by Bea Paige
It is so lifelike I feel compelled to touch it. I would have if Ether hadn’t turned from me and kneeled to the floor. I watch as he presses his hands into the soft moss. They sink slightly. A second later one of the blue veins under the surface of the mossy skin reaches for him, rising out of the ground, and wraps around his hand and wrist.
“What is that?” I ask.
“You’ll understand in a moment,” Mihr signs.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a movement. I glance over my shoulder at the wall of mist. Behind us the shadows become less aimless. They move towards us but are prevented from getting any closer by the fact that there is no more mist to walk amongst.
“They are drawn to the life that pulses within Utero. That is why they come,” Mihr explains.
“They? But you said they were memories. How can a memory be drawn to this place? They aren’t conscious, are they?”
“We don’t really know why it happens, only that it does. Tillan has a theory, one which makes some logical sense. She believes that the memories within the mist still have an imprint of the soul they left. A tiny sliver of each of us still remains in the mists. That sliver wants to be alive more than anything. Well, that’s the theory.” I watch Mihr’s hands move with grace as he explains, my own heart squeezing with the knowledge. Don’t I believe that a piece of a mother’s soul is shorn away when her child is born, the act of birth and life so powerful that it’s inevitable? Could it not be the same for the angels? Their souls are darkened by the act of death, only for a piece of it to be left in the Shadowlands so that they might be able to live with what they do?
“Queen Adrielle has only ever heard of the Shadowlands. That is where she believes we reside, amongst death and darkness, and I suppose we do in a way, considering it surrounds Utero so completely. But this place is our sanctuary amongst the darkness. It’s a constant reminder of what we once were before the curse. It reminds us of what we can be again.”
“I can see that,” I respond.
Life and death side by side. No wonder the Queen doesn’t wish to enter the Shadowlands; after all, every memory that wanders in the mists is of a life taken because she commanded it so.
Both places frighten me, both places intrigue me. Once again, I find myself pulled in two different directions. Do I keep my eyes on the shadows gathering behind me, or on Ether?
Of course, there is only one direction I can look in…
Life.
Ether leans his head back, shutting his eyes. His face slackens as a look of peace softens the lines around his mouth. For a brief moment I see the man he must have been before the curse hardened the edges.
Then he begins to sing.
The first note raises the hairs on my arms, the second has my body trembling and the third has me closing my eyes and swaying in appreciation. If Gabe’s voice is beautiful darkness, Mihr’s a soothing, comforting lullaby, Ether’s is full of passion. Just like the others, it calls to a deep part of me. A part that has never really been allowed to live. I want to be passionate. I want to feel happiness that is my own and doesn’t belong to another person. I’ve lived vicariously through others for far too long.
“Open your eyes, Fern. Look,” Ether demands.
I obey.
The entirety of Ether’s body, including his wings, is bathed in an electric-blue glow. The ground pulses with the same light, the veins running with it.
Ether spreads his wings out, the muscles of his back pulling taut under the strain of such heaviness. Mihr taps me on the arm and points to the section of his wing that’s missing a batch of feathers. I watch as one by one they grow back.
“He’s regenerating,” I sign.
“Yes. Utero isn’t just our home, it’s our lifeline. This kind of magic is powerful. Queen Adrielle would kill us all to obtain it.”
“Forget Queen Adrielle, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU…”
Ether snatches his hand back from the ground, the vein unravels and the blue light snuffs out. Before I am even able to comprehend what is going on, Gabe has rugby tackled Mihr to the ground.
Fists punch. Heads snap back. Sounds of anger rip through Utero. It’s loud, so loud it draws the attention of one of the angels flying above us. She swoops down, landing a few feet away.
For a moment she distracts me from Gabe and Mihr’s brawling. Her hair is honey blonde with white highlights that falls like a sheet of rain down her back. She is lithe, slim, graceful with long limbs, a tiny waist and curves that are sinful. Her wings are the darkest black and silky like velvet. She looks directly at me with the most incredible topaz blue eyes, dips her head in acknowledgement, then stands next to Ether, whispering in his ear.
