Comatose: The Book of Maladies

by D. K. Holmberg

  “And where will you go?”

  Sam looked around. “I don’t know.”

  Elaine nodded to her. “We will confront her together.”

  “And what will that change? If it’s true, then what if everything Marin has told me is also true?”

  “I have the same questions.”

  “No, you have different questions than I do.”

  Elaine watched her for a while before nodding and turning away. Sam was thankful that she didn’t continue to argue. She had half expected Elaine to force her back to the palace, and if she did, Sam wasn’t sure she could refuse.

  She needed to go to the university and see Alec, especially after what she’d learned. It felt like it had been ages since she’d seen him, rather than only a few weeks.

  Sam wandered through darkened streets. She ignored the shadows of buildings on either side of her, not mindful of the people that were here. These were sections of the city that she didn’t know nearly as well, but armed with her canal staff, she didn’t fear someone catching her by surprise and jumping her. Maybe she should.

  She wandered steadily toward the west, and it was late by the time she reached Caster.

  Sam crossed the canal, barely thinking about it as she flipped over and landed on the other side. A group of men who had been loitering near the canal turned toward her, and she tapped her staff on the ground.

  One of the men sneered at her. “Interesting trick you have there, girly,” he said.

  “Listen. I don’t know who you are, but I’m not in the mood,” Sam said.

  “You don’t come to Caster unless you’re in the mood,” the man said.

  Sam breathed out in annoyance. She spun her staff and smacked him in the cheek, sending him flying back to his friends. The others turned toward her, and Sam flipped up, landing in the middle, wielding her staff around in a sweeping arc, taking out legs. She was rewarded with sharp snaps as bones broke, and she felt little remorse—and little satisfaction.

  Everything fell silent. The battle was over, and she had knocked down five men with barely more than a second thought. She had no augmentations, nothing other than her canal staff.

  “Leave girlies alone,” she said to the man. When he tried to sit up, she thunked him in the head with the staff once more for good measure.

  She made her way through the streets, and her steps brought her to Marin’s house. There was no one there, not anymore. The building was nice—at least nice for Caster, and it had been a place where Sam had discovered more about herself. She stared at it, wishing answers could come more easily to her.

  After a while, she turned away and headed along the street, keeping toward the edge of the buildings and generally off to the side, not wanting to draw too much attention. She didn’t need to get into another fight, though if there was another group like the last, she wasn’t opposed to teaching them manners.

  When she reached Bastan’s tavern, she hesitated only a moment before heading in. Once inside, she separated the two ends of her canal staff and tucked them beneath her cloak. She took a seat toward the back of the tavern and scanned the inside.

  There was activity, and much more than was usual for Bastan. It was too early for him to have this many people here.

  The door to the kitchen opened and a familiar face poked out, carrying a tray. When he saw her, James angled her way and took a seat across from her. Where was Kevin? James was fine, but she was much more comfortable with Kevin. “I haven’t seen you here in… Well, in a long time.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been busy.”

  “That’s what Bastan says.” James watched her for a moment. “What happened? You seem as if you lost someone.”

  Sam shook her head. “I don’t know that I lost someone so much as I lost faith in someone. My mother,” she said.

  James grunted. “You know, sometimes, parents do things that we don’t understand until later. They think it’s in our best interest, but little do they know that sometimes, our best interest is keeping an eye on us and saying nothing.”

  “No, I don’t think this was her acting in my best interest.”

  “No? Well, I’ll get Bastan.” He stood and made his way toward the back of the tavern.

  “James?” James paused and turned. Normally, she wouldn’t hesitate, but then normally, it was Kevin here. “Would you… Would you have any food?”

  A slow smile spread across his face. “For you? Of course, I would.”

  He disappeared into Bastan’s private office before reappearing and heading to the kitchen. Sam didn’t have to wait long before he brought out a tray of food and set in front of her. It was roast with vegetables and what appeared to be fresh bread. Everything smelled delicious, and Sam barely paused before digging in. “I have coins,” she said between bites.

  “I’m pretty sure Bastan would throw me out if I tried to charge you.”

  “Bastan only wants his money.”

  “Not from you.”

  James tapped the table and turned away, leaving Sam to her food. She ate in silence. Her mind raced as she tried to think through everything that she had seen and experienced, but she had a hard time processing it. Her mind felt a blur, and everything seemed to buzz within it.

  “I’m glad to see you. There’s something I might need your help with…” Bastan stood in front of her before taking a seat across from her. “Something happened?”

  “I found Marin.”

  “I get the sense that you finding Marin wasn’t so good for you.” Bastan leaned forward. “Did she hurt you?”

  “Not the way that I thought she would.”

  “And what way was it?” Bastan asked.

  “She… She explained why she did the things she did.”

  “The way you say that tells me there’s something to it that bothers you.”

  “Of course there is. I thought when I found my mother, everything would be better for me.”

