Fern's Decision_A reverse harem novel

by Bea Paige

  Chapter Eleven

  Gabe

  She is marked by my hand. I have given her a death sentence. Why in all that is life did I touch her?

  Because you’ve always wanted to.

  “Fuck.” I pound my fist against the rough stone of the roof ledge I am perched on. The same roof where Fern had watched me leave her all those years ago. A year for her, a fucking lifetime for me. Thirty-seven long years since I saw her last break apart whilst I took that baby’s life. I vowed never to return. I vowed to never think about her again.

  Now look at the fucking twisted shit I am in.

  Fern is the missing clan daughter.

  Fern.

  My angel.

  Is our angel.

  And I can’t even touch her.

  “FUCK!” I roar, the agony ripping through my chest. I’m fucking bleeding once again, right here on the rooftop where it all began.

  This is where I first found her. I had been walking along the corridors of this building where the sick reside, pulled by an invisible force deep in the heart of my chest. I thought it had been another life needing to leave the world, needing my assistance so that they could pass peacefully. Here in this world I do not dish out pain or heartache. I am still an Angel of Death, but it isn’t a punishment I give, no, I relieve suffering.

  How ironic, given the suffering I feel now.

  I’ve marked her. Life damn it, I’ve marked Fern.

  I stand and roar into the night. I roar until my lungs are empty and my throat is sore. What the fuck am I to do now?

  My eyes fall back to the door I passed through all those years ago, the memory bombarding me.

  I’d emerged on the rooftop ready to help this life wrapped in death move on. I had been expecting someone close to the end of their life and instead I had been faced with Fern.

  Fern and her sun-blonde hair.

  Fern and her gentle soul.

  Fern and her will of steel.

  Fern and her voice filled with sadness, edged with beauty.

  She had been standing on the rooftop looking out across the horizon as dawn rose, warm pinks and oranges spreading like spilt paint in the night sky.

  And she had been singing, her voice as pure and light as the most talented of Clan Vitae.

  Fern had been lost to her song, the first tendrils of light making a halo of her sun-blonde hair. I had stopped abruptly, the power of her aura forcing the air to leave my chest in a sudden rush. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone more beautiful, or more alone. Her pain-filled words called to something deep inside of me and in that moment, I felt something crack. My heart hasn’t stopped bleeding since.

  I think I would have been able to leave and never come back if she hadn’t turned and looked directly at me. I should have left the moment I felt the pull inside my chest wrench me towards her. I should have left as she turned, the morning breeze lifting strands of her hair.

  I should have left.

  But I didn’t.

  That had been almost one hundred and sixty years ago and I have stalked her ever since. Coming back to this place where life meets death and death regains life, just so I could see her, be in her presence. I have got to know the woman who is Fern. The woman who draws life into the world, who holds life in her hands on a daily basis, who reminds me of the man I once was, who so selflessly gives up her own time, her own happiness, so others can live theirs. She is full of so much love, and yet she has no one to love her in return.

  I have watched her live a life alone. So many times I have wanted to be the one to share it with her, this dark angel with a heart that bleeds shadows and death, wishing for the impossible.

  I bend over, my stomach sucker-punched with the realisation that I have hurt such a beautiful soul. Now she could die because I wasn’t strong enough to step away. I can still feel her hand pressed against mine.

  My fucking skin burns from her touch still.

  For her it was just yesterday, for me a month has passed. In that time, my soul has grown darker with the barbaric acts that Queen Adrielle has forced me to commit. So dark that I want to touch Fern again and damn the consequences. I’d felt her life essence seep into my skin and for a brief moment I’d wanted to take her brightness and absorb it, making it mine.

  I’d wanted to own a piece of her.

  My fingers curl into fists at my sides. Anger, pain, soul-curdling rage sweeps over me.

  I want to drown in the darkness. I want to take and take and take. I want to feel something other than this agony. Then I think of Fern and the dawn lighting her hair into a golden halo and I cannot commit such acts. I won’t.

  Because I love her.

