CHAPTER FOUR
BETH SAT ON the old settle and watched as Callum made his way to the bar to order their lunch. It was a beautiful day and the pub was busy with tourists enjoying a day out but she had no problem picking Callum out from the crowd. With his thick dark hair, his tanned skin and that air of authority he exuded, he stood out and she noticed several women glance his way. Callum had always possessed the ability to turn heads, just as he had turned hers when they had first met.
‘Right. That’s all sorted.’ He came back and dropped down beside her.
‘What do I owe you?’ Beth edged away when she felt his thigh brush against hers. She would have dearly loved to move but every seat was taken and they’d been lucky to find these. She bent down to pick up her bag, steeling herself when her knee accidentally knocked against his. She could feel ripples of sensation running under her skin and bit her lip. She didn’t want to feel anything for him, didn’t want to be aware of him in any way at all, but it was impossible when even the slightest contact made her skin tingle and her blood heat.
‘It’s my shout. I invited you, don’t forget.’
Callum dismissed her offer to pay her share with a shake of his head. Beth was sorely tempted to argue with him but she decided that it wasn’t worth it. She needed to keep things on an even keel and not allow emotions to get in the way. She placed her bag back on the floor, taking care not to touch him this time.
‘Have you left Beatrix with the childminder?’
She jumped when he shot the question at her. ‘Well, I certainly haven’t left her at home on her own,’ she replied tartly.
‘I didn’t think you had,’ Callum said quietly. ‘I was only asking, Beth. I wasn’t having a go at you.’
‘No. Of course not. Sorry.’ Beth flushed, knowing that she had been far too sharp with her answer. She took a quick breath to calm herself but her nerves were jangling. It wasn’t easy being with Callum like this but she had to try to maintain some kind of a balance. ‘I left her with Alison Lewis. One of the mums I met at my antenatal classes recommended her and she’s very nice—she has a real affinity with the children she minds.’
‘I remember her from when I last worked here,’ Callum said thoughtfully. ‘Doesn’t she have twins, a boy and a girl?’
‘That’s right—Molly and Max. They’re three now and Beatrix adores them. She was so excited when I dropped her off this morning because she knew they’d be there to play with.’
‘Good. It must make it easier if you know that she’s happy,’ he observed.
‘It does,’ Beth agreed, somewhat surprised by his astuteness. ‘I have to admit that it was a wrench to leave her but she didn’t seem the least bit worried. She was more interested in playing with the other children than in the fact that Mummy was leaving her!’
‘It sounds as though she’s got loads of confidence,’ Callum said with a smile.
‘Oh, she has. She’s just like you in that respect.’ The words rushed out before she could stop them and she saw an expression of pain cross Callum’s face.
‘I wish I could see her, Beth. Oh, I know you need time to decide what you intend to do but it would mean such a lot if I could see her.’ He stared down at his hands. ‘After I received your letter telling me you were pregnant, I spent hours wondering if you’d had a little boy or a little girl. Then ever since I found out she was a girl, I’ve spent even more time imagining what she looks like.’
He suddenly looked up and Beth felt a lump come to her throat when she saw the yearning in his eyes. ‘I mean, is she blonde like you or dark like me? Does she have brown eyes or hazel? At the moment she’s just this shadowy little figure who I can’t picture clearly and I can’t tell you how much it would mean to me to just see her, touch her, smell her even. Then I’ll really feel that she’s my daughter.’
Callum hadn’t meant to let his emotions get the better of him. On the contrary, he’d been determined to project a calm front. However, thinking about the daughter he had never seen had let loose a host of feelings, most of which he had never expected to experience. He had never yearned for a child of his own, never longed to procreate even when he and Beth had been trying so hard to have a baby. But now that his daughter was a fact, he found it impossible to take a step back from her.
‘Here. I have some photos of her on my phone.’
