Dirty Secret

by Chelle Bliss

  “It’s already fucking done. And you’re the one who did it.” He picks up my clothes from the floor and tosses them at me. “Get dressed and get out.”

  “No.”

  He steps closer to me, like a wolf close to pouncing. “Get. Out. Or I’ll throw your ass out.”

  I close the distance between us and put a palm on his chest. “You told me once that you’re not as bad as everyone thinks you are. So prove it. I’m asking you to help us stop arms dealers and drug lords. Murderers. You’d be saving lives.”

  “Is that why you do this? You think you’re saving the world?”

  His cold tone sends a shiver down my spine. “Not the world, no. But yes, I do it to help people. My uncle was killed by a criminal with an illegal gun. I loved him very much.” I swallow back the tears.

  “If you’d just been honest with me…” He sighs heavily. “We could have had something, Kennedy. Something really good.”

  “So we’ve got nothing?”

  “Not anymore.” He nods at the bedroom door. “Get the hell out. I need to go get Coco.”

  I nod, feeling like a pane of shattered glass that’s pieces are on the edge of falling to the floor. I overestimated Nix’s feelings for me, and now my career is on the line. I blew my cover to make this offer myself, and I have to go tell Rae it was a bust. Not to mention I just lost the man who means more to me than any man ever has.

  “Okay.” I slide into my jeans, and he looks away as I put on the rest of my clothes. How quickly things changed between us.

  Once I’m dressed, I get my bag and head for the door. He has his shoes on and looks like he’s about to leave, too.

  “Nix,” I say, turning to look at him. “Don’t try to run.”

  “So you guys have agents on me, then.” He shakes his head and gives me a look of disgust.

  “I don’t know for sure, but I imagine they do. You’re a big fish.”

  “Thanks for the advice.”

  “Please look at me,” I plead, my voice breaking.

  He turns to me, his expression colder than I’ve ever seen it.

  “If you ever need me, I’ll be there,” I say.

  “I won’t.”

  The lump in my throat is too big to swallow this time. As soon as I step out the door of his apartment and close it behind me, tears spill onto my cheeks.

  I’ve lost everything. The pieces of glass that remain of me fall to the ground, a thousand shards of broken hopes and dreams.

  22

  Phoenix

  I don’t know who I’m more mad at—Kennedy, Coco, or myself. I knew Kennedy had a secret and that I was playing a dangerous game inviting her into my life and my bed. But I thought I had it handled. I did have it under control. Kennedy hadn’t seen or heard anything that could have incriminated me.

  But there’s always a wrinkle. I should’ve known that. I’ve been at this too long not to know that everyone has a weak spot. I played with fire, and fuckin’ A…I got burned. I hadn’t planned on Coco’s stupid shenanigans to get me popped by the Feds. I knew as soon as she told me what she’d done that it would bring nothing but trouble.

  When Kennedy left, I was raging with anger. I misplaced it and aimed it directly at her. Even though I knew she was playing me the entire time, it didn’t make it sting less to finally hear her say it.

  Before I left the penthouse, I made a phone call to my lawyer. I made him aware of the situation, and since I pay him a hefty sum of money every month, it is time for him to start earning every penny.

  As I walk out the door, I dial Kennedy, fully expecting her not to pick up.

  “Hello?” she says, but it comes out as a question.

  I close my eyes and try to keep the emotion in my voice to a minimum. “Ken, where’s Coco?”

  “I don’t have clearance to tell you that, Nix.”

  “Fuck,” I hiss through gritted teeth and jab at the elevator button, growing more impatient. “I’m not letting her be detained any longer than she has been.”

  “I don’t want you to go to prison. Talk to us, Nix. Help us, and we’ll help you.”

  “Call me back in five with a location,” I tell her and disconnect the call as I walk into the elevator to make my way to my car.

  Crane won’t be driving me. He doesn’t need to know what’s going on. He already doesn’t like or trust Kennedy, and the last thing I need is to involve him. By the time I climb into my Lexus LFA, my anger is a slow burn. Even with the entire fucked-up situation, I can only be pissed at myself.

