The Accidental Girlfriend

by Emma Hart

  I winked. “You’ll tell me to keep it anyway.”

  Another laugh. “Damn it, I’m not as mysterious as I think I am.”

  I slid his change across the bar to him anyway. “Not at all, Randy, not at all.”

  With a wink, he pushed the change back to me. “Did you know there’s a nice young man at the other end of the bar staring at you?”

  I looked over my shoulder. Mason was standing at the other end of the bar, dust in his dark hair and on his pale blue polo shirt. His lips twitched up when he saw me.

  “I do now,” I said to Randy. “And don’t you start.” I pointed my finger at him.

  He grinned and leaned around me. “She’s single, you know!”

  “Away with you!” I grabbed a cloth and flicked it in his direction. His laughter echoed through the bar as he headed to his table in the corner to do his crossword puzzle.

  Shaking my head, I glanced quickly around the bar to make sure nobody needed anything and walked down to Mason.

  “You’ve got some characters in here.” His lips twitched.

  “You have no idea,” I said dryly. “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Sure, why not? I’ll have a Coors.”

  “Coming right up.” I turned and pulled one from one of the low fridges. Uncapping it, I set it on the bar mat in front of him and said, “Two-eighty, please.”

  I took the five-dollar bill he handed me and rang up his order. Going back to join him, I handed him the change before I held up my finger so I could serve the couple who’d just joined the bar.

  A couple of minutes later, I rejoined Mason. “Sorry. What did you need to talk about?”

  “You sure you can talk?”

  “Yeah, if you don’t mind me running off every few minutes when someone needs something.” I gave him a half-smile. “What’s up?”

  He sighed, leaning on the bar. His upper arms pushed against the sleeves of his polo shirt, and I swear, I wanted to sigh. “I have a problem.”

  “If she’s five-five, blonde, and comes with a side of bitch, I can’t help you.”

  “Not Claudia. Surprisingly.” His lips pulled to the side. “My sister.”

  “Your sister? What does that have to do with me?”

  “You know how she emailed you in response to your ad, and that’s how you ended up as my date?”

  I paused as someone approaching the bar got my attention. “I don’t think I like where this is going.”

  “You probably don’t,” he admitted. “Go serve your customer before I tell you.”

  “Great. I’m not scared at all.” I did just as he’d said, serving the guy three beers and pocketing the change at his insistence. “Spit it out. Don’t beat around the bush.”

  “Last night, my sister told my parents that we’re dating.”

  I froze.

  Head. To. Freaking. Toe.

  She did—that we were—what?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I reached up and mimed cleaning out my ear. “I don’t think I caught that.”

  “She told my parents we’re dating.”

  “You’re right. I don’t like where this is going.”

  “Neither do I, if I’m honest. No offense.”

  “None taken.” I folded my arms across my chest. “But you should probably get to explaining.”

  Mason sighed. “My sister is a pain in my ass. My mom is on my back about dating, and Kirsty told her we’re in a relationship. I tried to pass it off as nothing serious, but my mom is like a dog with a bone. She invited you to both my grandpa’s birthday on Saturday and his dinner on Thursday.”

  I blinked at him. This was not happening. There was no way this was going to last beyond that one night. No way. Nuh-uh. It wasn’t happening.

  “I don’t understand what you’re getting at here. I agreed to the reunion because I kind of got myself into that situation.”

  “I know.” Mason rubbed the back of his neck with a grimace.

  “Mason, if you’re suggesting that I actually pretend to be your fake girlfriend for longer than one night, I think you’re out of your goddamn mind.”

  “I tried to get out of this, I swear.”

  “Then try harder!” My voice was getting shrill. “Oh, my God. This situation is not normal. You have to see that.”

  “I see it. I do.” He held up his hands. “And I know it’s insane. You just have to say that you’re working all weekend and you can’t attend either, then we can quietly break up, and nobody will know any better.”

