A Beautiful Day for a Wedding

by Charlotte Butterfield

  ‘I can see he’s alright looking, but he’s so bossy.’

  ‘That’s what you pay him for. I bet he’s not in real life.’

  ‘Just wait, you’ll see.’

  Within ten minutes Juan had the two women doing prisoner squats and diagonal lunges. Their T-shirts had matching sweat patches, and despite Eve piling her long hair up on her head in a massive top knot, damp tendrils had come loose and she had to keep blowing them out of her reddened face.

  ‘This isn’t fun,’ puffed Becca.

  Eve panted back, ‘I did try to tell you’.

  ‘Ladies. Less talking, more squatting,’ Juan barked. ‘Right, time to sprint to the markers, ready? Go!’

  ‘I don’t think I like him very much,’ Becca told Eve, rubbing her small hand towel under her arms and around her neck as Juan collected the bollards ten metres away.

  ‘See? I told you that.’

  ‘Well, not for the first time, you’re right.’

  Juan approached them, and Becca stuck out her hand. ‘Thanks Juan, that was, brilliant.’

  ‘You’re welcome. Please come any time you like.’

  ‘I might well try and get another couple of sessions in before my wedding in a few weeks time.’

  ‘Oh, you’re getting married?’

  ‘Yes. On August 6th. Do you want to come?’

  Eve rolled her eyes and muttered some choice words under her breath as she turned away.

  ‘I didn’t anticipate being so smelly,’ Becca said, giving her armpits a sniff before wincing. ‘Tanya’s going to freak out.’

  ‘We did warn her that we weren’t going to come in sequinned gowns,’ Eve replied, stopping just outside the steps to Tanya’s apartment to retie her laces.

  ‘Yes, but I don’t think she’s expecting a couple of sweaty tramps turning up on her doorstep either, not for her premiere.’

  ‘It’s not a bloody premiere Becca, it’s a wedding video. Stop believing her hype. If she wants us there, she has to take us as we are.’

  ‘Amen.’

  ‘Evening girls. Are you lost?’ Tanya’s friend Maggie, the one that sabotaged the hen do roller disco was getting out of a cab. A thigh-high slit in her black evening dress showed a beautifully tanned leg. It reminded Eve to buy a new razor.

  Eve gave her a pinched smile. ‘We’re here for probably the same reason you are, for the grand unveiling of the wedding video.’

  ‘Oh, this is embarrassing. Tanya stipulated a dress code, you obviously didn’t know.’ Maggie’s bottom lip extended into an exaggerated pout as if to say, ‘you poor things, prepare for ritual humiliation’.

  ‘Oh, we knew,’ Becca jumped in. ‘We just chose to ignore it.’

  Their childish giggles accompanied the squeaky sound of their trainers on the polished parquet flooring leading to Tanya’s front door. Maggie remained open-mouthed standing next to the taxi driver who was still waiting patiently to be paid.

  The doorbell chimed inside the flat. It sounded more like a gong than an everyday doorbell that you’d pick up at a DIY store. Knowing Tanya she’d probably ordered it from the 1920s and had it teleported to 2018. The door swung open, to reveal Luke standing in a tuxedo.

  ‘Eve, Becca, come in.’ Then suddenly the penny dropped, as did Luke’s face. ‘No, don’t, wait. You can’t come in wearing that, Tanya will go mad.’

  ‘She knew we were coming straight from training, I messaged her.’

  He still hadn’t let them in, so this exchange was conducted on a monogrammed doormat that Eve had seen on their gift list and wondered, at the time, who on earth would ever buy it for them.

  ‘Can we come in Luke? I need the loo,’ Becca said.

  ‘I don’t know.’ He looked nervous. ‘She’s put a lot of effort into tonight, and this would ruin it.’

  ‘This being us coming?’ Eve asked, one eyebrow raised.

  ‘Can’t you go home and change and then come back?’ Luke said quietly, closing the door a little bit, so the gap narrowed.

  ‘Hi Luke,’ came a plummy voice from behind them. ‘Sorry girls, can I just squeeze through between you to join the party?’ Maggie slithered through the doorway, air kissing Luke on her way through.

  ‘Luke, stop being an arse,’ Eve said, her patience fast evaporating. ‘Open the door, and let us through, give us some wine, some snacks, we’ll watch your stupid video and then we’ll leave you in peace and we can all get on with our lives.’

