Sweet Fire (Into The Fire Series Book 6)

by J. H. Croix

  She reeled them off and then waited. I laughed when I realized she was giving me a chance to come to my own conclusions.

  “Well, it’s good to hear her fever’s gone down,” I said. “It sounds like she’s stabilizing. Any ideas what set this off?”

  Dr. Clark ran down a few options and then shrugged. “In the end, your mom isn’t young anymore. I think she was on the edge of pneumonia, but because of you, we caught it before it got to that stage. It likely started as a simple cold. From what I understand, it’s been a rough few years for your family. Her emotional state will affect her health as I’m sure you know.”

  I leaned against the wall, nodding slowly. “I know. She misses my dad. A lot. She seems happy that we’re here but…” I lifted my hands in surrender, letting them fall loosely.

  Dr. Clark nodded, understanding contained in her gaze. “Of course. Well, I think with another day or two here, her fever will be gone. By then, I’ll feel comfortable for her to be discharged. I would recommend you continue taking her to the day groups. She mentioned that it’s nice to have people around. There aren’t too many medications that help with dementia, as you well know. But there are a few things we can do to help her when she gets anxious, so I’m thinking that’s what we should target. I spoke with Dr. Johnson earlier, and he’s in agreement with what I recommended.”

  She quickly reviewed her recommendations for an as needed medication when my mother got anxious and then gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Your mom is going to be okay. It’s an adjustment for the whole family when people start aging. On a good note, her hip is stable. I think she’s going to need to keep using her walker. If you can convince her to use the walker outside of the house, that would be great. The cane should just be a back up for now.”

  “Oh, you’ll get no argument from me on that,” I offered with a chuckle. “If you could talk to her about it, that would be great.”

  Dr. Clark laughed softly. “Of course. I’m happy to talk with her. Anyway, she’s sound asleep right now. You’re welcome to check in on her if you’d like. Visiting hours officially start in about an hour.”

  “If she’s sleeping, we’ll let her rest. Any suggestions for a good place for coffee and breakfast nearby?”

  Within a few minutes, I returned to the waiting area with the name of a nearby diner. Dr. Clark assured me they served excellent coffee and great omelets. Emily was stretching in her chair as I entered the waiting room.

  She rubbed her eyes with her fists and then looked up, smiling sheepishly. “Morning.”

  “Good morning. Do you want to wash up in the bathroom?”

  At Em’s nod, she stood and swung her backpack over her shoulder. She had a toothbrush and a change of clothes in there. She shuffled into the bathroom while I gathered my things.

  Jesse was still burning in my thoughts, but I told myself I’d have to figure out what to do about him later. Em and I left the hospital to have breakfast and coffee, and I felt halfway human by the end of it.

  As I was savoring my coffee and she was finishing up her omelet, she glanced across the table, catching my eyes. “So how come Jesse didn’t stay last night?”

  I bit back a sigh. She hadn’t actually asked about him last night, and I hadn’t been up for talking about him, so I’d been relieved. I looked over at her into her wide gray eyes that were so similar to my sister’s. Despite Em’s attempt to distinguish herself with her spiky purple hair, she was still so much like my sister, I experienced a sting of grief.

  Taking a swallow of my coffee, I contemplated my words. She was still looking at me expectantly, and it was clear she wasn’t going let no comment slide. On the heels of a deep breath, I said, “It wasn’t a good time for him to be here last night.”

  She took a bite of her omelet, chewing it quickly and then cocked her head to the side after a sip of water. “What do you mean it wasn’t a good time?”

  “Um, Gram’s in the hospital, and you were a little upset last night. I just didn’t think we should throw someone else into the mix,” I finally said, stumbling over my words a bit.

  Em set her fork down and leaned her elbows on the table. “That’s just stupid. You always have to do everything alone, don’t you?”

  She took another bite of her omelet and then sighed. “And you get on my case about having a hard time making friends,” she muttered with a roll of her eyes.

