Hollywood Ever After

by Sasha Summers

  My stomach churned. I wasn’t about to say anything that might give him encouragement for us. I wanted him to get better for the kids, not because I wanted to reconcile or become friends.

  I started sorting clothes. The silence in the kitchen built, growing strained.

  When he spoke, his voice was sharp. “You’re not going to say anything?”

  “What did you expect me to say?”

  “Something like ‘I missed you too’ or ‘I’ve been thinking about what you said’ or even ‘That’s nice of you’.” He leaned forward as he spoke, his face stiff. “I missed you. I don’t know why, but I thought you’d want to know that.”

  I continued to sort clothes, focused on keeping my hands steady.

  “Claire?” he demanded. “Answer me. Do you think this is easy for me? Talk to me. It’s the least you can do.”

  I shook my head, reaching for the phone. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  He was in front of me then, his hands taking mine. He took the phone and put it back on its base.

  “This is my home. The home we made with our children. I have every right to be here.” His voice was hollow, desperate, and hard.

  I looked at a spot in the middle of his chest, carefully avoiding his eyes. If I didn’t look at him, he couldn’t misinterpret my expression. All it took was an eyebrow lift, biting my lip, a nose twitch—it wouldn’t take much to trigger his anger.

  “I can’t do this.” His voice was full of pain. “I can’t get you out of my head. Why can’t I let go?”

  I felt his hands, hot and rigid around mine. The front of his shirt, where I locked my eyes, was shaking in time with his rapid heartbeat.

  My heart was in my throat. “Daniel, I—”

  “It wasn’t just me that did this to us, no matter what you think. Why weren’t you there when I needed you? You used to smile when you saw me, Claire. Remember?” He was shaking as he finished.

  I tried to pull my hands from him, but his grip tightened. I felt the words coming before I could stop them. “Daniel, I am sorry you’re hurting. But that’s—”

  His eyes narrowed as he interrupted me. “You’re sorry? I’m supposed to just forgive you? But you won’t forget Melissa or forgive me. Those words can’t mean something when you say them and nothing when I do. But you won’t let me forget the mistakes I made, no matter how hard I try. Don’t you see how unfair that is?”

  “It’s time to stop hurting each other.” I jerked my hands away and tried to sound calm. “This kind of conversation isn’t productive, for either of us.”

  He took a deep breath, stretching his neck. “Productive? If we don’t talk about it, how are we ever going to fix it? We made a mistake. You know it. I know it.” His hands came to rest on my shoulders. “Our kids need a family. You need to move past this, Claire. You’re keeping our family apart because you won’t forgive and forget. Let us move on.” His hand traced my cheek, before returning to my shoulder. “Remember, we always agreed to put them first.”

  His hands slipped from my shoulders, gripping my upper arms. He tried to pull me closer to him, but I wouldn’t let him. When I tried to shrug out of his hold, his hands tightened.

  Panic rose, constricting my lungs. I took a shaky breath, knowing that my voice revealed the effect he had on my nerves. “We’ll always be their family. But things are different, Daniel. We’re not married. We’ll always be the kids’ parents, but we won’t be a couple again.”

  “Because you won’t give us another chance. Everyone deserves a second chance, Claire.”

  I’d given him a second chance after he’d kicked me and broken my rib. It was one of a dozen second chances I’d given him. “It’s time for both of us to have real space.”

  “What do you mean?” His breath hit my face when he spoke. His hand tilted my chin up, forcing me to look at him. His face, his blazing eyes, were inches from mine.

  I knew that look. I knew he was on the edge. I swallowed. Anything I did or said would only make things worse now.

  “What are you saying?”

  I tried not to react, but my lips were quivering, I could feel them.

  “You’re leaving?” His fingers felt like talons pinching into my cheek, and my upper arm felt numb from his grip. His face reddened, the vein in his forehead popping out as he took deep, ragged breaths.

  “Daniel,” I spoke softly, “please let go of me.”

  “Why? So you can leave? Take my kids from me?” He shook his head. “I never thought you could be this selfish. What the hell is wrong with you? ” His fingers dug deeper, my cheek and arm throbbing in protest.

