Alas My Love

by Tracie Peterson

  “He still is. What is it to you?”

  “He fostered in my home when we were boys. He played false with my sister, Maude, and nearly ruined her, and you ask me what there is between us that merits my anger?”

  “I suppose I was too young or too busy with my own fostering to worry overmuch about Tancred’s deeds. Still, the past is no call for bad manners. You and I have no quarrel, so why not be civil?”

  Roger eyed Richard suspiciously for a moment, then nodded. “Very well. We will be civil. I have come to take my sister home. She ran away many weeks ago, and I have been quite worried for her safety.”

  “I see. May I inquire as to why she ran away?”

  “ ’Tis a family matter. The girl’s mother passed away not long before, and she could scarce deal with her grief.”

  Just then Arianne entered the room in conversation with Helena. The two women did not look up until they were well within the room, and when Helena spied her brother, she stopped dead in her tracks.

  “Helena!” Roger stated, taking a step forward.

  Helena moved back a step, and Richard noted the fear in her eyes. Interceding, he introduced Arianne. “May I present the duchess of Gavenshire.” Then turning to his wife, he added, “Arianne, this is Helena’s brother, Sir Roger Talbot.”

  “I am pleased to meet you,” Arianne said, but realized Roger’s eyes were on Helena. Arianne tried to draw Roger into conversation. “We have very much enjoyed your sister’s company and would be happy if you, too, would consider yourself welcomed here.”

  “Helena, I’ve come to take you home.” Roger stepped forward, rudely ignoring Arianne’s statement.

  Helena shook her head fiercely. “No! I am not going anywhere. The duke and duchess have opened their home to me, and I would very much like to remain here for a time.”

  “You are coming home,” Roger stated flatly and stepped forward to take Helena in hand.

  Helena did the only thing she could. She turned and ran for the door, counting on the fact that she knew the castle and Roger did not. She also planned on Richard intervening and calling his men. What she did not plan on was running into the broad, iron chest of Tancred DuBonnet.

  Helena was shaking so hard that even Tancred could not mistake the trembling. He looked down at her and found frightened horror in her eyes.

  “Helena, what is it?”

  “Let her go, DuBonnet,” Roger’s voice called from behind his sister. Turning to Richard, Roger’s eyes blazed. “What would Henry say if he knew you harbored a fugitive? This man is supposed to be in exile for the murder of your parents.”

  “Henry pardoned Tancred weeks ago. I have the writ upstairs. He is innocent of the murders.”

  Roger snorted. “I remember the day the king said otherwise. I do not believe him innocent nor pardoned.”

  “It matters little to me what you think,” Tancred replied dryly. His arms engulfed Helena’s small frame.

  “Unhand her!”

  Tancred kept a firm grip on Helena and pulled her closer. Looking past her, he met the eyes of his onetime friend, Roger Talbot.

  “What is she to you, Talbot?”

  “Fool, she is my stepsister, Helena. Remember? She’s the one who used to pester you when you dallied with my sister, Maude.” Roger moved forward, but this time Richard put himself between them.

  Tancred stared down in wonder at the woman in his arms. “This is that little squirt of a girl we pulled out of one scrape and then another?”

  Helena was still shaking as she lifted tear-filled eyes to meet his softened expression. “Oh, Tanny,” she whispered in a near-mournful tone.

  “But you were just a baby,” he said, still staring in disbelief. That little girl from his past was the young woman who so fiercely declared her love to him in the bailey only yesterday. It was impossible to comprehend.

  “Babies grow up, Tancred. Now unhand my sister and—”

  “No!” Helena raged and pushed Tancred away. “I won’t go with you. Not now, not ever!” She ran from the room, leaving Tancred to stare after her and Roger to yell a stream of curses.

  Helena was grateful for the festivities that still occupied the attention of most of the town. No one paid any attention to her as she ran from the protection of the castle and made her way out across the land.