  “Oh, is that it?” I folded my arms across my chest. “It was supposed to be one night only! And even then it was a joke!”

  “I know. I don’t like this, either. Just tell me you’re working all weekend and it’s a problem solved.”

  I pressed my lips together. “I can’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not scheduled to work this weekend.”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “Hey, you’re the one who walked into here and threw this shit out at me. I’m sorry my schedule doesn’t line up with the acting career you want me to take up.”

  He sighed, pressing his fingers against his temples. “You’re off all weekend?”

  “Yep. I finish at five on Friday, and that’s it until Monday lunchtime. My boss is training a new girl, so I got time off because I’ve worked a lot.”

  “Fuck me dead.”

  That wouldn’t be so bad…

  I darted away to serve a group of customers before coming back. “Look, Mason, we don’t know each other.”

  “I know.”

  “This is insanity. You have to see that.” I flattened my hands on the bar and leaned forward. “It was one thing for one night, for like an hour, to get under the skin of your ex-girlfriend. You’re essentially asking me to be your girlfriend for a weekend to impress your mother.”

  He grimaced. “It does sound insane when you lay it out like that.”

  “Really? It didn’t sound insane before?”

  “Yeah.” He rubbed his hand down his mouth, hiding a smile. Then, he laughed. “Come on. It’s crazy. I don’t like this either, but I don’t think I can get out of this. She’s pretty adamant that you come to one or the other.”

  “And you can’t tell your mom no?”

  “You haven’t met my mom.”

  “If you can’t tell, I’m trying to keep it that way.”

  Mason buried his face in his hands and laughed. “It’ll be fun?”

  I raised my eyebrows. “You don’t sound so sure about that. Do you need a minute to decide?”

  “I need a minute to think about why I’m here, talking to you,” he replied dryly. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re hard work?”

  “On a daily basis,” I said brightly. “That’s why I’m single. Nobody wants to come home from work and have to deal with another full-time job in the shape of me.”

  He glanced down my body. “Then you’ve got the perfect excuse for us to break up. Come with me, pretend to date me, and be a diva.”

  I flicked my attention to the person waiting for me to serve them. “Yeah, right. I’ve met your ex. You could take a cockroach as your date, and they’d accept it as an upgrade.”

  He laughed into his hand as I skirted up the bar to serve the guy waiting. He took his tray of G&Ts back to his table, leaving me to go back to Mason once again.

  What he was proposing was completely and utterly ridiculous. There was no way I was going to do this.

  Was there?

  No. Why was I even considering it? This was insane. He was insane. Being a pretend date for a stranger for one night was fun, but pretending to be his girlfriend? I got nothing out of this. It wasn’t even like I’d gotten myself into this. No, it was his sister. She was the culprit for all of this, and I didn’t need to quiz Mason further to know that he wasn’t interested in doing this either.

  “Why don’t you just tell your mom the truth?” I asked, cocking my hip and leaning against t
he bar, running the cloth between my fingers. “Tell her we went on one date, but your sister lied about the relationship.”

  “I tried doing that this morning. You have to understand that my sister is her little darling; she can’t comprehend a world where she lies.”

  Ugh. I felt that. “So she misunderstood. There are so many ways you can play this other than having me pretend to be your girlfriend.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” He sank the rest of his beer and slammed the bottle against the bar. “Lauren, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t know what to do—my mom is like a dog with a bone when she sinks her teeth into something.”

  “Mine, too. I get it. But neither of us benefit from this fake relationship.” I cupped my hands over my face and groaned.

  “I’ll buy you a burger. And your drinks. And you absolutely do not have to do anything other than put your arm around me once in a while.”

  I peered at him and dropped my hands. “I thought you didn’t want to do this.”

  “I don’t. But I don’t have a choice.” He leaned forward and held out his hands. “And we both totally get something out of this. Didn’t you say once in a text that your mom and sister are on your back about dating?”