He jumped when Beth pressed her phone into his hand. He stared at the screen, feeling his emotions multiply a hundredfold as he looked at the fair-haired moppet smiling up at him. She had Beth’s colouring and his eyes. She also had his nose if he wasn’t mistaken.
Words failed him as he flicked through the photos, one after the other. They were a record of his daughter’s life to date, the first one taken straight after her birth and the last one only a couple of days ago. All those months that had passed without him being there, he thought wretchedly. All that time during which she had grown up and he had known nothing about her existence.
How he longed to turn back the clock, to have been there for her from the very first moment, but it was impossible. He could never recapture that precious time he’d lost; all he could do was to make sure that he was there for the rest of her life. The thought stiffened his resolve, made him see just how important this was to him. He wasn’t going to give up. Even if Beth refused his pleas then he would find a way to maintain contact with his daughter.
‘She’s beautiful,’ he said, reluctantly relinquishing the phone. ‘She has your colouring and my eyes.’
‘Yes.’ Beth bit her lip and he could sense her hesitation before she hurried on. ‘I think she has your nose as well, although babies change so quickly that it’s hard to be certain. One minute they look like one parent and the next they look like the other.’
‘It must be fascinating, seeing all the changes,’ he said, struggling to control the emotions that kept welling up inside him. He cleared his throat when he saw Beth glance at him, not sure if he felt comfortable about laying himself bare this way. It would have been different if they’d still been together; he wouldn’t have felt nearly as self-conscious then. But they were no longer together, no longer involved apart from through their child, and he needed to protect himself.
‘It is. Every day Beatrix seems to change. It’s not just how she looks either but what she can do.’ She smiled, her beautiful face lighting up with delight. ‘I swear she said “dog” the other day when I took her out for a walk.’
‘Sure it was “dog”?’ Callum asked, adopting a deliberately sceptical tone because he couldn’t afford to think about how much he wanted her at that moment.
‘Well, I’m not sure exactly, but it sounded very much like it,’ she said defensively.
Callum laughed. ‘I’ll take your word for it. After all, you know her better than anyone else does.’
‘I do.’ She took a quick breath and he steeled himself for what he was about to hear. ‘It’s been just Beatrix and me right from the very beginning, Callum, and that’s how I want it to continue.’
‘Meaning there’s no place for me?’ he said harshly as his worst fears coalesced into one terrible thought: Beth was going to refuse to let him see his daughter. She wasn’t going to allow him to have any contact with her. Oh, maybe he could go through the courts and apply for visitation rights, but how would that help? Beth would only resent him if she was forced to grant him access and Beatrix would soon realise there was something wrong. Could he do that to her, could he put his child through that kind of trauma, make her suffer at the hands of two warring parents? Of course not!
‘Why do you want to play a part in her life, anyway?’
Beth answered his question with a question of her own and Callum drew himself up short. Was it a sign that she hadn’t completely made up her mind about this? That she was willing to reconsider if he could prove his case? The thought made his insides churn with nerves but if there was
one occasion when he needed to appear confident, it was now.
‘Because I know how important it is, not just for me but, more crucially, for Beatrix.’ He had never told Beth about his unhappy childhood. Whenever the subject had come up, he had brushed it aside. However, now it was time to tell her the whole story. His tone was flat when he continued because he had long since come to terms with the past and it no longer had the power to affect him.
‘My parents never really wanted me, you see. They’re both lawyers and run their own firm, specialising in international property rights. They spend a lot of time flying to one place or another, so my arrival was merely a hindrance. I spent my early years being looked after by a succession of nannies then, once I was old enough, I was sent away to school.’
‘How old were you then?’
Callum heard the shock in her voice but he didn’t dwell on it. His past no longer mattered apart from if it helped to make his case to see his daughter. ‘Seven.’
‘So young!’ she exclaimed.
He shrugged. ‘Most of the boys were the same age as me when they started at the school, so it was quite normal.’
‘Did you miss them, your parents, I mean?’ she queried, obviously finding it difficult to understand.
