by J. H. Croix
Leaning my elbows on the counter and idly rolling the bottle cap back and forth, I eyed her. “Well, Charlie’s my neighbor. She lives right next door with her niece and mother.” Pausing, I gestured in that direction. “She’s also the new doctor at Doc’s office. I’d like to say we’re seeing each other, but I don’t know if I can call it official yet.”
My mother smiled widely. “Oh Jesse, that would be great. I’ve been waiting for you to meet the right person.”
Oh hell. This was news to me. My thoughts must’ve shown on my face because my mother narrowed her eyes.
“Oh, for crying out loud, get over it. You’re thirty-four years old. I would love for you to settle down. I also wouldn’t mind some grandkids. I haven’t heard a bad word about Charlie around town, so that says something.”
I sighed this time, rolling my eyes. “Mom, it’s not a huge deal. I don’t know why you would take gossip as a barometer of how a person is.”
She shrugged, entirely unabashed. “I don’t take just any gossip. But Janet’s trustworthy. One of the upsides to a small town is if you hear enough rumors that are bad, that might just tell you to at least be wary. But when I can’t find anything bad, well, that’s a good sign. Janet seems to think she’s awesome.”
“Well, I’m relieved to know I’ve got Janet’s approval. In the meantime, I’ll fill you in when there’s more than maybe going on between us.”
Glancing over, I could practically see the wheels spinning in her mind. “It does sound like she has a lot on her plate. Janet mentioned she adopted her niece and she takes care of her mother.”
I knew my mother was simply stating the obvious, but I was instantly defensive. “So what if she does? I don’t see why it should matter,” I said flatly.
My mother pushed away from the counter, rounding the corner and hugging me quickly. She actually patted my cheek before she stepped away. “Well, that just tells me she means a lot to you. You’re my only boy, I think I’ve been very patient.”
I chuckled, realizing she was right about that. I let her other comment go because I wasn’t quite ready to get into the details of how I felt about Charlie with my mother. I was still sifting through my emotions myself.
After my mother left, I decided to walk Waffle over to Charlie’s place. When I got there, no one was home. I was starting to wonder just where she was. It wasn’t that I’d expected her to keep me apprised of her whereabouts, but her schedule was fairly structured with Emily and her mother to work around.
The fact she hadn’t texted me back yet, combined with my own uncertainty about pushing the envelope with her had me feeling unsettled. If there was one thing I was coming to understand, it was that I didn’t want this thing between us to remain vague and undefined.
When I got back to my place, with Waffle napping on the couch beside me I flipped through a few channels and then texted her again. Even if she was purposefully blowing me off, I didn’t like not knowing. She finally replied, only to cryptically say that she was with her mother in Anchorage and they would be there for a few days.
Everything okay with her?
Her reply was quick and too damned vague for my comfort.
Should be fine. Doc recommended some follow up testing due to a fever and a cough she couldn’t shake. Things are a little crazy right now. I’ll talk to you when I get back.
I might’ve not have been the doctor here, but if everything was okay, why the hell were they in Anchorage? Willow Brook had a small hospital here. Usually, people only went to Anchorage for more in-depth testing, or actual surgeries.
I knew I shouldn’t be frustrated with her, but I was. I was frustrated that she was keeping me at a distance like this, and with myself for us ending up at this point.
Snagging my phone off the coffee table again, I texted Holly. She was a friend after all.
Do you happen to know what’s going on with Charlie’s mom?
Holly replied quickly.
Yeah. She has an infection, might be pneumonia. Charlie took her to Anchorage for testing and monitoring because we’re so small here, we were full. They just went down to the hospital tonight.
The hospital? What the hell? I was suddenly concerned about Olive, far more than I had been after Charlie’s general reply that she should be fine.
Mind if I give you a call?
Of course not. Now?
Yep, calling in a sec.
Holly picked up right away. “What’s up?”
As soon as she answered, I realized I didn’t know what the hell I meant to say to her.