  I was about to say that Jesse wasn’t a friend. But then Em startled me. “Plus, I know he’s more than a friend.”

  I choked on my coffee and had to snag a napkin to wipe some off of my chin. She smiled and, with a flourish, took another bite of her omelet. “Just saying,” she said with a knowing grin.

  After breakfast, we returned to the hospital. My mom was awake, and we got to check in with her. As the next two days passed, Em and I mostly camped out at the hospital and did a few things here and there around Anchorage. Jesse was always dancing along the edges of my thoughts.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jesse

  Several days had passed since I left the hospital. I hadn’t heard a thing from Charlie, nor had I made any effort to reach out to her. I was starting to feel like I might be being as stubborn as she was, and it didn’t quite sit well with me. After a few minutes of fetch with Waffle in the morning, I stopped by Firehouse Café on the way into the station. As I was standing in line, I heard Beck say my name as he approached from behind.

  “Hey, Jesse,” he said, stepping up beside me in line.

  Glancing to him, I managed something like a smile. “Hey, man, how’s it going?”

  “Well, it’ll be better after I get some coffee. I’m working on setting a record for shitty nights of sleep.”

  “Oh?”

  I couldn’t help but smile. Leave it to Beck to make it funny that he was tired all the damned time.

  “Yeah, man. I told Maisie we should have a contest. My current record is a full two hours of sleep in a row. She got three hours one night.”

  “So, I’m guessing you’re not the kind a guy who leaves it up to her to get up when the baby wakes up?”

  Beck shook his head vigorously. “Hell no, man. That wouldn’t be fair. Maisie had to be pregnant and have the baby. The least I can do is wake up when she wakes up. I’m not a walking food machine like she is. I usually get up first to check to see what she needs because she’s not always hungry. At first, we thought we had the sleep thing made with Carol, but now she’s traded places with Max.”

  I clapped him on the shoulder. “Good man.”

  We reached the front of the line and Janet’s beaming smile greeted us. “Hey, boys. The regular for both of you?”

  Beck nodded firmly. “Absolutely. Add an extra shot in mine. I need it.”

  “Ditto,” I replied when Janet glanced my way.

  Janet spun away once we paid, greeting someone else and taking their order before prepping our coffees. Beck and I stepped out of line to wait to the side of the counter.

  “So how’s Charlie?” Beck asked.

  That was about the only question I didn’t want to answer. I sure as hell didn’t know the answer. Before I even said anything, Beck cocked his head to the side. “You don’t even know do you?”

  “Why do you say that?” I countered.

  “Oh, just the look on your face—the ‘oh-fuck-I don’t-know-what-to-say’ look. I know it well. I get it sometimes.”

  “So what happened?” he asked as Janet stepped over and handed us our coffees. We snagged a table in the corner.

  I took several sips of my coffee before I replied to his question. “Well, I think I might’ve blown it.”

  “How did you blow it?”

  “Well, her mom had to go to the hospital in Anchorage. I went down and she pretty much told me to leave.”

  Beck cut in. “How is that your fault?”

  “I don’t really know how she feels. But the way I fucked up was I got pissed about it.”

  Beck pursed his lips, took a sip
of coffee and nodded slowly. “Oh,” he finally said.

  “That’s it? Oh?”

  He took a long gulp of his coffee and nodded firmly. “Yeah. I don’t know how she feels either because I don’t know her that well. But probably not your best move to get pissed when her mom’s in the hospital.”

  “Any advice?”

  “Sure. Same advice I gave you before.”

  “Refresh my memory.”

  “I told you to lay it on the table. I mean, let’s face it, her life is complicated. She’s taking care of her niece and her mother. She’s got some shit going on. So her saying things are complicated, well that’s not a bunch of bullshit. But if you can deal with all that and you want to deal with it, then you need to make sure she knows.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh as I nodded.

  “This time, you should follow my advice,” he added.

  I chuckled and took another long sip of my coffee. “I’ll try.”