  Chapter Twelve

  Fern

  “One day we will return to Ever Vale. I promise you this,” Ether says.

  “We will return together when it’s safe to do so,” Mihr confirms, signing once again. His wings have disappeared now, withdrawn into his back. I wonder if it hurts. I wonder if he’ll ever let me touch them again. One cheek burns at the thought, the other is still numb from Gabe’s touch. I press my fingers against it.

  “Why not now?” I ask. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Queen Adrielle…” Ether starts, gritting his jaw. I hate the fact that he is holding back.

  “If I am to do this, if I am to trust you, help you all, you need to tell me everything. Starting with why you sent Gabe away.” I need to know. Even though I feel sick every time he is near, I want nothing more than for him to return. Even though I hate him for taking that baby’s life, I still wish to see him again. Even though he hurt me with his touch, I want to feel his hands on my skin once more. I don’t understand this push and pull I feel.

  “Gabe told you that we are the Queen’s Death Bringers…” Ether begins.

  “Was, not anymore,” Mihr signs vehemently, his movements jagged with anger.

  Ether grips his arm. “No, not anymore. You’re right.”

  “He told me, yes.”

  Ether levels his gaze at me. “When we touch another person, we have the ability to take their life. The slightest of grazes is enough to make someone feel unwell. A prolonged touch is far worse. Eventually death can claim a person if we hold on long enough. We’ve taken many lives this way, Fern.” Ether is trying to be matter-of-fact about it, but the disgust is hard to miss.

  “Why not say no?” It seems so simple to me.

  “Believe me, there were many who did. Queen Adrielle made sure they paid for it. She destroyed families, she turned friends against one another. There is no end to her evil, her depravity.”

  “I see.”

  “I’m not sure you do. We were once a peaceful people, we rejoiced in life, Fern. Like you, it was our calling. The curse changed us more than just physically. For a long time, the darkness infected us all. It was a sickness. I lost many people I cared about to it, to the darkness, I mean. It is not easy to live this way. Even if we are to break the curse, I am not sure how many of Clan Vitae will ever be free from her grasp. Perhaps being Queen Adrielle’s Death Bringers has made us weak. Perhaps never standing up to her makes us just as bad, worse even. I don’t honestly know. What I do know is that we’ve survived her torture, hoping something would change. I believe that this is our chance for redemption. I won’t lie to you, Fern, I have no idea if we will succeed. I understand what is expected of us and I have no idea whether I will be able to fulfil that part of it…”

  Love, he’s talking about love. I bite the inside of my cheek, drawing blood. His honesty hurts me. It shouldn’t, but it does. I catch his eye, and for a moment we are held by each other’s gaze. He looks away first.

  “All I know is that I cannot live this way a moment longer. Clan Lux have started the battle and I intend to help them finish it, to help all the clans take up this battle too.”

  “Other clans? Do you mean the other sisters mentioned?”

  “Yes. Clan Lux and Accacia have already begun to fight. Us, Clan Vitae. Clan Terr
a, the fae of the Forbidden Forest…”

  “Fae, as in fairies with wings?” I ask agog.

  “We are the only one with wings, Fern,” Mihr signs, the slightest of smiles playing about his lips.

  “Who else?”

  “Clan Spiritus and Clan Aequalis. All seek their missing clan daughter. All of them have a purpose. None of this will work without the other clans making sure they do their part.”

  “Other than the Fae you mention, are the other clans… like you?” I ask.

  “Dark Angels, you mean?” Mihr raises an eyebrow. He seems to find that question amusing.

  I nod my head. “Yes.”

  “No, but just like us they are all cursed. What they were as people before the curse has been twisted into something ugly. Clan Lux, who once revered their Goddess of Light, Solaria, can no longer walk in the sun and must feed on blood to survive. Clan Terra are part of the earth they once harvested, trapped in the Forbidden Forest, never free from the plants and soil they once nurtured. Clan Spiritus are animalistic, ruled by instinct, far from the peaceful people they once were. Finally, Clan Aequalis, a group of people who were equal, are cursed to destroy one another with overwhelming power, ego, arrogance and selfishness. There are very few of them left.”