  Tears blinded her eyes, and her heart pounded against the reminder that her brother and Tancred had faced each other for the first time in eleven years. She knew of the past between them. She knew, too, of Maude and the lies that had passed between her and Roger regarding Tancred.

  It was all too much.

  Fleeing to the sanctuary of the forest, Helena collapsed into a heap on the ground and cried until she felt her heart would break. How could Tanny ever love her now—now that he knew who she was? He hated her brother and her brother hated him. How unfair it all was!

  “Oh, God,” she cried and hugged her knees to her breast. “Oh, God, ’tis not the way I would have it be. I love him so that I scarce can start my day without my first thoughts being of him.” She buried her face against her knees. “Oh, God.”

  She pleaded for solace and begged for understanding, and still all she could see was the raging eyes of her brother and his determination to take her from Gavenshire. Now that he knew about Tancred, he would no doubt force the issue.

  Strong arms lifted her upward, and without looking, Helena knew it was Tancred. She let him hold her while she cried uncontrollably. This would probably be the only time she’d ever feel his arms around her. She wanted to remember the comfort he offered and the way it felt to bury her face against his chest.

  Tancred sat down on a fallen log and held the sobbing woman close. She was beautiful, and he could not deny the feelings she had stirred in him in her adoration throughout the week. Yet now, for reasons beyond his ability to consider, her feelings were quite precious to him. In his memories, Helena was but a child. A little girl with torn tunics from her antics and a dirt-smudged face that begged to be washed. Who was this woman who had replaced the child?

  Gradually her sobs subsided, and Helena felt strengthened by Tancred’s presence. Drying her face on the edge of her surcoat, she looked up at him with reddened eyes.

  “I remember a time when you had fallen from the rafters in the stables,” Tancred began. “You were no more than eight years and you cut your knee. Remember?” Helena nodded. “I remember holding you like this and telling you that big girls should not handle their miseries in such a fashion.” His grin broadened to a smile. “I suppose the same advice would work in this situation as well.”

  Helena reached up her hand to touch Tancred’s trimmed brown beard. She searched his eyes for some confirmation of his returned feelings.

  “I have loved you since I was a child, Tanny. I cannot be untrue to my heart. When you spent so much time among us, I couldn’t help but fall in love.”

  “But you were a child, a little girl,” Tancred said softly, still not trusting the declaration.

  Helena wasn’t offended by his words. “Cannot a child love?”

  Tancred smiled down at her. “Apparently so.”

  Helena nodded. “I watched Maude treat you badly. I knew she had her numerous suitors, but for a little girl of nine, there was no real understanding for the game she played. I knew, however, for I’d watched her in the stable with others, that you did nothing to steal her virtue. I hated her for setting Roger against you, but my mother told me it was a matter that had to be resolved among adults. She would not allow me to go to Roger nor to defame my stepsister.”

  “Your stepsister was looking to make herself a wealthy match. ’Twas not my desire to become a husband.” He added with a chuckle, “At least not then.”

  Helena boldly threw her arms around Tancred’s neck, surprising them both. “I lo
ve you. ’Tis real enough and true enough and whether you ever love me or not, it will remain just as it is and always has been.”

  She sobered, but kept her hold on Tancred. “I know my brother will never approve of my feelings. He hates you and has often said as much. He believes you killed your parents, but I do not. I have always known it would have been impossible for you, for your heart is rich with love and goodness.

  “When they told me of the accusations, I defended you and raged at them for their pettiness. I told Roger, even though I was only nine, that he owed you his loyalties. I reminded him that he had once exchanged signet rings in bonds of friendship. I insisted that he was wrong—that everyone was wrong. I knew that you were incapable of such a disgusting act.” The absolute certainty in her voice was evidence of her convictions.

  Tancred stared at her with sheer gratitude in his eyes. “You are the only one who believed me innocent, and you were just a child.” In his mind, she was still a child, yet the reality of the woman he held made it difficult to hold those memories in place.

