Highland Destiny

by Hannah Howell

  “Aye, I have ne’er seen so much brown on a mon. Brown hair, brown eyes, brown skin. I hope he doesnae wear something brown to stand afore the priest, or we might mistake him for a log.”

  “Uncle,” Maldie cried, laughing as she lightly swatted him on the arm. “Be kind. He is a bonny mon.”

  He slipped his arm around her shoulders and started to lead her out of the room. “That he is, lass, and he has chosen himself a bonny bride. One of the bonniest in all of Scotland.” He winked at her. “And ye shall have bonny brown bairns.” He laughed when she blushed. “We had best step quickly now or your laddie will think ye have changed your mind or fled to the hills.”

  “She should be here by now,” Balfour muttered as he paced before the small altar set up at the far end of the great hall.

  Nigel rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “Her uncle has gone to fetch her. He kens all that passed between ye and Maldie while she was here. ’Tis certain he willnae let ye or her flee this marriage.”

  “I wouldnae make any wager on that. She but smiles at the mon and he will probably allow her to lead him to the verra gates of hell.” He smiled faintly when Nigel laughed, then grew serious again. “Whene’er I see her uncle look at her I wonder yet again how that fool of a mother of hers could keep her hidden from such a family. I have seen more of them than I have wished to in the last month and ne’er seen any of them show coldness or condemnation toward the lass because of her bastardry. How could a woman ken her own kinsmen so little, judge them so wrongly, that she would prefer to become a whore and try to make her child one rather than seek her family’s aid?”

  “Pride. Overwhelming pride from what little I have heard said of the woman,” Nigel answered. “It seems she found her sad life preferable to returning home shamed and carrying a bairn. She hadnae made herself weel loved amonst her kinsmen either, so mayhap that decided her. If ye have always acted as if ye are so much better than all around you, ye certainly dinnae want to let them see that ye are not. Let it lie, brother. ’Tisnae something ye or anyone else will e’er understand. Maldie survived her mother’s pride and idiocy and survived it verra weel, too. Now, turn your attention to your marriage for here comes your bride.”

  Balfour looked toward Maldie and sharply caught his breath. She wore the soft green gown he had had made for her. It fit her slender body perfectly and the rich color flattered her. Her thick hair tumbled over her shoulders, its soft waves decorated with green ribbons. There was a light flush upon her cheeks, and he thought that she had never looked so beautiful. Wondering yet again how he had won the heart of such a woman, he walked over to take her hand from her uncle’s grasp.

  “’Tis your last chance to consider the step ye take, Maldie,” he said. “Once the vows are said, there is no escape from this brown knight.”

  Maldie smiled, remembering her uncle naming Balfour her big brown man. That made Balfour sound almost common and, as he stood there in his fine white shirt, draped in the plaid of his clan, he looked far from common. She wondered what madness had siezed her which made her think she could make such a fine laird content, then hastily shook aside that pinch of doubt. He said he loved her and she loved him. She would have a lifetime at his side. There would be plenty of time to learn all that could make him happy.

  “’Tis your last chance as weel,” she said, tightening her hold on his hand. “Howbeit, if ye try to flee, do remember that I can run verra fast.”

  He laughed and brushed a kiss over her lips before turning toward the young priest from the village. As they knelt before the priest, Maldie glanced around at the crowd in the great hall. Kirkcaldys were all mixed in with Murrays, and Maldie knew more then her marriage to Balfour would keep the two clans allied. Eric stood by her uncle and he grinned at her. She quickly grinned back, then found her gaze captured by Nigel. The smile he sent her was a sad one and she felt his loneliness. There was nothing she could do for him, however, and praying that he would overcome the ill-fated love he had for her, she turned her full attention back to the priest. Balfour was about to make vows to her before God and his clan, and she did not want to miss one tiny word of it.

