“Jenna is a good girl,” Helen said. “She is a good friend.”
“She is,” Emma agreed. “She has been so great this past year. I would have been lost without her.”
“Mommy I want pancakes.” Mia said suddenly from where she was sitting at the table.
“You have your favourite cereal,” Emma replied, pointing at the bowl sitting in front of the little girl, still untouched.
“But I want pancakes,” Mia insisted.
“I’ll make you some,” Helen said getting up from the table.
“No I don’t want you to do it,” Mia replied grumpily. “I want Daddy’s pancakes.”
Emma was floored. It was the first time in such a long time that Mia had looked for Jonathan or something to do with him.
“Mia,” Emma said breathing deep and trying to remain calm. “If you want some pancakes I’ll make some for you, but sweetie there is no way you can have Daddy’s pancakes. He isn’t here.”
“But I want him to make me pancakes,” Mia said and began to cry.
The tears weld up in Emma’s eyes. She quickly got up and hurried to Mia’s side of the table and picked her up and held her close to her as her little girl sobbed.
“I know you miss Daddy, baby,” Emma said softly as she brushed the tears from both Mia’s and her own eyes. “I miss him too, but you know he wouldn’t want you to feel sad. And I will tell you a secret. Nana taught Daddy how to make those pancakes and she makes then just like his.”
“Really?” Mia replied through her sobs.
“Really,” Emma said. “And she has taught me how to make them too. So what if Nana and Mammy make you pancakes and they will be just like Daddy’s.”
“Okay,” she smiled and nodded eagerly.
Helen and Emma got up and made a big stack of pancakes. As they cooked the smell wafted up the stairs and soon Gerry and Jenna were in the kitchen wondering what the delicious smell was.
Then as if on cue Louise arrived with Conner and Andrew and took their places around the table.
“You know I think this lot must smell the food,” Gerry said when Emma place a plate stacked with pancake on the table. Louise looked up at him and stuck out her tongue.
“Well Mia?” Emma said as she kneeled down next to her little girl. “Do they taste as good as Daddy’s?”
“Yeah,” she replied with a smile. Emma kissed her forehead and noticed that Mia seemed a little warm. “You feeling ok baby. You are a little warm.”
“There is some Calpol in the fridge if you need it,” Louise told Emma. “I always leave some here in case Andrew needs it.”
“Thanks,” Emma said and got it from the fridge and gave some to Mia.
“So when are we going to go out?” Louise asked as Emma helped Helen clear the table after breakfast. “I have been asking her for the last two weeks and I am getting nowhere.”
“You could all go out tonight,” Helen suggested. “Dad and I will look after the girls and Andrew. And maybe you could ring Jack. Make a night of it.”
“That’s sound fun,” Jenna said and smiled reassuringly over at Emma. “What do you say Emma? We could ask Grace as well.”
“Oh I don’t know,” Emma replied cautiously. “I think Mia might be coming down with something.”
“You know, I have managed to raise three kids that sometimes got sick,” Helen said. “I think I can manage.”
“Ok but I don’t really want to go to O’Grady’s,” Emma replied.
“We have to go to O’Grady’s,” Louise replied excitedly. “Its karaoke night and Jenna hasn’t heard you sing.”
“Nor will she tonight,” Emma replied defiantly.
“Oh please!” Louise begged, sounding like a spoiled child. She turned to Jenna and explained. “She is really good.”
“Come on,” Jenna joined in Louise’s request. “It will be fun and if you sing, I will, and you know I can’t sing, so you will get to see me humiliate myself.”
Emma knew she wasn’t going to hear the end of it nor was she going to win. She also knew that part of the reason Jenna wanted to go is because she knew there was a chance they could run into Zach and Jenna wanted to check out this guy herself.
Louise rang Jack and Grace and they all agreed to meet in O’Grady’s at 8 o’clock.
Emma settled the girls that night for her Mam, even though she was told she didn’t need too. When she went into Jenna’s room to get ready, Jenna had already emptied the entire contents of her three suitcases on her bed.
“Emma you need to help me,” Jenna said looking at her friend with panic all over her place. “What the fuck do you wear to a pub in Ireland?”
“Would you relax,” Emma said, laughing at her friend. “It’s just a pub, just put on some jeans and a top.”
Forty minutes later they were finally ready to go. But only after Jenna had tried on seven different outfits and she insisted Emma changed her outfit to something a little more revealing than Emma usually wore.
“You look hot,” Jenna said when they both looked at each other in the mirror. “You are so going to give that Joanna bitch something to worry about.”
“I am not going out to give anyone anything to worry about,” Emma replied. “I don’t care about Zach. He made his choice. That was a long time ago.”
“You sure?” Jenna asked not really convinced.
“Yeah,” she nodded with a smile. She knew her friend didn’t believe her but she wasn’t going to admit she hoped Joanna was jealous and she hoped she would have good reason to be. “But do you really think I look hot.”
“Totally,” Jenna said given her friend a hug.