  My phone rings as I wait for the parking garage door to open to the street.

  “Yeah?” I say when the call connects through the car speakers.

  “Meet me at Beans to an End.”

  I tighten my hands around the steering wheel, the leather squeaking beneath my grip. “I’m not in the fucking mood for coffee. Don’t play games with me anymore, Kennedy.”

  “It’s not a game, Nix. Just go there. I’ll meet you there in five.” She disconnects before I can say another word.

  I break every speed limit and blow every red light on the way to Beans to an End. Kennedy’s standing in front of the joint, pacing like a caged animal when I pull up. Her eyes are clearly swollen and red, even from a few feet away.

  “Nix,” she says quietly as I approach.

  I glance inside the bustling coffee shop and feel the slow simmer of my anger about to boil over. “Where’s Coco? Why the fuck are we at a coffee shop?”

  “Listen.” She takes a step forward, closing the distance between us. “I can’t bring you in unless you’re willing to talk.”

  I roll my head around on my shoulders, cracking my neck and trying to ease the tension that’s settled into my muscles. “If I don’t talk, you’re going to arrest me, yeah?”

  Her eyes drop to the ground. “Yeah.”

  I keep my hands to my sides, not trusting myself not to get too rough with her. “Either way, I’m going to find out where you work. So, what’s the difference? Make the call and get me inside.”

  She pulls her phone from her pocket and takes a few steps away from me. “He’s here,” she tells the person on the other end of the call. “He wants to come in.” She pauses, and she darts her eyes to mine. “I don’t know.” She sucks her lip into her mouth, toying with the ring that first infatuated me. “Yeah.” She walks toward me and blows out a breath as she shoves the phone back in her pocket. “Okay. I can bring you in, but can we talk first?”

  “No, Kennedy. I never lied to you about who I am, but you’ve never been truthful with me. Right now, there’s no time to talk about anything except for Coco.”

  She frowns, the tiny lines on her forehead deepening when she stares up at me. “I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “You didn’t mean to fuck me over?”

  “Can’t I explain?”

  “There’s nothing to explain. You opened your legs, and I walked right into that trap. Best weapon there is when it comes to a guy. It was completely my fault for being a dumbfuck, thinking we had something real. So, what’s to explain? Shit happened. We move on.”

  She shakes her head and glances down at the sidewalk before opening the door to Beans to an End. “You have it all wrong, Nix,” she says with her back to me. “I didn’t mean to like you.”

  I hear her words over the dull drone of the coffee shop chatter. I’m always sucked back in and believe what she says, but then I remember they’re using Coco as leverage and Kennedy will say anything to get me to narc. I’m just another assignment to her. I’m her mark. She’ll do anything she has to in order to accomplish her mission. She already seduced me, weaseling her way into my life, but her assignment isn’t over. I’m the mark, not Coco. Until they have my balls in a vise and my ass behind bars, she’ll keep working me.

  I follow her through the coffee shop without speaking, figuring out how I’m going to handle the situation as we walk.

  A hush falls over the
crowd, and all eyes are on Kennedy and me as we walk inside.

  A woman walks toward us with her shoulders pushed back and full of confidence. “Nix, I’m Rae, Kennedy’s handler, and I’ll be taking over from here.” She glances at Kennedy, motioning for her to get lost. Kennedy stares at me for a second before nodding to Rae and taking a few steps away. I’m still watching her when she turns and gives me a sad smile.

  “Follow me,” Rae says and diverts my attention away from Kennedy.

  We walk into a plain room with white walls, two chairs, a table, and a mirror that I know someone is on the other side of, watching us. I’m about ten seconds from popping my lid. My entire body is on edge, my muscles tense, and my mind reeling with possibilities.

  Rae closes the door, motioning toward the empty chair on the other side of the table. “Sit, please.”