  No one had ever spoken to Luke like that before, well, apart from Tanya, and he had been so scared he’d married her. He was completely at sea about what to do next, stuck between two feisty women, and he wished that he hadn’t been the person nearest the door when it rang.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Ben appeared in the background in the hallway behind Luke. From what Eve could see, he was wearing a DJ as well. ‘Eve? Is that you?’

  ‘Yes, but the doorman says that our name’s not on the list.’

  ‘Luke? Why won’t you let them in?’

  Luke opened the door wide enough for Ben to see Eve and Becca in all their sweaty glory, hair scraped back, holey tracksuit bottoms, faded oversized T-shirts with wet patches clearly visible under their arms, and across their chests.

  ‘Ah.’

  ‘But it’s ok,’ Eve insisted. ‘I messaged Tanya that we’d be coming straight from training, so she knew.’

  ‘Well if that’s the case, let them in Luke. You wouldn’t want to get on Tanya’s bad side so early into your marriage would you?’

  As Luke stood aside to let them in, Eve saw to her delight that Ben was actually wearing cargo shorts and battered converse on the bottom half, and a tuxedo with black bow tie on the top. ‘Nice get up,’ she said.

  ‘Thanks, Tanya didn’t think so.’ He followed them into the living room singing in a nah-nah-nah-nah-nah tune, ‘you’re going to get it, you’re going to get it.’

  The chairs were set up in a semi-circular design around a large projector screen, and in the centre of the room was a low level coffee table heaving with cute individual popcorn tubs and a silver tray with already-filled champagne flutes. Tanya had her back to them as they entered, but it was clear she’d modelled herself on Audrey Hepburn for the night. Her shoulder-length brown hair was twisted into a chignon, and she was wearing a tight black dress with above-the-elbow black gloves. She was talking to a man Eve didn’t recognise, but Tanya saw his jaw drop at their entrance, followed his gaze and swivelled round to face them. She took a sharp intake of breath and rushed over, shooing them out of the room like you would a stray cat that had accidentally wandered in.

  ‘What the hell are you two wearing?’

  ‘I told you we had a training session in the park opposite you, so we’d be coming straight from there.’

  ‘I thought that you were merely telling me about your whereabouts before my party, I had no idea that you were proposing to turn up in this get up! There’s no way I would have allowed it!’

  Eve snapped. ‘Ok, do you know what Tanya, it’s fine. I’m sure I speak for Becca too when I say that we’re not that fussed about staying, we’re knackered, we’ll just go on home and leave you to enjoy your premiere in peace.’ She didn’t mean to say the word premiere in such an obviously disparaging voice. She just about stopped her fingers from making air quotes around the words.

  ‘Absolutely not. You two are my bridesmaids. How would it look if my bridesmaids—’ Tanya was practically spitting now ‘—couldn’t be bothered to come.’

  There was a moment while Tanya was talking where Eve was tempted to pick her up on her use of the present tense when saying ‘you two are my bridesmaids’ as though their duty to her would be ongoing for the rest of their lives, rather than just a temporary subservience on one day. Clearly Tanya disagreed, and thought that by conferring his status onto them, she owned them. Forever.

  ‘Eve’s right,’ Becca said. ‘There’s clearly been a misunderstanding, we thought it would be ok to come like this. Now we know i
t isn’t, we’ll just be on our way.’

  ‘That isn’t an option. I have carefully counted out everyone, there is the exact number of chairs, snacks and glasses. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to have empty seats and surplus refreshments? Come with me, and you can wear something of mine.’

  As Tanya sashayed down the corridor in front of them, Eve leant in to whisper to Becca. ‘Now I would never say, be more like Tanya, but in light of the conversation we had yesterday about your RSVPs, can you please be more like Tanya?’

  Becca punched Eve in the arm.

  Chapter 21

  At five foot ten, Eve towered over petite Tanya normally, and yet as Tanya stood in front of Eve handing her dresses from her wardrobe, they seemed to be at eye level. Eve looked down and saw to her horror Tanya was wearing the five-inch Louboutins that Coco had relieved herself in. Eve made a strange strangulated giggle that had Becca and Tanya peering at her in concern. Eve shook her head as if to say ‘don’t mind me’ and turned it into a cough.

