Park Avenue Player

by Ward, Penelope

I played with some lint on the arm of the chair and asked, “So, that woman from the other night...when I interrupted you... She knew exactly what she was there for? No expectations?”

  “Yes. All the women I associate with are clear on the fact that I don’t want anything more than a sexual relationship. I’m open with every person I meet.”

  “Do you meet them online?”

  “Typically, no. I mostly meet women while out and about at social events.”

  I nodded.

  “Of course, given my current responsibilities, there aren’t as many opportunities as of late.” He lifted his brow. “Any more questions?”

  I don’t know what came over me when I asked the next one. But it was the one thing I needed to know.

  “Do you want to fuck me, Hollis?”

  His eyes went wide. “What kind of a question is that?”

  “I didn’t mean now.” A nervous laugh escaped me. “It was…more of a general question. I’m just curious what would happen if circumstances were different.”

  “I think that question is irrelevant given that we are in this situation.”

  “I’m genuinely curious if you just enjoy flirting with me or if I would be your type.”

  “You’re not the type of woman I would want to get involved with—not for a lack of desire, but because you’re…too good for me.”

  “How so?”

  “You deserve a man who wants to settle down, who wants to give you more than a quick fuck. I’m not that man.”

  “Are you attracted to me?”

  “You know the answer to that, Elodie.”

  “I do?”

  “Haven’t my actions made it extremely clear that I find you attractive?”

  I didn’t even know where I was going with this conversation anymore. I just wanted to see what he would say. So, I asked, “What if I told you I just wanted to have sex with you, nothing more?”

  “Is this still a hypothetical question?”

  “Of course. This whole conversation is hypothetical,” I said, not believing my own words.

  “Alright… Hypothetically, if you told me you just wanted to have sex and nothing more, I probably wouldn’t believe you based on everything you’ve told me about yourself thus far.”

  “You would think I wasn’t being truthful.”

  “Yes.”

  I uncrossed my legs and leaned in. “Can we stop being hypothetical for a moment?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t want to want you in an inappropriate way, Hollis. You’re my boss, and nothing good could come from crossing the line in our relationship. That wouldn’t be good for Hailey.”

  “I totally agree.”

  “But that game really got to me. Finding you with that woman…it upset me, made me jealous. I realized the game had gone to my head.”

  I needed to stop myself because I was revealing too much.

  “I don’t even know the point of this conversation,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’m rambling.”

  “You’re good. I don’t mind. I appreciate your honesty. The truth is, I took things way too far with you. It was a game I never should have started, no matter how tempting. I’m sorry if I led you on in any way. It was a mistake. And I take full blame.”

  Ouch. Well, that certainly wasn’t the response I’d hoped for.

  I was horny and frustrated and had a massive crush on my boss, who’d pretty much just admitted he was playing games with me and had no serious intentions.

  I felt like a complete and utter fool. Was I secretly holding out hope that I could change him? Or was I just so attracted to him that I didn’t care about anything other than getting to have him?

  Hollis had been playing a game with me. And I’d used it as evidence that things might have been moving between us, when it was always only a game. It was clearer now where we really stood.

  I lifted myself off the chair. “I think I’m going to hit the sack. I’m starting to feel tired all of a sudden.”

  He stood up from the bed. “Okay. I’ll probably follow suit.”

  “Goodnight.”

  He lifted his hand. “’Night.”

  Ugh.

  Totally awkward.

  Back in bed, I tossed and turned, feeling like crap and wishing I’d never broached the subject. He’d completely crushed my hope for anything between us.

  ***

  The next day, a glass partition separated Hailey from her father. Hollis and I gave her space as she sat across from his brother. Stephen looked like a gaunt version of Hollis. Even though they were half-brothers, I could definitely see a resemblance.

  He and Hailey were just wrapping up their visit when I heard him say to her, “Put your hand against the glass.”

  She did as he said. “I love you, Daddy.”

  “I love you, too, Hailey. Thank you so much for coming all this way. I promise when I get out of this place, you’re gonna have a whole new dad. I’ll never let you down again.”

  Given his history, something told me that promise needed to be taken with a grain of salt.

  “Okay,” she said.

  She stood up from the seat and walked over to me. I gave her a hug. I was so proud of her for being brave and wanting to come here.

  Hollis went over to his brother, and they spoke privately for a few minutes while Hailey and I waited.

  As we exited the prison, it was evident something was bothering her.

  We were almost to the car when I stopped. “What’s wrong, Hailey?”

  “I’m just thinking about something my dad said to me.”

  “What is it?” Hollis asked.

  “He kept saying how he’s finally learned his lesson, that being in jail has helped him see the light, and he can’t wait to come home so we can be together again.”

  “Why did that bother you?”

  “I don’t want to live with him, Uncle Hollis…ever again. It’s not that I don’t love my father. But I don’t think I could trust him. I feel safe with you. Can he really make me go back with him?”

  Hollis paused, looking over at me. “That’s complicated, Hailey. Technically, he can, but…”

  “Can’t you do something?”