  “Daniel, you’re hurting me,” I whispered.

  His eyes narrowed. “Not really.” He pulled me against him, wrapping his arms around me and whispering into my ear. “But I will, Claire.” His words made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “If you try to leave.”

  “Claire, honey.” I heard Mom, knew she was coming into the kitchen.

  Daniel released me instantly.

  I stood frozen. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. If I did, I would lose it. I didn’t know what Daniel might do then, but I didn’t want to find out.

  Daniel stared at my mom, smiling tightly. “Morning, Marty. Stopped by to see Claire on my way out. I need to get going.”

  “Oh, Daniel, what a surprise,” my mother said as she sauntered into the kitchen holding a stack of towels. She was doing her best to act as if nothing out of the ordinary was taking place. I knew better; her hands shook as she placed the towels on the counter.

  He looked at her then back to me, his eyes blazing. “I just wanted to welcome you home. I’ll call the kids tonight. We can talk more then.” He stared at me, his blue eyes narrowing when I didn’t respond.

  After the door closed and I knew he’d left, I felt my knees buckle beneath me. I slid onto the kitchen floor. He was gone. I could safely lose control without worrying about any recriminations or punishment.

  My mother sat beside me on the floor, wrapping her arms around me. She rocked with me, dropping a kiss on my forehead. “He’s gone, honey.” She put the phone in my hand. “You’ve got to call your lawyer, Claire. He can’t come in here and scare the shit out of you whenever he wants to. He can’t put his hands on you anymore.” She tilted my head to inspect my cheek. She winced. “I’ll get an ice pack.”

  She stood, pulled the ice pack from the freezer, and placed it on my cheek.

  “If I thought he was going to barge in here like that I’d keep Fred in my pocket.” She stood over me, her hands on her hips.

  Something about the image of my mom, all five feet two inches of her, baking cookies with Dad’s 9mm “Fred” hanging from her gingham apron pocket made me giggle. “I’d prefer you kept Fred locked up in the gun safe under your bed, Mom. Thanks, though.”

  “If he shows up again, Claire…” She was breathing hard. “Just call Regina so she can file a restraining order against that son of a bitch.” She sat beside me again, pulling me to her.

  I nodded against her neck. Her comforting smell of vanilla and rose oil opened the floodgates. I let myself cry, sobbing loudly, while leaning against my mom on my kitchen floor.

  ***

  The two weeks flew by.

  The first few nights were hard. My nightmares of Daniel had faded, but his recent visit brought them back. When I woke up I’d read or write until I was calm enough to go back to sleep. It took four days before the dreams went away again.

  I saw Josh more than I expected. Whether he was on the cover of Star Scoop magazine with a gorgeous blonde or gracing the cover of Hollywood Enquirer, he was there, and yet so far away. And every time I saw him, my hand wrapped itself around the compass.

  There was a poster bin in the grocery store full of Stellar Siege images. Natalie flipped through the rack. She looked at one poster and asked, “Is he that cute in person?” She stared at me, waiting for an answer.

  As much as I wanted to, I didn’t think it was appro
priate to nod and grab onto the poster. I was proud of how detached I sounded. “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “He’s ok. But he’s not really my type. He’s a little too pretty for me. Now if we were talking about…” And she was off, listing the virtues of her celebrity crushes.

  My eyes strayed to the poster. He was pretty. He was gorgeous. He had posed ready for alien action in his gray uniform. His hair was ruffled, his eyes narrowed, and his jaw set. He looked rather fierce—which made me want to laugh a little. With a rifle strap across his chest and a laser blaster in his hand, Josh looked cool even to Will.

  “He’s not pretty, Nat. He’s got a gun.” Will stared at his sister.

  I shook my head. “Okay, we need milk. Lead the way,” I said to Will. I flipped the posters back, hiding his poster from prying eyes. I shook my head at my own ridiculousness.

  Other than missing Josh, which happened way too much for my comfort level, I accomplished a lot in two weeks. A real estate agent came over and gave me a list of things to do before we put the house on the market. We managed to finish the list of repairs and improvements and had a massive garage sale. Mom and I were pretty proud of ourselves.

