The Alloy Heart

by Quinn Loftis

  “You look beautiful,” Foster told Olivia as he took her hand and placed it on his arm. He hadn’t been told to escort her, but he wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to talk to her, etiquette be damned. She took his breath away the moment she’d stepped from the carriage, dressed in a dark blue dress that made her alabaster skin look even more creamy. Though the dress was modest, it gave small glimpses of her back where it dipped a little low and the column of her throat. The long sleeves came to a point at her hands which drew his attention to the small, elegant fingers. She was just so much smaller than him, it made his protective instinct surge forward, though he was pretty sure Olivia Hill could take care of herself.

  “Thank you,” she said. “You look quite dashing yourself.” Foster’s eyes lit with amusement as Olivia’s face heated. He watched her with such intensity and utter focus that she hadn’t realized they’d missed their cue until she heard Lady Templeton’s throat clearing behind them.

  “It’s not your turn yet, kitten. Get your tail down the aisle.”

  Olivia had to hold in the laughter at the woman’s mention of her cat reference from earlier that day. But Lady Templeton had accomplished what she’d meant to. Olivia’s attention was pulled from Foster and back to the wedding unfolding before them. The music continued to play, and she and Foster took their first step in perfect synchronization.

  Sophia watched her younger sister’s interaction with Foster and smiled. She knew Foster mostly through what her brother told her about him, but she’d also been around him on several occasions. He was a good man, and one who would no doubt be able to handle her younger sister. “You do realize that those two are meant for each other, right?” she asked her brother.

  Thomas sighed. “Let’s just get you married before we start discussing Olivia’s nuptials.” He took his sister’s arm at the end of the pathway. “You look amazing, by the way,” he told her. “Jackson is one lucky man.”

  “Thank you, Thomas,” Sophia said as she looked up at her older brother who had taken such good care of them over the years. “I hope you find your match soon.”

  Thomas smiled. “Maybe one day.” He was glad when the music changed and it was their cue to walk. He didn’t want to get onto the topic of his own deficient romantic life.

  Sophia took several slow steps, led by her brother, and with each one, she got closer to her future. And no matter how brief that may be, she wanted it with everything inside of her. She once again found Jackson’s intense stare and felt the smile spread across her face. There were tears streaming down her cheeks, no doubt messing up the hard work of her sister and Lady Templeton. They were tears shed for a life she’d only dreamed she would have. Tears shed for parents who could not be there on her special day. Tears shed for the man who had continued to love her even though she pushed him away. They were good tears, healing tears, and she was sure they wouldn’t be the last ones she would shed, nor would the rest be happy. But today was not about tomorrow. It was about the present moment, and Sophia wasn’t going to miss a second of it by worrying about what she could not change.

  When they finally reached the end of the aisle, Thomas reached out and shook Jackson’s hand. “No other man would have been worthy of her.”

  Jackson shook his head. “I am not worthy of her, but I am thankful she’s willing to overlook my faults and have me anyway.”

  “Take care of her,” Thomas smiled. “I’d hate to have to kill you if you didn’t.” He turned and kissed Sophia, who had a slightly shocked look on her face. “It’s my job to threaten the man who’s taking you from me. He knows that.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead and then gave her hand to Jackson.

  Jackson couldn’t take his eyes off Sophia. She was stunning. Her skin had more color than the day before and, though she appeared slightly tired, the joy that radiated off of her like rays from the sun outshone anything else she might be feeling. He took her hand, and they stared at one another as they waited for the vicar to begin.

  “Dearly beloved, we gather here today to celebrate the union of Dr. Jackson Elliot and Ms. Sophia Hill. Two souls now becoming one. Before we proceed with the vows, I would give you a word about marriage and how truly special is the union our Lord designed. The Holy Scriptures tell us that marriage between a man and a woman is the picture of Christ and the church. The unconditional love Jesus has for us is the unconditional love a husband should have for his wife. The devotion and faithfulness the church has to Christ is the devotion and faithfulness a wife should have for her husband.