  “And it’s not?” Bastan rested his arms on the table and watched her. There was concern in his eyes, the kind of concern that Sam had grown accustomed to seeing from him, though she didn’t know what to make of it. Bastan cared for her, and he might be the only one who had been straight with her for as long as she’d known him. He’d wanted her to do jobs, but that was it. He had never asked her to do anything else, and he had never treated her as anything other than a thief, the type of thief that he had trained her to become.

  “It’s not. My mother—Elaine—hasn’t provided me with the answers I was hoping she would. And everything that I’ve learned has only led me to more questions.”

  “What kind of questions?”

  “The kind that has me wondering if I’ve been doing the right thing.”

  Bastan sighed. “I’m not sure any of us can say we’re doing the right thing.”

  “You sure can’t,” she said with a laugh.

  “I do what I can to run my business. I take care of those who work for me, and I look out for them. Sometimes, I’m the only one who does. I do my best to ensure that this section stays as safe as I can make it. Now, Caster is never going to be like one of the inner sections, and we’re never going to have highborns coming in here and throwing around money, but Caster is much safer than it could be if I wasn’t here.”

  “I know, Bastan. I didn’t mean to imply that—”

  He raised his hands, holding them out from him. “I’m not worried about what you imply, Samara. I just want you to know that some people work because they are after a certain thing. I’ve known plenty of people in my day who wanted only power. When I was younger, that was all I cared about. I thought if I could gain enough power, I would be able to make good money, so I could make a move on one of the highborn sections. After a while, I came to realize that it wasn’t money and power that I cared about but the ability to protect those who were important to me.” He leaned forward. “Have you ever wondered why I’ve never made a move beyond Caster?”

  “You have contacts all over the city, Bas
tan.”

  “Contacts doesn’t mean that I’m attempting to move beyond my section. And I have no problem having influence outside of our section. That influence is what keeps everyone else safe. Kyza knows that the damn royals aren’t about to keep us safe.”

  “Probably because they don’t have the necessary resources,” Sam said in between bites.

  Bastan watched her, a smile coming to his face. “Resources. Oh, I’m sure that’s the reason they don’t venture this far out. It’s not that we create something of a buffer.”

  “What kind of buffer?”

  “The kind that doesn’t matter, Samara. These sections are expendable, at least in the minds of highborns. None of them would care if we fell apart. If the city were to fall, it would do so section by section, giving the highborns a chance to escape.”

  “They can’t escape, they’re in the center of the city.”

  “They only want you to think they’re in the center of the city. Think about the palace. It’s situated near enough to the river for easy access out of the city. All it would take would be a skilled captain to guide them to freedom.”

  Sam frowned. It wasn’t the palace that was at the center or nearest the river, it was the university.

  She kept hearing that the Scribes had power similar to that which the Thelns possessed, but Sam had never given it much thought beyond that. What did it mean that they shared similar power?

  “I’m sorry that you had a bad experience with your mother.”

  “The worst part of it is that I’ve been blaming Marin, and I’m not sure I should have been.”

  “I thought Marin was responsible for what happened to you when you were young.”

  Sam hadn’t told him all that much about it other than to let him know that Marin was responsible for her lack of memories, but Bastan must have looked into it on his own. That didn’t surprise her. “As far as I know, she was. But she did it because of an assignment she’d been given.”

  “What assignment would make her think that it was okay to steal a child’s memories?”

  “The same assignment that was given to her where she was told to kill a child.”

  His eyes widened. “You?”

  Sam shook her head.

  “Tray,” he quickly guessed. “Then why were you involved?”

  “Because she blames my mother. She presumed Elaine knew about the assignment and thought that Elaine should have known better, or maybe she was acting out of malice.” Sam shrugged. “I don’t really know. And at this point, I don’t know that it even matters. All I do know is that Marin is the reason Tray is still alive, at least if I believe her.”

  “With the way you’re moping here, it seems as if you do.”

  “I have no reason not to. That’s just the problem.”

  “And the person who gave the order?”

  “Someone who should have known better.”

  Bastan stared at her. He didn’t press her for more information, and he didn’t try to get her to open up about anything else. He simply stared, compassion in his eyes. “What do you intend to do?”

  “That’s the question, isn’t it? If I continue to serve the way that I have, I am somehow complicit.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “Even if I know and still choose to serve?”

  “People aren’t all good or all bad,” Bastan said. “Everyone has shades of gray.” He leaned back and smiled. “I mean, look at me. I’m sure plenty of people think that I’m no good, but it’s not as if I don’t care about those working for me.”

  “Bastan, I don’t think you conceal that nearly as well as you think you do.”

  He chuckled. “No, I suppose that’s probably true. And I’m not sure that I want to conceal it. I want to the people who work for me to know that I’ve got them. That I will do everything I can to protect them.”

