Fragile Chaos

by Amber R. Duell

  The neck of Astra’s shirt is torn. The cardigan over it falls off one shoulder and her long hair is snarled around her shoulders. Stray pieces lift with static. She wipes moisture from her cheeks, smudging the black trail of makeup, and backs away.

  The air fills with unspoken things, writhing and alive. The anticipation cools my blood. I inhale to center myself and pack the anger into a tight ball.

  “What are you doing here?” I demand.

  “I’m saving your butt. Again.” Brisa tosses a hand in Astra’s direction. “Tell Ebris what you told me.”

  “I can’t,” Astra squeaks.

  “For the love of—” Brisa straightens. “Do it or I will.”

  Astra shakes her head, her wet cheeks grasping strands of hair. My already rigid body stiffens into a statue. I’ve never seen Astra like this before. She’s always been passionate, emotional, but I can’t remember a time she was this upset. This terrified. She barely stumbled when I discovered what she encouraged Cassia to do. What could be worse?

  “I…” Her narrow chin trembles as she looks at Ebris’ feet. She clutches a thin chain hanging around her neck. “I can’t.”

  “Someone better,” Ebris says.

  “Did you ever wonder why you found Cassia so intriguing?” Brisa asks me.

  I shift my weight between my feet. Of course I have. From the moment I saw her in Kisk I wondered. I kept her here to sort out the reason, but it got pushed aside the more I…the more time we spent together. So much so that I forgot to be curious. We settled into a routine, and then I was too worried about not kissing her to care why I wanted to. Another mistake.

  My brain struggles to piece the puzzle together. The picture lurks beyond my grasp, fading in and out. Maybe I’m subconsciously protecting myself. Maybe I already see it clearly but don’t want to believe it.

  “What are you trying to say?” I ask.

  “I did it, all right?” Astra’s lyrical voice scratches my eardrums as she shouts. She holds her hands out from her sides, her fingers shaking. “The day I came to meet Cassia, I made you love each other.”

  I lurch back a step. She can’t mean that. It’s forbidden to use our powers on each other. She wouldn’t dare. Besides, I know how I feel. Felt. Before Cassia destroyed everything. It wasn’t manufactured. Except…Except I fought it. I didn’t want to want her. I still don’t, yet somehow still do. Maybe it wasn’t my determination to keep control over the war but rather because deep down I knew it wasn’t real.

  “I did it for you,” she adds in a rush. “You spend so much time shutting everyone out, Theodric. There’s more to life than death and revenge. I thought if you could see that…” She hiccups.

  “Astra.” Ebris steps forward, his face slack. “If that’s true, you’ve committed a crime worse than any Theodric has. We have to honor each other above anything else.”

  “Of course it’s true. Why would I lie?” Her voice is pure venom. “I noticed Theo’s interest in her that night in Kisk and told the zealots they would be forgiven for sacrificing her unwillingly. Theo’s curiosity kept him from killing her long enough for me to give them both a small shove. Each time they saw each other, the seed I watered grew. Each time they touched, their feelings bloomed a little more. There wasn’t time to wait for things to progress on their own.”

  My blood turns to ice, cracking my veins. Astra did this. It makes sense, but part of me rejects it as truth. It seems like so long ago I met the dirty girl with snarled hair and watchful eyes. This deception isn’t Cassia’s; it’s my sister’s. Astra played us both, and I let Cassia walk to the Netherworld because of it.

  “Why?” I wheeze. “Why would you care if Cassia and I had a chance? Why wasn’t there time?”

  “For you.” More mascara races down her cheeks in inky trails. Her lips curl in distaste as she glares at me. “And for Cy. I couldn’t let you destroy his homeland.”

  “Cy?” Ebris hisses. “You did this to your brother for him?”

  She jumps at his sharp tone. “He told me not to, but how could I stand by and let it happen? He can say he doesn’t consider Kisk his home as many times as he likes, but I know he has to care.”

  “How could you stand by?” Ebris cracks a hand across her cheek. “The same way the rest of us have. We can’t turn on each other. Never each other.”

  I pinch my lips tight. Correcting Ebris, telling him he’s done nothing but turn on me, will only derail the situation. I need more. More details, more answers, more closure.