A little while later Emma and Jenna set out for O’Grady’s. Emma felt so nervous. But whatever happened tonight she was going to walk in with her head held high and not run away.
Chapter 15
~Five years earlier~
Emma arrived at Zach’s apartment about ten minutes earlier then arranged. It was a week since she had spent the day with Zach. They had managed to grab a few minutes together every day since. But it had been hard to get away from her parents.
However the day before a girl she went to school with called and asked her to go in to the town for a few drinks. There was a gang of her old class mates meeting up. Emma agreed to go but later when her parents weren’t about she rang back and said something had come up and she couldn’t make it.
Instead she used the excuse to spend time with Zach. When she left her parents’ house she said if she was very late she would probably stay in the town with one of her friends. So she had the whole night free.
When she got to the apartment, she was about to buzz in, when a guy came out the door and held it open for her. She quickly ran up the stairs. When she got to the Zach’s door, she was about knock when she noticed it was slightly a jar.
She pushed it opened and looked inside. She could hear two voices coming from inside the apartment. They seemed to be arguing. Emma couldn’t resist listening for moment before she would knock.
Emma recognized Zach’s voice and knew she heard the other voice before but couldn’t place where.
“Zach you are making a fool of yourself,” the girl’s voice shouted. “She is getting married in a week.”
“I know she is getting married,” Zach snapped back. “But I am not making a fool of myself. I have feelings for this girl and I know she has feelings, real feelings, for me.”
“How can she?” she replied. “She is marrying someone else in eight days.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” He replied sounding so frustrated. “But she isn’t married yet and if there is even the slightest hope that she might pick me then I have to believe I am not wasting my time. I am falling in love with her.”
When Emma heard what he said she could barely breathe. He was in love with her. Did she love him? She thought for a moment but the truth was she didn’t know how she felt. Yes she had feelings for him, very strong feelings but did she love him she didn’t
know.
“God you are such a fool!” the girl snapped furious with what she heard. “All you are to her is one last fling.”
“Joanna you don’t even know her,” he snapped back.
I might have guessed Emma thought to herself. She had heard enough. What she wanted to do was march in there, and put this Joanne straight, but she couldn’t. She would have to tell Zach she heard what he said. And the truth was she didn’t know if she was ready to have the conversation it would lead to.
She carefully closed the door again took a deep breath and rang the bell.
“Emma!” Zach said surprised to see her standing there.
“Some guy let me in down stairs,” she explained. “I hope you didn’t mind me coming up.”
“No, no,” he replied and kissed her. ”Come in.”
Emma followed him in to the apartment and prepared herself for a frosty reception from Joanna. And that was exactly what she got.
“Emma you remember Joanna,” Zach said nervously.
“I do” she replied with a forced a smile. “Nice to see you again.”
“Yeah,” was all she grunted. She didn’t even look at Emma. Emma was a little taken back by Joanna’s obvious dislike of her. Emma had always gotten on well with most people so she didn’t know why Joanna seemed to dislike her so much.
“Just remember what I said,” Joanna said to Zach before she gave Emma one last disapproving look. And walked towards the door and slammed it behind her.
“Was it something I said?” Emma asked looking curiously at Zach.
“Don’t pay any attention to her,” he said coming closer to her. He pulled her to him and kissed her but it seemed to be missing emotion, almost like he was kissing her because he had to.
“Are you hungry?” he said when he finally released her from his embrace.
“I guess so” Emma replied feeling a little deflated. Zach was definitely not his usually bubbly, charming self. She wondered if he had listened to what Joanna had said. Did he think he was just a fling?
Suddenly Emma realized she didn’t really know what this was herself. She was really enjoying her time together with Zach. She knew her feelings were very strong for Zach. But she was supposed to be getting married in eight days’ time. What was really going on between them? They had never discussed the future.
Then she realized that in just over a week she would have to decide one way or another because after the wedding she would be going back to New York with Jonathan. She would have to say goodbye to Zach forever. What else was there to do, cancel the wedding?
Eventually she would have to decide. It hadn’t even occurred to her until now that she might not go ahead with the wedding.
“You ok?” Zach asked noticing the expression on her face. “You aren’t letting Joanna bother you, are you?”
“No,” she smiled brightly. But her heart felt heavy.
“Good,” he replied. “Because I have you to myself all night and I don’t want anything to ruin that.”
They ate there dinner and had a couple of glasses of wine. They sat and chatted about movies, music, and pretty must anything, except the one thing that they were both thinking about.
“Are you sure you are okay?” Zach said wrapping his arms around Emma and pulling her closer to him. “You seem a little, I don’t know, distracted tonight.”
“I’m okay,” she reassured him and smiled.
Zach leaned in and kissed her softly. Emma smile up at him as he pulled her closer to him.
He pushed her back on the sofa as his kiss deepened. He reached down and slid her skirt up her legs until he reached the rim of her panties.
He traced the rim of her panties with the tips of his fingers before he hooked them with his fingers and eased them down her legs.
Emma watched Zach as he slowly removed her panties. He looked up and their eye met and Zach smiled.