“Let them fight this out. Once they calm down, we can take Fern to my place and fix the issue with Gabe. Then we will decide what to do about the creature.”
I only catch what she says from the movement of her mouth. I cannot hear her voice at all. I’m deaf to her, it would seem. I don’t get the chance to figure why I can’t hear her because a bout of nausea rises up my throat and my legs buckle.
“Fern!” Gabe and Ether shout in unison.
I can’t even lift my head. The exhaustion I feel is intense and my eyelids draw closed of their own volition. My body shivers with cold as my head swims. I fight the darkness that is trying to pull me under. A darkness that lures me with beautiful words and glacier eyes.
Gabe. His darkness calls to me.
I want to fall. I want to see where this darkness leads, but with momentous effort I open my eyes instead. Mihr is pushing his palm against Gabe’s chest. He begins to sign, anger pouring out of him.
“Look what you’ve done to her. This is why I took my damn time, Gabe. You are responsible for this. You marked her.”
“Fuck you, Mihr. Taking your merry time in the Shadows wasn’t for Fern’s benefit. It was for your own. I see the way you look at her,” Gabe responds, his chest rising and falling in furious anger.
“Enough! If we are to do this, the fighting stops right now. We have to be together on this. Do you both fucking hear me?” Ether roars.
I watch Gabe’s shoulders slump as his eyes fall to mine. He steps forward, reaching his hand towards me. He looks so broken. I can’t help but reach for him too. I so desperately want him to touch me again, even though I know it will lead to my death.
“It’s okay. I forgive you,” I say. And I do. I forgive him for marking me, I forgive him for taking that baby’s life. I forgive him for years of death and darkness.
The woman with the topaz eyes bends down next to me, blocking Gabe from my view.
“Come, let me help you. I am going to try and fix this,” she mouths, before scooping me up as though I weigh nothing and launching into the air.
Chapter Eighteen
“Drink this, it will help with the nausea. I’m Tillan, by the way, and this is my home.”
I reach up and take the cup from Tillan’s hand, reading her lips. She is careful not to touch me skin to skin.
“Thank you,” I murmur. Taking a sip of the drink that smells very much like elderflower, I take the opportunity to look about her place. I am sitting crossed-legged on a floor cushion, a low, wooden table separating us. The room is a perfect square, the walls made up of sliding panels of white paper. It is sparsely decorated, simple but elegant. The drink eases the sickness I feel, instantly reviving me.
“Ether and Gabe have explained who you are. I’ve read the prophecy. I live with Queen Adrielle’s curse. I understand your importance to my people. Though it would seem this isn’t going to be an easy task, not with that creature desperate to kill the three men fated to you, and not now that Gabe has marked you with death.”
“That thing wasn’t trying to kill me?” I ask, avoiding the other point she made about Gabe.
She shakes her head. “Oh, I believe it would’ve killed you too, given half the chance. But, no, Queen Adrielle sent it for those traitors who betrayed her. I do not believe she has any ide
a you exist. If she did, you would never have reached such an age.”
“I see.” I know I should be more worried, but a strange calmness has settled over me. “Where is the creature now?”
“It has been left behind in the place you’ve called home these past twenty-seven years. Gabe managed to sever one of its wings. If we are lucky it didn’t survive the fall, but I suspect that would be too easy. Queen Adrielle made it, after all. For now, we are safe, you are safe.” She pulls a face. “Well, as safe as you can be, given the circumstances.”
I take another sip of the sweet drink, observing Tillan from behind the rim of the cup. “About Gabe…” I start, only to be interrupted by Ether sliding open one of the partitions and striding into the room. Mihr follows behind him. Gabe is standing just beyond the boundary of the room. He’s as close to me as he was when they were fighting, but I don’t feel nearly as unwell as I should. Tillan twists her head, following my gaze, before turning back to face me.
“Gabe will wait outside. He understands he cannot come too close. Of course, I can ask him to leave if it pains you for him to remain, though the inhibitor should help,” she says.