  I paused. Iz was more teasing me about being single, but my mom was one phone call away from setting me up with one of her friend’s sons. “Yes,” I said slowly.

  Mason raised his eyebrows. “Two weeks. We date for two weeks and amicably break up at the end of it. My mom is happy. Your mom is happy. You’re happy. I’m happy.”

  I stared at him for a long moment. There would be worse things in life than actually pretending to be his girlfriend. “Fine. But there are boundaries. This is staying as platonic as possible.”

  Otherwise, I’d jump his bones. One particular bone, actually…

  “I completely agree.” He tilted his head to the side after looking at the door where a large group of people had just walked in. “Shall we meet tomorrow for lunch and figure it all out?”

  I wrinkled my face up. “I suppose. But you’re still paying.”

  Laughing, Mason stood, leaning over the bar. “I can cope with that.” Then, he kissed my cheek.

  Blood rushed to my face before he’d even finished pulling away. Despite that, I glared at him and said, “That’s a boundary.”

  He grinned, winked, and turned away, leaving me to burn a hole in his back until I could no longer see him.

  ***

  “Don’t you think it’s insane?”

  Iz adjusted her shirt so that her nipple was covered and looked up at me. “Yep.”

  I waited for her to elaborate.

  She didn’t.

  “Just “yep?” Is that all you have to say?” I stopped my pacing and perched on the arm of the sofa. “Iz, this isn’t a fun date. This isn’t a one-time thing. This is potentially being his girlfriend for two weeks and meeting his family. There are lines being crossed here!”

  She sighed. “Stop shouting. You’re making Cara fuss.”

  I glanced at my snuffling niece. “Sorry.”

  “Look, you’re seeing him soon. Just tell him no, you can’t do it. It’s not your responsibility to get his family off his back about dating.”

  “It’ll get Mom off of mine if she thinks I’m dating something.”

  “She’ll plan your wedding if she thinks you’re dating someone.”

  “That’s not the point. She might give me a break for a while. It’s basically the only good thing I’m going to get out of this.”

  “So do it.”

  “I don’t know if I want to.”

  “So don’t do it.”

  “I don’t know that I shouldn’t.”

  Iz sighed, shifting slightly and motioning for me to pass her a pillow. I passed her the kidney-bean shaped pillow she used to hold Cara when she was feeding her, and she got comfortable. “What’s the worst-case scenario here? Someone finds out? You get real feelings for the guy and decide that you want to actually date him? That you have to hang off the arm of a disgustingly hot guy for two weeks?”

  I didn’t answer. I guessed it was the second one because Mason was definitely the kind of guy I could catch feelings for if I was given a chance.

  The only thing I wanted to catch was a flight to Bali.

  “Exactly,” Iz carried on. “None of those things are bad. Awkward, embarrassing, mildly uncomfortable? Sure, but that’s just an average first date for you.”

  That was painfully true.

  “Ugh. Fine. I’ll do it.”

  “Of course you will. You already told him you would.”

  “Why do I come here with my issues?”

  “Because I’m your worldly big sister who managed to keep a guy so interested that he married me.” She grinned. “It means I’m clever and I know things.”

  “If you say so.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Laur, listen to me. Just do it. Just have fun. You’re single; he’s single. It’s not gonna hurt either of you to do this dumb thing for two freakin’ weeks.” She pulled Cara from her boob and, after quickly covering herself up, laid her against her shoulder to burp. “You’re going to have fun. You told me that you enjoyed that night with him, and any man who buys you a cheeseburger is a winner in my books.”

  I pursed my lips. “All right. I’ll go and meet him, but there will be rules.”

  “Smart girl. Set rules. Condoms must be worn before the train can enter the tunnel.”

  “No.”

  “Foreplay is a necessity before the bear can enter the cave.”

  “Please stop.”

  “Kissing before the submarine enters the sea.”

  “I’m going to leave now.” I stood and grabbed my purse from the armchair. “I’ll call you.”