“Do you have any idea just how beautiful you are?” he whispered against her lips. “I have never wanted anyone more, than I want you.”
“Then take me,” she breathed against his lips and she pressed hers against them. He moved between her legs as he reached down and freed himself from his pants.
He was already hard and ready. He pulled a foil pack from his pocket. He remembered the last time they were together, he hadn’t used protection and he had chickened out telling her. But he wasn’t going to make that mistake again,
He rolled the condom down over his rock hard length and position himself against Emma and covered her body with his.
This time he eased into her as he softly kissed her mouth. He rocked in and out of her slowly the whole time he tenderly kissed her. It was perfect.
Slowly Emma reached her climax and she pulled him to her closer and she cried out in pleasure. Zach kissed her hard as he pushed into her and came inside her.
“God,” he sighed breathlessly as his softly kissed her face. “You have no idea what you mean to me.”
Emma didn’t reply, instead she kissed him hard, showing him just what he meant to her too.
Afterwards as the lay in each other’s arms, Emma decide she needed to know what Zach thought they were doing and were their relationship was going.
“Zach,” she said softly. “What are we doing?”
“What do you mean?” He sighed sleepily.
“Where do you see us going?” she said turning over and leaned on his chest to look at his face. “I am supposed to be getting married in eight days’ time. Then I will be going back to New York.”
“I don’t want you to go back,” he said surprising her with his directness.
“What are you saying?” she asked, completely shocked by his reply.
“Emma I don’t want you to marry this guy,” Zach replied nervously, taking a deep breath. “I want you to stay here with me, marry me. God I love you so much”
“But you barely know me” Emma replied this time sitting up on the sofa.
“I know I love you” he said, sitting up next to her. He looked in to her eyes. “I do, I love you and I think you love me too.”
“Zach I am so confused,” she said. “I made a promise to Jonathan. It would break his heart...”
“But Emma you don’t love him,” he interrupted. “You can’t. If you did you wouldn’t be here with me. I know you know that this is true,”
“Zach,” she replied. “I need time.”
“Time is the one thing we don’t have,” he said. “But you can have the little time we do have, if that’s what you need, you’ve got it.”
“Thank you,” she said and kissed him.
“But I want you to know something,” he said pulling her closer. “I love you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. And I promise you I will make you happy. And I will never break your heart.”
They lay in each other’s arms until finally Zach had drifted off to sleep. Emma couldn’t sleep. She kept thinking about what Zach had said. He would never break her heart. But she knew no matter what she decided. Somebody was going to be hurt.
She looked at Zach lying beside her. She watched him sleep so peacefully. She thought about going back to her life in New York.
But she couldn’t imagine saying goodbye to Zach. And she knew if she was with him she would always know she was the most important thing in his life.
She thought of Jonathan. She thought about how many promises he had made her and broken. She thought of how he had even let her down over the wedding.
But if she chose Zach how would she tell Jonathan? How would she tell her family?
She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. The last thing she thought of was the promise Zach had made her. He promised he would never break her heart.
Chapter 16
“You sure I look ok?” Emma asked Jenna for the tenth time, as they reached the pub.
“You look sensational,” Jenna replied and gave her a reassuring smile. “You are going to be fine.”
They pushed through the door an
d walked inside. Emma looked around for the others. She spotted Jack and Grace over at a table near the bar.
Grace waved when she saw them. They pushed through the crowds in the pub which was packed as usual on Karaoke night. Grace greeted Emma with her usual hug.
“Grace you remember Jenna,” Emma said reintroducing her two best friends.
“Yeah,” Grace said hugging Jenna. “It’s good to see you. And well done getting this one to come out tonight.”
“Good to see you too,” Jenna smiled back brightly.
“Jack you haven’t met Jenna yet,” Emma said introducing her friend to her brother. “Jenna this is my brother, Jack.”
“Nice to meet you Jack,” Jenna said flashing Jack her most dazzling smile.
“You too Jenna,” Jack said shaking her hand. He couldn’t help but notice how pretty Jenna was.
Jack ordered a round of drinks just as Conner and Louise arrived. While everyone was settling down Emma discreetly glanced around the pub. She didn’t know if she was relieved or disappointed that she didn’t see him.
When the drinks arrived Jenna asked if she could make a toast.
“To new beginnings,” she said raising her glass.
They all raised the glasses. “New beginnings.”
Emma knew exactly what Jenna meant by her words and she was touched by her rock solid support. She could feel herself well up and she didn’t want to get upset in front of everyone and bring their evening down so she excused herself and went to use the bathroom. When she went in she was glad the bathroom was empty. She walked up to the sinks and checked her makeup and hair. She looked at herself in the mirror.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked herself. But she didn’t know the answer. She washed her hands took a deep breath and headed back out to the others.
She pushed open the door but as she went to walk out she was hit like a ton of bricks. She stumbled back but she could feel someone grab her arm.
“I am so sorry…” a voice began to say.
“It’s ok,” Emma said trying to act as cool as she could. She looked up to see who had run into her. “Zach!”
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