  Balfour was still laughing at Colin’s nonsense when he turned and found Nigel at his side. A quick glance at Colin revealed that man discreetly slipping away, leaving him and his brother alone in the crowd of celebrants. The man had clearly guessed that all was not well between the brothers, and Balfour mused that Colin could be an uncomfortably perceptive man at times. There was a still, solemn look upon Nigel’s face that made Balfour uneasy. He had hoped that Nigel would conquer his feelings for Maldie or, at best, learn to live with them, but he began to think that had been little more than a foolish dream. Balfour knew that, if he stood in Nigel’s place, he would find the situation a pure torment.

  “Congratulations, brother, and many good wishes.” Nigel smiled crookedly. “And I do mean that.”

  “Thank ye, but that is not all ye wished to say, is it?” Balfour said quietly, tensing, yet not sure why he dreaded Nigel’s next words.

  “I am leaving.”

  “I havenae asked that of you.”

  “I ken it. I need to leave. I am truly happy for you, hold no anger toward ye or Maldie. Neither of ye has caused this trouble. ’Tis all my own doing. ’Tis clear to anyone with eyes in their head that ye love her and she loves you. I thought I could accept that, live with it, and get o’er it. I dinnae think I can do that if I must watch the two of ye together each and every day.”

  Balfour briefly clasped his brother by the shoulder. “The last thing I wanted to do was drive ye from your home.”

  “Ye arenae driving me out,” he said firmly. “I swear it. I am taking myself away for a wee while. ’Twill be easier to cure myself of these unasked for and unwanted feelings if the one who stirs them isnae before my eyes. I dared not even kiss the bride. And, in truth, I fear what jealousy may drive me to do. I willnae allow this to come between us, to hurt ye or her. Both of ye have been more tolerant and understanding than I deserve, and I dinnae want to destroy that.”

  “Where will ye go?”

  “To France. The French are willing to pay a Scotsmon to fight the English.” He smiled at the dark frown that crossed Balfour’s face. “And ye can set that thought aside, brother. I dinnae go to war seeking death. I may be in love with my brother’s wife and, aye, ’tis torment, but I fear I love myself as weel. I go to kill the English and, mayhap, this cursed feeling that causes us both trouble. That is all.”

  “Will ye stay for the morning feast?”

  “I will leave at first light. There are a few Kirkcaldys who set out for France at dawn, and I will ride with them.” He briefly hugged Balfour. “I willnae be gone forever. I am nay a complete fool, one who will spend all his days yearning for what he cannae have. I will be back.” He sighed and looked around at the crowd. “And, now, I must go and tell Eric.”

  Balfour watched Nigel disappear into the crowd and sighed. When Maldie stepped up beside him and took him by the hand, he held on tightly. She frowned up at him and he realized she did not know about Nigel yet. He knew how easily she could sense how he felt, and so he forced all thought of Nigel from his mind. Unwilling to steal any of the joy of their wedding day, he decided he would tell her the sad news later.

  “Do ye think we can creep away unseen now?” he asked as he tugged her into his arms.

  “I doubt it.” She laughed softly and shook her head. “There are simply too many people here. We will have to nudge a few aside just to get to the doors, so I think all chance of slipping away unseen has been stolen.”

  “Aye.” He grinned and picked her up in his arms. “So, let us make a grand show of it then.”

  Maldie laughed and buried her face in his neck as he strode through the cheering crowd. Some of the remarks hurled at them as they left the great hall made her blush. She recognized her uncle’s voice bellowing out some of the more ribald suggestions, and swore s
he would make him pay for that. Getting out of the great hall did not end the gauntlet they had to walk through. There were people throughout the keep. They passed cheerful guests on the stairs and all along the upper hall. Maldie was almost surprised to find their bedchamber empty.

  “One of us has too large a family,” she said, then laughed as, after he had loudly shut and latched the door, he tossed her onto the bed.

  Balfour sprawled on top of her and gave her a quick, hard kiss. “There was more than enough room here until Kirkcaldys began to swarm through the gates. Ye looked verra bonny in this gown,” he murmured as he began to unlace it.

  “Aye, I did.” She exchanged a quick grin with him. “I do like it, so mayhap ye could be careful.” Her words were muffled by the gown as he yanked it over her head and tossed it aside.

  “I was careful. I didnae rip it off as I felt inclined to.”