  Beck ended up having to leave when Maisie called about something he left at the house. I wasn’t quite up for heading into the station yet and I still had a little time, so I stayed behind. When Janet swung by to see if I needed anything, I ordered a ham pinwheel and asked her to heat it up for me.

  As I was waiting for her to return, the bell over the door jingled. Glancing over reflexively, I saw Charlie walking in. The moment I saw her, my heart gave a hard thump, like a fist to my chest. It was as if my heart recognized her as its owner. I might not have been able to put words to my feelings before, but I knew I couldn’t sit back and let my chance with her slide by. I needed to make my feelings clear to her, precisely as Beck had just pointedly told me.

  She was dressed for work in slacks and a fitted blouse. I knew when she got to the office, she’d be putting on her giant white lab coat that would hide her delectable body. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. She was so buttoned up when she had on her work attitude.

  I watched as she walked toward the counter, standing in the back of the line. Her hair was twisted up in a knot, and she was wearing her purple glasses. As I watched, she adjusted them on her nose, reminding me fiercely of the first time I kissed her.

  She glanced around, her eyes finally landing on me, widening slightly with a flare of recognition. I desperately wanted to get up and go talk to her, but I was well aware we were in a very public location. Janet might be busy, but I knew she was watching like a hawk.

  I forced myself to look away and take another swallow of my coffee. Staring out the window, I watched as people walked along the street. The days were getting longer and the air warmer, which meant more people. I idly wondered if you could do a calculation based on the rise in temperature and the number of tourists that poured into Alaska with every five-degree increase in temperature.

  “Janet asked me to bring this over,” Charlie said from over my shoulder.

  I turned to find her holding a small plate with my ham pinwheel on it. She set it down on the table beside my coffee cup. She clutched her own cup of coffee in her hand, her thumb fiddling with the plastic lid. She stood there quietly, and I wondered if she was going to say anything else.

  “How’s your mom?” I finally asked when she didn’t say anything else.

  She nodded quickly. “Okay, she’s okay.”

  “And Emily?”

  “Well, except for the fact that she has to do community service because she got caught smoking at the high school, she’s fine.”

  My words came out before I thought it through. “She can do her community at the station if she wants.”

  Charlie’s gorgeous gray eyes widened and a slight smile curled her lips. “I didn’t even think about that. But then I’ve never really had to think about what kids do for community service when they get caught smoking in school,” she said with a little laugh.

  “That’s probably not on everybody’s radar. Just bring her by the station. Maisie’ll set her up and call the school to send over the paperwork. She does that all the time for kids who need to do community service.”

  Charlie nodded and swallowed. She was just close enough for me to see the pulse racing in her throat.

  Her next words stumbled out so fast, it was hard to keep up. “I’m sorry I got upset with you at the hospital. I was overwhelmed and stressed and worried. I know you were just trying to help.”

  I absorbed her words and nodded. “Yeah. I was. Just trying to be there.”

  She stood there, the sound of her thumb flipping the edge of the plastic lid making a soft clicking sound. “Um, I should go to work.”

  “Okay, maybe I’ll catch you later.”

  She hesitated for a flash, and I sensed she wanted to say more. Just then, Janet came hurrying over. She held a tray of dishes she’d collected from nearby tables.

  “Anything else?” Janet asked quickly, her curious gaze bouncing between us.

  “No,” Charlie said quickly. “I have to go.”

  She hurried away. My heart literally ached to watch her leave. With this audience though, I wasn’t inclined to follow. Not right now.

  Chapter Thirty

  Charlie

  Later that evening, I sank into my desk chair and reached up to unwind my hair. As my hair fell loose around my shoulders, Jesse danced through my mind. He’d pretty much taken up a full-time parking space in there. Running into him this morning had been painful. I had so desperately wanted to say more than I did. Yet, I felt like I was still stumbling along, just barely juggling all the balls I needed to keep my life running.

  Coward, that rather assertive voice whispered in the back of my mind.