  “But I am no longer a child.”

  “I am most certain of that,” Tancred stated, running his hand down her arm. “Most certain.”

  “And my brother seeks to put me away now that my mother is dead. Maude is jealous of me and cannot bear for me to be in the same house. They plan to put me in a convent and intend to see me remain there for life.”

  It was Tancred’s turn to surprise them both by throwing his head back and laughing. Helena stared at him, not speaking or even blinking.

  “Forgive me, Love, but I can think of many far better things to do with you.”

  “Pray tell?” Helena eyed him suspiciously, a hint of a smile on her lips.

  Tancred stood up and placed Helena on the log. “For now, suffice it to say that I am quite intrigued by your devotion. I no longer find a child before me, but a grown woman—a very beautiful grown woman.”

  “And what will you do with me?” Helena asked innocently.

  “Well, ’tis certain my thoughts do not include a nunnery.”

  Chapter 12

  Come.” Tancred pulled Helena to her feet. “Let us go reason with your brother.”

  “There is no reasoning with that one.”

  Tancred put Helena’s hand upon his arm. “Perhaps not, then again maybe there is. We’ve dealt him a double blow this day. First he finds you after many weeks and then he finds me not far behind. Now that he has had time to simmer, perhaps he will listen.”

  They walked out into the clearing and Tancred paused. “I have known days past when your brother was a reasonable man. I trust God can give him the ability to deal evenhandedly with this, Helena.”

  “Roger cares naught for fairness or evenhanded dealings. He cares for Roger.” She paused and let her gaze go to the open meadow where men and women laughed and cheered the children in three-legged races. “I fear him, Tanny.” She couldn’t help but shudder. “He hated me, mayhaps not as much as Maude, but nevertheless I was a thorn in his side. Henry would not allow him to force my hand in marriage and that angered him greatly. He could neither touch the dowry left me by my mother, nor could he benefit from a wealthy arranged union.”

  “You have never married?” Tancred asked in disbelief. “But you must be at least. . .” The image of Helena as a little girl faded more and more.

  “I am twenty,” Helena said with a frown. “And no, I could not marry when my heart belonged to you.”

  Tancred shook his head. “All those years spent in my miserable exile and you were here across the sea.”

  “I would gladly have shared your exile, Tanny. Most gladly.”

  Her eyes pierced his heart in the warmth of their sincerity. Her love caused him to feel strong in a way he’d not felt in years. Uncertain of what he might do should they tarry any longer, Tancred led her forward and motioned at the castle in the distance.

  “My brother and I will not allow you to be taken. Roger will have little to say in the matter when Henry learns of this. But tell me, why did you refuse to tell us your story?”

  Helena lowered her head in shame. “I could not admit to being Lady Helena Talbot. Richard would no doubt have sent word to Roger and in turn my brother would have retrieved me. I could not bear the thought of another beating at his hand. Nor could I agree to his terms in regards to the abbey.”

  Tancred stopped abruptly. “He beat you?”

  “Aye. ’Twas the reason I ran. While he was just boisterous and raging, I could handle him and Maude as well. But Maude convinced him to starve me and then put me to shame at the whipping post. I bear those lash marks even now.”

  Tancred’s eyes narrowed in rage. “He will answer for it with marks of his own.”

  “Nay, Tanny,” Helena begged, her hand firmly gripping his arm. “ ’Twould resolve nothing. I am reconciled to the matter and know that Roger would never have acted as he did, if not for Maude.”

  She held him in her pleading gaze and finally Tancred nodded. “Very well, but I pledge to you that it will not happen again.”

  Helena smiled. “Thank you. You have always seen fit to rescue me from one bad situation or another. Many was the beating I avoided as a child because you and Roger interceded. Now I can only pray that the good Father in heaven will intercede on my behalf today.”

  “ ’Tis my way of thinking He already has.”