  She curled her arms around his neck. “It has been a verra long time, hasnae it?” she whispered against his lips.

  “Too long.”

  “But, ’tis our wedding night. We should at least try to control our greed.”

  She wriggled free of his grasp to kneel at his side, smiling sweetly at his frown. Her desire for him was so strong it made her weak, and she found that an amusing contradiction. Maldie was determined to gain some control over her passion, however. This was her wedding night, a once in a lifetime event, and she wanted their coming together to be something special. The first time she and Balfour were joined as man and wife should not be some hasty, greedy, blind coupling. She knew she was too hungry for him to fulfill all of her fancies, but she was determined to at least try and fulfill one or two.

  “I am feeling verra greedy indeed, lass.” He muttered a curse when he reached for her and she gently slapped his hands away.

  “As I am, but one of us must show some restraint and ’tis clear that that willnae be you.”

  “I am nay sure I like the idea that ye have some restraint to grasp,” he grumbled, then murmured his pleasure as she slowly began to remove his clothes.

  Maldie took every opportunity she could grasp to kiss him and stroke him as she tugged off his clothes. The way he trembled beneath her touch had her own passions soaring, and control grew harder to maintain. When he was finally naked she kissed him from head to toe and back up again, careful not to linger over the pleasurable chore, knowing his need was already at a painful height.

  She straddled him, easing their bodies together. Maldie hesitated a moment to catch her breath, pleased to hear that Balfour was breathing as hard as she was. Grasping tightly at the few threads of control she had left, she smiled sweetly at Balfour as she slowly pulled off her chemise. She cried out in surprise, then gasped in pleasure when he abruptly sat up, held her close, and began to hungrily kiss her breasts. As she threaded her fingers through his thick hair, she decided that she had been strong enough.

  His lovemaking grew fierce and Maldie reveled in it. Balfour grasped her by the hips and moved her slowly at first, then faster. He kissed her, the thrust of his tongue shadowing the movement of his body within hers. Thus entwined, he drove them to the release they both craved. Their cries blended perfectly as they found that release as one.

  “Ah, Maldie, my wild temptress,” he murmured a long time later, as he eased the intimacy of their embrace and held her close. “I had thought to love ye slowly, to make our first time as mon and wife a long, sweet loving. I had planned for hours of reveling in our passion, not mere moments.”

  She idly rubbed her foot up and down his strong calf. “I tried, but my boast of restraint proved to be a false one.”

  “Ye had more than I.”

  “We can blame my uncle for this. ’Tis his fault we were kept apart so long that we were too starved for each other to endure long and sweet.” She looked at him and tenderly caressed his cheek. “I can wait for long and sweet. We have a lifetime now.”

  “Aye.” He sighed and watched her closely as he said, “There are a few things I need to tell you. I should have told ye them ere I asked ye to marry me, but I feared they would make ye so angry ye would say no.”

  Maldie tensed, fear briefly gripping her heart, then she forced herself to calm down. Balfour was a good man, too good to have many secrets or ones that would be too dark and horrifying to accept. She doubted he could even match the weight of the ones she had held tight to for so very long. Although she could not even begin to guess what he felt he had to confess to, she felt sure that she would find it easy to forgive and forget.

  “Are these verra bad things ye are about to tell me?” she asked.

  “Nay, but they willnae make ye think too kindly of me, I fear.”

  “Then spit them out, quickly, with no added words or explanations. This is not a night we should spend angry with each other, but ’tis also the perfect time for such truths.” She took a deep breath and silently swore that she would be reasonable and would keep reminding herself of all he had forgiven her. “Tell me.”

  “Do ye recall the first time we shared this bed?”

  “A foolish question. Aye, I do. Ye said ye couldnae play the game of seduction any longer, that ye wanted me too badly to keep taking a wee taste then having to step back.”

  “And I swear that was the truth. ’Twas just not the full truth, not the only reason I pushed ye into becoming my lover.”

  “Ye didnae have to push too hard,” she murmured.

