“It came from your heart, unrehearsed and authentic. It was better than something planned.”
“After you got up and spoke, I realized it was the one chance I had to publicly acknowledge her. I would’ve been stupid not to take it. I just hope she heard it.”
“I believe she did,” I said.
I reached under the table for his hand. Thankfully, he didn’t resist. He brushed his thumb along mine. It felt bittersweet, since it was the first time we’d touched like this in so long.
I wondered whether Hollis and I could ever get back to the place we’d been before. Would the ever-present mystery of what Bree knew continue to haunt us forever? Would I ever get over witnessing just how deeply he’d loved her, and would he ever get over the fact that I’d been so close to the woman who’d broken his heart? Only time would tell.
But I knew he needed space. He still hadn’t processed much of this. And to a certain extent, neither had I.
Chapter 44
* * *
Hollis
The Monday after the funeral felt nothing like a typical Monday. I’d been up since 4AM. and had already had three cups of coffee, even though I couldn’t stomach breakfast. This would be my first day back at the office, my first day back into a life that was the same on the surface, but otherwise forever changed.
The door opened, and Elodie let herself in. It seemed like business as usual, aside from the massive ache in my chest. I’d missed her like crazy. I just didn’t know how to fall back into the place we were before all of this happened. It somehow didn’t feel right to be celebrating life, to be happy, at a time like this. I didn’t know how to be anything but miserable at the moment.
Normally, I’d be rushing out the door with my stainless to-go coffee mug. But today, I leaned against the counter—in no rush to leave but unsure of what to say.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I’m alright. How are you?”
“I’ve been keeping myself busy. Happy to be here, though.”
“Me too. I’m happy you’re back.”
Elodie glanced over toward Hailey’s room. “She’s still sleeping, I assume?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought maybe she’d be awake and excited to see me.”
“She must not have missed you that much,” I teased.
She grinned hesitantly. “Richard told me what you did. That’s amazing.”
Since Anna’s father had refused to let me pay for her funeral as I’d requested, I donated a large sum of money to start a foundation in her honor for people affected by the same lung disorder.
“It seemed like the logical thing to do.”
“I know she’d be very grateful…and I want you to know I’d be honored if you’d let me help run it.”
“Of course. We need all the help we can get. I’ll add you to the correspondence.”
“Thank you,” she said.
For some reason, at this inopportune moment, a flash of Anna’s smiling face entered my mind. True understanding that she was gone seemed to come in waves, alternating between denial and bursts of harsh reality.
I closed my eyes. “Imagine what it’s like to know you’re going to die—essentially dying a slow death. Imagine the bravery needed to endure that. I still can’t believe she had to live like that for so long.”
I’d managed to not break down throughout the funeral and after, but for some reason, it finally started to happen at this moment—the worst possible time because I didn’t want Elodie to have to see me cry, given the complexity of the situation.
“I’m sorry. I have to go. I’m late,” I said before rushing out the door.
Elodie didn’t have a chance to react.
As soon as I got to the sidewalk below, my first tear fell.
***
“Well, you look like shit.” Addison planted her ass in a chair on the opposite side of my desk.
I tossed the pen in my hand into the air and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Rough morning.”
“Rough few weeks, I’d say. How’s Elodie holding up?”
“Okay…I guess.”
Addison frowned. “You don’t know how she’s holding up?”
“She’s been busy. She spent the last few days doing some stuff for Anna’s family—helping clean out her house and stuff.”
“Why aren’t you right next to her, helping her?”
“She needs some time.”
Addison arched a brow. “She needs some time, or you do?”
“We both do.”
“Why?”
“What the hell do you mean, why? Isn’t it obvious?”
She folded her arms over her chest. “No, it’s not.”
“We both experienced something traumatic. We’re not machines. It takes time to work through that.”
“But you’re a couple. Why aren’t you working through it together?”
I felt fucking lost. I wanted to be there for Elodie. I just didn’t know how. It felt wrong to touch her and hold her—but I didn’t know why.
Addison’s face softened. “If this hadn’t ended the way it did. If you would have just found out Elodie and Anna knew each other, would that have changed anything between you and Elodie?”
I thought about it. Though I felt unsure about how to act around Elodie these days, I was sure about one thing: I loved her. I fucking loved her.
“No, it wouldn’t have changed anything. I guess there would have been an adjustment period. It’s not like it would have been simple to hang out with the two of them together.”
“You want to know what I think?” Addison asked.
“Not really. But that’s never fucking stopped you.”
“I think you’re a big chicken shit.”
I blinked a few times. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me right. I think you’re a big chicken shit. For years you’ve been avoiding a relationship—fucking your way through Manhattan—because the last woman you loved left you. You finally meet a woman who’s worth risking your heart for, and then bam… It all bubbles back to the surface, and you retreat.”