  Blood beads in the corner of her lips and a low, inhuman, laugh climbs from her throat. “Don’t act like you’re any better, Ebris. I know what you did.”

  “You know nothing.” A storm swirls in Ebris’ eyes, the gray of his irises shutting out the blue. “Shut your mouth.”

  “You don’t want Theodric to know you told the Volks how to harness antimatter, but you’ve always been sloppy at covering your tracks,” she spews.

  It’s as if the entire world has spun off its axis, spiraling into oblivion. I double over. My stomach threatens to heave its contents across the entryway. This isn’t happening. It’s too much. Too far. This is sabotage at its finest and so much worse than what Astra did. Thousands of lives were at stake that night, and thousands of others were lost.

  “Are there any of you that haven’t plotted against me?” I drag in a breath but can’t seem to get enough air to fill my lungs. “You’ve been playing with me for ages, but now you’re not even content with that. Are we to pit ourselves against each other?”

  “Theodric.” Brisa touches the back of my hand. “Breathe.”

  I dig at my abdomen. “What about you? What have you done?”

  She squints at me. “I’ll pretend you didn’t ask me that.”

  “The deal is off,” I growl at Ebris. “You stacked the cards and you dare lecture me about learning the cost of war?”

  “The deal is already done.” His mouth twists into a grimace, both smug and irate.

  Just because Cassia is gone doesn’t mean it’s too late to change things. I can bring her back. The urge to draw my sword overwhelms me, but if I attack Ebris like every muscle is screaming at me to do, I won’t win. Brisa, even Astra, will stop me if I try.

  “I’ll end the war because it’s the right thing to do.” A forced shiver shatters the chill within me. “But Cassia comes back.”

  “No.”

  I lunge forward and grab Ebris’ windpipe between my thumb and index finger. “You will bring her back.”

  He swats me away like a fly. “I won’t. You still need to understand what you’re doing.”

  He speaks as if this is all my doing. As if he hasn’t had a hand in creating this disaster. In drafting Timun or sinking ships. What else has he manipulated? What else don’t I know?

  A fevered laugh wracks my body. “You think because I have no true power that I don’t have a way to ruin you.” I don’t, not yet, but if it’s the last thing I do, I will remove him from his throne. “You aren’t as invincible as you think you are.”

  “You’re welcome to try,” he says.

  “Ebris,” Brisa warns. “This isn’t right.”

  “What he’s doing isn’t right,” Ebris rumbles. “How many Kiskens are dead? How many men have crossed your ocean to certain death?”

  “He’s the God of War. He’s doing what he’s supposed to do.” She crosses her arms with a huff. “You said yourself that we have to stick together. If you value anything about this family, you’ll fix this.”

  Ebris glances at Astra. “She’ll go to the Between. That’s enough compensation.”

  “For her crime, yes,” Brisa says over Astra’s ear-piercing wail. “What about yours?”

  He waves a dismissive hand. “There’s no law to stop me from giving mortals new technology.”

  Brisa glowers across the hallway. “That isn’t why you did it. Don’t set the rest of us against you. You can beat Theodric as he is, but you can’t take on the rest of us all at onc
e.”

  Ebris stills, the smile slipping into nothing. He studies Brisa, watching her as he runs through a series of facial tics. Deciding. Trying to make up his mind whether or not she speaks the truth. If she would really stand against him—if they all would.

  “Fine,” Ebris barks. “End the war, then go get your whore.”

  I step forward, my fist raised to fly in defense of Cassia’s name, but Brisa grabs my elbow. “And restore Theodric’s power,” she adds. “It’s been long enough, and it’s only making him rebel more.”

  “Absolutely not.” The answer is firm, unyielding.

  “Drea has already sided with me on this,” she says. “With Astra in the Between and Leander being Leander, we’re all you have left.”

  The line between Ebris’ brows deepens into a crevice. His eyes dart around the entryway, ignoring Astra as she curls in on herself in the corner, rocking. “You wouldn’t dare.” It’s almost a question.

  “Wouldn’t we?” she snips.