  “We must never take such a covenant lightly, for this covenant is made with the Lord. He is joining these two souls, and none should come between them. I ask God’s protection and blessing over them. Now…” he said as he focused on the bride and groom.

  “Jackson Elliot, do you take Sophia Hill to be your lawful, wedded wife?”

  “I do,” he answered.

  “Then repeat after me. I, Jackson Elliot, take you, Sophia, to be my wife. To love and to cherish, to protect and provide for, to honor above all others and be willing to lay down my life for yours. I give to you all that I am, for I am no longer my own. I will be with you in sickness and in health, in wealth or in poverty, in joy and in sorrow. This I promise you until death do we part.”

  Jackson repeated the words and felt them being etched on his heart. He barely noticed the tears on his cheeks as he stared into her eyes and promised her his soul.

  “Sophia Hill,” the Vicar said once Jackson had spoken his vows.

  Sophia heard everything Reverend Truelove was saying and she heard herself repeating his words, but all she could truly focus on was the complete adoration she saw in Jackson’s eyes. She could see how he felt for her, how genuine and real it was. It was as if he was trying to connect with her soul simply by staring into her eyes, as though searching for it. She hoped he could see that she felt the same way. She hoped he knew that she was completely his and that he owned her heart, mind, body, and soul. She would always be his, no matter what they faced. And no matter when she passed, a piece of her would always remain with him.

  When the vows were completed, the rings were presented. As the vicar began explaining the symbolic meaning of the wedding band, Sophia had to blink several times to clear her vision. All of a sudden, she felt lightheaded. The man’s voice was beginning to fade in and out. She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath, or tried to, but she couldn’t get any air into her lungs. Her hands involuntarily tightened on Jackson’s, and she felt him tense.

  “Love, are you alright?” Jackson asked as he leaned forward and spoke softly. The Vicar was still speaking about the rings, but all Jackson could focus on was the pale color of his bride’s skin and the way she grasped his hands as though he was all that was keeping her from collapsing. When she didn’t answer, he stepped closer and used one hand to raise her chin so he could look at her face. Her pupils were dilated and didn’t react to light at all when she blinked. Her breathing was severely shallow, and when he placed his fingers to her neck to check for her pulse, he could barely feel it. He was about to tell the vicar to stop, but Sophia shook her head.

  “Let him finish,” she whispered.

  Jackson frowned. “You need to lie down, Sophia. We can finish the wedding once you’re off your feet.”

  Sophia shook her head again. There was no way she was letting him walk away from that altar without making her his wife. She was determined to go into the afterlife with his name on her tombstone. “Don’t you dare defy me on this, Jackson. Please, for me, let him finish.”

  Jackson stared at her, and he could see the resolve in her eyes. She was so very weak, and there was no way she would stay on her feet for the whole thing. He nodded and then wrapped an arm around her waist and put the other beneath her knees hoisting her up into his arms. She weighed nothing. She was simply a fragile flower, and he was afraid a strong wind would take her away from him. The vicar paused and looked at him. “Please continue,” Jackson said and
then added, “quickly.”

  They each placed a ring on the other’s finger, and finally, Vicar Truelove reached the end of the ceremony. “By the power given to me by our Lord, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

  Jackson turned his head to look at the woman in his arms. More tears stained her cheeks, and she looked even weaker.

  “Kiss me, husband,” she whispered, because she couldn’t speak any louder. Sophia knew this would be the last kiss she would ever have with her husband. The tomorrows she thought she would have were gone before they’d even been able to take shape. As she stared into his pain-filled eyes, she knew that he understood this too. She reached up with her left hand and ran her delicate finger along his face, tracing the faded scar there, the one he’d come home with after the war. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers in a gentle, tender, and completely pure kiss. She felt the wetness of his cheeks against her own just as she felt his heart breaking right along with her fading soul. “I’m sorry,” she whispered against his lips. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more.”

