That First Christmas

by Lily Graison

  The sight of her in his clothes draped so snug against her soft flesh made his cock twitch.

  Her chest rose with every breath she took and his gaze traveled the length of her before settling on her face. Her lips glistened, the firelight casting a flicker of shimmers across them. He wanted nothing more than to taste them. To see if they felt as lush as they looked. When her tongue darted out, licking the full bottom lip, he closed his eyes.

  She was killing him.

  Inhaling deeply, Travis opened his eyes and took a step away from her, looking up at the top of the tree. He glanced down, took the star from her hand and placed it on top. Without another word, he walked away, shrugged off his coat, hung it by the door, and went straight to the kitchen. Distraction, that’s what he needed. Anything that would take his mind off of her. He started their supper without a glance back at her.

  Meredith frowned at his back. What had she done wrong? She’d flashed him every part of herself. Made herself look as appealing as she could in his oversized clothes. Invaded his personal space to the point she could feel the heat from his body seeping into her skin. Gave him her best, “I want you look” and licked her lips when his gaze landed on them.

  And he’d walked away? Why hadn’t he kissed her or at least attempted to?

  Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he didn’t want her. Her shoulders slumped and so did her spirits. If she couldn’t make some old, lonely mountain man want her, what were her chances with other men? Oh, sure, they’d want her when they needed something warm and wet to sink into or they found out her daddy was stinking rich, but she didn’t want someone as superficial as that. She wanted someone who wanted her. Meredith. Someone who liked her because of her.

  Walking back to the couch, she sat down, putting him to her back. She picked up another page from the magazine, half-heartedly making another ornament. If she couldn’t even make Travis want her enough to kiss her, her seduction plan was useless. Her frown deepened and she stared sightlessly at the paper in her hands. She couldn’t explain why her eyes burned suddenly or why her chest felt so heavy. When the first tear fell, she practically ran to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

  * * * *

  Travis wasn’t sure what was wrong but, Meredith’s mood had done a complete flip since he’d walked in the door. He’d fixed them supper and she’d spent more time pushing her food around than actually eating it. Every conversation he tried to begin with her was finished quicker than it was started. Something was obviously bothering her. She was too solemn all of a sudden. He didn’t like it. He liked her happy, with laughter dancing in her eyes. Not like this. It made him uneasy.

  “Is the food okay?” he asked. “I can fix you something else if you want.”

  “No, it’s fine,” she said, not looking away from her plate. “I’m just not very hungry.”

  She glanced up at him then. He realized it was the first time she’d looked at him since the tree incident. What he saw in her eyes stole his breath. Pain and sadness so profound it made his heart clench. But why?

  Did he say something wrong? No, he thought. I didn’t say anything to her. He’d just stood there gawking at her, imagining what her lips tasted like.

  She darted another quick glance up at him, averting her eyes when she saw him looking back and her cheeks flushed. She squirmed in her seat, picking up her glass and taking a small sip. When she licked the moisture from her lips, Travis had an absurd idea. Had she wanted him to kiss her? Is that why she was suddenly so somber?

  Don’t be ridiculous, he thought. A girl like that could never want you. But he couldn’t deny what he was seeing. Something had saddened her and whatever it was did it in a damned hurry. The only thing he could think of to cause her mood shift was his hasty retreat. If that was what it was, then he was a damned fool. Had she been offering herself to him? Possibly, you ass, and you walked away without a backwards glance.

  Suddenly, his own supper looked less appealing. He glanced around the room, looking at the decorations she’d made. She’d put a lot of effort in today, making the cabin look more cheery. It hadn’t looked this warm and inviting in…well, ever.

  Looking back at her, he ducked his head, trying to see her face. “It looks really nice in here, Meredith. I’ve never had a real Christmas here.”

  She smiled weakly, glancing at him before laying her fork down. “Thanks,” she said, pushing away from the table. “I’m really tired. I think I’ll go to bed.”

  He nodded when she stood and watched her walk across the room and crawl into bed. He sat there for what seemed like forever watching her, letting his thoughts wander from one topic to the next, all of them centered on her. One thought in particular played on repeat in his mind.

  When he took her to town, she’d be gone. Forever. Would it make him a dirty old pervert to see if she really did want something from him? He knew she couldn’t be asking for anything serious. She was probably just curious. He was.

  If once she left, and he never saw her again, what harm would it do? She’d never have to know about the lives he’d destroyed or see the hurt in her eyes if she ever did. She’d be gone, nothing but a pleasant memory.

  Standing, Travis cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen. By the time he was finished, the physical labors of the day and the emotional roller coaster he’d taken, took its toll. He stretched out on the sofa and was asleep the minute he laid his head down.

  Chapter Five

  Just like every morning for the past week Meredith woke alone in the cabin. She looked around the room, spotted the Christmas tree and sighed, laying her head back down.