  He seemed at a loss for words.

  She looked like she was about to cry. “Do you not want me forever?”

  Hollis bent so he was eye level with her. He placed his hands on her cheeks. “That’s not it at all, Hailey. I promise if it were up to me, I’d have you with me permanently. You’ve given me purpose. Having you around has changed my life, but it’s all been for the better. Taking care of you makes me very happy. Don’t ever doubt that, okay?”

  She sniffled, and then nodded. “Okay.”

  That squeezed my heart. Say what you might based on some of his actions, but overall, Hollis was a good guy.

  “The law doesn’t always keep someone’s best interests in mind, though,” he told her. “If the courts were to deem your father fit to parent you once he completed his term, there wouldn’t be anything I could legally do.” He wiped her eyes. “But I promise you this: I will do everything in my power to keep you with me, okay? And if I can’t, you won’t be able to get rid of me. I’ll be over there every day to make sure you’re okay.”

  Before he was transported to Ohio on an outstanding warrant, Stephen had lived with Hailey in New York. Assuming he would choose to go back there, Hollis being able to check in on her daily wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility.

  “What about Elodie?” she asked.

  “What about me, sweetie?” I smiled.

  “I don’t want you to lose your job if I have to go back to Dad’s.”

  “Oh, don’t worry about that, honey. There are plenty of things I can do. I’ll find a job.”

  “Trust me. She’s very versatile,” Hollis cracked.

  I gave him the evil eye, which transformed into a smile. He smiled back.

  His response surprised me. “I’ll try to keep Elodie with you if I can. Even if y
ou’re with your dad, I’ll pay to keep her with you, provided Elodie can stay.”

  My eyes met his. Then I turned to her. “You won’t be able to get rid of me, Hailey. Even if I’m not being paid, I’ll still be in your life. I promise, okay?”

  I knew that assurance meant somehow Hollis would always be in my life, too. He wasn’t going anywhere, so something had to change.

  This was a reminder that I needed to move on from these feelings, move on with my life, despite him being in it.

  Hailey let out a relieved breath. “I feel better now.” She sighed. “I know my mom is looking down and happy I have you guys.”

  I knew Hailey’s mom had died of a drug overdose when she was little. It always broke my heart. But despite her mother’s decisions while on this Earth, Hailey spoke of her fondly, as if her mom were an angel watching over her now.

  “You and I have more in common than you think,” Hollis said, placing his hand atop her head. “I know how hard it is to lose your mother. I know I had mine for much longer than you had yours, but losing her has never gotten any easier for me, no matter how old I am.”

  Chapter 21

  * * *

  Hollis – 12 years ago

  Anna rubbed my back. “Can I get you anything to eat? You haven’t eaten all day.”

  “No, thank you.”

  It was the day after my mother’s funeral. Yesterday had been exhausting, having to deal with everyone’s sympathies, having to actually talk to people while in this condition. But nothing was worse than the eerie quiet of today—the day after. No more I’m sorrys, no more noise, no more food deliveries. The quiet was deafening. And the harsh reality had hit: my mother wasn’t coming back.

  I’d given up everything to stay home and take care of her while she was sick. I’d turned down the UCLA baseball scholarship because it would have meant leaving her. And it wasn’t just me who’d given up the opportunity to attend UCLA. When Anna realized I wasn’t leaving my mother, she’d stayed here and attended the local college with me. While I felt a lot of guilt over that, I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if Anna had left on top of everything else.

  With Anna by my side, my life had become about taking care of my mother. And I would do it all over again. Now that my mother was gone, I was supposed to have all of the freedom in the world. Yet I felt numb. I didn’t know who I was, if not my mother’s son. Despite this new freedom, in a strange way, I wasn’t sure what I’d do with my life now. I’d have to figure out a way to pick myself up and start over.

  I sat in Mom’s bedroom and looked around at all of her things, the clothes hanging in the closet, the bunny figurines on the dresser. Easter was always her favorite holiday. She’d have the entire house decked out in pastel-colored eggs, little furry chicks, and bunny figurines. Easter was going to be tough this year.

  Every day was going to be tough.

  I knew eventually I would have to pack this stuff away so I could sell the house and move on with my life. There was only one thing I was sure of: moving on involved taking the next step with Anna. She was my family now.

  “Let’s move in together,” I suddenly said.

  Her eyes widened. “Where did that come from?”

  “It comes from the fact that I love you. I want us to start our lives together. Mom would want that.”

  Anna and I had planned to get an apartment together in California before our move was canceled. She’d continued living with her father while commuting to school.

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “Of course, I am. It’s long overdue.”

  Before she died, my mother encouraged me to someday sell this house and use the money to buy Anna an engagement ring, along with a place for Anna and me to call our own. I planned to fulfill those wishes.

  “I would love nothing more than to move in with you, baby,” she said.

  “It’s settled, then.”

  The brief high that came from thinking about shacking up with Anna was quickly replaced by another wave of emptiness.

  She could see that my fleeting moment of happiness was gone.

  “What can I get you?” she asked.