‘Not really. I’d had very little to do with them so it really didn’t worry me. In fact, it was holidays that were the worst times. It was obvious that they resented spending time with me when they could have been working. In fact, it was a relief when I was old enough to go away on holiday on my own and do various activities like skiing or diving.’
‘I can’t imagine what it must have been like,’ she admitted. ‘My family has always been close and we enjoyed spending time together.’
‘You were lucky.’ Callum smiled at her. ‘Not everyone has such a good relationship with their parents.’
‘So it seems,’ Beth replied, her voice wobbling. ‘Do you see much of them nowadays?’
‘No.’ Callum could tell that she fighting back tears and felt dreadful about it but he couldn’t afford to weaken if he was to plead his case. ‘We go our separate ways and that suits us fine. However, there’s no denying that my childhood had an effect on me. That’s why I was so reluctant when you suggested we should have a baby. I was afraid that I’d turn out like them and not really be interested in my child, but I was wrong.’
He held her gaze, knowing that this was the most important moment of his life. He had to convince her that he meant every word. ‘As soon as I learned that we had a child, everything changed. Maybe I don’t know how to be a proper father yet but I’ll learn—I promise you that. Just give me a chance, Beth. Give Beatrix a chance to get to know me because I swear on my life that I’ll never let her down.’
* * *
Beth collected Beatrix from Alison’s house and drove home. The afternoon had passed in a blur. Callum’s revelation about his childhood had answered so many questions she had wondered about but he’d never wanted to talk about it before. How awful it must have been for him to feel unwanted! Coming from a loving home herself, it was hard to understand how anyone could behave that way towards their own child, but she knew that he had been telling her the truth.
He hadn’t made up some sob story to persuade her to let him see their daughter; every heartbreaking word had been true. She couldn’t begin to explain how much it hurt to know how he must have suffered.
She let them into the cottage and set Beatrix on the sitting room floor so she could play with her toys while Beth made her tea. She boiled an egg and made toast soldiers to go with it then fetched Beatrix through to the kitchen and popped her in the highchair. The little girl was at the messy stage of wanting to feed herself but it was all part and parcel of growing up.
Beth helped her spoon some egg into her mouth then handed her a finger of toast. Some of it ended up in Beatrix’s hair, which she seemed to think was the perfect spot for wiping her hands, but Beth didn’t mind. Beatrix was happy and healthy and loved and they were the things that mattered most.
Tears suddenly welled to her eyes again as she thought about Callum and what he had told her, how he had told her. There’d been no sadness in his voice, no anger, no pain. It made her see just how awful it must have been for him to live through a childhood like that. No wonder he was so determined to be there for their daughter.
Standing up, Beth went into the sitting room and found her phone. Maybe she wasn’t one hundred per cent certain that she was doing the right thing but she knew that she would never forgive herself if at some point in the future Beatrix thought that her father hadn’t wanted anything to do with her. She bit her lip as she pressed the dial button. She didn’t want to add to Callum’s pain either.
* * *
Callum had just taken a shower when his phone rang. Digging through the pile of clothes on the bed, he finally unearthed it, his heart racing when he saw Beth’s name appear on the screen. He still wasn’t sure if he had done the right thing by telling her about his childhood. What if it had simply confirmed her fears that he wasn’t fit to be Beatrix’s father? By his own admission he knew nothing about being a parent and he couldn’t blame her if she had decided to cut him out of their daughter’s life.
‘Hello,’ he said, hoping she couldn’t tell how nervous he felt.
‘I was wondering if you were busy this evening,’ she said quietly, although he heard the tremor in her voice that she was trying to disguise.
‘Not unless you call going down to the bar to sample yet more pub grub busy,’ he replied with forced levity. ‘I’m not exactly fussy when it comes to food but if I have to eat another pie then I might just keel over!’