  “Cakes aren’t the only things that need to be moist!”

  I slammed the door to her house behind me before I had to hear any more of her terrible, cringe-worthy sexual innuendos.

  And absolutely none of those would be mentioned in my conversation with Mason.

  CHAPTER NINE – LAUREN

  “Sorry I’m late.” Mason slid into the booth opposite me. “I couldn’t get away until now.”

  “It’s fine.” I smiled at him across the table. He looked unfairly hot to say that he had a big swipe of dirt across his right cheek and dust dotting his hair and his stubble.

  Maybe that was why he looked so hot. He already had rugged good looks—he wouldn’t be out of place as a lumberjack in a checkered shirt, cutting wood. The dust and dirt on him just…fit.

  “Did you order already?” He grabbed the menu from the holder and scanned it.

  “No, I waited for you.” I smiled. “Busy day?”

  “If only roofs built themselves.” He returned the smile. “Are you ready to order?”

  I nodded, and he flagged down a server. I ordered the hot dog and he ordered the wings—color me surprised—and she wrote that down with a promise to return quickly with our drinks.

  “Shall we cut to the chase, then?” I didn’t want to be here any longer than necessary.

  “Let’s.” He smirked.

  I ignored it. “If we’re going to do this, there really does have to be ground rules. It’s not going to be easy to pretend we’re actually seeing each other.”

  “We did a pretty good job last week.”

  “For an hour, Mason. Besides, that was to spite your ex, not convince your mother I’m falling in love with you.”

  “Point taken.” He paused as my shake and his coffee were laid on the table. When the server left, he continued, “How do we start with this? Do you have a pad and paper to write down the rules?”

  “No. I’m not that anal.” I rolled my eyes. “But we do need to agree on the boundaries, and I think the first one should be that we don’t get physical.”

  “How physical are we talking?”

  “Hand holding and hugging are on the table. Everything else is off.”

&n
bsp; His dark eyebrows shot up. “That’s it? I can’t kiss your cheek or the side of your head? I mean, I understand taking blow jobs off the table—I can’t say I’m a fan of it—but cheek-kissing? Come on.”

  “Blow jobs were never on the table,” I replied. “In fact, blow jobs are so far under the table it’d make your dick shrivel up if it knew just how far.”

  “I thought this was a negotiation.”

  “I’m trying to convince your mother I’m your girlfriend, not your penis.”

  “Hey, it’d be reciprocated.”

  “You’d have a hard time giving me a blow-job unless you’re into some kinky shit.”

  He leveled me with a hard stare. “You are hard work, Lauren.”

  “I know.” I smiled, tilting my head to the side. “I will negotiate to cheek-kissing and other non-sexual forms of kissing.”

  “There are non-sexual forms of kissing?”

  “Have you ever seen someone kiss someone else’s toes? The only toes that should be kissed belong to babies.”

  “Some people like that.”

  “Do you find toe-kissing sexy?”

  Mason paused. “Can’t say I’ve ever kissed a woman’s toes. Here, give me your foot.”

  I tucked them right under my seat. “You’re insane.”

  “I know.” He winked. “Okay, physical affection is non-sexual kissing, hand-holding, and hugging. I think we’re agreed there. Are we sticking to the ‘met on an app’ thing we had before?”

  I nodded. “I think we should keep it as simple as possible. It’s casual, not serious, and we’re still getting to know each other.”

  “Not a lie,” he pointed out.

  “The best lies skirt the truth. How long have we been seeing each other?”

  “Less than a month.”

  “Smart. Makes it believable when I play the demon and dump you because your family is full-on.”

  He waggled a finger at me. “And makes me the demon when you tell your family the same thing.”

  “Exactly. Now you’re getting it.” I grinned. “Okay, other important information about each other. What do we need to clear up?”

  Our food was brought out just then. We both assured the server that we didn’t need anything else and got back to our conversation between mouthfuls of food.