  “I don’t want to lose you, not yet,” Jackson said desperately. “But it’s okay, beloved Sophia. It’s okay. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Do you understand?”

  She nodded. She did understand, but that didn’t make her any less sad for him. She would move on to her eternity, and he would be stuck here without her. Her heart skipped in her chest, and she lost her breath and then struggled for the next one. “I’m scared,” she admitted. “It hurts, Jackson. My chest, it hurts.”

  “Jackson, is she okay? What do we need to do?” Sophia could hear her brother’s voice, but she didn’t have the energy to look at him.

  “I need to get her to my office. I can give her something to help with any pain. I don’t want her in pain.” Jackson turned and ran with Sophia tucked closely to his chest. He could hear Olivia screaming for people to move and Thomas shouting for a carriage to be readied. “Please hold on for a little longer, love, just a little longer,” he said gently against her ear.

  Sophia wasn’t sure what was going on, only that she was in Jackson’s arms and her chest was so tight it felt like it was going to rip in half. She heard him ask her to hold on, and she tried to say that she was, that she was fighting as hard as she could to stay with him. She didn’t want to go. She wanted to live. She wanted to have his children and have fights with him and make up with him and grow old with him. She would give anything to have those things, but nothing short of a miracle would make that happen.

  The carriage pulled up to Jackson’s home, and he climbed out with Sophia in his arms without a thought to anyone else. Thomas had the door to his house open, and Elliot carried her to the patient room of his in-home clinic. Jackson quickly laid her down on an exam bed. He took her face in his hands. “Sophia, look at me,” he said, giving her face a small pat. She slowly opened her eyes, and her pupils were still dilated. “Hold on for me, okay? Please.”

  “I’m trying. I promise I’m trying.”

  After that, Jackson flew around the office like a madman. He grabbed a syringe and a vial of liquid. He could hear Thomas throwing questions at him, but he ignored his now brother-in-law. He couldn’t focus on anything but Sophia and taking care of her.

  “What is that?” Thomas asked as Jackson placed a needle against Sophia’s arm, lining it up with the vein beneath the skin.

  “It’s to help her,” Jackson said.

  “Help her how?”

  “Thomas, I suggest you speak to Sophia now and quit asking me questions,” Jackson snapped. “She’s going to need to rest, and this might make her sleep. So say what you need to say and then let her be.”

  “I’m not leaving. She’s my sister!” Thomas yelled.

  “She is my wife!” Jackson shot back. “And my patient, and I’m telling you she doesn’t need the stress of you staring at her, waiting for her to die.” He choked on that last word and forced his mouth closed before he said something he might later regret. Once he was sure he could control his tongue, he took a deep breath. “Please, Thomas, let me have this time with her.”

  Thomas stared down at his sister. He was imploring Sophia to ask him to stay, but he could see in her tired eyes that, though she loved him, she wanted to be with her husband. He hated it, but Thomas knew this was as it should be. “Okay,” he finally acquiesced. “I love you, Soph,” he told her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Rest, okay?”

  “I love you too,” she said through shallow breaths.

  Thomas walked over to Jackson and stepped close so he could speak softly. “How long does she have?”

  “I am not God, Thomas. All I can do is speculate.”

  “Then speculate, dammit.”

  Jackson looked over his shoulder at Sophia and felt his stomach roll. “Twenty-four hours, if we’re lucky.”

  “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. If she gets worse, please send for me.” Thomas looked at his sister one last time before he left. When he stepped out of the office and into the house, he saw Olivia sitting in a chair, her face buried in her hands, while Foster stood over her, his hand protectively resting on her back. “Why are you out here?”

  Olivia’s head snapped up. “Is she—” She stopped herself. She just couldn’t say it.

  Thomas shook his head. “No, she’s holding on. Go see her, but be quick. She needs to rest.”