  The daily chaperoning of the kids took up most of the afternoons. Weekend sporting events, birthday parties, and concerts kept everyone happy and busy.

  And I was writing. A lot.

  Bedtime stories had been replaced with travel books. Each one of us picked out places we had to visit. By the morning of our departure, the book was full of colored tags and ribbon stickers.

  The day we boarded the plane, I was so excited I thought my heart was going to beat its way out of my chest.

  Our flight was long but surprisingly pleasant. Thank goodness for patient airline stewards, in-flight movies, and coloring books. With a sliver of my book-signing bonus, I finally gave in and purchased each of the kids a handheld gaming system. After a fellow six-year-old passenger happily taught them how they worked, the flight was relatively peaceful.

  My heart seemed to accelerate with each mile travelled.

  Stepping into London’s Heathrow Airport was like stepping back in time for me. The last time I’d been in London, I’d been a college student. It was one of those instant changes, from the smell of the air to the sound of the accents. We were far from home.

  The kids were wide-eyed and chattering, staring around the airport. Will was awestruck by the different candy and began begging for “just a couple”. I bought a package of fruit pastilles and made them share.

  Shannon was waiting with a large super-shuttle to transport us to the hotel. Once everyone and everything was loaded into the shuttle, we set off for the hotel.

  “You look terrible.” Shannon shook her head. “You looked so great two weeks ago. Now you look sick.”

  My mom whispered, “Being attacked by your ex-husband, filing for a restraining order, and putting your house on the market does a number on a gal’s stress level, Shannon.”

  “Mom.” I’d forgotten how good Shannon and Mom were at tag-teaming.

  I glanced at the kids in the back seat of the van. Will was still happily blowing up aliens while Natalie was plugged into her MP3, staring excitedly out the window. I relaxed. No harm had been done.

  “What’s the agenda?” I asked.

  “Well, we have a couple of days here in London. Today is a free day. I didn’t know how exhausted you and your mafia would be. I didn’t know if naps would be in order.”

  My mother laughed. “Unfortunately, naps in the Collins household are a thing of the past.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here, Marty!” Shannon smiled at her. “I haven’t seen you in forever!”

  “I’ve been in Texas for so long I almost forgot there was a whole other world out there.” My mother was clearly thrilled. “I missed the travel that came with Sidney’s time in the military.”

  “I was sorry to hear about Sidney. He was such a sweet, sweet man.”

  “He was. I was a blessed woman to have him for forty years.” I squeezed Mom’s hand, knowing she missed him more than she admitted to.

  “How has retirement been?” Shannon asked.

  “I don’t think she’s had much of a chance to really start feeling retired yet. I had to go all needy on her,” I said.

  Mom shrugged. “It’s nice to feel needed, sweetie.”

  We arrived at the hotel, the Ritz, and I suffered a minor panic attack.

  “Really, Shannon?” I stared at the elegant front doors with complete incredulity. “Will is five years old. His staying at the Ritz is like the proverbial bull in a china shop.”

  “Only Will is adorable. Anyway, you’ll have to complain to Arthur. He knows how to work the whole Hollywood connection thing and apparently this is where we ended up.” She wasn’t fazed.

  Will was in awe. “Mom, is this the queen’s house?”

  “No, silly, this is where we’re going to be staying.” Natalie was obviously more than happy with the arrangement. “I bet you can get your spa treatment here, Grams.”

  My mother smiled. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

  The look of sublime anticipation on my mother’s face made me swallow my reticence about our lodging. They hadn’t just had the California vacation I had; they deserved something fantastic. And I needed to relax.

  After checking in, and holding Will’s hand at all times, we made our way to our rooms. Our suite had a gorgeous view of Green Park, plenty of bedrooms, and a bathroom I didn’t have to share with the kids. Maybe staying at the Ritz wasn’t going to be too bad after all.

  Once we were relatively settled, our travel books emerged. Cameras and jackets in hand, we were ready to begin our adventure.

  “Off to the Tower of London!” Will could hardly wait. He hoped to find a man in chains in the dungeon, or the skeleton of a man in chains in the dungeon. I promised him we would check all of the chains.