  Tossing the elastic for my hair on my desk, I stood and walked to the windows to look outside. This was one of my late nights, so it was going on seven o’clock. The sun was just now starting to slide down the horizon. The mountains were silhouetted against sky, the stark lines of the ridges and peaks dark against the setting sun. Its rays left streaks of violet and orange in its wake.

  The longer I was here in Alaska, the more I understood why my parents had missed Alaska so much. Its beauty was stunning and spectacular. You could feel the heartbeat of life here and realized how small you were in the big scheme of things with the mountains rising tall and the wilderness beckoning.

  My chest felt tight and emotion knotted in my throat. I missed Jesse, and I needed to scrabble up the courage to talk to him.

  There was a quick knock at my door and then Rachel stepped through. Turning, I leaned my hips against the windowsill, curling my hands over its edge.

  “You know, I always know it’s you,” I offered as she closed the door behind her.

  She flashed a grin. “How come?”

  “Because you’re the only one who knocks and then just comes in. Not that I mind. I kind of like it actually.”

  Rachel walked over to the windows and leaned against the sill beside me, mirroring my position.

  “So, I got coffee at Firehouse Café at lunch today,” she offered.

  “Okay. That’s a little random,” I replied, thinking there was certainly nothing unusual about that. Glancing sideways, I saw a gleam in her eyes. “What?”

  “Oh, just that Janet said she saw you talking to Jesse there this morning. She said it looked like you’d broken his heart when you left.”

  I wanted to cry, my chest and throat knotting with emotion. I didn’t know if I’d broken his heart, but I felt like I’d broken mine. It was certainly cracked. The crack hurt. Like when you crack the skin on a knuckle, and it keeps tearing open again every time you move your hand. The pain festered and lingered, stabbing at me over and over again as the days wore on.

  The gleam in her eyes faded, shifting to worry. “Hey, I was just teasing. Are you okay?”

  Suddenly needing to sit down, I stepped away from the windows and sank into the chair across from my desk, curling my knees up against my chest. For a moment I felt like Em. Then, I realized I was like her, or rather she was like me. Tucking my knees up
like this was something I’d always done when I was growing up. My sister Karen never had. She used to tease me about being like those roly-poly bugs that curled up in a ball when you found them.

  Somehow, I just loved realizing that Em might have inherited this small habit from me.

  Rachel sat down in the chair at an angle from me. “Okay, spill it. You’ve been off for days, but I was chalking it up to everything with your mom. What’s going on?”

  I proceeded to pour the whole story out—how I’d basically chased Jesse away from the hospital, how he’d gotten angry, and now I didn’t know what to do.

  Rachel was quiet when I finished and then she sighed, rather elaborately. Looking over at her, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “You sound like Em. I swear, she could set a world record for her sighs.”

  “Hey, at least I’m not behaving like a dramatic teenager. I have to do this all myself!” she exclaimed, putting her hand against her chest as if overwrought.

  “Is that what I sound like?” I asked, aghast.

  Rachel’s gaze sobered. “Not entirely. I just think you do have a lot on your plate, and you’re letting it be a barrier. Jesse’s made it more than clear he doesn’t have a problem with what you keep calling complications. Stop pushing him away. It’s obvious you don’t want to. In the big scheme of things, everybody’s life is complicated. All it would take is a few shifts, and my life could be just as messy as yours. A lot of shit went down in a short period of time for you, but it is what it is. Life is a mess sometimes. Honestly, you can count yourself lucky for meeting Jesse in the middle of all this.”

  “How do you figure that?”

  “Because sometimes we don’t know how strong someone can be until shit goes down. He’s walking into your life with his eyes wide open. I’ve seen couples seem hunky-dory, and then shit hits the fan and they fall apart. That’s not what’s happening here. If you ask me, you need to go talk to him tonight. In fact, before you come up with an excuse that you need to go check on Emily and your mother, I’m bringing them pizza for dinner. We’ll have a card night. I’m all over that shit. And they love pizza, right?”