  Becca, being around the same size as Tanya, found a suitable dress straight away, and Tanya was getting increasingly impatient with Eve’s dithering. ‘The screening was meant to start at eight,’ she said, tapping her watch. ‘It’s now ten past. Choose one. I’m going to get everyone seated in the right places.’ Eve blindly grabbed a dark green wrap dress. She was sure she’d read in one of Kat’s beauty columns that redheads should wear more green. Or maybe she was confusing that with leprechauns. Either way, when she’d put it on, the colour wasn’t the issue, the length was. Designed to be a mini dress on Tanya, it was nigh on gusset-skimming on Eve. Thankfully, the ultra revealing bust line took part of the attention away from the bottom half, but only momentarily. Even Becca, who was so heterosexual she was marrying an army man in a matter of weeks, had eyes that were playing vertical tennis going from Eve’s bulging bosoms to her indecent hemline and back again.

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘Not helping Becs.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘Shut up, and find me something else.’

  Tanya shouted from the corridor. ‘Eve. Becca. Now.’

  ‘It’s fine, come on, the sooner it starts the sooner we can leave.’

  Luke was standing at the door of the living room wearing an old-fashioned usherette tray around his neck. The mini popcorn cartons were neatly stacked in rows on the tray, and as Eve and Becca entered the room he handed them each a small tub. ‘Enjoy the show,’ he said with a rehearsed smile that Tanya had pre-approved as being in character. Next time Eve felt bad about her life, she would count her blessings that she wasn’t Luke.

  There were two empty seats, one next to Maggie, the other next to Ben. Eve sighed. Rock and hard place. Begrudgingly she started moving towards Maggie.

  ‘No Eve,’ Tanya shrieked, from her chair in the centre of the semi-circle. ‘That’s Becca’s seat, you’re by Ben.’

  There was no point arguing. Eve would wait until after the ‘show’ before deleting Tanya from her friends’ list, life was too short to be bossed around so much. It was almost as though Tanya was doing it on purpose, constantly pushing her next to Ben at every opportunity, knowing how difficult it was for her.

  ‘Ooo, spiky,’ Ben said as Eve’s bare leg brushed against his.

  ‘Shut up,’ Eve replied sulkily.

  Luke took his seat beside Tanya and the screen flickered into action. It became immediately apparent that a large chunk of the wedding budget was now nestling in the videographer’s bank account as this was no ordinary wedding video, it was a Hollywood production. Close-ups, wide-angles, out-of-focus, in-focus, soft-focus, this film had it all, and set to a suitably jazzy sound-track that made the wedding seem a lot more enjoyable than it actually was. One smiling face replaced a laughing one on the screen, a conveyor belt of happy people having the Best Day Ever. If you hadn’t been there, after watching this, you definitely would’ve wished you were.

  The dancing sequence was shot in black and white, and with the backdrop of the long white curtains suspended from the ceiling pipes, the effect was beautiful. While the guests were jumping up and down in the centre of the screen, to the right stood Ben, beer in hand watching the dancers. Behind him was a billowing curtain, which blew to one side revealing Eve, who was clearly hiding. The videographer must have thought it a sweet shot as they had zoomed in on Eve peering round the curtain at Ben, then darting back behind her screen. Eve could feel her cheeks growing hot and hoped that no one, particularly the man next to her, would realise what she was doing. What she’d spent the wedding doing. Another minute into the video, and Eve appeared again, this time ducking under a table as Ben passed by.

  ‘Whatever are you doing Eve?’ Tanya asked.

  ‘Um, I think I dropped something.’

  ‘I think I’ll ask Bridget to edit that bit out, it looks like you spent my wedding playing hide and seek.’

  Another close up. Not of a face this time, but of a patch of lurid fuchsia pink fabric haphazardly sewn into the tail of a pale pink bridesmaid dress. Eve winced and sank a little into her chair. Out of the corner of her eye she tried to gauge Tanya’s reaction but it was too dark to see. The level of light in the room had no effect however on the ability to hear Tanya’s unladylike expletive followed by ‘What the hell was that?’ Tanya had pressed the pause button on the video and ordered Luke to turn on the light.

  ‘Eve? Was that your dress?’

  ‘Um, it’s difficult to tell.’

  Tanya swivelled to face Becca, who was squirming in her seat too. ‘Becca?’