When I was quiet for a beat, she spoke. “Oh, you don’t know why you’re calling. Let me guess, you’re worried about Charlie and you want to do something about it because you’re a man and men like to take action. Am I right?”
I laughed. Because she nailed it. “I guess so. I was thinking of heading down to Anchorage. Do you know which hospital they’re at?”
Holly sighed. “Oh, Charlie didn’t tell you?”
“No, she just said they were in Anchorage for some tests. Look, I’m just gonna lay it out there. I like her. A lot. And now I’m worried about Olive and her and Emily.”
Holly was quiet and then she laughed softly. “I told her you had a thing for her, and she didn’t believe me. Even I didn’t know you’d fallen this hard.”
I didn’t know what to make of that comment, but I was impatient. “So you were right. Tell me where they are, so I can find them.”
“Gotcha. They’re at Providence Hospital. Let me know how Olive is when you get there, okay?”
“You got it,” I said before quickly tapping my screen to end the call.
I debated whether to leave Waffle here or take her with me and settled on taking her with me. I had a buddy in Anchorage who would let me drop her off. He was one of the guys who’d gotten one of her puppies. I tossed a single change of clothes into a backpack, fed Waffle quickly, grabbed some of her food, and took off.
I called my buddy once I was on the highway. Within the hour, I was pulling up outside of his place. Ben lived in the hillside section of Anchorage just south of town. I had to overshoot the part of town where the hospital was in order to drop off Waffle, but I didn’t want to leave her in the car.
Coming to a stop in Ben’s driveway, I stepped out, letting Waffle leap past me. “Hey, man,” I said as I reached him on the front porch. “Thanks for letting me drop her off for a bit. I might need to crash here tonight if that’s okay.”
Ben winked, reaching down to stroke a hand over Waffle’s back. “Anytime, man. Everything okay?” he asked as he straightened.
Ben was an old friend from Fairbanks. We’d gone to high school together, and he’d taken a job on the pipeline for a while. He didn’t work that job anymore, but he relocated to Anchorage to start a guiding business. He was solid as they came for a friend.
I shrugged. “I think so. I’ve got a friend whose mom is in the hospital here, so I came down.”
Ben cocked his head to the side, running a hand through his short, dark hair. “That doesn’t sound like just any old friend.”
I chuckled. “It’s my girlfriend.”
As soon as I said that word, I wondered how Charlie would react. Shaking the thought away, I focused on Ben.
“All right, man. Just give me a call if you’re headed back this way later. Don’t worry if it’s too late. You know me. My place is yours, so just come on in. Actually, you better pop in and say hi to Pancake first.”
“Pancake?” I asked with a laugh. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Following him inside, I glanced down as Pancake hurried over to us, looking so much like Waffle it was amusing. She had the same lean build and silky black fur with gold markings. She was a tad smaller and full of energy. She spun in circles around us.
Ben met my gaze. “Hey, you’re the one who named Waffle. I thought it made sense because she loves pancakes.”
“Fair enough,” I replied.
“An
yway, now she’s met you again. If you show up in the middle of the night, she won’t think you’re trying to kill me.”
After a greeting from Pancake that consisted of licks and wiggles, I left, heading into downtown Anchorage.
When I got to the hospital, I checked at the reception desk, wondering if anybody would even tell me a damn thing. Willow Brook Hospital was a lot smaller. There were any number of nurses who knew me there, but here I was a stranger. Striding to the desk, I paused in front of it. “Hi,” I said. “I’m here to check on Olive Lane.”
The receptionist smiled up at me. Her blue eyes were kind behind her glasses. When she pressed her finger in the middle of her glasses, pushing them up on her nose, the motion reminded me of Charlie.
She clicked a few keys and then glanced back up. “She’s up on the third floor. You’ll need to go to the waiting area up there. Take the elevator, go to the right once you get off, and the waiting area is about halfway down the hallway.”