‘Oh, dear.’ She laughed and Callum felt his spirits lift. Beth had the most wonderful laugh, warm and genuine, just like her.
‘Well, I can’t promise cordon bleu cooking but I can rustle something up for us and it won’t be a pie, I promise you.’ She took a quick breath and then hurried on. ‘I thought you might like to come round and meet Beatrix.’
* * *
Beth opened the sitting room door but Callum didn’t move. She glanced at him, feeling her heart ache when she saw the expression on his face. Beatrix had already had her bath and she was wearing her favourite pyjamas, the ones printed with pink bunny rabbits. She looked so adorable as she sat on the rug playing with a toy car that Beth’s own heart melted. It wasn’t hard to understand how Callum must feel at that moment, just how overwhelming it must be for him.
Without pausing to think, she took hold of his hand and led him into the room. His fingers were icy-cold and her emotions see-sawed once more. She had intended to keep this first meeting low-key but it was impossible to pretend that it wasn’t of major importance for both him and Beatrix. For if it was the first time that Callum had seen his daughter then it was the first time that Beatrix had seen her father too. Tears stung her eyes at the thought but she blinked them away. Letting go of Callum’s hand, she went over and knelt down on the rug beside Beatrix.
‘There’s someone here to see you, darling,’ she said softly. ‘Say hello.’
Beatrix looked up, her big brown eyes fastening on the stranger standing by the door. Just for a moment her lower lip wobbled ominously before Callum stepped forward. Crouching down, he picked up a car and ran it across the rug.
‘Broom, broom. Beep, beep,’ he said as he steered it towards the little girl.
Beatrix’s face broke into a huge smile as she took the car from him and pushed it across the rug, making appropriate beeping noises. Callum laughed. ‘She’s obviously going to be a racing driver when she grows up.’
‘Looks like it.’ Beth felt a wave of relief wash over her. There’d been a moment when she had thought that Beatrix might get upset at seeing a stranger in their home but, somehow, Callum had immediately struck the right note with her. Was it a sign that it would be easier than she had feared to let
him into their lives? She sighed softly. It was too soon to speculate about that. Far too soon either to know if his interest would last.
The doubts rushed in before she could stop them and she scrambled to her feet, not wanting to go down that route at this moment. There would be time for that later, time when she would have to weigh up the pros and the cons of this situation, although there could be only one outcome. Beatrix’s happiness came first and if she had any concerns at all about her precious daughter then she would call a halt, even if it meant disappointing Callum.
‘I’ve done salmon and new potatoes for us. I hope that’s all right. It’s just about ready so I suggest we eat while madam here is happily engaged with her cars.’
Her tone was overly bright and she saw Callum shoot an assessing look at her. He didn’t say anything, however; he simply ran his hand over Beatrix’s hair as he stood up, and the very simplicity of the gesture moved Beth more than she could say.
It was obvious that he wanted this to work, but was wanting enough? It wasn’t easy being a parent. He’d need to make some massive changes to his life and she wasn’t sure if he understood that. After all, he had very little experience of what it took to be a father after the less than ideal childhood he’d had. It was a worrying thought and Beth’s mind was racing as she served their meal. Callum sighed as he took his first bite.
‘This is delicious. You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble, although I’m glad that you did. My arteries will be able to have a day off from all that grease.’
‘Eating out is fine but not when you have to do it every day,’ she agreed, finding it easier to stick to a more neutral topic. Maybe they both needed to take a step back from all the heavy emotional stuff, she mused. It had been full-on ever since Callum had reappeared and it might help if they found some kind of balance so she carried on in the same vein. ‘Are you going to continue staying at the pub or do you plan to find somewhere else to live while you’re covering for Eleanor’s maternity leave?’
‘I’m going to move into the flat over the surgery. Daniel asked me if I’d like to move in there and I jumped at the chance.’ He speared a piece of fish then looked at her. ‘It will give me time to look around for somewhere permanent.’
Reunited by Their Baby Page 4