  Becca shrugged. ‘Beats me.’

  Tanya’s eyes became slits. ‘So, it must have been Ayesha. Well it’s a good job she’s on her honeymoon because when I get hold of her, she’s going to know about it.’

  ‘It was me, it was my dress,’ Eve said. ‘Nothing to do with Ayesha or Becca. I spilt soup down my dress—’

  ‘We didn’t have soup,’ Tanya interrupted.

  ‘No, a few days before, when I wore it out to dinner.’

  ‘You wore it out to dinner? My bridesmaid dress? Do you have any idea how much it cost?’ Tanya spat.

  That was too much. ‘Yes, actually, I know exactly how much it cost, and it was far less than what you made us all pay for them!’ Eve stood up, her rage making sitting difficult. ‘You conned all of us into forking out for expensive designer dresses, but you’d actually got them from a knock-off Chinese website.’

  There was a sharp exaggerated intake of horror from Maggie, and a snigger from a couple of Luke’s ushers, but nothing from Ben.

  ‘So you can understand why I didn’t feel like spending too much money on patching up the dress after I’d stained it. No one was any the wiser, it didn’t ruin your day, everyone is still alive, the world is still bloody turning. I’m going to go now.’

  ‘I think that’s probably for the best.’ Tanya said, pointedly turning her head away from Eve as she stormed past her, grabbing her carrier bag of exercise clothes on the way out.

  ‘One more thing Tanya,’ Eve shouted from the doorway. ‘You know the shoes you’re wearing? Coco pooed in them’

  It felt good. And very bad. A complete mixture of elation and mortification, if that was possible. Eve slammed the door to Tanya’s apartment block, startling an elderly neighbour in the process, and rested against the railings for a second. If Eve smoked, now would be the ideal time for a restorative puff of nicotine, but she didn’t. No one could blame Eve for her outburst. Well, no one except Tanya. Even Luke looked like he wanted to punch the air and yell ‘you go gal!’ but the prospect of having a lifetime of paying for it stopped him. It was a miracle it hadn’t happened sooner; it wasn’t just a build up of two months that had led to it, but a build up of twelve years. They’d all swept their differences at university under the carpet as though the tension back then had never existed, but Tanya had never had an easy relationship with any of them. Eve always put this down to Tanya’s sense of superiority – in monetary term
s she was head and shoulders above the rest of them, with a healthy trust fund and a father who bore more likeness to an ATM than a dad. But it was more than that. Tanya had always drawn them into her dramas, expecting so much from her friends, and giving very little back in return.

  The only time when Eve found any solace in their friendship was directly after Ben left and Eve was in a state of panic. Tanya was almost kind, watching Eve cry and deliberate on what path her future was now going to take. It came as a surprise at the time as Tanya had never hidden her scepticism at Eve and Ben’s travel plans, calling them ‘pipe dreams,’ and a ‘deluded fantasy.’ Becca always put this down to jealousy that Tanya didn’t have the nerve to leave the comfort of England and go it alone in New York, seeing in Eve a strength of character and streak of adventure that Tanya quite simply didn’t possess. Eve even wondered whether Tanya was afraid of being left alone, and that her cynicism about New York stemmed from not wanting to lose her friend. Friend. What an oxymoron.

  ‘Red, wait!’ Ben jumped down the final two steps onto the pavement next to her. ‘Are you ok?’

  Eve gave a shrug. ‘I’m fine, sorry about the show I put on up there.’

  ‘Tanya was totally out of order.’

  ‘But I shouldn’t have said all that I did.’

  ‘No, it was all her, which I told her.’

  ‘You don’t need to fight my battles for me Ben.’

  ‘I would have done the same for Becca, Tanya was out of line.’

  ‘What happened after I left?’

  ‘She threw her shoes in the bin.’

  Eve laughed. ‘Did she really? That’s hilarious.’

  ‘And that frosty blonde one, I don’t know her name,’

  ‘Maggie?’

  ‘Yeah, well she fished them out when no one was looking and put them in her handbag.’

  Eve grimaced. ‘I wasn’t making that up, you know. I wasn’t making any of it up.’

  ‘I know. But look on the bright side,’

  ‘What’s the bright side?’ Eve asked.

  ‘Tanya still doesn’t know that you butchered the front of the dress too.’