The elevator felt way too slow. I wanted to know what was going on. When I stepped off the elevator, I jogged down the hallway, slowing right before I saw the sign for the waiting area. When I turned the corner in the room, I saw Emily sitting in a chair on the far side. Her eyes were red from crying, and her knees were curled up on the chair with her arms wrapped around them. Charlie sat beside her with her hand on Emily’s shoulder. Her eyes were also red from crying.
My heart plummeted, dread tightening in my chest. Walking across the room, I glanced around, aware that there were others waiting here. I stopped in front of Emily and Charlie. They hadn’t even noticed my approach.
“Hey, is everything okay?” I asked.
Both of them looked up together, their eyes wide. Emily scrubbed her sleeve across her nose. “Hey, Jesse.”
“Is Olive okay?” I asked, looking to Charlie.
Charlie shrugged, her gaze controlled. “We’re waiting for an update.”
“She has a bad fever,” Emily said suddenly.
I looked to Charlie as if to confirm. Charlie stood up from her chair, glancing back to Emily. “You okay for a few minutes?”
Emily nodded and rested her chin on her knees. I followed Charlie out to the hallway, wondering just what the hell was going on.
She turned to face me, her features tight. “Now is really not a good time.”
Staring down at her, I contemplated what to say. “Hey, I just came to see how you were. If there’s anything I can do to help, just say the word.”
Charlie looked up at me, pain flashing in her eyes as she twisted her hands. I couldn’t say how I knew it, but I knew plain as day that she was about to tell me to leave. I was reacting internally before she even spoke.
“My mom’s got a bad fever, and it might be pneumonia. Emily’s having a really hard time. I appreciate that you’re here, but I just need to deal with this.”
“Are you asking me to leave?”
I knew she could hear my frustration in my clipped words. Right about now, I didn’t quite give a damn. I was beyond frustrated that she was blowing off the fact I’d made it more than clear what she considered complications weren’t that for me.
Yet, it was clear that they were for her.
At my blunt question, her eyes widened slightly. She twisted her hands again and then took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders.
“I guess I am. I don’t know how to do this right now. It’s just too much.”
“Having someone that matters in your life is too much?”
The minute my question came out, I knew it wasn’t a great tactic. Not that I could consider anything I said strategic. Not now. At the moment, I was just all reaction. My pain at her pushing me away was spinning into my frustration at the situation. Nothing about my reaction was helpful, but then I didn’t have a handle on it.
Charlie’s eyes flashed with anger. “Jesse, it’s been great. I just don’t know if now is the right time for me to be doing…whatever we’re doing.” She waved towards the waiting area behind us. “I need to be able to be here for Em and my mom.”
Staring at her, I tried to marshal my thoughts. But I was hurt, and now I was pissed at how easily she was dismissing me, dismissing us. “Good to know that I was nothing more than a good lay for you.”
At that, I spun away, striding quickly down the hallway. I heard Charlie’s footsteps behind me, and she caught the edge of my sleeve.
“Jesse, it’s not…”
Her words trailed off when I spun back. “I get it. It’s not like either one of us made any promises. I suppose I thought you’d notice I was trying to be there for you, rather than seeing me as yet another complication in your life.”
Her breath drew in sharply, two bright red spots appearing on her cheeks. She was quiet, simply looking at me.
At that moment, a nurse approached from behind us. “There you are,” the nurse called out.
Charlie held my gaze for another beat before turning away. “I have to go.”
That was it. I watched her retreating back, stuffing my hands in my pockets.
I ended up not even staying at Ben’s place. When I got there, he was in the middle of a call. When he gestured for me to come on in, I shook my head, mouthed thank you, and then left with Waffle bounding at my side.
I was too cranky to be good company. I drove home in the falling darkness, watching the landscape roll by. A flock of geese flew above, their calls clear in the quiet night. As I rounded the curve, I saw the silhouette of the flock against the setting sun—bird shadows against the backdrop of orange and red shot through with gold.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Charlie
The sleek fabric of the waiting room chairs was warm against my cheek. Coming awake slowly, I became aware my neck was bent awkwardly toward the wall. The hospital here got points for trying to make a comfortable waiting room. At least the chairs had padding. Yet, sleeping upright under duress was never a great night’s sleep.