  His jaw muscles twitch, but it’s the only part of him to move. “I’ll return them after you clean up your mess,” he tells me in a hoarse whisper.

  Then he grabs Astra’s wrist, renewing her screams, and bolts out the door. It slams against the wall, cracking the glass. I grab the banister. He’ll return my power. With the smallest hint of blackmail, of an uprising, Ebris is willing to give me my life back. It doesn’t feel like much of a victory. It’s more like a consolation prize. The price Ebris is paying to keep himself on top.

  Be happy.

  I should be; I’m getting everything back.

  Almost everything.

  “Are you okay?” Brisa asks.

  My feet slip out from under me and I drop to the stairs. “No.” The word is nothing more than a puff of air.

  Brisa flutters around me, her hands reaching out and pulling back as if she can’t decide whether she wants to hug me or slap some sense into me. Finally, she steps back with a sigh. “Goran! Get out here.”

  I’m not sure how long it takes him to listen. Maybe two seconds, maybe two minutes. My vision blurs as they stand in the middle of the entry. Their whispered conversation buzzes in my ears, but I tune them out. This isn’t how I wanted to win. By default. I wanted to be trusted. To be welcomed.

  But I’ll regain everything once I finish the war. Everything except Cassia. Because, while I may be allowed to bring her back, that doesn’t mean she’ll want to come. And why should she? None of this is real. It’s all part of some elaborate plot, and I treated her horribly.

  Goran hovers in front of me and snaps his fingers next to my ear. “Can you hear me?”

  I can. I don’t want to, but I can. “The war was rigged, Goran.”

  “We’ll survive it like we always have. This will pass,” he assures me.

  “Cassia.” Her name rips from my mouth before I can pull it back into the dark hole where my courage once was.

  He nods and speaks in a soft tone. “What Astra did doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t genuine. You know as well as I do that Astra can’t force two people together if there isn’t something there to begin with. So she gave you a nudge.” He shrugs. “It doesn’t change things. You still love each other.”

  “Do we?” My head falls back with a groan. “It doesn’t change the fact that she used me.”

  “Get your head out of your arse. She went to the Netherworld to protect you.”

  “That wasn’t for me,” I whisper. “That was to get away from me.”

  “He’s finally snapped,” Brisa grumbles over his shoulder.

  Goran frowns up at her. “I’ve loved and lost before. I know what you’re feeling, Theodric, but you still have a chance to fix things. Pull yourself up, act like the god you are, and do what has to be done. You’re so close.” He clasps my shoulder. “After this, you’ll be restored. It’s the only thing you’ve wanted the entire time I’ve been here. Don’t blow it in the home stretch.”

  “What if it’s not the only thing I want anymore?”

  “Goran?” Brisa grabs the back of her hair. “I think we broke him.”

  “Then we’ll have to fix him,” Goran says, keeping his focus on me. “Now, come on. Stop wasting time. Get in the war room and strategize.”

  The Netherworld conjures up all sorts of images. Ghostly spirits, eerie fog, and, of course, the infamous arch souls pass through to continue to their final destination. Wherever that is. I rub my arms as we cross through Leander’s temple and glance over my shoulder for a final glimpse of the alcove leading back to Theo. A silent sigh pours from my chest. I can’t think about him. He certainly won’t be thinking about me. I take in the gray, unadorned temple without focusing on anything particular and follow Leander into the land of the dead.

  Instead of a gloomy wasteland, I’m greeted with something so jaw-droppingly beautiful I pinch my elbow to make sure I’m awake. Enormous opaque peaks jut from the land, glittering beneath a muted sun. Blue and yellow shadows quiver across the white, rocky ground. Above, the sky is a dome of long, delicate clouds. A sweet smell lingers in the air, floral and fruity at the same time.

  “Whoa.”

  “Not what you were expecting?” Leander asks with a grin.

  I jump, not realizing I stopped on the threshold of the temple and my smile spreads like wildfire. Who would ever expect this to be here, of all places? My wildest imagination could never come up with something more amazing. “Not in the slightest.”

  “I’d offer to show you around, but I’m sure you’d like some time to adjust.” He watches me carefully as he shuffles closer, stopping a few feet away.