  An afternoon of happy mayhem commenced.

  ***

  That night was the London premiere of Stellar Siege.

  Surrounded by three coiffed and beautified ladies, I sat contemplating my exhausted appearance in the mirror. I could barely wait to get there, to see Josh. But I looked horrid.

  “Well, Arthur is thrilled he gets to skip out on tonight.” Shannon patted my shoulder, looking at me in the mirror. “You made his day, seriously. So stop worrying. You don’t have to get a sitter.”

  “Don’t you want Arthur to go with you?” I chewed my lip and regarded her in the mirror. I didn’t want to look at my reflection. I had terrible bags under my eyes.

  Shannon laughed. “Arthur hates these kinds of things. Hates them. He came for the trip, not this.”

  “I can stay.” Mom was brushing Natalie’s hair. “I’m pretty tired.”

  Natalie used her most pleading voice. “Grams, you have to come.”

  “Marty, Nat’s right. You do have to go.” Shannon applied some lip gloss. “If I admit that Arthur’s idea of a cool evening is playing Guitar Hero with a five-year-old, does he lose some respectability?”

  “No, actually, he gets more,” I said.

  Natalie spun in front of the full-length mirror, delighted. She looked beautiful. It was hard to see her like this, tall and willowy, almost a woman. Except that most adults don’t bounce up and down or clap their hands in excitement. Natalie had been doing just that for the last hour. And she was twitching with excitement over the impending glitz and glamour.

  “What are you wearing?” Shannon asked me. She looked pointedly at my jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt. “I mean, you are planning to change?”

  “Really? I’m so comfortable…” I arched an eyebrow.

  Natalie stared in horror. “Mom, that’s so not cool.”

  “I’m changing, I’m changing.” I pinched Natalie’s cheek. “I have the black dress we bought together. Will that work?”

  “Sounds good.” Shannon nodded. “And I have a black velvet wrap so you won’t freeze.”

  �
��I’ll go change.” The three of them had had a wonderful spa treatment, manicures, and pedicures while I took Will to the park to run. Between his youthful energy and my nerves, it made more sense to play and run than sit still for pampering. Then it was my turn to get ready.

  I applied my makeup carefully, clipping on some dangling golden chandelier earrings and lightly spraying my perfume. My hair hung down my back in thick, silken curls.

  Josh liked my curls.

  As I stared at myself, I saw a flush creep over my skin. I touched the golden disk on its black cord, tied around my neck.

  Soon. My heart began to thump.

  I finished dressing then joined them in the common room. Arthur and Will were already digging into a cheese pizza, eyes glued on the large TV screen and their game choices.

  Will’s eyes were red-rimmed, but the promise of hours of video games was too much to pass up. I kissed him on the top of the head. “Not too late, Will. You look pretty tired, kiddo.”

  “Aw, Mom,” Will started, but I cocked my imperious mom eyebrow and he nodded.

  Arthur eyed us appreciatively. “You ladies look fantastic.”

  Shannon winked at him. “We do, don’t we?”

  “That’s sweet of you, Uncle Arthur.” Natalie tried to sound cool, but her nerves made her squeak.

  “Arthur, would you mind taking a picture?” Mom handed Arthur her camera, we posed, and he clicked.

  “Here.” I took Nat’s phone. “Just you, for your dad.” I took the picture and handed the phone back to Natalie.

  I kissed Will, giving him a goodnight hug. He informed me I was interrupting his gaming flow, which made Arthur burst out laughing. I wished him luck. They didn’t look up as we left the room.

  Bundled up and chattering excitedly, we made our way to the lobby and the black taxicab waiting for us.

  Nat’s eyes looked like they would pop from her head at any minute. “Is anyone majorly famous going to be there, Shannon?”

  “Everyone should be.” Shannon shot me a look, butterflies filling my stomach at her words. “But I’m not one hundred percent.”

  When we arrived, it was like déjà vu—the flashes, the screams, the press. “We’ll meet you inside,” I told Shannon, deciding it was best to forgo the red carpet this time, though I wasn’t in stilettos either.