  She’d made a complete fool of herself the other night. She’d been so sure Travis couldn’t resist her that he would gladly take advantage of the situation. What had he done though? Walked away like she wasn’t even standing there. She’d been so embarrassed all she could do was cry like the baby he’d said she was when she told him her age. Maybe she was. She knew she was young and didn’t have much of any knowledge of how the male mind worked, especially one his age. She was used to young frat boys, not grown men.

  Groaning as the whole ordeal replayed in her mind’s eye, she rolled over and stared at the wall. She’d barely spoken to him since that night and felt childish for it. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t want her. He apparently had a lot on his mind. She’d catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye and the look on her face would break her heart. He looked sad most of the time. Like he carried the weight of the weight of the world on his shoulders but the expression would change the minute he saw her looking at him. He’d smile at her and a mask would fall over his features.

  She knew she couldn’t very well ignore the man until the roads cleared. She was basically living in his house. Eating the food he prepared for her and not once had she offered him a “thank you” for his trouble. She’d basically given him the silent treatment since the failed seduction attempt.

  She frowned. She was acting like a…well, a spoiled brat.

  What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to act around him? Like the whole thing never happened? Could she do that?

  She knew she couldn’t spend the next, however many days with him, not speaking to him. For one thing, she wasn’t known for her quiet demeanor and not talking had been a hard. She’d just have to suck it up and pretend the disastrous, attempted seduction had never happened.

  Nodding her head at her decision, she climbed from the bed, and used the bathroom, using the brush on the cabinet to tame her unruly locks. The lack of proper hair care products caused it to stand in bushy waves and curls, the natural curl making itself known in ways she loathed.

  Making herself as presentable as she could, she again found breakfast in the oven. After she’d eaten and cleaned her dishes, she was faced with the daily dilemma of what to do. She glanced out the kitchen window, wondering where Travis was. He only came in a few times each day. She knew he couldn’t be out in the open for that long of a time. The eleme
nts wouldn’t allow it. Was there something more outside she couldn’t see from the windows?

  Making the decision to find out, she walked to the dresser to find warmer clothes. She was thrilled to see her own clothes, ruined though they were, sitting in a small stack on a trunk by the wall. Her white slacks were obviously trash. The entire right leg from knee down was stained brown. The sweater had survived, mostly, but the pale peach color was dulled obviously by the road sludge.

  She dressed quickly, happy to finally be in her own clothes again and slipped her boots on. The wind howled against the cabin windows and Meredith grabbed a sweatshirt and pair of sweatpants from the top drawer of the dresser to put over her own clothes. Wrapped in layers, most ill fitting, she was ready to brave the cold. She wrapped her coat around her body tightly and opened the front door.

  It was the eerie silence that she noticed first. Nothing moved but the tree branches when the wind caught them. Snow still fell but she could tell it would stop completely today. The trees were covered in a layer of ice, their heavy branches bending and drooping toward the earth.

  The truck was almost completely covered. The red paint was the only thing making it visible. She turned her head, looking to both sides of the cabin and smiled as she saw footprints in the snow. She turned left, following them around the side of the house and stopped in the back. A small wooden structure stood alone near the tree line, smoke billowing from a chimney, and she could hear the faint sounds of banging. Making her way through the deep snow, she opened the door to the building, shutting it quickly behind her to block the wind.

  Travis turned his head to her, his eyes widened in shock. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  He watched her for several long seconds before nodding his head, a tiny smile playing on his lips. “It’s okay,” he said.

  Meredith looked around the room, taking in what was obviously a workshop. Tools lined the walls and the smell of wood hung heavy in the air. What looked like tree branches were stacked along one wall and an assortment of chairs, made from what looked like the same type of branches, took up the far end of the room.

  She looked at Travis, watching him peel the bark from a long branch before looking at the furniture along the walls. Her mind’s eye flashed back to the cabin and the natural wood furniture in the living room. It looked similar to this.

  Taking a step further in the room she stopped, laying a hand on a table standing in the center of the workshop. “Did you make this?” she asked.

  He nodded, glancing up at her. “Yes. I can live off the land for most things but a man still needs to make a living.”

  “You really made this?” she asked amazed.

  “You looked surprised.”

  “I am,” she said. “It’s just so…How long have you been making it?”

  “A few years,” he shrugged. “There wasn’t anything in the cabin when I moved up here and well, I needed something to sit on.”

  He turned to face her, noticing for the first time what she was wearing. “Nice outfit,” he grinned.

  She smiled beautifully at him. “You think so?” she asked. There was a hint of laughter in her voice as she held her arms out and preened at her ensemble. “I call it mountain chic. Think I can market it?”

  “Maybe. The socks on your hands are a little much, I think.”

  “What? Grownups don’t wear mittens anymore”

  “I wouldn’t know,” he said. “I don’t get into town but once a month.”

  Her eyes widened. “Once a month?” she said, shocked. “You can’t be serious. That’s the only time you see other people?”

  “What reason do I have to lie to you?”

