Our Little Secret

by Ashelyn Drake

  “I’m going to try this on,” I tell Tori, grabbing the shirt from the rack.

  Her eyes widen. “You’re kidding me.”

  “No, I’m not. I like it.”

  “Me too. That’s why I’m surprised.”

  “Well, I’ve decided it’s time for a little change. I don’t want to do what everyone expects of me anymore.”

  She reaches for my arm. “Look, Becca, I really didn’t mean anything bad by what I said earlier. You know I love you.”

  “I know, but I need to do this for me.” And for Toby.

  She nods. “I bet you look amazing in it.”

  “Let’s find out.” I take the top into the dressing room and try it on. The girl in the mirror is still me, but at the same time not. I feel like I’m wearing Meredith’s clothes.

  “So?” Tori yells. “Let me see.”

  I step out of the dressing room, biting my lip and trying to keep my nerves under control. Maybe this change of appearance isn’t such a great idea.

  “Whoa, Bec. You look hot.” She smiles. “I knew you had it in you.”

  “You think? I feel a little silly.”

  “No way. You have to buy that.”

  I look at the price tag. Fifty dollars for one top? “I don’t know. It’s a lot of money.”

  “So? Who cares how much money it is if it makes you look that good?”

  I turn back to the mirror. Fifty dollars is a lot of money, but if Toby likes it…

  Fifteen minutes later we’re back in Tori’s car and heading to her house. I have the shirt in a bag on my lap. I totally chickened out of my plan to swap tops so Toby could see it, and I’m already planning to return the shirt after school tomorrow. It just isn’t me.

  We stop in the kitchen and grab some iced tea and tortilla chips. I sit at the center island and take the top out of the bag. “I think I made a mistake buying this.”

  “What?” Tori whips around, spilling iced tea on my shirt. “Sorry.” She hands me a dishtowel, but I’m soaked. “Go change into your new top. You can’t stay in that one.”

  “But I’m going to return it. I shouldn’t really wear it first.”

  “Go put it on.” Her tone is forceful.

  “Put what on?” Toby flings his backpack on the island next to my bag.

  “Becca bought this totally hot new top, but she’s embarrassed to wear it.”

  My cheeks get insanely hot, and I probably look like a tomato. “I’m not embarrassed. I just decided I don’t like it. It’s not my style at all.”

  “That was the point, remember? You said you wanted a change.” Tori pours me another glass of iced tea.

  “Let’s see the shirt,” Toby says. “I’ll tell you if it’s you or not.” He stares at me, and I can barely form words.

  “Um…”

  Tori yanks me to my feet. “Go! You can change in my room.”

  I sigh and take the shirt upstairs. What else am I supposed to do? Besides, I bought the shirt so Toby could see me in it, and he asked me to put it on. I can’t say no. In Tori’s room, I pull my wet shirt over my head and drape it across the back of the desk chair to dry. The new top somehow feels tighter and more revealing as I study my reflection in the mirror. I’m about to take it off when there’s a knock at the door.

  I open it, expecting to see Tori, but Toby’s there instead. “Oh God!” I blurt before I can stop myself.

  He looks me over without saying a word. The silence is killing me, and I’m dying to put my other shirt back on, wet and all.

  “Um…” I clear my throat. “Are you going to say anything?”

  “I like the top.”

  He likes it. I breathe again.

  “But it’s not you.”

  My heart sinks. “What do you mean?”

  “It’s cool, don’t get me wrong. But you have a more laid back style. You don’t try to look good like other girls.”

  I don’t try to look good? I suddenly feel two feet tall.

  He holds his hands up. “Whoa, I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.”

  “What did you mean?”

  “I like your style. I like that you’re comfortable with who you are. You don’t try to impress people. You’re just you. And that’s cool.”

  I’m cool? “You really think so?”

  He nods. “I’d return the top and buy some more of those cute t-shirts you wear. You know, the ones with the crazy sayings.”

  He’s noticed what I wear. “You like those?”