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. We both need time, Addison. This was her best friend and my Anna.”
She shook her head. “She wasn’t your Anna anymore, Hollis. But she is your Elodie. At least for now. So get over yourself—Elodie is not going to hurt you like Anna did. And you know what, if I’m wrong and she winds up hurting you, wouldn’t some years with Elodie be better than living without her?”
Living without her. Those words made my damn chest hurt.
“Are you done?” I picked up my pen and looked down at the stack of papers on my desk. “Because if you are, I have some work to do.”
***
Two nights later, I was sitting in my office at 7PM, staring at the framed photo Hailey had put on my desk. Her “redecorating” had included adding two cow-patch-patterned pillows to my leather couch, a white shaggy throw rug under the coffee table—I was certain the throw rug was from the bathroom aisle and should’ve been in front of a tub—and a few framed pictures on my desk, one of which was a selfie she’d taken the day Elodie and I picked her up from her friend’s house in Connecticut. Elodie and I were sitting in the front seat, leaning in, and Hailey sat in the center of the back seat between us. It was a cute picture. That was also the day after Elodie and I had slept together and the night I’d told her I loved her. Elodie and Hailey had big smiles on their faces, but I was looking at Elodie. The shot really captured how we were feeling that day—happy, in love, and without a care in the world.
What a difference a damn week can make.
A knock at my office door startled me.
Looking up, my brows drew together. “Richard? What are you doing here?”
He stood in the doorway. “Mind if I come in?”
“No, no, of course not.” I stood and held out my hand to shake. “It’s good to see you. How are you?”
His eyes roamed my fac
e. “Better than you, from the looks of it.”
I sighed. “I’ve been working a lot. Catching up after being out for a while.”
He made a face that said he knew I was full of shit, but he didn’t call me out on it. He took a seat across from me.
“It’s been tough,” he said. “It’s never easy to lose a child, but Anna…she was my little girl.” His eyes welled up. “I know every father thinks his little girl is special. But mine really was. Do you know I’ve had chocolate-covered fruit delivered every day this week from her? It’s always been my weakness. I don’t even know how she arranged for that to happen. That’s the kind of person she was—always thinking of other people and making sure they were okay.”
That was the Anna I’d known years ago. But it wasn’t my place to tell a father his daughter only thought of herself when it came to the end of our relationship.
So I nodded. “She was a good person.”
Richard reached around to his back pocket and pulled out an envelope. He held it up. “She wanted me to give you this…after. I don’t know if I agree with some of the ways she went about things, but her secrets were mine to keep. And for that, I owe you an apology, Hollis.”
“What secrets?”
He stood and tossed the letter on the desk. “It’s all there. I didn’t read it. But she told me what she wrote, and I think it will explain a lot.” He held out his hand. “Elodie is an amazing woman. I’m glad you two have each other. I hope things work out for you. I expect an invitation to the wedding when they do. Take care of yourself, Hollis.”
And just like that, he turned and walked out of my office.
I stared down at the white envelope in the center of my desk with Anna’s familiar handwriting across the front of it: Hollis.
What the hell is going on?
Chapter 45
* * *
Elodie
“Are you and Uncle Hollis mad at each other?”
I frowned. “No, sweetie. Why do you ask?”
“Do you not want to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore?”
I’d been peeling a cucumber for a salad and set down the knife to give Hailey my full attention. She sat on a stool on the opposite site of the granite counter.
“No, we haven’t broken up, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“But you might?”
I sighed and walked around to her side. Taking her hand, I guided her to hop down from her seat. “Let’s go sit in the living room and talk.”
We sat on the couch, and Hailey played with a strand of her hair—something she did when she was nervous. I put my hand under her chin and lifted so our eyes met.
“Uncle Hollis and I lost someone who was close to us. We’re just sad.”
At least that’s what I hoped. Though the last few days, I’d started to lose some of my confidence that we’d get through it.
Hailey nodded, but it looked like she had more to say, and for some reason I didn’t think it had to do with Hollis and me being a couple. “Hailey, have you ever lost anyone close to you?”
She shook her head. “Is what your friend had contagious?”
“Oh God, no. Definitely not. Bree had a rare disease called lymphangioleiomyomatosis. Not only is it not contagious, but so few people have it that there have only been something like four hundred documented cases in the United States.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
Hailey still had that look on her face.
“Is there anything else you want to know?” I asked. “We can talk about anything.”
She looked away for a moment. “What happens to you when you die?”
That was a tough question to answer. But I knew Hollis and his brother had been raised Catholic, so I gave the answer I thought they’d want me to. In truth, it was what I’d believed for most of my life. Though the last few days, I’d been questioning everything.
“Well, your soul goes to heaven, and you’re freed of any sickness and pain you had here on Earth.”
“So Anna isn’t sick anymore?”