I had a pounding headache. Glancing around, I saw Em two seats away from me, sound asleep with her knees curled up to her chin. Her short hair stuck up in little spikes. Looking at her, my heart clenched. She looked so young when she was asleep, the lines of her face softened. Her hand was curled around the edge of her jacket, the purple fleece matching her hair.
Straightening, I gave my head a shake. Gathering my backpack, I walked into the restroom off the side of the waiting area. After quickly splashing cold water on my face, I washed my hands and brushed my teeth. Smoothing a brush through my hair, I tucked it into a ponytail. After downing two ibuprofen, I headed out to face the day. First order of business, coffee. Well, after I figured out how my mother was doing.
The nurse last night had assured me they would come check in with me at any point if there were any updates. Nevertheless, I checked in at the nursing station. There was an entirely new crew this morning.
A woman with blond curly hair, a round face, and twinkling brown eyes smiled at me as I approached the desk. “Good morning,” she said cheerfully. “How can I help you?”
I gathered she had already had coffee, or at least a decent night’s sleep. I managed a wan smile and rested my elbows on the desk. “I’m just wondering if there’s an update on Olive Lane. She’s my mother.”
My eyes flicked down to her nametag—Rosie. Rosie suited her perfectly. She clicked through a few screens and then looked up with another smile. “No updates, but she slept through the night. They’ll be doing rounds shortly. You’re welcome to pop in and see her if you’d like. Visiting hours start in an hour.”
“Do you know when I’ll be able to speak with the doctor?” I asked.
I was cognizant of the fact that it was annoying as hell for a doctor to show up at the hospital about a family medical issue and insert themselves into treatment decisions. Yet, it took an active effort not to get pushy and start asking very specific questions. I told myself I would save them for the doctor.
Rosie clicked a few more keys and th
en looked back up at me. “She should be available in just a few minutes. She’ll have a chance to check your mother’s chart. Would you like me to buzz her and see if she can come down?”
“That would be great, thanks.”
I returned to the waiting room after Rosie assured me the doctor would come find me. Em was still sound asleep, so I slipped into the chair nearby and waited. My mind immediately went to Jesse. While my thoughts were heavily occupied by my mother, there wasn’t a lot I could do about what was going on with her right now. Last night, my thoughts had run laps around what to do about Jesse.
I felt awful about how I’d handled things. It was obvious he was hurt and angry. Meanwhile, I was trying to tell myself that last night hadn’t been good for him to be around me, but it didn’t feel good. In fact, it felt like hell.
I missed him, and even though my life was a mess, I wouldn’t mind having a shoulder to lean on. Yet, that made me feel selfish. As if that was the only reason I wanted him around. To have someone to lean on. It was so much more than that.
This other voice—up to now, a voice I hadn’t even known existed inside of me – had all kinds of things to say.
What the hell are you thinking? The man obviously likes you. Like maybe even a lot. And you’re shoving him away? Why? Because you can’t face the fact that it might be worth it to let your guard down.
And so on and so forth. I had to beat back the urge to call Jesse. He wasn’t here right now, and I certainly didn’t feel like now was a good time to call him. Nor did I know what I would say if I did. I needed to talk to the doctor, check on my mother, and get some damn coffee.
Within a few minutes, Dr. Clark poked her head around the corner in the waiting area and gave me a little wave. She started to walk across the room, but then her eyes landed on Em who was still sound asleep. I stood, gesturing to the hallway.
I’d met Dr. Clark yesterday afternoon, and I liked her. She was no-nonsense with her short dark hair, brown eyes and narrow square glasses. She was sharp and on top of it. She glanced down at the computer tablet in her hand and then back to me. “So here are her vitals for this morning.”