  “Why don’t you go home?” I told her. “You’ve been by my side for three days straight. You need a break.”

  “I don’t want to leave you.”

  “It’s okay. I promise, I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. I’m positive.”

  She embraced me. “I love you so much. I’m just gonna check in on my dad. I’ll come right back tomorrow morning.”

  Anna was about to get up off the bed when I placed my arm on hers to stop her.

  “Thank you for everything.” I wrapped my hands around her cheeks, pulling her in for a kiss. Her warmth comforted me. Maybe tomorrow I could bury myself inside of her and forget this pain.

  “You know you’re not alone, right?” she said. “You have me.”

  That was probably the only thing I could count on. Anna had been my rock throughout my mother’s illness, and now in the aftermath of her death. Anna was my everything.

  But right now, I did need to be alone. I’d somehow managed not to lose control yesterday, kept my tears at bay at the service because I didn’t want prying eyes witnessing my grief. Being back in the emptiness of this house, staring at the bed where my mother took her final breaths with hospice by her side, was proving more difficult than I’d imagined. I needed to let go, and I wanted to do it alone.

  As soon as Anna left, I collapsed onto Mom’s bed. Her pillow still smelled like her perfume. I buried my head in it and finally wept.

  ***

  Screw this. I jumped out of bed, conceding to the fact that I couldn’t sleep. Throwing on my clothes, I decided to get some air.

  I put one foot in front of the other and eventually ended up at the hospital. Not the most obvious place to go in the middle of the night, but nevertheless, here I was. Even though Mom wasn’t here anymore, it felt like this was where I needed to be. I’d gotten so used to visiting that it sort of felt like home, though it would surely be different now.

  I headed down to the pediatric unit and wandered the desolate halls. The door to one of the rooms was open. I noticed a kid who was wide awake and sitting up in bed. I’d definitely never seen him here before. He must have been new and looked about thirteen.

  He turned when he noticed me standing there.

  After a few seconds, he asked, “Who are you?”

  Who am I?

  That was an interesting question, since lately I’d been trying to figure that out.

  “I’m Hollis.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. I’m lost, I guess.”

  “Pretty sucky place to get lost. Are you sleepwalking or something?”

  “Something like that.”

  He gestured to the chair next to his bed. “You should sit. Take a load off.”

  I shrugged. “Alright.”

  The second my ass hit the seat, there was a loud vibration from beneath it that resembled the sound of flatulence. I shot up and saw it: a deflated whoopee cushion.

  Little bastard.

  The kid started cracking up. “I’ve had it there all day, and you’re the first one to fall for it.”

  “I guess I should check where I sit from now on. Glad I could entertain you, though.”

  “I gotta entertain myself, dude. No one else is gonna amuse me here, least of all those volunteers who come in and try to be funny. They’re not. You can’t make me laugh when you’re trying to make me laugh, you know? That’s so lame.”

  I nodded. “I get that.”

  “You know what makes me laugh? Stuff that’s not supposed to be funny, but just is—like the look on your face when you sat on that whoopee cushion, a split second of complete shock. Wish I could’ve snapped a photo of it.”

  “I’m sort of glad you didn’t.”

  “It’s the same thing when someone is laughing and acci
dentally farts. Not funny for them—at all—but really funny for me.”

  I was glad I’d taken one for the team if it meant brightening this kid’s spirits.

  “How about when someone trips?” I said. “Somehow that’s funny, even though it’s not supposed to be.”

  “Falling down a flight of stairs? Even better.”

  “You’re a little sadistic, you know that?” I chuckled. “What’s your name?”

  “Jack.”

  I lifted the flattened whoopee cushion off the seat and sat back down. “Nice to meet you…I think.”

  “What are you really doing here?”

  “My mother used to be at this hospital. And I’d sometimes come down and hang out here. Old habit.”

  “Where is your mom now?”

  I hesitated, not wanting to upset him. “She passed away.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So you come back here and visit because you feel sorry for us?”

  “Well, this is the first time I’ve been back, but no, just the opposite. I come here because I’ve met some really cool people. Being here also reminds me a little of my mom. But I came tonight because I wanted company.”

  We spent the next hour playing a video game where Jack got to take out his sadistic side—on fake people this time.

  When I looked over at the clock and saw it was 3AM, I stopped the game. “I better let you get some sleep.”

  He sat up. “Will you come back sometime?”

  “You’re not gonna play any more tricks on me, are you?”

  Jack smiled. “I can’t promise that.”

  Making him feel better made me feel better. Maybe this was how I’d be able to take my mind off losing Mom—by continuing to spend time here with the kids.

  “How does tomorrow sound?”

  Chapter 22

  * * *

  Elodie

  Benito was funny.

  I’d forced myself back to one of the online dating sites I’d used before, and he’d been the first guy to message me. Seeing his picture pop up on my phone, my immediate thought had been Ugh, I’m done with pretty boys. So I’d told him that. Which led to him sending me photos of his toes and an entire conversation about how ugly his feet were. Honestly, they really were pretty damn fugly.