  My mouth pops open with a question, then shuts rapidly once again. I shouldn’t be surprised, given two angels are sitting before me. Yet I am. For long moments we sit in silence whilst I digest the information. What am I walking into? Certain death, it would seem. For how can anyone survive such dark magic? Magic, that up until a few hours ago I never believed in. I look at the ring on my finger. It had appeared out of nowhere, conjured up by these men.

  “That wasn’t us,” Ether says, pointing to my finger.

  “Who then?”

  “Nostra. He is Queen Adrielle’s brother, a powerful witch himself, or at least he was until today. He spelled your ring, all of the rings of the missing clan daughters so that one day, when the time was right, we could find you once again.”

  “The stone?”

  “Yes, it brought us to you.”

  “You said until today. What happened?”

  “Queen Adrielle found out we betrayed her, that Ezra, Rhain and Devin, her Dark Knights of Clan Lux, betrayed her too. She would have killed us all had Nostra not ripped a portal between Ever Vale and here to get us to safety. He sacrificed his power to save Accacia and her men, to save Lissandra, to save us. Now we must save our people in return.”

  “There’s a but though, isn’t there? You said Gabe has marked me. What does that mean?” I remember his touch, the warmth followed by cold dread. Pleasure followed by pain.

  Pleasure.

  Pain.

  Two sides of the same coin, one unable to exist without the other.

  Life and death.

  Dark and light.

  Mihr slides his hands across the table as though to reach me, to hold my hand. Our fingers are only centimetres apart, the same slow warmth seems to spread between us. It’s odd, I do not feel any of the cold bleakness from him. I frown, my eyes catching his. His brows pull together, as though he is sensing something out of the ordinary too. Ether rests his hand on Mihr’s forearm, urging him to pull back.

  “Careful, Mihr,” he scolds.

  Mihr withdraws his hands, folding them into his lap.

  “Marking someone is different to a simple touch. It is a commitment to finish what was started. You won’t be able to be stand his nearness without feeling unwell. If he is within touching distance the sickness will only worsen, the pull too much for you to resist. You will walk willingly into the arms of death, feel pain like never before, until eventually you will fall into a deep sleep and never wake up,” Ether says, his voice apologetic, quiet.

  I sit up, not willing, not wanting to believe him. “Why would he do that? Is he punishing me?”

  “It wasn’t intentional.” Ether sighs, his head bowing. Mihr grips him on the shoulder.

  “Then why?”

  “Of the three of us, Gabe has found it the most difficult to separate the darkness and the light. He fights the pull of the darkness every day so that one day he can deliver life once more. He was the best of us and now he is suffering for it. A long time ago he made a similar mistake. It hurt him, it hurt someone he cared about as well as a tentative relationship between our clan and another. This is why Gabe has been coming to this realm for hundreds of years. To deliver death to those who need it, who without him would die painfully. He marks them intentionally to relieve them of their burden, whilst relieving himself of his,” Ether explains.

  Euthanasia in the form of an Angel of Death. Was that why he was at the hospital? Was that why I only ever heard his singing whilst I was working there because he was prowling the hallways, searching out the dying to prevent the darkness breaking him whilst it devoured them?

  Life and death.

  Dark and light.

  Twining around each other in an endless dance.

  “I still don’t understand why he marked me though. I’m not dying.”

  “No, you are very much alive and therein is the problem. The fine line he walks along, a precarious tightrope he treads. Life, one as bright as yours, is a draw for us. Some of us can fight it, others not so much. You are like a beacon, Fern. The pull of your vitality, your light, it’s hard to resist. Gabe overstepped and now he can no longer be a part of this.”

  “He already is, Ether. You know this as well as I do. There must be a way around it,” Mihr says.

  Ether shakes his head. “There is none that I know of.”