  “I had seen Nigel’s interest in you,” he continued, ignoring her soft interruption. “I wanted to mark you that night, Maldie. I wanted to mark ye as mine and no one else’s. I wanted Nigel to see as only a mon can that ye were mine. God’s beard, I wanted ye to see it, too.” He watched her cautiously, his eyes widening when he saw no sign of anger on her face. “I used the passion ye felt for me to push ye into bed ere ye were ready, because I wanted Nigel to ken that ye were taken.”

  “That is your big confession?” she asked. “Ye have been fretting o’er that for months, have ye?” She crossed her arms behind her head and fought the urge to laugh, afraid it might insult him.

  “That and one or two other things,” he said, not sure how to judge the odd mood she was in. He expected anger, but she looked almost amused.

  “Tell me all.”

  “I didnae need to make ye come to Donncoill at all. Weel, at the time I didnae think so, for I kenned naught about Grizel. I looked at you, I wanted you, and then I thought of a way to keep ye near at hand. I had every intention of seducing you.”

  “Shameful.”

  Balfour narrowed his eyes and studied her closely. It looked as if she was trying very hard to control some strong emotion, but he could not begin to guess what feeling she was trying to hide. Although he was a little afraid to continue, he knew he had to. They could not begin their marriage with any secrets between them. She had confessed to all of her deceptions. It was only fair that he confess to all of his own.

  “The last…”

  “There is more?”

  He just frowned and stubbornly continued, “I have already spoken of the time that I suspected you of betraying me, but I didnae tell ye all of the reasons why I did.” He took a deep breath to steady himself, knowing he was going to appear a witless fool and that that brief time of idiocy could deeply offend her. “Aye, I think ye understand how I could suspect ye simply because ye became my lover.” She nodded, her lips pressed tightly together. “Weel, ’twas a wee bit more than that which fed my suspicions. Not only had ye chosen me as your lover, but ye were a verra good one.”

  Her eyes grew very wide, she choked out the words sweet Jesu, turned onto her stomach, and buried her face in the pillow. Balfour was horrified. He had not anticipated that she would respond to his confession with tears. He awkwardly patted her on the back as he frantically tried to think of something to say to comfort her. A moment later he frowned, leaning down and futilely trying to see her face. He had never heard Maldie cry, but he began to be certain that she was not cryin
g now. His eyes widened as he listened more closely to the muffled sounds she was making.

  “Maldie, are ye laughing?” he demanded, his voice softened by shock and confusion.

  She flopped onto her back, still chuckling as she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. “Aye, and ’tis glad I am that ye finally guessed, for I was near to smothering myself in that cursed pillow. I am sorry, Balfour. I mean no insult.” She reached out to touch his cheek. “Such dark sins ye confess.”

  “Now ye make jest of me,” he murmured as he laid down in her arms, relaxing for the first time since he had decided to confess everything to her. “We are now mon and wife. I wanted us to begin our marriage with only the truth between us.”

  “A laudable plan. But, Balfour, ye worried yourself o’er naught. Aye, mayhap ye didnae act in the most honorable way, but compared to the lies I told and the deceptions I indulged in, I fear yours simply dinnae measure up.” She grinned when he laughed.

  “Then I declare ye the winner in the games we played with each other.”

  “Thank ye.”

  “Howbeit, it wasnae right for me to plot so hard to seduce you.”

  “Be at ease, my bonny brown mon. I was plotting as hard as ye at times.” She readily returned his quick kiss. “I wanted you from the start as weel. Aye, mayhap I didnae plot and plan as ye did, but I grew verra skilled at telling myself lies, convincing myself that I could do as I pleased e’en though most of the world and its confessor would condemn me for it. And, aye, I was even able to unfairly set all blame upon your shoulders from time to time.”

  “Ye forgive a mon his faults verra easily.”

  “When his faults are that he wants me, desires me, and tries verra hard to get me, ’tis nay so hard. Nay e’en the last sin ye confessed to is verra easy to forgive. What woman can be hurt by the fact that the mon she loves thinks she is a good lover? In truth, I am just sorry that foolish women left ye feeling so unsure of your worth that ye could think it odd that I would want you.”