  Roger was not happy to see his stepsister enter the castle on Tancred DuBonnet’s arm. He began his tirade on the bailey lawn, but Richard prevailed and suggested they return to the privacy of his chambers. Begrudgingly, Roger agreed and followed Tancred and Helena inside.

  Tancred seated Helena near the fire and stood behind her in a protective fashion. He gave Roger little doubt in the menacing stare he offered that he would and could protect Helena from further attack.

  Richard took his seat and motioned to Roger. “Be seated, Talbot, and let us speak as gentleborn folk.”

  “There is nothing gentleborn in that man’s manner,” Talbot said, refusing to sit. “I demand you release Helena to my care and stay out of this matter.”

  Helena surprised them all by speaking up. “I will not go with you, Roger. As nearly as I can understand it, you sought to send me to the convent in order to appease Maude. Her desire was that I be put from the house and now I am. So where lies the problem?” Unafraid, her gaze met his.

  “Maude’s desires are not the only ones to be considered here. I would see you well cared for. You refuse to take a husband and I—”

  “I did not refuse to take any husband. I simply refused the ones you offered. You know my heart on the matter.”

  Roger clenched his fists. “You would throw yourself at this cur’s heels? The very man who soiled your stepsister and nearly caused her complete disgrace.”

  “Ha! Maude caused her own disgrace,” Helena declared. “You forget, I was a child then.”

  “What has that to do with it?”

  “Much. I was able to slip into the shadows unobserved. I watched the things my stepsister played at. ’Twas not this good man who stole your sister’s virtue, and this I know full well.”

  Roger stared at her in surprise. “What do you mean?”

  Helena folded her hands and glanced up at Tancred. “Tanny never played false with her. He refused her advances, and so our dear sister sought revenge upon him. She set your mind against him, though he was not the one to be the cause of your grief.”

  Roger sat down and stared in silence for several moments as if trying to decide if Helena spoke the truth. He looked at Tancred, the man who had been like a brother to him. Was it possible that Maude’s interference had separated him from the dearest friend he’d ever known?

  “I had just received my title and lands,” Tancred said, breaking the silence. “It was a mos
t attractive package to your sister, and when she learned of it, her pursuit ensued. I’d simply have no part of it, for I did not love her.”

  It was too much to concede and Roger, instead, changed the subject. “Maude is not the only issue here. What of the murder? You were convicted by your brother’s own testimony.” He turned to Richard. “Was this not true?”

  “ ’Twas a mistake and one I deeply regret, for it cost my brother eleven years of his life.”

  “But there were witnesses to the act,” Roger protested. “I know because I paid special attention to the details of the matter.”

  “They were false witnesses,” Richard stated. “Obviously the true murderer paid them well to sing their song. Tancred and I intend to learn the truth of the matter.”

  “I do not believe you,” Roger said, still clearly shaken by Helena’s declaration.

  Tancred stepped from behind Helena’s chair. “It matters little what you believe. ’Twas a time, however, when your loyalty would have remained with me. I believe the poisoning of your mind can be traced back to Maude’s hard heart. If you are honest with yourself, you will agree.”

  “ ’Tis true, Roger.” Helena’s voice was soft and tender. “You once rode with this man at your side. How many times did you conspire with him to keep me out of trouble? How many times did you take the full punishment when our father learned of the matter?” Roger said nothing and Helena continued. “Maude met Tancred one afternoon in the mews. She didn’t realize I was there, and she began her tirade before I could take my leave.”

  Helena lifted her face to smile at Tancred. “Tanny knew naught that I was there watching him work. ’Twas my fondest pleasure, just to be near him. Maude came into the mews and began to weave her spell. She flattered and played at his pride until I was certain Tanny would do most anything she asked. Of course, I was enraged, knowing that only the night before she’d been with the neighboring earl’s son.

  “Maude pleaded her love to him and begged him to reject her naught. She concocted stories of her miseries. Her mistake came in the fact that Tanny already knew of her dalliances.”