  “What about Tillan? She was the wisest of us all before the curse, she still is. Perhaps she knows of a way? There is also the inhibitor,” Mihr signs rapidly, hope pulling him upright, making him bold. “What have we got to lose?”

  Ether rubs a hand over his face. “That would mean going to the Shadowlands.”

  “We have no choice, Ether. You know as well as I do that Gabe is the third. This must be fixed. We at least have to try,” Mihr insists.

  “Where is your home?” I ask. Even its name gives me goosebumps and I refuse to say it out loud.

  “It exists beyond the furthest reach of Ever Vale, hidden by a veil of shadows. Neither there, nor here. A place in between. It is unreachable to anyone bar Clan Vitae.” Mihr looks to the dark night beyond the window and points to a silver cloud floating over the moon. “It’s up there,” he signs.

  “What? Up there, as in the sky… how will we get there?” I ask.

  “Fly, of course,” Ether responds.

  “Well, given I have no wings, that might be a little difficult.”

  “You don’t need wings to fly. You have us,” Ether says, getting to his feet.

  Behind him, wings made of black silk and darkness emerge.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I can’t believe I am actually about to do this,” I say, gazing up at a midnight sky filled with a billion stars, all watching me with winking eyes.

  “It’s the safest way. Neither of us can hold you for long periods without harming you,” Ether says as he wraps my woollen blanket tightly around me, so I resemble a swaddled newborn. Oh, the irony.

  “What if I fall to my death?”

  “You won’t.”

  “But…” I begin. Mihr steps up beside me, the tip of his wing brushing against my cheek.

  “I am going to be flying alongside you. If somehow Ether tires and he drops you, I will be there to make sure you do not fall very far,” he tells me, his fingers moving rapidly.

  “That’s not very reassuring,” I say.

  “You will be safe in Ether’s arms. He’s a good man.”

  I glance up at Ether, who appears to be ignoring Mihr’s compliment. I get the sense that he doesn’t believe he is a good man at all. To be honest, I’m not sure either. How can goodness be measured in a man who dishes out death with a simple touch of his hand? A man who has admitted to such a sin.

  I don’t get
a chance to ponder it any longer as Mihr’s wings spread out behind him. In a matter of seconds, he is airborne and hovering twenty feet above us both. “Come, we should leave now,” he says.

  Ether steps closer to me, wrapping one arm around my back.

  “Ready?” he whispers, not giving me a chance to respond as he pulls me tightly against his chest then bends slightly, his other arm sliding over the curve of my bottom before he launches into the air. It’s just as well I’m wrapped so tightly as my arms jerk against the tight material in a futile attempt to grab hold of him whilst my stomach lurches in my mouth. Even through his clothes and the woollen blanket I can feel the searing heat of his skin. I feel the firm warmth of his stomach and hips as they press against my own and I let out a low moan, uncertain if it is fear I feel or something much more disconcerting.

  “I won’t drop you, Fern. Try to relax, okay,” Ether says, tightening his hold. The warmth of his breath tickles the skin of my cheek, the heat more prominent between us where my skin isn’t covered.

  “Place your head against my chest, we mustn’t touch skin to skin.” It is an order, not a request. Something inside me liquifies.

  “Okay,” I murmur, twisting my head sideways and resting against his shirt.

  Beside us Mihr is flying, his black wings moving gracefully through the darkened night. We must already be high above the ground because I keep losing sight of him through slivers of white cloud. I watch him, trying not to think about how good it feels pressed so close to Ether. This man has the power to kill me with one touch. They all do… I should be more afraid. I should have asked more questions before agreeing to help. I should have done a lot of things, but all common sense seems to have left me today.

  I look at Mihr as he weaves and moves through the clouds beside us. His dark blonde hair is pushed back by the wind, the moonlight casting him in a silvery glow. If he hadn’t looked angelic before, he sure as hell does now. For a moment he disappears behind a bank of thick cloud as we pass through the same white mist. My hair whips about my head, the cold wind finding every available gap, determined to give me hypothermia. I snuggle closer into Ether’s chest, seeking out his warmth. His arms tighten in response.