I smiled. That was the one belief I’d held on to tightly. “No, she’s not.”
“That’s good.”
“It is. I’m glad she’s at peace now.”
“What if…Uncle Hollis got sick?”
“Oh honey, Uncle Hollis is very healthy. You shouldn’t worry about that.”
“But Anna was healthy, too, right? Before she got sick.”
She had a point. And I knew from personal experience what it felt like to be uncertain of what would happen to me if my alcoholic mother didn’t wake up one morning. Even before my dad died, I’d always felt alone. When nothing in life feels secure, you tend to think about your next move an awful lot.
I looked at Hailey. We’d only known each other for a few months now, but I loved her with all my heart. “If something happened to your uncle Hollis—which it’s not going to—I’d ask your father for permission to have you come live with me.”
Her eyes lit up. “You would?”
I cupped her cheeks. “Yes, I absolutely would.”
Hailey visibly relaxed. “Thank you.”
“There’s absolutely no reason to thank me. I’d be lucky to have you, kiddo.”
***
The doorbell rang at almost eight o’clock. Hollis had texted only a half hour ago that he wouldn’t be home until late tonight. I hadn’t expected him so soon, but thought he must’ve forgotten his key. But when I looked through the peephole, a man I didn’t expect to see stood on the other side of the door.
I opened it. “Richard? Is everything okay?”
He smiled warmly, but looked tired. “Yes, sweetheart. I’m good. Could I come in?”
I stepped aside. “Of course. Of course.” I assumed he’d come to see Hollis. “Hollis is working late tonight. He’s not home yet.”
“I figured that. I just left him at his office.”
My forehead wrinkled. “You went to see him at work?”
Richard nodded. “I had to drop off something.”
“Oh. Okay.”
He looked around. “Hollis’s niece lives here with him, right?”
“Yes. She’s in her room with a friend. Did you want to meet her?”
“No. No. I just hoped we could talk for a minute in private.”
“Oh. Of course. Can I get you something to drink? Water or maybe wine?”
“I’d love a glass of water. From the tap is fine.”
I walked to the kitchen and Richard followed. He took a seat at the counter where Hailey had been earlier. I filled a glass with ice and filtered water from the refrigerator door.
Passing it to him, I watched as he guzzled almost the entire glass and then made a loud Ahhh sound. “I miss New York City water. Damn Connecticut water doesn’t taste the same.”
I smiled. “Fewer rats in the sewer system. Connecticut’s so fancy.”
Richard reached around to his back pocket and took out an envelope. He put it on the counter in front of him. “Listen, sweetheart, I’m going to cut to the chase. I know you’re a straight shooter and don’t like smoke blown up your ass.”
“Okay… Thank you, I think.”
“Bree wanted me to give this to you. She owes you some answers, and I think you’ll find them in here.” He pushed the envelope in front of him across the granite.
“She wrote me a letter?”
He nodded. “I don’t have to tell you my daughter loved you like a sister. You’re the one good decision that bum of a stepson I have ever made. His loss was my baby girl’s gain. You were good for her soul, Elodie.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “She was good for mine, too.”
He lifted the glass and finished off the last of the water. “I’m going to get out of your hair. We don’t need to slice open the fresh wounds that are only starting to heal. We’ll do that at the lake house in a few months. I think we should get together on Bree’s birthday in November, talk about all the good times. It’ll
be easier then.”
I smiled. “I’d like that a lot.”
He got up and walked to the door. As he opened it, he turned and looked me in the eyes. “Don’t be mad at her. She meant well.”
I had no idea what he meant. Why would I be mad at Bree?
Richard drew me into a bear hug and held me for a long time. Then he kissed the top of my head. “Love finds us all in different ways. It’s not important how it happens. It only matters that it’s real. Take care of yourself, sweetheart.”
***
My hands shook. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. The worst thing that could happen had already happened. But I knew in the pit of my stomach this was about Hollis and me. We were on such shaky ground already; I needed to brace for more impact. I picked the envelope up and put it back down three times.
Preparing myself, I decided to text Hollis so he would know what he was coming home to. There was a good chance I was going to be a wreck after reading this.
I picked up my phone and texted.
Elodie: Richard just came by. He dropped off a letter Bree wrote me.
I watched my phone, anxious as the message went from Sent to Delivered to Read. A return text came seconds later.
Hollis: He came by here today. I got one, too.
Richard had said he’d been to Hollis’s work to drop off something. Of course, he had a letter, too.
Chapter 46
* * *
Hollis
I poured two fingers of the scotch I kept in the office for special occasions, sat down on the couch, and opened the envelope. Just seeing her handwriting knocked the wind out of me, and I had to take a few deep, calming breaths. When that didn’t do shit to steady me, I gulped back the contents of the glass in one giant swallow.
Let’s get this over with.
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