  Sam still couldn’t believe that she had once thought that Bastan only wanted to use her. Either he had hid it well from her or she had simply been oblivious to the fact that he cared more for her than he had ever let on.

  “I don’t know what to do,” she said.

  “I’ve had that same experience many times in my life,” Bastan said. He looked around the tavern, and his gaze drifted over all the people that worked with him. Sam couldn’t recognize all of them, but she detected enough that she knew there were plenty of people here who served Bastan. Most did so because of the safety he offered. More than a few wanted the financial benefit—Bastan made it very clear that he paid well and had decades of having done just that to back up his claim—but some, like Kevin, wanted nothing more than to be a part of something. It was the same thing Sam felt, and it was what she had thought she was getting through her training as a Kaver. “What you need to do is take a step back and look at who you are and what’s important to you.”

  “That’s just it. What’s important to me is—or has been—Tray. And now I don’t even know what to make of it. If he’s not my brother, I don’t know that I have the same purpose.”

  “Why do you let them tell you who is or isn’t your brother?”

  “Bastan, I was coerced into believing that Tray was my brother. I know that we aren’t the same.”

  Bastan stared at her for a long moment. “Have I ever told you about my brother?”

  “You keep your personal information pretty close to the vest,” she said.

  “Mostly because there are others who would think to use it against me.”

  Sam chuckled. She had a similar experience.

  “Well, my brother and I were raised in the Haver section, and we—”

  “Haver? That section is highborn, Bastan.”

  “Is it? It’s more centrally located than Caster, but I’m not sure I would consider Haver highborn. Anyway, we couldn’t be any more different if we tried. My brother and I have never gotten along. When I started having success with my business dealings, I tried to bring him in, but he wanted nothing to do with it. At one point, I suspected him of reporting me, and it took more than a little influence for me to avoid that reporting.”

  Sam smiled widely. “Influence?”

  “I deal in influence. It’s not as if you don’t know that.”

  “And by influence, I presume you are talking about how much you had to bribe someone.”

  “There’s only one type of influence that matters in the city, Samara. All most people care about is how much money they have.”

  “You’re not that different,” she said.

  “I’m different in that my influence is all about getting enough money so that I can keep my business dealings safe.”

  “Bastan, it’s not all about money with you. I’ve seen you willing to use violence to get the outcome you want.”

  “What can I say? I have to protect my people and my business dealings.”

  “So, what happened?” Sam asked.

  Bastan frowned. “What do you mean, what happened?”

  “What happened with your brother?”

  “Ah. Well, with him, I had to cut off communication. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in the last ten years. I don’t even know what’s happened to him.”

  Sam laughed, shaking her head. “I don’t even understand the point of the story, Bastan.”

  “The point is that even your blood relatives may disappoint you. You’re born into a family, but that doesn’t mean that it has to be the family you choose. Think about it and decide who will be in your family. Who has your back when things get dicey? That’s the family that matters.”

  He fell silent, and Sam looked up at him. “There was something you were going to tell me about when I first got here. What was it?”

  Bastan shook his head. “I’m not sure it matters.”

  Bastan…”

  “Go find that friend of yours. Sounds like you haven’t seen him in a while.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Just do it, Samara, all right?”

  Bastan tapped the table
and stood, scanning the tavern again.

  “I want you to know that I got a place for you,” Bastan said. “With me, I’ll always have a place for you.”

  He turned away, leaving her with her tray of food and sitting silently.

  What would she do?

  The answer was there, but it was one that left her feeling uncomfortable. And it was one that she wasn’t sure she could do on her own. Could she confront the princess without augmentations? Did she dare even attempt it?

  If she didn’t confront her at all, did it mean the princess would get away with everything that she’d done?

  Sam hated that idea almost as much as anything else. More than anything, she wanted to know whether the princess was responsible for what Marin had claimed. She needed to confront her, if only to have those answers.

  When she did, she had to be prepared for the possibility that Elaine would challenge her. Sam didn’t know if she was ready to face her mother. But, if what Marin said was true, did she have any choice but to do that?

  21

  Search for Alec

  The atmosphere inside the palace was somber. Sam thought maybe it was only imagined, and that maybe she was perceiving something that wasn’t there, but maybe not. There were no guards. More surprisingly, there were no Kavers.

  Had something happened?

  Then again, it was early morning. She had spent most of the night outside of the palace and had remained in Caster far longer than she normally would have. Bastan had not returned, though Sam would have liked it if he had. As frustrating as he could be, there was just something about Bastan that made her feel comforted. Maybe that was his point. He was the family that she had. Despite everything else, and despite all of the tasks that he had assigned her, Bastan was one person who had always been there for her. He was her family.

  Sam hesitated as she made her way toward Elaine’s quarters. There wasn’t anything there that would be helpful, not without her understanding exactly what Lyasanna had done. And wasn’t that the reason she had returned to the palace? She had come for answers, which meant that she had to reach Lyasanna and confront her.