  Sliding into the chair, I rest my arms on the table and lean back. “I won’t speak to anyone but Kennedy,” I tell her, figuring I have the cards to play, not her.

  Rae sits across from me, clasping her hands together on the tabletop. “She’s not in charge, Mr. Ash.”

  My glare darkens. “She brought me. She’s the reason I’m here. I’ll only speak to her.”

  “I’ll have to get approval,” she says.

  “Get it,” I growl.

  My control is slipping. My anger is rising. Calm down. Think, Nix. Think. My dad taught me how to handle every situation, including the authorities.

  “It’s all a game,” he told me. “Be smarter than them. Remember they want something from you. They’ll always play ball. Never show your cards before you need to, and play on your own terms. You are the rule maker, son. Don’t ever forget that.”

  Rae glances toward the mirror before climbing to her feet. “I’ll be right back,” she says as she walks out the door.

  I sit, looking relaxed, and stare at the wall in front of me. In situations like these, it’s important to keep calm. Do just what my father always taught me. Being pissed off and flying off the handle would play right into their game. Coco is a small fish in the proverbial sea of criminals. They don’t want her. They want me. But if they want anything from me, they’re going to give in to my demands…starting with Kennedy being the only person I talk with from here on out.

  Moments later, the door opens and Kennedy walks in but doesn’t look at me. Her cheeks are red, and she takes a deep breath as she slides into the chair opposite me.

  “Look at me,” I command her, my voice even but with a slight edge.

  She lifts her eyes to mine and settles into her chair. For a moment, we stare at each other without speaking, but then she starts. “Nix,” she says, her voice cracking slightly.

  I lean forward and clasp my hands on top of the table. “I will only speak to you from here on out. No one else. Understood?”

  She straightens in her chair and places her hands near mine in the same position. “I’ve been informed.”

  I know what I need to do. Coco is family. She may not be my blood, but she’s been by my side and loved me since the day I plucked her off the street. I can’t let her sit in jail because I was too fucking stupid to say no to her when she asked to learn the business. I’m the only one to blame here. Not Coco. Not Kennedy. Just me.

  “So it’s me for Coco?” I never thought I would be saying those words, but there’s no other way to save her. She’s too young and has too much to live for to sit in prison for the rest of her life.

  I’ve lived my life.

  I’ve made my choices.

  I knew I’d be sitting in this position eventually. I just figured it would be for my own actions.

  “Basically,” she says with a sigh. “If you cooperate with us, we’ll drop all charges against Coco and work out a deal with you.”

  “What kind of deal?”

  “We need to talk, Nix, about what happened.” She pushes herself up using the table as leverage and moves in front of the mirror, stopping to stare at herself in the mirror for a second. “We can’t have any of this between us before we go on.” She glances at my reflection as she presses a small button near the bottom right edge of the glass before taking her seat again.

  “Talk.”

  “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” she says, closing her eyes and dragging her tongue across her bottom lip. “You weren’t my original target. Hassan was my mission, but then you…” She trails off, and she toys with the piercing in her lip with the tip of her tongue.

  “I, what?”

  “You were you,” she says, her eyes narrowing. “Once Rae found out that I caught your eye, my mission changed.”

  “Kennedy, I knew you were playing me. I knew it, but I didn’t listen to the little voice in my head.” I lift my clasped hands to my chin, resting my elbows on the table, and stare into her dark charcoal eyes. “I let my cock lead me astray. You did a damn good job seducing me, though. I’ll give you that.”

  Her eyes widen and she balks. “I did not seduce you because of my job. I liked you. If I wasn’t who I am and you weren’t you, we could’ve been something different…something great.”

  I smirk, trying to piss her off as much as I can. “You were a great lay. Is that something they teach you in your secret-agent training?”

  “Fuck you, Nix,” she hisses, her top lip snarled.

  “You already did, Ken. More than once if I recall.”

  She stares down at the table as her cheeks turn a bright shade of pink. “I thought maybe I meant something to you.”