  Her brow scrunched as she looked at him and he knew she was thinking hard about something. Her bottom lip was between her teeth and the sight of it brought back memories of the other night. He should have kissed her when he’d had the chance. When she was offering it to him. A small part of him regretted the lost chance. He probably wouldn’t get another opportunity. He couldn’t very well make a pass at her. He wouldn’t. He’d leave it in her hands. If she offered him another chance, he wouldn’t be a fool this time. He’d take it.

  He went back to work, keeping one eye on Meredith. She was slowly making her way around the workshop, touching every piece of furniture she saw. The look on her face told him she liked it. He couldn’t explain how thrilled he was about the fact. The people in the surrounding towns bought his furniture in droves and what money he made off of it kept him comfortable and well fed. But seeing the same joy on her face as she looked at it caused his pulse to race. Knowing she liked something he took so much pride in left him excited beyond words. He knew he’d never be the kind of man she would want forever but the look on her face as she admired his life’s work gave him hope that someone would.

  He worked quietly most of the morning, answering Meredith’s questions about the process when she had them. She’d even managed to insinuate herself into helping. He didn’t mind, though. Working alongside her was refreshing. Just having another’s presence was nice. He’d been alone for so long. Too long. He missed this, he realized. Seeing someone everyday. Having someone to talk to about nothing. Hearing laughter and being able to laugh.

  “Am I doing it wrong?”

  Travis focused his gaze on her upturned face. “What?”

  “I asked was I doing it wrong?”

  He glanced down; looking at the branch she’d been smoothing and shook his head. “No. It looks fine to me.”

  “Oh,” Meredith said. “You were giving me a funny look. I thought I was screwing something up.”

  He smiled. “Hard to screw it up,” he said. “Besides, the more natural looking the branch, the more character the piece has.”

  “So, this is something even I couldn’t muck up?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Even you couldn’t muck this up.”

  She laughed, going back to her task. “Wouldn’t my father just love to hear that,” she said. “He thinks I’m going to end up a useless human, not good for anything other than making a man look good by having me on his arm and birthing babies.”

  Travis bit back a snort of disgust. He wasn’t surprised at her revelation though. It sounded just like the bastard. He always saw the worst in people. Apparently his own daughter didn’t escape his judgmental views.

  “He shipped me off to college in hopes I’d make something of myself,” she said. “So far he’s right though.”

  “How so?” Travis said, noticing her frown.

  She shrugged her shoulder. “I don’t have a major and have no clue what I want to do with my life.”

  “You’re young,” Travis said. “Most people in their forties don’t know what they want in life.”

  “Do you?” she asked, turning to look up at him.

  Yeah, he knew. He wanted someone to love. Someone to love him in return. He wanted a family, a house full of happy laughter and nights filled with dreams and wishes. It wasn’t what most people wanted, but he had everything else. He had a home. It wasn’t much, but it was his. He had a talent that supported him and kept him from starving. The only thing his life lacked was someone to share it with. His forced isolation had taken its toll and he often wondered if it would take his soul in the process.

  He smiled and lied. “I haven’t a clue.”

  “Oh, you’re no help!” she laughed, reaching out and swatting him on the arm. “You’re like…old. You’re supposed to have everything figured out by now.”

  “Sorry to burst your bubble,” he said. “I may be old but I’m far from wise. I make the same mistakes everyone else does.” Some more than others, he thought.

  “So,” she said, changing the subject. “What are you really doing up here.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, living up here, alone, like some creepy old hermit.”

  “You think I’m creepy?” he asked, amused.

  She looked up at him, his blue eyes
sparkling with amusement. “No, not entirely,” she said, impishly. “You do have that sick fascination with hanging dead animal carcasses on the wall, though. That’s way creepy.”

  He laughed. “You think so?”

  “Most definitely. And living alone isn’t normal either. People will start to talk about you, if they don’t already.”

  “I don’t really care what people think about me.”

  “Obviously,” she grinned. “Your choice of wardrobe says as much.”

  She looked at the flannel shirt he wore. It was almost exactly like the one he’d worn yesterday, only this one was blue instead of red. It did make his eyes bluer, though.

  His smile grew and he stilled his hands. “I don’t have anyone up here to impress,” he said. “I could walk around butt naked and no one would care.”

  “Oh, I’m sure someone would.”

  His eyes burned with desire all of a sudden and Meredith drank in the sight of it. She hadn’t been mistaken about what she just saw in his blue gaze. Did he want her? Her pulse quickened at the thought, her stomach clenching in anticipation. She swallowed to moisten her throat, extending her tongue to do the same to her suddenly dry lips. A faint, eager look flashed in his eyes and her heart skipped a beat.

  She took a deep breath, wondering what to do now. Should she be the aggressor and kiss him? Lord knew she wanted to. She could almost feel the delicious caress of his lips on hers. Feel his hands scorching her flesh. She glanced at his lips, licking her own again. Her body ached with the need to taste him. To see for herself if what she’d only imagined were anywhere close to the real thing.