is her party, right?” He beams at me. “We should celebrate her involvement with advocacy for abused kids. She’s very enthusiastic about the program. I’ve no doubt she’ll be accepted into CAA once she finishes the training, which she has more time to do now that she’s no longer taking care of me. After that, she’ll be assigned her first case.”
Levi’s obvious pleasure sends my heart to my throat. My mother, however, tosses a trivializing hand gesture my way. “The nonprofit business? Yes, she’s mentioned it.” She swirls her wine glass twice and takes a sip.
“Lindsey tells me you do a lot of charity work. You must be pleased she’s following in your footsteps.” Somehow he managed to say that without making it sound like an obnoxious dig.
“No, Levi. It’s completely different. I was a lawyer before I quit to raise Lindsey. I got involved with charities rather than go back to work because being her mother was my priority and Bill’s job afforded me the option.” My mom sighs. “I’m not sure why Lindsey needed to attend Columbia if she only ever planned to be a volunteer.”