“No, don’t turn him away again, I want him to stay. This drink seems to be working.” I catch Gabe’s eye. Does he mean to devour my life like his look suggests, or is it the kind of hunger only a passionate roll in the sheets can satisfy? Either way, no one has ever looked at me like that before. I find it hard to peel my eyes away.
“As you wish, but the moment you feel unwell you must tell us,” Ether says, taking the proffered drink from Tillan’s outstretched hand and downing it quickly. “Tillan is great at working miracles, but they don’t always last.” He is still bare-chested, still inked in that beautiful, watercolour tattoo, the delicate imagery belying the strength and power he exudes.
Mihr, who has been quiet all this time, takes a seat in the corner of the room. He is holding onto his arm, clutching it against his chest.
“You’re hurt?” I sign, suddenly feeling guilty that I hadn’t noticed before now.
He grits his teeth and nods sharply.
“You didn’t regenerate?” I ask, getting up on relatively stable legs, given Gabe’s proximity. Whatever’s in the drink Tillan has given me, it seems to be working in combatting the symptoms of the marking. I don’t feel nearly as bad as I ought to in his presence. Mihr shakes his head.
“No. These two can heal the old-fashioned way. It’s a reminder of what just happened, and what mustn’t happen again,” Ether says, a note of anger still lingering. “We are Clan Vitae, we are brothers-in-arms and we do not fight amongst ourselves.”
“But he’s in pain,” I say, giving Ether a look of annoyance. As far as I can tell, Gabe looks like he has a split lip, and a nasty purple bruise is forming around his eye too. Not to mention the jagged claw marks that have ripped through his top. I can just about make out great angry slashes underneath. Courtesy of the metal winged creature, no doubt.
“Look at the state of them both. This isn’t right. Why do you get to decide that this is their punishment? Why do they need to be punished at all?”
“Because I am the leader of this damn trio, and what I say goes,” Ether bristles. He looks both equally pissed at me for questioning his authority and impressed by it. Tillan leans over and whispers in his ear. If I am not mistaken, she is saying how much she likes me. I catch her eye and she grins. I smile back, glad of the female camaraderie. I think I am going to like her. She reminds me of Dani. Strong, sure of herself, confident and not easily scared.
Crouching down in front of Mihr and ignoring Ether’s mutterings, I take his arm and press my fingers along his skin. “This is broken, healing will take weeks… unless you heal quicker than a human? Do you?”
Mihr sucks in a breath, the dark pupils of his summer-blue eyes enlarging. “We do heal qui…” he signs.
“What in Life’s name do you think you’re doing?” Ether says sharply, cutting Mihr off. He’s looking at me with a mixture of shock, concern and wonder.
“I…” It’s pretty obvious what I’m doing. Then I remember we’re not supposed to be touching skin to skin. I snatch my hands away.
“Well, this is an interesting turn of events. How long have you known Mihr?” Tillan is looking at us both curiously and Gabe looks like he wants to rugby tackle Mihr again.
Ether whistles under his breath. “That explains a lot,” he says.
“Since the first time we touched I suspected it. Now I am certain.” Mihr’s hands move quickly.
“What kind of sick shit is this?” Gabe says from his spot beyond the room. Bewilderment and rage pass over his features. “You two barely know each other. I’ve known Fern a fucking lifetime.”
What does he mean, a lifetime?
Even though I don’t understand what either men are talking about, Gabe is looking at me with so much hurt that my heart aches for him. I watch as he curls his fingers into a fist and puts it through one of the paper partitions. The sound of it tears slices through the tension in the room. He turns on his heel and walks away. I stand, wanting to follow him, that ache in my chest increasing as he leaves, even as the dulled sickness subsides.
“Wait,” I say, taking a step towards him.
Gabe pauses minutely, but he doesn’t turn around. Instead, his wings fold in tightly against his back, and he walks away from me again.
Mihr grabs hold of my hand, preventing me from following him. He stands, wincing as he does so.
“Don’t, he won’t thank you for it. This will be a blow to him,” he signs.