  Olivia hurried past her brother and into Jackson’s office. She saw Jackson standing over Sophia, his stethoscope in place, listening to her heartbeat. She walked over to the other side of the bed and placed her hand on her sister’s forehead. Sophia’s eyes opened, and the usual light that shone out of them was gone. Olivia tried to be strong, she tried not to cry, but it was a battle she could not win. “I love you, sister mine,” she said as she brushed her hair back from her face.

  “I know,” Sophia told her sister. “I love you more.” She hated that her sister was in so much pain, that Thomas was in so much pain and it was her fault.

  “Rest,” Olivia said. “Thomas and I will be back to check on you after you’ve recovered a bit, okay?”

  Sophia nodded. She didn’t have the strength or the inclination to tell her sister there would be no recovering, not this time. Her siblings would come back, but all they would find was her shell. She forced herself to smile up at her sister and watched her walk away, knowing she would never see her again.

  When Jackson was sure that he and Sophia were alone, he drew up another syringe of liquid and administered it to her other arm. The first drug had been to take away her pain. The drug he just pushed into her vein was to accelerate her heartbeat, to keep it going, though it would only do so for as long as the drug was in her bloodstream, which wouldn’t be long.

  “Why do you have that look on your face?” Sophia asked her husband, her voice barely a whisper.

  “Sophia,” Jackson said as he sat beside her and leaned down over her. “The words I love you seem so inadequate for what I feel for you. From the moment you entered my life, you have been my light. Like a beacon that guides a ship in the dark, you’ve been my symbol of hope.” He ran his fingertips across her cheek and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

  So their wedding kiss hadn’t been their last. Sophia liked that she’d been wrong about that. She wished she was wrong about dying, but she knew without doubt it was happening. “I feel the same for you. I would give anything to stay with you.”

  Jackson closed his eyes at her words as tears fell from his eyes. A knife wouldn’t have been more effective at ripping out his heart. “I would do anything, absolutely anything to keep you here with me, to spare you a death so young,” he said through clenched teeth, his eyes still tightly shut. His body was shaking with pain and adrenaline, and he knew if he was going to act, it had to be then. He couldn’t let her slip any further away. It would be too risky.

  He opened his eyes, more tears falling, the pieces he had left of himself belonged to her, and yet he didn
’t know if he would even get to keep her. “Please, forgive me,” he whispered. “Please don’t hate me.”

  “What?” Sophia frowned. “I could never hate you.”

  Jackson picked up a syringe that had been prepped before they ever arrived at his office, just waiting for this particular moment. He inserted it into her vein, and she didn’t flinch. She didn’t even question him. He knew she wouldn’t. Sophia trusted him with her life. As he pushed the plunger and the liquid flowed into her vein, he looked into her eyes, his own vision blurred with tears. “I love you. Please never doubt that. I love you.”

  Sophia didn’t get a chance to respond. Her eyelids grew too heavy for her to keep open, and her whole body suddenly felt heavy. As she slipped away, the last thing she saw was her husband, leaning over her, weeping. The last thing she heard was his agonizing cries. Though they were soft, she heard him as he wept. “I can’t live in a world without you, Soph. Even if you’re no longer mine. You have to live. You have to live, Sophia.” And then everything was dark, silent, and she was gone.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Sunday, 22nd May 1887

  Around 5:00 p.m.

  Inspector Hill clutched his younger sister to his chest, both of them weeping. He knew that must look ridiculous, Olivia in her gown, and him in his best suit, standing outside of Jackson’s house, openly sobbing. John Foster stood next to them, also dressed to the nines, glaring out at the passersby, daring any of them to make a comment. Thomas and Olivia both clung to the hope that they would see their sister alive again, but both of them knew in their heart of hearts that she was gone.

  Just then, a nondescript hansom cab pulled up and out climbed a very elegantly dressed Lady Templeton. Her face was puffy and her eyes were swollen with tears. She walked over to the siblings and embraced them, joining in their grief. After several minutes, she pulled away, passing tissues all around. She blew her nose and then took Thomas by the arm.