  “Yeah. Like I said, they’re cute, and they make me laugh. The sayings, that is.”

  “I saw one today that said, ‘Monkeys keep me up at night.’”

  He laughs. “See, I have no idea what that means, but I’m picturing you in these cute little pajamas with monkeys braiding your hair and jumping on your bed.”

  He pictures me in my pajamas?

  “Oh, sorry. Was that weird?” He swallows hard and any trace of laughter leaves his face.

  “No, it—”

  “What’s taking you so long?” Tori asks, coming up the stairs.

  Toby gives me a smile before turning toward her. “I was just telling Becca that the shirt isn’t her style at all. Way to encourage her to spend a fortune on it, though, sis.” He pats her shoulder and walks to his room.

  “Jackass,” she calls after him.

  “He’s right.”

  She narrows her eyes at me and pushes me into her room. “He so is not. That top looks amazing.”

  “Yeah, but it’s not for me. I could buy five t-shirts for the price of this one.”

  “Not more of your t-shirts.” She moans and flops on her bed.

  “Toby likes them.” Why did I just say that to her? I instantly tense up.

  She lifts her head to look at me. “Since when do you care what my brother thinks?”

  I shrug. “I didn’t say I did, but he agrees with me.” I turn around and pull the shirt over my head. I quickly slip my wet t-shirt back on. “This is me. Take me or leave me.”

  She rolls her eyes. “As long as it’s what you really think and not just you going along with what Toby says. Why everyone always thinks he’s the perfect twin and takes his side…” She shakes her head, dismissing the thought. “Whatever. Don’t we have some trig to do?”

  “Unfortunately.” I sit down on her bed and open her book. I forgot to bring mine. No wonder I’m not doing well in that class.

  We spend the next hour going over the unit, and it still makes no sense to me. Out of the twenty problems we have for homework, I can only answer four, and I’m pretty sure they’re all wrong.

  “This is hopeless.”

  “Why don’t you ask Mr. Rollar for extra help after school?”

  I shut the book and glare at Tori. “Who wants to study with their teacher? I’d rather he call my mom.”

  She gets up and walks over to the computer on her desk. She logs in to her email. “So then ask for a tutor.”

  “A tutor? You mean like some brainy math geek?” I picture Lester Abrams teaching me all about tangents and cosines. “No way.”

  Tori shrugs. “My brother’s a brainy math geek. I bet he’d tutor you.”

  Toby? He is really good in school, and having him for a tutor would mean I’d get to spend more time with him. Although I doubt it would help my math grade. I’d be studying him more than anything else. And what if he thinks I’m a total loser for not understanding this stuff? After the way he looked at me—before Tori interrupted us—I feel like maybe I’m not just his twin sister’s best friend. Maybe I’m someone he could be interested in.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Why?” She spins her chair around to face me. “You have a problem with my brother?”

  Yeah, I’m totally into him. “No.”

  “Then ask him.”

  “Now?”

  “Yeah. I’m not letting my best friend flunk out of math.” Her eyes narrow. “Why are you being so weird about this?”

  “I’m not
. I just don’t want people to think I’m dumb.”

  “It’s just Toby. Who cares what he thinks?”

  Me.

  “You guys could study over here so no one would even have to know he’s tutoring you.”

  Except then Tori would see us. She might catch me drooling over Toby. This is such a bad idea.

  “Maybe I’ll ask Lester.”

  “Lester Abrams?” She pretends to gag. “Why would you want to be seen with him?”

  “I don’t.”

  “Then it’s settled.” She gets up and walks out of the room.

  “Tori, wait.” I follow her, not sure how to stop her without looking too suspicious.

  She knocks on Toby’s door. More like pounds to be heard over his guitar. Yeah, he plays the guitar. Totally sexy.

  Toby opens the door, his eyes immediately falling on my black t-shirt. “Much better.”

  I smile and quickly turn away before he can see how red my cheeks are turning.

  “Look, Becca’s having trouble in trig, and Rollar threatened to call her mom. She needs a tutor. Will you do it?”