  “You did,” I admit, dragging my hands down my face and grimacing. “That’s the problem. I was falling for you, Kennedy. What a fucking fool I was.”

  Her eyebrows shoot up as my words sink in. “You were?”

  I rub the back of my neck, but I keep my gaze locked on hers. “I did.”

  “You’re not a fool, Nix.” Her shoulders sag, and there’s a flash of sadness on her face. “I was falling for you too.”

  I believe her when she says the words. Maybe I’m a fool, but there’s nothing but truth in her eyes. I knew she wasn’t who she said. I knew it. My abilities to smell a lie weren’t off when it came to her. I just figured I had shit handled. And I did on my end, just not when it came to Coco.

  “Now, what?”

  “I had no idea they were bringing Coco in. I swear I didn’t know. When they told me that I could offer you a deal, I jumped at the chance. You’re the last person I want to see behind bars. So, if you help us, give us something useful, maybe they’ll let you both go.”

  “Kennedy,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back in the chair. “I’ve never been a narc. I’m not who you think. I’m not like Hassan and the others at the Loft.”

  “How so?” she asks with her eyebrows drawn downward.

  “I’ll tell you when we’re alone again. Just know I’m not who you think I am. Now go press that button, and let’s get this shit over with. I want Coco out of here as soon as possible.”

  “Right.” She nods, scrambling to her feet and turning the microphone back on before sliding into her chair.

  She clears her throat and straightens her back. She’s back in agent mode. Calm. Cool. Collected. “Are you willing to cooperate, Mr. Ash?”

  “I’ll do what I need to do to get Coco released.” The words come out easier than I expect, but I’d do anything to protect those I love, including crazy-ass Coco.

  “We’ve been investigating Hassan for some time. We’ve never cracked his network. As you know, he’s an arms dealer and has been linked to numerous terrorist attacks around the globe.”

  I extend my arm in front of me. “Let me stop you right there.”

  She nods and I continue.

  “If you want me to help bring down a terrorist network, I’m all in. I’ve never done any deals with Hassan, and I never will. I don’t condone what he does and how he makes his money. You don’t need to explain to me who he is and what he does. I know all about him. Just tell me what you
need from me, and I’ll make it happen.”

  * * *

  I’m staring out the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking down at the city I love, when there’s a knock at the door. I ignore it. I’m not in the mood for company after all the shit that went down today.

  “Nix,” Kennedy’s voice is barely a whisper through the door as she knocks again. “Open up.”

  For a second, I think about leaving her out there, but the thought passes. We have things to discuss and shit to set straight.

  When I pull open the door, she has her hands on either side of the frame, leaning forward as if listening for my footsteps. I don’t say anything, just open the door and walk away.

  She follows behind, her heels clicking on the marble floor but not giving me the same goose pimples it used to. “Can we talk?” she says from behind me.

  I press my hands to the glass and keep my back to her. “I think we’ve talked enough for one day.”

  Four high-heel clicks later, her hand presses against my back. “I want to talk about us.”

  I laugh bitterly and keep my eyes pinned on the Empire State Building. “There’s no more us, Ken. We never really began.”

  “We were real,” she whispers, her hand stroking my back through my dress shirt.

  My gaze lands on her reflection in the glass. “Were we?”

  She steps closer, pressing her chest to my back and searing me with her heat. “To me, we were. I thought everything would work out. You were too smart to leave anything out. I figured we would do this forever.”

  I turn around and rest my hands on her hips, putting some space between us. “We were both fooling ourselves. What we had is over, though. I can’t go back.”

  “But—”

  “No, Kennedy. We’re done. Now we work together, and when my assignment is done, so are we.”

  She slides her hand up my chest, resting it on my shoulder. “Nix, I don’t want to be done with you. I’m not ready to say good-bye.”

  My fingers dig into her hip, and it takes all the willpower I have not to cave. “We can’t go back.” When she tries to kiss me, I move my mouth out of reach. “Not this time, sweetheart. Your pussy got me once, not going to happen again.”