“What will be a blow?”
“Finding out that you and I are Harmonious, given how much he cares about you.”
“Harmonious?” Cares about me?
“It’s a special kind of bond for the people of Clan Vitae…” Mihr begins, his hands hovering in the air.
“It is?”
Mihr nods his head, his eyes flicking from my face to Ether’s. A drip of sweat rolls down his face as he cups his arm. Conversing with me in sign is clearly causing him a great deal of pain.
Ether sighs. “Perhaps I should have allowed you to regenerate after all.”
“Perhaps? Having a broken arm makes communicating pretty bloody difficult, not to mention painful. Perhaps you should have thought of that before being such an arse,” I snap, feeling protective of Mihr.
“I wasn’t the one who was fighting. These two imbeciles were.”
“They were fighting, yes. I don’t agree with it, but I don’t think they should be made to suffer because of some kind of power trip you’re having.”
“Power trip?” Ether looks at me aghast. Beside me, Mihr gives me a rare smile. Even Tillan laughs.
Ether bristles. “Who do you think you’re…” Ether starts.
“Talking to?” I finish for him. Ether folds his arms across his perfectly sculptured chest. I try not to be distracted by his half nakedness. He has no right looking as good as he does when he’s being so unreasonable. “I am talking to you, Ether,” I say, exasperated. “Mihr is in pain. Gabe doesn’t look great either. How is being in this state good for either of them?”
“You are sticking up for the man who marked you?” He shakes his head in bewilderment.
“I just don’t think it helps any of us if Mihr and Gabe aren’t at their best…” My voice trails off. Ether’s right, I am sticking up for Gabe. Anyone else would be furious, but not me. Clearly, I am losing my mind here.
He raises an eyebrow at me, which only serves to tick me off even more.
“Look, just tell me what this Harmonious bond is,” I snap.
“Careful, Fern. I am not a man who takes insolence very well,” Ether says.
I scoff. “Insolence? Let’s just get one thing crystal clear, Ether. I don’t take orders from anyone and I certainly won’t keep my mouth shut if I disagree with something either.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I get the impression you might just like taking orders, Fern
.”
“Ha! I don’t think so.”
Is he flirting with me? I cross my arms defensively, pissed that my cheeks are burning with heat. Why does my body like to betray me? Ether uncrosses his arms and tucks his hands into his trouser pockets bringing her attention back to his gorgeous tattoo and stunning physique. Burning cheeks or not, I manage to drag my gaze away and stare him in the eye.
“Well? Are you going to tell me about this Harmonious bond or not?”
Ether glares at me but rather than continue with this strange flirting, he begins to speak. It feels like a victory, albeit a small one.
“All members of Clan Vitae sing, it has become an intrinsic part of our culture now. To be Harmonious with another member of Clan Vitae means you belong to each other in a sacred way. Not only will you be perfectly in tune with Mihr when you sing, you are meant for each other in all ways too; mind, body and soul. This must be why Mihr can touch you without hurting you and why you can understand him without having to learn the language. It takes only one touch to begin the process of Harmonia, regardless of whether it is desired or not. We do not question it. There are very few of Clan Vitae who have connected so wholly in such a way, but those who have are revered and honoured as they should be. It is a gift.”
“But…” I begin. My words freeze on my lips when I glance at Mihr, who is staring at me with such awe and reverence. I don’t quite know what to say. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mihr, more than like him. I feel a connection growing between us but being told I am meant to be with him is hard to digest, given my feelings towards Gabe. Besides, hadn’t the prophecy said something about three allied men? Being Harmonious sounds very one on one to me. Not that I am greedy or anything.
Not willing to try and figure this out, I turn my attention back to Tillan and Ether. I watch as she leans over and whispers into his ear. Something in the way she turns her body towards him has a knot of jealousy twisting in my stomach. If I am meant to be solely with Mihr, how can I feel this jealousy regarding Ether, or this deep yearning for Gabe? My gaze flicks from her fingers to her mouth as she speaks.