  “Tutor Becca in trig?” He shrugs. “I think I could do that.” He taps my arm. “How about tomorrow night at seven? My room?”

  His room? In all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never hung out in his room. I’ve been in there briefly, but that’s all.

  “Becca?” Tori elbows me.

  “Tomorrow sounds fine. Thanks.”

  Toby flashes me that gorgeous smile. Yeah, I’m done for.

  Chapter Three

  School is brutal. I run into Toby about five times, and every time he has Meredith attached to his arm like a growth. A pretty, perky, blonde growth. I’m still thinking about it in trig when Mr. Rollar calls me up to the board.

  “Miss Daniels, could you please work out problems three and four for the class?”

  I look at my homework. I didn’t even attempt number three and only got about halfway on number four. “I didn’t get the answers to those.” My voice is barely more than a whisper.

  “I’m sorry?” Mr. Rollar cups his ear. He’s actually going to make me repeat that. I’m liking this man less and less each day.

  “I said I didn’t get the answers to those.”

  “Okay, what about number seven?” He laces his fingers in front of him and leans back on his desk.

  I shake my head.

  “Nineteen?”

  How the hell does he know which ones I didn’t even attempt? “Could you please call on someone else, or is it your mission to make me feel completely inadequate this class period?”

  Gasps ring out across the room. I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but I’m at my breaking point.

  “Miss Daniels, I think you should pack up your books and go see Vice Principal Davidson.”

  Fine. I’d rather get detention than sit through this humiliation any longer. I gather my books and walk straight up the aisle and to Mr. Rollar, meeting his eyes. “I got a tutor. Thanks for asking.” I walk out before he can respond.

  I turn toward the office and walk right into Toby. He grabs my arms, steadying me, and readjusts the strap of my messenger bag before it falls to the floor. My eyes linger on his hands long after he stops touching me.

  “Sorry about that. You okay?” He smiles.

  “I’m fine. And I think I ran into you, so I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  “Don’t sweat it. Looks like you’re having a rough day.”

  “You have no idea.” My throat tightens as I swallow the tears threatening to pour out.

  He leads me to a bench by the office and I sit down. “Want to talk about it?”

  “Not really.” I can’t exactly tell him that half my problem is that I’m falling for him—that as much as I don’t want to lose my best friend, I can’t stop thinking about him. Something about the fact that I’ve known him my entire life, watched him grow up, and seen how he managed to become popular without turning into a major dick in the process makes it impossible to shake these feelings I have for him—no matter how much I want to.

  “Oh.” He looks hurt. “Do you want me to get Tori?”

  “No.” Next to Toby, she’s the last person I want to talk to about this.

  “Okay. Then why don’t you tell me where you were going in such a hurry?”

  I point over my shoulder to the office.

  “No way. You didn’t get in trouble, did you?”

  I nod, and a tear trickles down my cheek.

  “Hey, don’t cry. It’ll be all right. I’m sure it was a misunderstanding.”

  I shake my head. “I asked Mr. Rollar if it was his mission to make me feel inadequate.”

  Toby laughs. All out laughs, complete with holding his stomach and doubling over.

  “Why is this so funny to you?”

  “Because you said what just about every student in this school hasn’t had the guts to say.” He pulls himself together and looks at me. “Becca, you had a bad day. Rollar will get over it.”

  “I’m still going to get detention.”

  He shrugs a shoulder. “No big deal. Everyone gets detention once in a while.”

  “Have you ever gotten one?”

  He sighs. “Okay, not everyone. But it’s really not that bad. Or so I’ve heard.” He nudges me with his elbow. “Besides, I bet it’s worth it after the look Rollar must have had on his face when you said that.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “If you want, I’ll talk to him for you. Tell him I’m going to tutor you. That should get him off your back for a little while. For some reason he likes me.”

  “Everyone likes you.” I swallow hard, wishing I hadn’t said that out loud.

  “Nah. But when you have the highest average in the class, it sort of makes the teachers like you.”