  I’m not sure if he’s waiting for me to agree, but, honestly, I don’t know what I’d rather do. I don’t feel much like exploring, but sitting around twiddling my thumbs will give me too much time to think. And I have far too much to think about.

  Finally, Leander bobs his head in the direction of an opal castle, complete with elegantly wrought balconies and pointed towers, carved into the side of a towering mountain. “After you,” he says.

  My joints creak with each movement, begging me not to go another step in that direction. Gorgeous or not, every cell in my body knows what this place is. I don’t think there will be enough time in the world to adjust. At least at Theo’s it looks like home. There’s grass and trees and life. It’s so still here, so quiet, goosebumps rise up against it.

  I spin, taking in the endless kaleidoscope of color. “Um, Leander?”

  “Hmm?” He falls into step beside me, his shoulders curled forward.

  My stomach flutters. I don’t want to ask this, not really, but I won’t be able to relax until I do. If anything deceased pops out at me, I swear I’ll drop dead and save everyone a bit of trouble. “Where are they?”

  “The souls?” He places a hand in the middle of my back and gently steers me around a waist-high shard of crystal I hadn’t noticed. I nod. “They can’t cross the Black River.”

  I squint into the distance, twisting to look in every direction a second time. There’s no river. There isn’t even the sound of one, or another body of water for that matter. I clench my hands into fists. “But where?”

  “The other side of the mountain. Don’t worry, you won’t have to see them. Occasionally you may hear something.” He hesitates and gives me a twitchy smile. “When too many come through at once, it can be crowded, and they tend to be confused and angry. It’s understandable after a disaster, but with the acoustics here, it can sound a bit…”

  “Terrifying?” I offer. Because that’s how I imagine a bunch of pissed off dead people sound. Any other answer will undoubtedly be a lie.

  “Well, yes.” He takes a deep breath, motioning with his hands as he speaks. “The river prevents the riots from spilling over, so you’re perfectly safe on this side of things.”

  Perfectly safe. I can’t remember the last time I was able to say that with any truth. It isn’t that I don’t trust Leander. His nervousness is actually reassuring, almost
like he’s more afraid of scaring me off than anything, but I don’t trust the gods in general. Judging by what little I’ve seen, they shouldn’t trust each other either. At all. And if you can’t trust your siblings, who can you trust?

  Not that I’ve been the best sister; I used to believe Oren committed treason. I should have known he would never do such a thing, but he never once told me he was innocent. Maybe he thought he didn’t need to.

  I peer up at the top of the mountain and bite my lip. Is he over there right now?

  “Here we are,” Leander says.

  A wide, sweeping staircase reaches up to massive front doors that almost blend into the rest of the stone. Specks of green and blue glimmer inside the milky white walls like tiny magic lights. Glass columns run down each corner, showing hints of furniture on the other side. It’s straight out of a fairytale, but I can’t imagine living here forever. Not without the slightest hint of the real world. It’s going to be impossible to forget where I am for a second.

  Leander fidgets beside me. “Do you like it? We can make changes if you’d be more comfortable with something else.”

  “I’ve never seen anything like this before.” The curved rock of the newel post is smooth beneath my hand. “I wouldn’t dream of changing it.”

  There’s a spring in his step as he climbs the two dozen steps. A boyish excitement comes over him, lighting his face. “I would show you the main rooms, but I have to get back across the river soon.”

  Of course he does. The end of a war can be equally as bloody as the beginning. Maybe more so. I bite down hard on the inside of my lip until a metallic tang touches my tongue and follow Leander through the doors, feeling hollow.

  Stalking might not be the right word for how I spend the next hour. Lurking, maybe. I prefer to think of it as inspecting the castle entrance. I lasted about fifteen minutes in the game room after Leander left. Neither the pinball machine nor a round of solitaire could distract me from the ear-ringing silence.

  Then the thoughts came, one after another. Is Theo okay? Is Oren alive? Is Goran having a hard time keeping things on track? Do they miss me? Of course they don’t. But maybe? The questions stacked on top of each other until the tower wavered and crashed around me. I couldn’t sit there anymore with carnage scattered at my feet.