  “I did tell him I got a tutor, and I might have thanked him for asking.”

  Toby laughs again. “Damn, Daniels. I never knew you had it in you.”

  “What can I say? Math brings out my inner demons.”

  “Well, then I’m glad I’m the one who’ll be tutoring you.”

  My stomach flutters. “You are?”

  “Yeah. I’m sort of excited to see what you’re going to do next.” He smiles, and I melt as the office door opens behind us.

  “Miss Daniels,” Vice Principal Davidson says, “just the person I’m looking for.”

  Rollar must have called down to him. Just great—although I’m more upset that he interrupted my conversation with Toby.

  Toby squeezes my hand and mouths, “Good luck.” He walks away, and suddenly, getting detention doesn’t seem so bad.

  ***

  “You did not say that!” Tori’s laughing so hard I’m afraid she’s going to pee herself. Wouldn’t be the first time, either.

  “What was I supposed to do? The man is pure evil. He has it out for me.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t expect your outburst to make things any better. If anything, you made things a lot worse.”

  “Thanks. Aren’t you supposed to be my best friend?”

  She sits up straight, looking offended. “I am your best friend, and I totally support you humiliating Rollar in front of your whole class.”

  “Thanks.”

  Toby knocks on Tori’s open door. “Seven o’clock. Is my tutoree ready to go?”

  “Tutoree? I thought you were supposed to be smart. That’s not even a word.” Tori shakes her head. “And they say I’m the dumb twin.”

  “You’re not dumb, sis. Just inferior to your amazing twin brother.” Toby smiles and wags his eyebrows, but Tori’s face scrunches up and I can’t help wondering if she really does worry that people think she’s second best to Toby. She throws a pillow at his head, but he easily catches it. “Thanks. Elvis needs a new bed,” Toby says.

  “Elvis?” I ask.

  Tori rolls her eyes. “He bought a pet tarantula. How disgusting is that?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrug. “I think
they’re kind of cute.”

  Tori pretends to gag. “Go study, both of you, before you make me hurl my dinner.”

  I get up from the bed and grab my messenger bag by the door. I’m all prepared for this study date—because in my mind that’s what this is. Not Toby tutoring me. It’s a study date. Probably the only kind of date I’ll ever go on with him, so I’m savoring every moment—even if there is math involved.

  He motions for me to go into his room, and I take in every detail. The guitar leaning against the desk, the open closet with sneakers spilling out of it, the dusty bookshelf in the corner that holds a combination of books and basketball trophies, and finally the unmade bed, where my eyes linger a little too long.

  “Um, where do you want to study?” I ask, looking around for a chair. The only one is at his desk.

  “Wherever. Do you prefer the desk chair or the bed?”

  I freeze at the mention of his bed. It probably smells like him. But if I sit there, will it look like I’m trying to get in his bed? “The desk chair is fine.”

  “Really?” He furrows his brow. “I pegged you for a bed studier.”

  “I always study in bed at home.”

  “And in Tori’s room,” he adds. “Something wrong with my bed?”

  I look at the rumpled sheets. “It’s a little messy.” And I totally want to crawl into it and cuddle up in your blankets.

  “Oh, sorry. I don’t normally have girls in here.”

  He doesn’t?

  He straightens out the blankets and props the pillow up against the headboard. “There. Make yourself at home. I want you to be comfortable. It’s the only way you’ll learn anything.”

  Comfortable around Toby? He sends my heart into a frenzy every time I look at him. “Thanks.” I sit down on the edge of the bed, my messenger bag at my side.

  “Daniels, relax.” He takes my legs and swings them onto the bed.

  “I have shoes on.”

  “So?” He smiles and motions for me to scoot over. As soon as I do, he slides onto the bed next to me. My stomach flips. I’m in Toby Michaels’s bed—with him. “Okay, what’s tripping you up?”

  “What?” Can he tell how uncomfortable I am? How much I just want to reach out and kiss those full lips of his?